Mishaps Of The Eastern Wonderland
by Captain Vulcan
Summary: Lots of crazy stuff can happen in the realm of Gensokyou. Latest featured tale: The Great Shinobi Incident - Part I. A mysterious sect of ninja is putting the people of Gensokyou on edge. And if that isn't bad enough, Reimu has been kidnapped. Kasen has her work cut out before her.
1. Karma's Bad Influence

Just wanted to take a shot at writing short stories. First time for everything.

**STORY RATING: PG-13/T For Teens. **The usual.

**DISCLAIMER: **I'm pretty sure that everyone knows that the Touhou Project belongs to ZUN by now.

**TOUHOU PROJECT**

**MISHAPS OF THE EASTERN WONDERLAND**

**1st Tale**

**Karma's Bad Influence**

Youkai Mountain was a well known landmark. The majestic natural elevation lies in the whimsical land of Gensokyou. The mountain was home to a fraction of the land's fantastic creatures that ranged from spirits, youkai, and actual deities. The mountain was indeed a beautiful and scenic location to behold. However, it wasn't devoid of dangers. Reputedly, Youkai Mountain was as much as a dangerous place as it was fantastical. Many youkai that live there prey on humans...

And... there was a human, oddly enough, that preys on youkai.

"Heh heh heh... What do ya know? Two little monsters that are roaming carelessly in these neck of the woods this evening," a teal haired young woman said with an impish grin. "And it looks like it is your lucky night because you get to tangle with me."

"It was her idea!" A blonde youkai girl exclaimed in apprehension. She clenched her ribs in pain and her black dress has multiple tears in it. She was pointing to her partner in crime, a karakasa girl. "Honest!"

"Nah-uh!" The karakasa retorted in desperation. She had bruises on her body. "You told me that you were bored and hungry! So I thought I bring you over here because I smell someone's cooking."

"I eat humans, not mortal goddesses!" Rumia hollered with tears in her eyes. "What were you thinking, Kogasa? You brought me over to the Moriya Shrine! Really! This is the last place you've should of brought me to!"

"But the food smells so good!" Kogasa whined. "I couldn't help-"

"Silence."

The poor youkai girls dutifully shut, what they call, the fuck up. Kogasa made a zipping gesture while Rumia clamped her trap shut with both of her hands.

The curvacious wind priestess tap the gohei in her hands like a drill sergeant. "So, you cute little devils are hungry, eh? Maybe I should have you two over for dinner this evening."

Rumia looked hopeful while stars littered her eyes. "Really?"

Kogasa's flat tummy growled loudly. It almost sounded like a fart. "Ooh! What's for dinner tonight?"

There was a wicked glint in Sanae's amber eyes as she made the announcement, "Youkai stew."

The forgotten youkai and the youkai of the dark embraced one another in sheer terror. "WAAAAHH!"

Sanae grabbed Rumia by the throat with her right hand and snatched Kogasa by her hair with her left. "And you girls are the main ingredients!"

"Somebody help us!" The terrified umbrella youkai shrieked.

As if the gods themselves answered Kogasa's call, a blur of midnight blue, yellow, and white suddenly arrived on the scene. The youkai girls' savior grabbed the maniacal Sanae by two of her sensitive areas. "Ahh! I'm ticklish there, Suwa-"

In an instant, everything went pitch black along with those sounds of many lethal blows being landed on the ambushed priestess. The moment passed just as fast as it came and Sanae was lying on the ground. The wind priestess was laid out along with the swirly eyes. The savior, much smaller than Sanae, stood over the fallen miko. There was a glowing symbol that read 'Kero' on her back. Suwako Moriya, the adorable ancient little girl, regarded both Kogasa and Rumia. "It looks like my child is being quite a bother to you two."

"That tickled," Sanae moaned from the ground.

Rumia and Kogasa was still in each others arms, shiver and shaking. If Sanae was the 'child', then who's to say that the little girl that Sanae came from was just as bad? If not, worse than the demented girl? "Please don't hurt us!" Kogasa pleaded.

"We were hungry, that's all!" Rumia cried.

"Ah. Why didn't you say so?" Suwako told the frightened girls with a motherly smile on her face. "I've cooked a lot of food this evening. It wouldn't hurt if I had more guests at the shrine for dinner."

"Guests? What guests?" Sanae wondered as she pried herself off the dirt. "You didn't tell about having guests for tonight, Suwako-sama."

"I'm the adult and you're the child," Suwako retorted while lolling her tongue out like a six year old girl. "Besides, it's my cooking and I can invite people when I want to. You have no say-so what so ever. So there!"

The youkai girls stared at the bickering duo for a moment. They know of the simple fact that the little girl with the weird hat was among the oldest gods in existence. But it was very odd to see her bossing the seemingly mature Sanae like a child. If one didn't know any better, it may be assumed that it should be the other way around.

Rumia whispered in Kogasa's ear. "I know who I'm praying to later on."

"Agreed," Kogasa replied quietly. Suwako just acquired two faith points.

**TWO HOURS LATER**

"... and then Marisa was like 'I didn't steal a damn thing from Reimu. It's not like there's anything in that donation box in the first place. Ze'." Yukari Yakumo laughed. She was as nearly drunk as a skunk and loving every minute of it. "Then Reimu said 'That's a pretty cold thing to say'." At least her words still came out coherently.

Kanako Yasaka, ancient war goddess, and the source of Sanae's bad influence, giggled like a schoolgirl. "So it was you that stopped them from beating each other to a pulp. That's hilarious!"

"I know, right? Hahahaha!" The super youkai guffawed. That's right, ya heard it. Super youkai. The same can be said for Yuuka Kazami.

Sanae ate her meal with a look of pure dissatisfaction evident on her face. Not that Suwako's meal wasn't good, it was quite delicious actually. What bothered her were the guests of tonight's dinner: Kogasa Tatara, Rumia, Yukari Yakumo, and the haunting Koishi Komeiji. She chewed on a piece of green pepper fervently. _Just what in the heck was Suwako-sama thinking when she invited them? They're youkai, for Kanako's sake._

"Would anyone like more tea?" Suwako offered as she entered the dining room with a pot of green tea.

"Yes ma'am," Kogasa replied jovially while holding out her cup.

"Thank you, Miss Suwako," Koishi giggled.

"I want more bell peppers and beef," Rumia said after devouring a mouthful of rice. That was, like, her third serving of food. Damn, that little youkai can eat!

Sanae wanted to strangle them- especially Rumia. The little freak was consuming most of the food like she had never eaten anything in her life. "That's enough. You've been through three plates. At this rate you'll be fat in no time."

Rumia gulped an entire cup of tea in one slurp. "Don't worry your crazy head. I can't get fat. I have a very high me... uh... met... meta... metamorphosis. So I'm good."

Sanae sighed. "With the way you eat, you can even give Yuyuko a run for her money. And it's metabolism, you dolt."

"Yea, that's the word I'm looking for," Rumia confirmed with a fanged grin. "Besides, if this is the kind of food you eat everyday..." she gazed down at her chest. "I'm bound to have a pair of nice knockers like you someday."

Sanae wasn't sure she heard that little twerp right. "What did you just say?"

Rumia was oblivious to the imminent danger she was in. "I mean, look at em. They're ripe as a fruit." Rumia sealed her fate when she made a grab for Sanae's boobs and squeezed them. "Honk! Honk!"

Suddenly, everything went quiet along with an awkward pause.

Yukari broke the silence. "Ooh shit..."

Sanae's face was as red as a beet. An instant later, she made a war cry and a small cloud of darkness was flying through the stratosphere like a shooting star. Suwako grew upset. "Sanae! That is no way to treat a guest! And I don't appreciate the Rumia-shaped hole on the ceiling!"

"That was hot." Yukari chuckled as she took another swig of sake. Then, imitating a male's voice, she said "Falcon Paaawnch!"

Sanae abruptly stood to on her feet in a rage. "She violated me, Suwako-sama! Didn't you just saw what happened? She got what was coming to her!"

"Meh. I guess that's the downside of having big boobs," Suwako retorted nonchalantly. "Don't worry. You'll get used to it."

Sanae's eyes were now giant white dots. "What?"

"Indeed," Yukari spoke out of the blue. "Having an ample chest are both a blessing and a burden." She glanced down at her luscious pearls. "I share your pain, Sanae-chan."

"Plus," Koishi followed, "you look magically delicious." Oh... kay...

_Sucks to be her,_ Kogasa thought. She was sipping her tea like nothing happened.

Kanako laughed. She was just as drunk as Yukari. "Aww. You're no fun, Sanae-chan. You've could of let her gotten away with a feel."

Sanae eyed everyone in the room with disbelief. Despite her humiliation by the hands of Rumia (literally), everyone else was having a good time. With her blood boiling in anger, the godling decided to put her foot down on the matter. "Just what in the hell is wrong with you people?" She spat, glaring at Suwako. "What is the point of tonight's meal? What is the point of inviting youkai over to the shrine?"

"I just wanted some company, that's all." Suwako replied simply. "And what better youkai to invite than the high caliber ones like the ladies here this evening?"

"What?" Sanae scoffed. "You're gonna invite Yuuka over for movie night this weekend?"

"Actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea." Suwako considered.

"You're serious aren't you?" Sanae blanched. Yukari being present in the Moriya household was bad enough, but getting Yuuka to come over is like allowing hell on earth. "Of all the different creatures that lives in Gensokyou, why did you have to invite youkai?"

"Well aren't you the specist?" Yukari chimed in a mock hurt tone of voice. "Gods don't discriminate. Where's the love?"

"You just shut your drunk ass up already," Sanae retorted to the being that can very well reduce her to dust on a whim.

Luckily, Yukari pouted, her lips mimicking the bill of a duck. "Specist. You're such a meanie." She muttered.

"Whatever. I can't take any more of this," Sanae announced. "I'm going to my room." She promptly dismissed herself from the group and stomped out of the dining room. "Good night, ya freaks."

Once Sanae was gone, Suwako shouted, "That's it! Go to your room, young lady!"

"Uh, don't ya think that it's kinda late to say that now that she's gone?" Koishi wondered.

"Who cares..." Suwako remarked as she filled another cup of tea. "So she's a little angry. She'll sleep it off."

**SANAE'S ROOM**

**AN HOUR LATER**

The young Moriya priestess was sitting near her bed while typing on her laptop furiously. Tonight was very uneventful. The most powerful youkai in existence and a mighty satori from hell was right in her abode, eating and chattering with the gods. How could Suwako allow such a thing? Sure, the youkai in Gensokyou supplied a massive amount of faith to the gods, but being buddy-buddy with two high level youkai was unacceptable. What's worse, Kanako trained her in the art of youkai extermination and it seemed that she didn't mind the company of those... creatures.

Sanae's amber eyes glinted in anger as she typed a post on her Fiddle page. **_My no nonsense grandmother invited some unsavory guests over for dinner tonight. Worst night ever!_**

Mere moments ago, laughter can be heard coming from the dining room but now it was oddly quiet. Maybe Yukari and the other youkai left already? If so, then good riddance! She thought about posting on Headnotes and checking out the latest info on Culturepokes but decided otherwise. It was getting late. She logged off her Fiddle page and changed clothes. She donned on a white T-shirt and a pair of red bloomers. "Well, there's no use complaining about it." Sanae said to herself. "What's done is done."

She turned off the room light and hopped on her bed. _Goodnight to me. I have a long day tomorrow. I'm going to have to be extra tough on youkai from now on._

As she snuggled beneath the comforter, she felt something soft- incredibly soft. She was pretty sure it wasn't a pillow nor a animal plushie. Sanae groped at whatever the heck it was behind her for a moment. _What in the world?_

"Ara..." a woman's voice cooed. "Earlier you made it clear that you hated youkai during the meal. But here you are, feeling on my chest. And you call yourself a good girl."

Sanae shrieked in alarm and uncovered the intruder in her bed. "Yukari!"

"In the flesh, sweetheart." Yukari relayed seductively. She had on a purple neglige and nothing else. "Your bed is mighty comfortable, too. I like it."

"Yukari, what are you doing here in my room?" Sanae demanded, her heart racing. For all she know the boogeyman was right there in her bed.

There was a lustful smirk on Yukari's full lips. "Ya know, what you said earlier hurt me, Sanae-chan. You weren't behaving goddess-like this evening."

"Does it matter?" Sanae retorted in apprehension. "You're smashed. You need to leave. Now."

"Heh heh heh..." Yukari chuckled darkly. "You're being mean once again. Don't be like that."

"Leave now, Yukari," Sanae warned the super youkai with growing fear. "Leave before I grab my gohei and vanquish you." _That is, if I could..._

"Fufufu... you have such remarkable legs," Yukari commented while trying to touch Sanae. "Especially your thighs. Suwako-chan created a legacy of beautiful children." She makes a grab for Sanae's bloomers and caught a hold of the waistband. Sanae slapped the youkai's offending hand and backed away in horror. "Wow, they're black. Nice."

"Yukari, please... just leave..." Sanae pleaded as she snatched her gohei from a nearby desk. "I don't want to do this..."

Noticing the look of fear mixed with determination in her eyes, Yukari clicked her tongue. "Tch. Oh please..." She suddenly vanished for a instant and reappeared right behind Sanae. "Like you can really do such a thing to me. Let alone besting me in a non danmaku battle. Even Reimu knows not to try me like that."

"Yu... Yukari..." Sanae uttered as she tried to raise her weapon. Yukari seized Sanae's hand that was holding the gohei. "You're scaring me."

The great gap youkai wrapped her arms around the miko's waist and sniffed her hair. "You smell good, child. You smell like strawberries."

"Leave... before I summon Suwako-sama," came another of her ultimatums. Her eyes widened when she felt a warm hand on her derriere. "IIIY-"

Yukari clamped a hand over the helpless miko's mouth. "Shh. No need for screaming. Besides, no one will hear you scream. I configured the border between sound and silence so no one would hear us." She hauled the frightened girl onto the bed. "Now... let's begin shall we?"

"I am a girl, Yukari!" Sanae exclaimed desperately. Was that reference really necessary? "You're not getting away with this!"

"I don't care," Yukari grinned sinisterly. "Heh heh heh... after what goes down tonight, you are going to love youkai for now on. That's karma for you." The youkai sage slithered on top of the frightened miko. "It's showtime, baby. Open up for Mama Yukari."

"SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

Outside the Moriya Shrine, Suwako, Kogasa, and Koishi heard Sanae's scream. Kanako was unconscious, whether it was all the alcohol she drank or that huge knot on her head. It appears that Yukari was only joking about the 'sound configuration' part. Because they can hear the wind miko's cry for help.

Kogasa voiced her concerns. "Isn't she going to be okay? That is Yukari Yakumo in there with your child, remember?"

"Yea, don't you think Sanae-chan learned her lesson by now?" Koishi wondered. "I mean, judging by the sounds of her screams she sounds pretty good and scared."

Suwako chuckled mysteriously as she propped on the large Kero Hammer she was holding on to. "Don't worry, children. I will allow this facade to play out a little while longer. Besides, it sounds like they're having fun in there."

From Sanae's room, they gang heard a cry of "Give me back my panties!" Followed by a naughty chuckle. "Oh ho ho! I wonder how much Rinnosuke would pay for these wonderful lacy black undergarments?"

"Ya see," Suwako announced to the youkai girls. "She'll be fine. Ol Gappo is just giving my baby a good scare. That will teach her not to bully youkai anymore. From now on, if she's going to harm youkai, it better be a good reason." She pointed towards the sleeping Kanako. "That grape haired hag was a bad influence to my Sanae-chan. Thanks to her, my baby has become a youkai hunting lunatic."

The ancient girl's words were mighty noble, but subjugating her very own grandchild to the whims and lust to Yukari Yakumo didn't seem right. "If you say so." Kogasa mentioned. "At the very least, Rumia would be glad to hear about this."

Koishi nodded her head. "Karma is definitely not to be trifled with."

**END OF TALE**

Well, there goes the first chapter in the collection. Hopefully I will be able to finish the update to my main story shortly after posting this fic. Til then.

Oh! That's write. I've already started on the second tale. Here's a sneak peek:

"_What is your name?" The dungeon keeper demanded._

_Inside the murky dungeon, there was a young girl who was chained to the wall. She has multiple wounds across her arms and legs and her sundress was drenched in blood. Her once lilac hair was soaked in such much blood that is was now black. The girl grunted as a rat scurried towards an open wound on her foot to lick blood from it. She didn't care. She didn't care about the men that captured her._

_All she cared about were her mother and sister. Her mother was dead. Her younger sister was missing._

"_What is your name?" The vampire hunter repeated in a harsh tone._

"_Re... Rem... Ghk!" She suddenly gasped when the rat began nibbling on her toes. In annoyance, her toenails transformed into razor sharp claws. One of the claws impaled the rodent, sending it to the hereafter._

"_I said... what is your name?"_

_The girl finally raised her head, revealing her face that was devoid of emotions to the hunter. Licking the dry blood off her lips, the girl spoke. In was a raspy reply, but the vampire hunter heard the girl clearly._

"_Remilia... Remilia Monreau... _

**NEXT TALE**

**Scarlet Fate**

**A/N: **Perverted Yukari... had to bring this tale to an end before things got too kinky and R-rated. Don't worry, Sanae's okay.


	2. Scarlet Fate

This tale is a bit darker than what I usually write. Looks like fun.

**TOUHOU PROJECT**

**MISHAPS OF THE EASTERN WONDERLAND**

**2nd Tale**

**Scarlet Fate**

Many centuries ago, there was unrest in a small mountainous town in Central Europe. Poverty, political incertitude, and famine was in abundance during the early 16th century. As if the dreary rural region of Europe wasn't stricken enough, such deficiency was the least of the denizens' worries. For some time, a number of vampires, beasts and other sorts of unholy creatures roamed throughout the snow-covered town frequently. Of course, as expected, many of them were not friendly towards humans. During these adverse times, people came to fear these beings that seemingly came out of nowhere.

Records of attacks and human casualties grew in many numbers. The death toll increased exponentially by each passing day. It would appear that hell itself decided to rest on the frigid locale. Every day, the people lived in fear for their lives. Any moment now a sinister creature can take a life in a blink of an eye. Though it does seem like the fate of the people of Mountain Town appear grim... there was hope. Even the darkest of clouds bear silver rays of light.

In months passed, the local government established a plan to counter their supernatural adversaries. They knew something had to be done about the creatures of the night. For several months, the local regime assembled an army in secret. Mages, swordsmen, clergymen, priests, and numerous vampire hunters were recruited in this service. Young men and women, age ranging from seventeen to fifty, underwent several grueling training regiments in order to combat the forces of darkness. In due time, they managed to vanquish, capture, and cast off the unholy creatures. The Night soon came to be aware of this collection of warriors. These warriors were humanity's last hope in the war against the damned.

In the outskirts of Mountain Town, there was an abandoned fortress deep in the forest. The derelict stronghold served as a base for the Night hunting army. The warriors that currently patrolled Mountain Town achieved a significant victory tonight. A group of elites raided a large manor that was the abode of an infamous vampire. It was believed that this vampire was among one of the strongest creatures of the Night. They attacked the vampire and beaten her within an inch of her life. For an unknown reason, they chose not to kill this vampire.

The leader of the elites assumed that keeping the vampire alive would be very beneficial to them. He heard rumors that the vampire was able to manipulate fate. Such power was fantastic in his opinion! The warrior general desired that power. He even considered training the vampire to be a part of the hunters.

After a long stroll through a dingy corridor, the general approached his subordinate. "A job well done, Micheal. How is she doing in there?" He indicated towards an iron door.

Micheal, a young large sized man with a broadsword replied to his superior. "She's out like a snuffed flame, Mr. Ezekiel. It seems that tonight's raid took a lot out of her."

Ezekiel was a broad-shouldered man in his mid-forties. He was an experienced vampire hunter that had a much younger man's face... yet with facial stubble. He was very imposing in his armor and dark color robes with the insignia of a wildcat on it. For over two decades he train in both the art of the sword and wielding magic. He has an open wound right above his left sideburns and a scar between his eyes. "I see. She's worn out from tonight's encounter. I think it's time we awaken our little princess of the Night."

Micheal suddenly seemed apprehensive. The vampire was one of the most powerful creatures he had to deal with in his four year career. "Sir, are you sure about this? She may try to attack us after she is roused."

"Positive," Ezekiel said in a tone that brooded no argument.

"Yes sir," Micheal stammered as her fished inside his pocket for a dungeon key.

"I'm... already awake..." the voice inside the dungeon announced. Micheal was frightfully surprised. Ezekiel was still composed. He expected this. He approached the dungeon door and peeked inside it through the bars.

"What is your name?" Ezekiel demanded.

Inside the murky and flea-bitten dungeon, there was a young girl whom was chained to a wall. She was the vampire that the hunters nearly killed. She has multiple wounds and bruises across her arms and legs. Her sundress was tattered and drenched in blood, rendering the original color of the bodice indecipherable. Her once lilac hair was caked in so much blood that it was now black. She was a small vampire, a child that looked to be in her early teens. She grunted as a rat scurried over to her feet and began licking blood from an open wound. She didn't care. She didn't care about the men that captured her.

All she cared about was her mother and sister. Her mother was presumed dead. Her sister was missing.

"What is your name?" The vampire hunter repeated in a harsh tone.

Re... Rem- Ghk!" She gasped when the rat began nibbling on her toes. In annoyance, her toenails transformed into razor sharp claws. One of the claws impaled the rodent, sending it to the hereafter.

Ezekiel persisted. "Is said... what... is your name?"

The girl finally raised her head, revealing her face that was devoid of emotions to the hunter. Her deep red eyes was gleaming in pure hatred towards her captors. Licking the dry blood off her lips, the girl gave an answer. It was a raspy reply, but the vampire hunter heard the girl clearly.

"Remilia..."

"What is your family name?" Ezekiel prompted.

Remilia growled. "Monreau... Remilia Monreau..."

"That was wise of you to cooperate, Remilia," Ezekiel had a hint of a smile on his face. "So you're Gloria's little princess? Interesting. Do you know why we attacked your manor, Remilia?"

Remilia grunted as she tried to yank her arm free from the wall. She yelped when the iron chain bit her wrist. She was still weak from the ambush. Her expressionless face became a pained glare. "You attacked us because you all are heartless cowards. It took a legion of you heathens to contend with me, my sister and my mother."

The leader of the vampire hunters didn't like her answer. "Wrong, wretched devil. We attacked you and your family because you are monsters. Marks against nature."

"Fool!" Remilia shrieked. "You humans are the real monsters. You were relentless in harming my family! You're not worth the shit that flows in your intestines!"

"Watch your tongue, child of darkness!" Ezekiel remarked with fierce authority. "You are but a child. Respect your elders."

"I've been on this earth for nineteen years," Remilia remarked cruelly. "I am not a child."

"Wretch. I do not care how long it has been since you emerged from Gloria's womb," Ezekiel told the vampire indifferently. "That is, if you are indeed Gloria's child as you claim you are."

"Gloria Monreau is the woman that brought me into this world," Remilia's anger was rising. "Don't you dare speak ill of her!"

There was an odd moment of silence. The expression on Ezekiel's face seemed almost... nostalgic. "Hmm... so your kind is indeed capable of love. I would have never imagine such an concept concerning your kind." He was surprised when the vampire girl laughed suddenly. "What's so funny?"

"Fufufufu... love you say?" Remilia wondered with a nasty chuckle. "Typical humans. Since the beginning of civilization your kind has been killing one another because your differences- grand or miniscule. You tear each other asunder because of regional differences, lingo, color of skin, religion, history, and personal agendas. And yet... here you are... talking about the subject of love. I can smell the stench of irony coming from you."

"Silence, spawn of hell!" Micheal hollered, highly offended by Remilia's words. Her cruel spiel holds many truths.

"Calm yourself, warrior," Ezekiel assured the young Micheal. "She's trying to anger us. She's a creature that feeds off of human fear and anger as well as human blood."

"Fuck you." Remilia hissed. She yelped when Ezekiel banged the hilt of his sword against the door all of a sudden.

"Quiet!" The vampire hunter exclaimed in anger. "Shut your filthy mouth. Your obscenities are poisoning even the air of this mountain paradise."

"Paradise?" Remilia scoffed. "I find it rather humorous that you say that. From what I learned, you humans were given paradise but you ultimately ruined it. Even as we speak, the planet slowly withers away because of human agendas. Your glorified wars will be the death of this world, right along with your precious industrialization."

The vampire's words gave Ezekiel pause. Did the girl just... "You... long before I traveled here from Bavaria, I heard tales of a girl that could see and manipulate fate. According to some sources that studied the forces of darkness, they confirmed that the one with such an ability was you. So tell me, did you just view the fate of the world just now? Its end by human whims?"

"No I didn't," Remilia laughed an evil laugh. "It doesn't take a foreseer to view such an event. Even a blind person can see that the world shall end by humans oppression one day."

Ezekiel bit his lower lip. "Regardless... you are the girl that can manipulate fate. Such a fantastic power you have. Who would've ever thought something so abstract would be such a omnipotent force in this existence?"

"You sealed yours by attacking me and my family," Remilia threatened the vampire hunter. "If I get free of these chains I swear that I'll kill you."

"Charming. Now you're trying to frighten me." Ezekiel remarked, unfazed by the vampire's threat. "However, I really do think that you can be an benefit to us."

Remilia's eyes narrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Simple. We will use your power to combat the Night." Ezekiel revealed. Micheal the subordinate gave off a look of absolute uncertainty. "With you in our ranks, we shall purge this world of all devils that roam this earth."

"You're insane," Remilia uttered.

"Comes with the territory of being a human," came Ezekiel's snarky reply. "But know this, little devil; what you said about humanity may be true... but we are not alone in the acts of genocide. Your dear mother know this very well for she slaughtered many of her kind." He was satisfied when he didn't get a retort from Remilia. She was a little confused at what Ezekiel said. "Come, Micheal. Let us leave this little wench. The sun rises in a few hours and we need to patrol the village before dawn."

"Yes sir," Micheal saluted and promptly followed the vampire hunter down the corridor.

Minutes later, Remilia succumbed to a deep, tear-filled slumber. Mama... Flandre...

_**AN HOUR LATER**_

"Wake up," a voice commanded.

Remilia stirred in her sleep. She was having a pleasant dream about her, Gloria and Flandre having a picnic in a peaceful land. She doesn't know exactly where this land is located but she knew for a fact that it was vastly different from the one she currently live one. For a fleeting moment, she even thought that she died in her sleep. "Ugh... honey... pass me... that jar of honey... Flan..."

"That is so cute!" The voice squealed, obviously female. "She's having a lovely little dream!"

"Um, I don't think we should be doing this, Rachael." A male's voice spoke his concerns. "What if she wakes up raging mad?"

"You worry too much over nothing, Christopher." Rachael chided with an airy laugh. "The vampire is all chained up. There's nothing she can do. You perturb yourself in vain."

Christopher was unconvinced. "I have a bad feeling about this..."

"Wakey-wakey," Rachael roused the vampire by shaking her by the shoulders. "Come on, you can awaken. There's still plenty of moonlight left."

"What?" Remilia uttered as she returned to reality. What stood before her was a wide-eyed female hunter with mid-length blonde hair and emerald eyes. She wore a silver corset-like tunic on her upper body and a pair of leather leggings on her legs. Her shoulders was covered with armored pads and she wore metal gauntlets on her upper arms. The white sarong around her waist was where she store two daggers and a vial of holy water on the belt. Rachael also wore thick steel-toe boots that may as well protect her from attacks to her feet. "Ugh..."

"My goodness!" Rachael exclaimed with a furious blush on her face. "You're so cute! I never would have dreamed that they were such a thing as a vampire that is as impossibly cute as you!"

"Ray," Micheal said with uncertainty. "Are you trying to insult her?" Micheal was Rachael's best friend. He was younger than Rachael by seven months. They have known each other since they were children and once they heard that the town was looking for people to combat the Night from all parts of Europe... Rachael couldn't resist. Ultimately, she dragged Micheal along. Now, here they are, nearly a year later, staring into the face of an evil being.

"I'm serious, Chris." Rachael retorted. "She's really pretty- even if she is a bloody mess."

"Crazy as always," Christoper nodded with a chuckle. He was a lean young man that was dressed similarly to Rachael- sans the corset, skirt, and tight pants. Instead, he wore a full armor body that was complete with metal gauntlets and iron boots. A broadsword was strapped to his waist. "Some things never change."

Remilia glared at the two troublemakers. "Leave me alone. Let me rest."

Rachael gasped. "Well, aren't you a cheeky little thing?"

"I'm not little," Remilia remarked in annoyance. "I'm almost twenty years old."

"She's older than the both of us, Ray." Chris said is slight disbelief.

"Not while you still look like a thirteen year old child," Rachael grinned as she pulled on Remilia's cheeks. "My gosh! I can't believe that there are girls as adorable as you are among the Night."

"Get your hands off of me!" Remilia snarled, trying to bite the female knight.

"Nah-ah-ah!" Rachael winked. "We can't have you getting angry at us now, shall we? You are our prisoner and therefore I cannot be forced to kill you. After all, General Ezekiel needs you for some odd reason. What is it, is beyond me."

"Heathens, the bunch of you." Remilia wings flapped in irritation. It pained her to do so because she had tears in both of her wings. "Eek!" She yelped.

Rachael suddenly had a nosebleed as a look of pure bliss invaded her features. "Got damn it!"

"It hurts for her to flap her wings," Christoper, playing the role of Captain Obvious, said.

Rachael gave her long time friend a weird look. "Ya think?" She turns around to regard Remilia once more. "You know... I'm curious. You claim that you're nearly twenty years of age and yet, I don't see it. With the exception of your speech and poise, I do not see no evidence of maturity about you what so ever."

Remilia didn't like what the knight just mentioned. Rachael was beginning to push her luck. "What do you mean by that?" Remilia blushed.

"You are by far the most physically ill-developed female vampire that I have ever laid eyes on," Rachael confirmed, causing Christoper to panic. "No flair on your hips, lack of shape on your thighs, and tiny breasts... a blacksmith's cast iron has more shape that you do. The female vampires of lore are sights to behold. They are blessedly cursed with vexing, ample bodies. So why are you an exception?"

"Shut up!"Remilia shrieked and delivered a headbutt to the arrogant huntress. Rachael stumbled backwards in pain and fell on her rear. "How dare you insult me? You condescending bitch!"

"Why you!" Christoper drew his sword, but was stopped when Rachael got off the dingy floor.

"You hit me, you crazy fiend!" Rachael spat in absolute fury. Now her nose was bleeding like a running water faucet. She unlatched a vial of holy water from her belt. "Hahahaha! So you want to play rough, do ya? You wanna mess with me, you fiendishly adorable spawn of hell!" She uncorked the vial and sloshed some of the pure liquid on the hapless vampire.

"GAH!" Remilia roared in agony as the liquid scorched her right shoulder. The holy water left her sizzling in the said area.

"Gah ha ha ha!" Rachael laughed insidiously as a look of pure malice claimed her face. "That hurt, now didn't it? You cute little bitch, you! May you suffer in hell for harming me!" She brandished one of her daggers and waved it dangerously in front of the vampire. "Oh ho ho! Let's see how you vampires cope with extreme pain!"

"Go to hell!" Remilia yelled. Suddenly, the crazed Rachael stabbed the vampire where she was splashed by the holy water on her shoulder. "YEOW! Ow-ow-ow-ow!"

Rachael twisted the blade in the vampire's wound. "Yes! Sing, vampire! Sing with that beautiful voice of yours! Sing your song of unadulterated agony onto the unholy Night!"

"Rachael! That's enough!" Christoper commanded, his concern growing for both girls.

"Gyaaaaaaah!" Remilia was in tears now. The vampire huntress was now stabbing Remilia repeatedly in the same spot, her blood being spilled everywhere. "Aaaauuuugh! Ugh! Ghk! Waaaaaaah- ah- ah-ah-aaaah!"

Christoper stepped forward and grabbed Rachael by one of her shoulders. "Stop it right now, Ray! Control yourself! What if the General finds out about what you're doing to her?"

"As long as I don't kill her, then there is no worries!" Rachael exclaimed to her friend turned minion. "Besides, I'm teaching the little bitch a- GHK!"

While the huntress was regarding her friend, she was unaware that she left her neck completely exposed. Acting out of instinct and utilizing the opportunity, Remilia sank her fangs inside Rachael's neck. She drank the crazy bitch's hot blood with extreme gusto. Her life literally depended on this moment. It was do or die!

"Ray! You fiend!" Christoper charged at Remilia with his blade drawn. "Taste cold steel!"

Just as Christoper was about to close in on Remilia, she was now strong enough to break from from the chains. The crazed vampire huntress' blood gave her a short burst of super strength. She yanked the chains free from the wall and used the ones on her arms to throttle Christoper. Remilia reacted so swiftly on the unsuspecting knight. He didn't know what hit him! She had the chains wrapped tightly around his throat. "Fool. Don't struggle. You have no chance against a vampire woman that just drank human blood."

Chris was swinging his blade like a wild man as he struggled in vain. "Gurgh! I will subdue you, monster! The General shall reward me abundantly for defeating you!"

Behind him, Remilia tugged slightly on the chain. "Stop fooling yourself, warrior. It's futile!"

"No! I shall not fall victim to you!" Christoper yelled as he tried to grab the little vampire behind him. "After the General is done with you, I'll personally see to it that I'll send you to hell!"

"If that's the way you want it? Fine!" Remilia crossed the both ends of the chains in her hands fiercely. There was a sickening crack sound that announced the hunter was sent to the hereafter. Remilia released the chains and allowed the lifeless boy to fall to the floor with a light thud. She gazed over to where Rachael was and found her laid out in a corner. She was loosing a lot of blood.

"You... you... killed him!" Rachael hissed, holding on the wound on her neck.

"Yes I did," Remilia remarked to her crazed nemesis indifferently. "And you shall soon join him. Suffer in your own blood before you expire. That is what you get for crossing me." She about-faced and proceed to leave the dungeon.

Rachael coughed up a severe amount of blood. "Come back here and face me, you hell bitch!"

Remilia promptly ignored the dying fool. As she stealthily proceed down a corridor, she took a look out an open window along the wall. She gazed at the village that was further down the mountain. To the young vampire's horror, she could see the village is ablaze in fire. She could hear the faint cries of both humans and monsters. She could also hear several explosive devices going off at once. That legendary vampire has wrought hell on earth! Remilia thought. Who in their right mind would dare resurrect such a fiend?

A sudden rumbling throughout the fortress snapped Remilia out of her thoughts. It was time for her to escape this filthy, urine-soaked fortress. She hurried down the corridor and took a flight of spiraling stairs. Once she was at the bottom, she heard a voice behind a door. "Remilia?"

Shock registered on Remilia's expression._ It couldn't be! _"Mother!"

_"_So you're still alive?" Gloria spoke from behind the door. "I thought that Ezekiel killed you..."

"Mother, that man didn't want me dead," Remilia explained. "Just a second. I'm coming in to rescue you!" With a sound kick, the door shattered under Remilia's might. She rushed inside to a cell that was similar to the one she was imprisoned in moments ago. She immediately went to her mother's aid. Gloria was completely nude, and she was in chains. She was a tall, lithe woman with powerful violet eyes and long silver hair that reaches well passed her waist. Gloria's wrists and ankles were in chains, right along with her neck. "Mother!"

"Remi... you made it..." Gloria spoke in a pained voice. "But you... must leave..."

"No!" Remilia struggled with her mother's bindings. "I won't leave you behind!" She pulled on the chains with all the strength she could muster. Somehow, there was something different about the chains on her mother. "Why? Why can't I release you from your prison?"

Gloria raised her head, revealing to Remilia her missing eye. She wore her hair without bangs, so she couldn't hide her face. "It's no... use." She told Remilia in a despondent voice. "These... these chains are... enchanted. That man summoned a large group of priests to enforce these chains."

"Damn him!" Remilia raged, still trying to break the chains in vain. "I'm going to find him and make him pay for imprisoning you!"

"Remilia... you need to escape. Now!" Gloria commanded before coughing up blood. "Forget about me... Remi."

Tears welled in Remilia's eyes. "No! Mother! I won't leave you here to die! I won't!"

Gloria nodded in pure sadness, finality. "It's too late for me, Remi. There's nothing you can do to save me..."

"Nonsense!" Remilia sniffed. "I'll find Ezekiel and drag the bastard back into this very dungeon in order to free you!"

Despite the sadness in the current situation, Gloria gave a slight smile. "Remi... it's... okay now. I'm just... paying for my sins..."

"Sins?" Remilia gasped. "You haven't attacked any humans, Mother! What are you talking about?"

Gloria sighed deeply. "Love, Remi. I'm talking about love. I was... once deeply in love with Ezekiel... and he with me..."

Remilia reacted at the revelation in shock. "What..."

"Years ago, right before your birth, I first encountered Ezekiel in York," Gloria explained to her distressed daughter. "Back then, he was a junior priest. Our paths crossed when he was alone on patrol one late night. You should have seen him, Remi. He was so beautiful. So handsome, that he even held sway over this vampire."

"Mother..."

"I should have killed him then," Gloria continued with a hint of regret in her voice. "He was right in my grasp, staring death in the eyes. But... that arrogant young man said something to me..." Gloria paused and blushed slightly at a pleasant memory. "He said... he told me that I was the most beautiful being that he ever laid eyes on. And the next thing I knew, he was on top of me..."

"Mother... why?"

"Simple. We were both young... and foolish," said the dying vampire with a nostalgic look. "Opposites attract. Our differences were our main draw. After that fateful night, Ezekiel and I continued to see each other- motivated by love... and compelled by lust..."

"Mother..." Remilia's voice now had edge in it. "Is... is that man..."

"Hear me, Remi..." Gloria interrupted. "Our trysts continued for many years, Remilia. Ezekiel didn't tell a soul. He didn't even told his family nor his fellow soldiers that he was in love with a vampire. This went on for years... went on to even after you were born..."

Remilia kept silence despite the questions of her origins in her mind. Isn't the bastard my father? Tell me already!

"But..." Gloria pursed her full lips. "I too held back secrets from my people and loved ones. I even held a secret from Ezekiel himself. You see... once upon a time, I had a mistress. She was a powerful and frightening vampire. She was just as potent as the one that commands the Night. The very Night that plagues this town right now. My mistress... her name...

Remilia was surprised by this new information. She never would have thought that her mother was a minion.

"Her name... was Ambrosia Scarlet..." Gloria revealed at last. "She is, in absolute truth, the mother of both you and Flandre... and the true owner of our home: The Scarlet Devil Manor."

"You're lying!" Remilia whispered in shock as she fell backwards on her rear. "That's a lie, mother! Tell me that you're lying!"

Gloria stared at her trembling foster child gravely. "I wish that I was, Remi. But fate is cruel... even to vampires..."

Remilia was crying. The shriek of a banshee was heard outside the fortress. "Scarlet..."

"We were happy, Remi," Gloria went on. "Ambrosia, me, Ellen... but by the time Flandre was born... Ambrosia heard stories... tales of a man that could kill what other vampire killers couldn't. He was a horrible man, Remi. He was vastly feared by the Night."

Though she was angry, Remilia's curiosity was piqued. "Ambrosia... my mother... what happened to her?"

"One night... the group of hunters that Ezekiel was apart of hired the dreaded man." Gloria's face contorted in fear at the memory. "With a few of our maids spying on those hunters, we learned from them that the hunters were after us. That was then when Ambrosia decided to retreat to home of her ancestors, our mansion. Since the Scarlet Devil Manor was so far up in the mountains, chances of the vampire hunters' finding us were very slim. But... as we traveled a lone dark rural road, we encountered them..."

"Was the legendary man among the group?"

"Indeed he was," Gloria sighed. "And what's worse, Ezekiel found out my secret. He found out that I was a minion of one of the most powerful vampires in Europe. Filled with rage, he viewed my eternal loyalty to Ambrosia as a mark of betrayal. My mistress and... that bastard with that accursed whip of his... was itching to challenge one another. Sensing a costly struggle, Ambrosia relinquished you and the infant Flandre into my care. She handed me a map and instructed me to hurry to the mansion."

Remilia faintly remembered a group of men, along with many horses and dogs. But it was so long ago. She was just a baby back then and Flandre was probably only a few weeks old. __Ambrosia...__

"Your mother and the others fought a long lasting battle against the hunters. Ellen stood by Ambrosia's side the entire time, supporting her with magic. But there were casualties on both sides, we've lost nearly all our maids... they've lost their horses, dogs, and some men. Ezekiel was among the injured. So was Ellen... They were both there to witness the final curtain of that battle..."

"My... mother... was killed by this man?" Remilia wondered, wiping her tears with the hem of her tainted dress.

"Yes..." Gloria closed her eyes solemnly. "Ambrosia Scarlet was killed by that bastard. His name was-"

_**BOOM!**_

An explosion suddenly rocked the entire fortress.

"It's time for you to leave, Remi." Gloria said, now crying herself. "This place is now a part of the battlefield. It's going to be chaos... monsters and hunters everywhere... You must return to the mansion. Ellen is waiting for both you and Flandre... she's... planning on relocation the mansion... far away..."

Remilia sprang on her feet and hugged her surrogate mother. "I love you! Mother, I will never forget you for what you've done for me! I love you! I love you, Mother!"

"Remi... I've just told you... I'm not-"

"Yes you are!" Remilia sobbed as she hugged Gloria tighter. "I don't care about Ambrosia! I only care about you and Flan! You was there for us! Uu-uuuuu! You... you raised us as your own, Mother! Don't you understand? You're our mother!"

"Oooh Remi!" Gloria was sobbing along with her daughter. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

"I will never forget you, Mama!" Remilia's soul poured out. "Ahh—ugh! Uuu-uuuuu! I love you so very much, Mama! Nothing can describe how thankful I am for you being there for us!"

"Go now, Remilia!" Gloria ushered, choking on tears. "Flandre is down in the burning village... I can sense her..."

"Mama!" Remilia kissed Gloria on her forehead. "Please be with me after tonight!" She indicated to her heart. "Promise me that you'll be in my heart from now on! And Flan's!"

Gloria gave a final smile. "I promise, baby... always and forever..."

Not wanting to make this any harder than it already is, Remilia dashed out of the dungeon. She was in tears. Her mother, Gloria Monreau, was a casualty of war. She was hoping that Flandre wouldn't share the same fate. After a few more moments of escaping the fortress, she made it to the courtyard. There, many warriors and monsters congregated there in mortal battle. The blue tiles of the ground was covered in a sea of blood and the bodies of the dead and injured. It was a struggle between man and the supernatural, but she could use the chaos to her advantage in order to leave this godforsaken place. There it is! The gates were right across the courtyard.

She sprinted as quickly as her injured body could towards freedom. A group of ax wielding soldiers were busy contending to a lot of skeletal swordsmen. A infuriated gargoyle attacked a group of archers. A succubus seduced a young man into a longing embrace... right before stealing her victim's very soul. And a dozen imps were sent back to the netherworld thanks to a trio of mages. That was just a fraction of what was going on in the desolate battlefield.

Once Remilia made it to the home stretch, a hulking man with a large mace suddenly blocked her path. "Halt, knave!"

Remilia grunted in pure frustration. "Outta my way!"

The brute raised his iron weapon. "You are in no position to bellow orders, demon!"

Remilia's nails elongated into red claws, preparing to engage the musclebound goon. Just as they were about to make contact, a ferocious griffin suddenly made an appearance. The beast burst through a wall and positioned itself between the oaf and the vampire. The savage creature flapped it's huge wings and roared at the armored man. This was Remilia's chance to leave the fortress. "I will cast you off to hell, beast!"

The griffin knocked the man across the courtyard with a swipe of it's paw. The beast gave his adversary chase. Sighing in immense relief, Remilia ran out of the fortress. Once she was outside on the frigid snow-layered earth, she realized how bad of a shape the village was in. The village was still engulfed in a red glow and there were various creatures of the Night soaring above it. The vampire scrunched up her nose as she smelled the stench of thick smoke. However... she could sense someone over in the village. __Flandre. She's there! That presence is unmistakable!__

The cold earth was unforgiving. It was apparent with every step Remilia took on bare feet. In a single night, Remilia endured a lifetime of pain. Slashed, stabbed, burned, cut, torn... nobody shouldn't have to go through such anguish- no matter what species. The slight sundress she wore bore no protection against the frigid night air. Remilia pushed on. She must save her sister. She must survive the night. __I'm coming for you, Flan!__

And then, a sickening squelching sound resounded, along with a white hot pain coursing through her chest. Gasping in shock, Remilia immediately gazed down and discovered a blade protruding between her breasts. "AAAAAUUUGGH!"

"Bitch..." a sinister voice snarled. "Did... you truly thought... that I'm... just gonna roll over and die... from a bite on the neck? You really thought that I'm going to die from an attack like that?"

Remilia's eyes widened in horror at the sound of the familiar voice. No... no! It can't be!

"That... was for... Christoper," Rachael laughed. "That is his sword that is impaled in you right now!" She had patched a piece of cloth on the wound on her neck.

"Uu-uuuuuh!" Remilia whipped around in fury. "You! You! Yoooooooouuuu!"

Rachael laughed again. "In the flesh, my beautiful and sexy little vampire! Surprised to see me?"

Remilia was crying again. "I'll kill you! Got-damn it! I swear that I will tear you apart!"

"Aw, what's the matter?" Rachael taunted. "You're crying like a baby. That is so undevil-like."

Filled with rage, Remilia charged at the huntress. Filled with vengeance and adrenaline, Rachael knocked Remilia onto her back with a sound punch just as the vampire closed in on her. "Take that!"

_**WAP!**_

"Oof!" Remilia was sprawled out on the ground with the blade still in her chest. "Uuuuuuh..."

Racheal jumped on top of the bleeding vampire. "Ooh! This seems familiar. Remember the time you left me dying in a pool of my blood? Oh, that's right! It was mere moments ago! Ha! Ha! Ha! Silly me!"

"F... fuck you..." Remilia grunted. Rachael twisted the sword in her chest as a reprimand. "Urg!"

Now, now..." Rachael waved a finger in a motherly manner. "Watch your tongue, my pretty!" After mentioning that, she gazed longingly into Remilia's pained face. "Damn it all, you're pretty... such a beautiful girl you are." She eased her hand to the hem of the vampire's short dress and tugged on it. "For someone so short, you have some long legs. Hmm... I do wonder if your... 'unmentionables' are as pretty as your face."

"Get off of me!" Remilia struggled underneath the crazy woman that was sitting on her.

"No way!" Rachael had a heinous leer on her face. "I want to see it!" She had her hand on Remilia's thigh. "I want to see how pretty it is!"

"Idiot!" Remilia screeched. She cupped her hands on Rachael's face and promptly dug her claws into it, causing the demented young woman immense agony.

"Augh!" Rachael clutched her face in anguish. Remilia successfully kicked her off of her and gathered herself back on her feet. She pulled the late Christopher's sword out of her chest in extreme discomfort. But Rachael's reflexes was fast. She brandished one of her daggers and tossed the weapon with deadly accuracy. "Suffer, you little bitch!"

The blade hit it's mark on Remilia's left side of her waist with a 'thunk' sound. She clutched her new wound, screaming. "Gah!"

"An eye for an eye, fool!" Rachael taunted. She now had hideous slash marks on her once beautiful face. "Now..." she gathered six daggers in both of her hands. "Allow me to show you what the General has taught me."

"I grow tired of your games!" Remilia cursed, her eyesight getting blurry. "Let's finish this! I have a trick of my own!"

"Oh? You're ready to end this?" Rachael smirked cruelly. She was enjoying this. Once she gather her knives in her hands, it was usually over for her adversary. "Fine. I'm done with you, anyway! It was indeed fun while- huh?"

The little vampire's violet eyes were now glowing red. Not only that, a red aura was emitting from her as well. A scarlet orb of power was gathering in her right hand. The orb grew in size with each passing second. It grew so large that it eventually transformed into a shape. "Fool, you've sealed your fate for trying to harm my dignity." The aura of scarlet colored power turned into a menacing looking spear. "Now you must suffer the consequences!"

"Finally showing your true colors, demon?" Rachael was challenging the enraged vampire. "Impressive, but it is I that is going to be the victor!"

Remilia prepared the concentration of power like a javelin."Perish."

"No! You die! DDOOOORRYYAAAA!" Screaming like the maniac she was, Rachael tossed the group of daggers towards her target. "Safe journey to hell, bitch!"

"Hell awaits you instead!" Remilia chucked the Spear of the Gungir. "It is your fate!" During a terrifying moment, the demonic spear of scarlet vaporized the daggers that were on the warpath towards her.

Rachael witnessed this in disbelief. "What! It-"

The insane woman spoke her last words, for the Spear of Gungir streaked right through her body. Rachael fell to the ground in a bloody, lifeless heap. A giant hole was present on her upper body, her innards being an ugly mess on the cold earth. After killing her nemesis, exhaustion overtook Remilia's being. "Ugh..." she grunted and yanked the offending dagger out of her waist. "...that took a lot out of me. The pain... my attack..."

Her vision blurred again along with her body weakening from loss of blood. She turned around from Rachael's cadaver and stumbled down the hill towards the village. But she was in so much pain... and the extreme cold didn't make things better. Remilia actually contemplated to lie down on the snow and let death come and take her. __No. I can't die tonight... I gotta find Flan... and... get her out of here...__

The vampire fought on, dotting the snow with a trail of her blood. She was cold. She was in agony. She was moribund... but she fought the odds. She vowed to herself to find her sister and to get out of this Night infested snow-covered hellhole.

"Wait for me... Flan... I'm coming for you..."

_**SEVERAL MINUTES LATER**_

Death. It was coming for her. She just knew it. Remilia made it into the burning village, but it seemed to be completely devoid of life. What's worse, she was feeling weak- extremely weak. Each step was a struggle. None of her wounds were healing and her heart was beating so furiously that she can hear it in her ears. She even inhaled a great deal of smoke. The more she walked, the more grim her chances for survival grew. The only way she can survive the night is...

__That's it.__ Remilia's mind processed it's final gambit. __Blood! I have to feed off of someone's blood!__

"Meow."

__Wha? __Remilia whipped her attention towards the source of the sound. There, inside an alley, was a black cat. The vampire couldn't believe her luck. There's a creature that is still alive in the village! A cat. A survivor. Cats are natural fighters and surprisingly resilient. Survivors. They've been on this world since the days of the dinosaurs. They existed during times long before humanity introduced corruption to the planet. They have already survived a worldwide cataclysm before. Cats were indeed amazing creatures. That why they're one of her favorite animals.

However, in order for her to see the next day, the one in the alley is presently on the menu.

"Here kitty-kitty..." Remilia cooed, trying to appeal to the small beast in the alley. It was lying on a wooden crate, staring at the vampire in curiosity. "C'mon..."

The cat seem to respond as it tilted it's head. "Meow?"

Remilia approached the feline slowly. She prayed that it was gullible enough to approach her. "Heeeere kitty-kitty... come to mama. C'mon."

"Meorrr..." The cat was now approaching her. Slowly.

"Yes. Yes!" Remilia urged, practically drooling at the prospect of a late night snack. "Come to Remiiii..." Then, just as the feline was within arm's reach, the cat caught sight of a rat scurrying behind the vampire. In an instant, the cat was chasing a prey of it's own. Charisma Breaker.

"Damn it!" Remilia shrieked, her only chance of survival gone. Fresh tears well up in her eyes again. __It's over. This is it... I'm... I'm going to die. __She fell against the crate and decided to wait for death's sweet release. __Flan... I've fail you. I'm sorry...__

But...

_**TWUHMP-TWUHMP**_

She heard the sound. They were footsteps. Someone was about to pass the alley. Remilia gathered herself off the crate and crouched low in the darkness of the alley. __Flandre? A survivor, maybe?__

__**TWUHMP**__

__**TWUHMP**__

__**TWUHMP**__

Then she saw it: a silhouette of a woman. A survivor! Remilia hoped that this is indeed a blessing in the night. As the woman walked passed the alley, Remilia was already in pursuit. __This is it! Now to seize the opportunity! Time to feed!__

Remilia caught up to the unsuspecting woman and mauled her from behind. The woman fell hard with a yelp and Remilia was already bearing her fangs into the victim's neck. She drunk the woman's blood profusely, much like a camel in the oasis. "Hmm! Umm!" Remilia drank. The sounds coming from the vampire were savage, primal noises. She can feel her strength returning. It was faint, but she could feel her strength replenishing. __Thank you for being around when I needed something to feed on!__

Then... the strangest thing happened: the woman was slowly gathering herself off the ground. With Remilia still latched unto her neck! What's even stranger... she didn't even try to rid the vampire that was feeding off of her. She was back on her feet and Remilia was completely unaware of this. Remilia was unaware until the woman spoke. "Well well well... what do we have here?"

Remilia instantly ceased in draining the woman's blood. "What? You're not dead, yet?" She asked with a bloodied face.

"Amusing," the woman said. "Of all the creatures in this village, only a vampire is still among the living."

Remilia was shocked by this development. The woman was not human! In her moment of extreme weakness, she was totally unable to sense otherwise. The little vampire cursed herself. There goes another Charisma Breaker. "Damn it again!"

"Ugh," the woman grunted in disgust and lifted Remilia off of her with a single hand. "You've picked the wrong devil to mess with, kid. I'm bad for ya diet." Suddenly, she pitched the little vampire to a nearby wall of an abandoned bistro.

"Gak!" Remilia collided into the wall and slide down to the ground in a heap. "You're not a human. Yet, you're not a vampire either. I can sense it now. What in the world are you?"

"Humph. You're the lower being in this scenario," the woman said. "You should introduce yourself first."

Remilia stood on her feet. "I am Remilia Monr..." she suddenly frowned, recalling her origins. "I am Remilia Scarlet! The Scarlet Devil!" She announced to the blonde woman. However, the woman suddenly began laughing. "What's so funny?"

"Devil? You?" The blonde scoffed. "Don't overestimate yourself, sweetheart. The bite marks on her neck suddenly vanished. "You don't know the meaning of the word. Heck, you're not even a denizen of the Demon World. Proclaiming yourself as such is a grave offense to my kind."

A inkling of fear gripped Remilia's heart. What is this woman talking about? Is she as crazy as Rachael? "The Demon World?" Remilia wondered. "Are you saying..."

"Exactly!" The blonde woman confirmed. "Now... allow me to introduce myself." In a puff of violet smoke the woman transformed. Once she was visible again, she still had on the long red dress with purple marking on the hem of it. She also wore a purple vest over a white blouse that had a red bow on the collar. There was also a big red bow on the top of her long golden hair. But what was most striking about the woman was the pair of giant purple bat wings on her back. In her hands was a white colored wand, making her appear as a wicked and demonic magical girl. "Behold! I am Ellis, devil sorceress of Vina!"

"You're a devil? Seriously?" Remilia's fear was replaced by disbelief. "You're from Vina? The legendary demon ruins I read in books?"

"Allow me to put your doubts to rest, child." Ellis announced, suddenly grabbing Remilia by her throat and lifting her against the wall. "Allow me to put your body to rest as well!"

"Ugh! Not a chance!" Remilia struggled with the arm the held her against the wall. It proved futile. Moving the demon sorceress' arm is like trying to move a mountain.

"Fufufu... now you believe me," Ellis laughed darkly as her eyes glowed. "Nightmares can be a reality, toots. You better hope that the gods that you pray to are highly responsive to prayers."

Remilia gritted her teeth, if this keeps up, she will perish. The blonde devil was literally chocking the life out of her. __There's nothing I can do! I'm completely powerless against her!__

"Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!" Ellis was enjoying the vampire's anguish. "I'll see you in hell. Literally!"

And then...

"Kyuu!"

A sudden explosion separated Ellis from Remilia. The blonde devil's hand that was holding the vampire was blown off, and her left wing was missing. "What in blazes? Who dares challenge me?"

A girl's giggle resounded throughout the desolate village. "Tee he... hee hee hee hee! You're pretty strong, aren't you?" The voice said. "You must be strong for giving my sister such a hard time. No matter. You'll get to play with me!"

Immense relief and joy filled Remilia's being. "Flandre!"

"Hello, Sis," Flandre guffawed, still haven't arrived on the scene yet. "Let me take care of that strong magical girl for you."

Ellis looked around her surroundings in confusion and fear. "You dare mock me? Who are you? Where are you?"

Flandre was still giggling. "Your worst nightmare. Ya! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"Is this some kind of sick joke?" Ellis stumbled backwards in growing terror. "Show yourself!"

The flames of the village suddenly raged anew. Then, from the shadows, Flandre tapped the demon sorceress on the back of her shoulders. "Boo!"

The great devil sorceress of Vina screamed in utter horror. "YAAAAHH!"

"Um-hmm..." Flandre Monreau... no, Flandre Scarlet was Remilia's younger sister. She was younger than Remilia by almost five years and it is very likely that she was the stronger sibling. She has long blonde hair tied in a left ponytail and wide red eyes. She wore a black tunic and brown boots. The rod-like wings adorned with multicolored quartz glass were the most unusual aspects of her appearance. Flandre was cute by normal standards, but she was a truly terrifying being. She may very well be the culprit behind the burning village. "You're scared, aren't you?"

"N-no," Ellis lied.

"Then let's play," Flandre urged. "Let's see how long you last before you break."

"Flan," Remilia called out to her sister. "Be careful. She's a devil from the Demon World."

"Y-yea!" Ellis panicked, preparing an attack. "What your sister said."

"Demon World, you say?" Flandre wondered in fascination. "That sounds fun! Do you really get to play with guys dressed in red pajamas for all of eternity? Tee hee! I'll make them all break! Pitchforks and all!"

"Take this, abomination!" Ellis exclaimed as she released a stream of red colored bullets from her still attached hand.

"Flandre!" Remilia shrieked. "Watch out!"

Ellis' array of bullets hit her target, but Flandre took them while giggling. "Ha! That tickles! Now it's my turn!" Flandre unleashed a barrage of scarlet beams of her own. Only the attack power of her bullets were many times stronger than Ellis'. The blonde devil weaved frantically as she tried to dodge the bullets. "Ya! Ha! You're a pretty good dancer!"

"Damn you..." Ellis retorted in frustration as she ducked under a beam cluster, matrix style.

Remilia noticed the display of her sister's power. Flandre was making Ellis look like a scared animal. Just a moment ago, Remilia herself couldn't even make a move against Ellis. Even if she were to be at full strength she didn't think that should could do much against the woman from Vina. Meanwhile, Flandre is playing with Ellis. She playing with the frightened devil like a damned toy. __Flandre... she always had potential, but I never would have imagined that she would be this strong.__

One of Flandre's bullets knock Ellis' wand from her grasp. "No! Stop this, already!"

Flandre heard what the cowering devil requested. She did so, but it was more out of curiosity than mercy. "Hmm? You're not able to play anymore? You're not as strong as I thought you were?"

__She think that this is a game?__ Ellis' mind raced. __The gall of this child! __"Yes, I wish to stop our little game," she excused, attempting to appeal to Flandre. "But there is something that I must know: are you one of Greater Fiends? Are you a follower of the one who commands the Night?"

"Greater... Fiends?" Flandre asked in confusion. "Umm... no, I don't think so. I just came around here to play because there were a lot of toys roaming around here earlier. There were lots of monster flying around- tee he! There were some many of them to kyuu!"

Ellis stared at the overpowered child in disbelief. It was impossible! How could she not be a member of the Night with such power? If anything, the child may be just as powerful as the one whom commands the army of darkness. "What? You don't even know the one who leads all the monsters? You're not a minion of Dra-"

"Flandre," Remilia interrupted, "were you the one that sat this place on fire? Is that what you did when those hunters invaded our home?"

Ezekiel's words rang in her memory... __'we are not alone in the acts of genocide. Your dear mother know this very well for she slaughtered many of her kind.'__

Flandre gave a fanged grin. Even though she was an embodiment of ultimate mindless destruction, she was still adorable. "Yep. It was me, Sis. I gave them all a good scare before I kyuu most of them. After that, I saw the monsters everywhere and I decided to join the fun."

Remilia's eyes dilated in utter horror. "Flan! I was you all along!"

"Well! That is what they get for breaking and entering!" Flandre suddenly spat. "And they kidnapped you and Mama!"

Reluctantly, Remilia gave Flandre the bad news. "Flan... Mama's... she... she died."

Now it was Flandre's turn to react in shock. "What did you just say?"

Remilia lowered her head, tears flowing down her cheeks. "She's gone, Flan. Mama's dead!"

"Uh," Ellis interrupted the sisters' sensitive moment. "This is where I take my leave." In another puff of smoke, she transforms into a bat with beady red eyes. She flew away from the Scarlet Sisters as fast as she could. Yes! I get to see another day! I hope I'll never see that deranged child again!

After Ellis fled for whatever part of hell she's from, Flandre's lips trembled. "You're lying. You're lying to me, Sis!"

"No. I am not, Flan. Mama's gone." Remilia reinforced.

"No... No! No! No!" Flandre cried. "Mama's isn't dead! I met the leader of those bad hunters, Sis! Before I made him go kyuu he told me that Mama is still alive!"

Remilia blinked in surprise. So Ezekiel met Flandre? This must of happened right before she escaped the vampire hunters' fortress._ What was that man trying to accomplish by telling her that? _"Flan, was his name Ezekiel? Are you sure it was him?"

"Yes, Sis! He was with a group of those mean hunters!" Flandre confirmed. "But what was odd about it, he was carrying a little baby with him."

"Flan!" Remilia's heart almost jumped out of her chest in shock. "He was carrying a baby? You didn't... you didn't harm the baby, did you?"

"No. I left the baby over in that bakery over there," Flandre replied, pointing towards an old building that wasn't consumed in flames. Flandre's eyes suddenly widened. "Ooh! I forgot! We gotta go over there and see if the baby is okay, Sis."

The older sibling sighed in immense relief. "Very well. Let's head over there." She tried to get back on her feet but she stumbled and fell again. After all of the events that occurred tonight, her body decided to inform her that it was in critical condition. I was time for her weary and battered body to take a rest. "Flan. Could you carry me?"

"Okay." Flandre replied and lifted her sister into her arms. She was carrying her bridal style. "How's this?"

"F-fine." Remilia stammered with a blush of embarrassment. "This will do."

Flandre carried Remilia to the bakery down the street. The bakehouse was still a neat and fresh place of business, but it was abandoned due to the emergence of the Night. On another note about the shop, this was the very place that the maids of her household order their sweets from. "Here we are, Sis." Flandre said, approaching the entrance. Remilia reached for the door and opened it. The bakehouse was dark, save for a dim lamp that illuminated an area underneath a staircase. Near the lamp, there were a few partially eaten cakes, loafs of bread, bottles of milk, and a soft looking bed quilt. "The baby is over there."

"Right. You can put me down now, Flan." Said Remilia. The younger sister promptly did so and went over to resume eating one of the cakes. Remilia followed and took a look at the infant sleeping peacefully in the comforter. What she behold, was an adorable silver-haired cherub. The little ball of fat was without a worry in the world. "It's a girl, Flan. She's so cute. How long did you left her here?"

Flandre regarded her sister with a cake layered face. "Not too long. After I broke those meanies I came here to hide the baby. I didn't want any of the monsters to find her." She resumed in indulging herself with chocolate covered goodness. "Want some?"

Remilia was staring at the infant. __This must be that man's daughter? She has his scent. __"No thanks, Flan. Knock yourself out."

_"_Okay! __Nom!" __

__And that's not all...__ Remilia's mind processed with growing realization. __This child... she has Gloria's, no, Mother's hair! Could it be that he and Mother... __an gold colored object beside the sleeping infant gained her attention. It was a pocket watch. Curiously, she opened the watch and felt a slight surge of magic from it. "Flan. This watch. Do you know who it belongs to?"

The younger sibling chugged a bottle of milk and belched before answering. "Ah! Oh, that mean man had that watch. I decided to keep it after taking care of him. It's a strange toy, Sis. Can you feel something from it?"

"Yes. All I know is that this is a magical watch," Remilia explained. "Maybe I should talk to Ellen about it once we get back to the mansion."

"We're going back home, Sis?" Flandre sounded happy, but still sad by the loss of Gloria. "You think the witch will be there?"

"Yes, I believe so." The older Scarlet replied in a solemn tone. "After all, Mama said that Ellen is there and waiting for us. We're leaving this place, Flan. We're going somewhere far away. Where exactly, I don't know. Only Ellen knows."

"So, are we going to take her with us?" Flandre indicated towards the baby.

"We have no choice, Flan." Remilia nodded as she cradled the silver haired child in her arms. "She has no one to take care of her. No family. We're her family now. Leaving her here would be a terrible fate. It is a fate that nobody deserves to bear."

"So that means that you will be like, a mother to her!" Flandre beamed in excitement. "Tee he! Mama Sis! I like the sound of that. What are you going to name her?"

"Hmm... why don't we wait until we find out where we going." Remilia considered. "Then we can name her in accordance to the region we end up settling in. Like if we end up in France, I'll give her a French name. Or if we settle in Greece, a Greek title for her would be appropriate."

"Okay!" Flandre finished the last of a red velvet cake. "Let's go, Sis! Let's start on a new life!"

__Mother, you were right! You kept your promise. You live on inside this child and our hearts. I promise that I will nurture and protect her. I will be like a mother to her as you were to Flandre and me.__

__I love you, Gloria Monreau. Always and forever.__

_**END OF TALE**_

And that's my little take on the past of Remilia, Flandre, and Sakuya. I'm not too keen on creating original characters but in this scenario, it was fun. Creepy, but fun. Plus, I wanted to give some love to two characters from the PC-98 era. Read the tale again if you haven't noticed. One of them is obvious and the other is mentioned a number of times. Damn. This story was really dark. I nearly shed a manly tear or two. Maybe I should make an epilogue to this tale. Or a sequel?

You decide.

_**NEXT TALE**_

**The Man Who Fell In Love With Satori**


	3. The Man Who Fell In Love With Satori

Back in the game.

**TOUHOU PROJECT**

**MISHAPS OF THE EASTERN WONDERLAND**

**3rd Tale**

**The Man Who Fell In Love With Satori**

Spring has arrived in the estranged land of Gensokyou. It was indeed a wonderful time of year. Birds chirped among the trees, butterflies roamed among flowers, animals mated... you know, the usual. Though the first day of spring was heavily anticipated, there was also something about the season's arrival that some dreaded. In fact, some would prefer to endure another six weeks of winter. Hell, even more people would go so far in conspiring on killing the infamous groundhog before it sets it's sights on it's shadow.

Yes people. There were actually a few assassination attempts on the poor groundhog. Perhaps, such a story would be told at another time.

As of now, there should be a cacophonous harbinger of spring roaming throughout the forest. For many decades, said harbinger was both a blessing and nuisance (from different perspectives, of course). Right now, she should be celebrating the homecoming of spring very much like how one would celebrate New Year's Day. While this is a joyous moment for her, she has a very odd way of celebrating it. Anybody that was (un)fortunate enough to witness the event of the herald's celebration would agree. There were usually high-pitched shouting coming from her... right along with a barrage of bright multicolored projectiles.

So right now would be a good time to hide for safety. One wouldn't want to get injured during the herald's jubilation. That train's never late, ya know. Wait for it. Wait for it...

Hmm. This is highly peculiar. Lily's late. What's the deal?

"Mmmph! Hmmm!"

"Oh, shut it, you." Alice Margatroid hissed. The once human magician was seated on a smooth slab of stone with a bored expression. She was wearing only lingerie. "It's a good thing I stayed up during the wee hours of the night, looking for your happy ass."

Lily White was bound and gagged to an oak tree, hopeless as a penitentiary dick. Oh. So that explained the lack of danmaku this morning. "Hhrrrrggh!"

"Shush." Alice admonished. "You're going to wake up the dead with that noise." Surprisingly, a sardonic smirk etched on her face.

Lily made a face that clearly says 'damn you.' "Rrrrgh!" She began struggling in her bonds. A noble yet futile effort.

"Nah ah ah." Alice waved her left index finger dramatically. "Don't waste your time struggling, friend. The ropes and the gag are doubly reinforced to make sure that it's impossible for you to get free. I even tried it on Shanghai once during the time a demon possessed her."

Alice's said sub-sentient familiar gave her a funny look.

Lily scowled at her captor. Her cheeks were blushing in rage. "Yuuuurrrg paaaaaggh!"

Somehow, Alice understood Lily's muffled threat. "What was that? 'You'll pay', you say?" The puppeteer stood up from the flat stone and approached the fairy ominously. "Listen, sweetie... allow me to make this clear: You. Have. No. Right. To. Be. Angry! You don't and you know it!"

Lily growled. Alice prodded her finger on the fairy's forehead. "Do you have any idea how irritating the the first day of spring is for me? Do you know how long I've been putting up with your shit for the last couple of years? Do you!"

Lily's eyes promised murder. But there wasn't a damn thing she could do. "Grrr..."

"I know that spring's a wonderful time of year. Yes, I'm sure many would agree with me." There was reason behind the magician's madness. "As a matter of fact, it's my favorite time of year. You, on the other hand, is forcing me to opine otherwise. I mean, soaring around the forest like a bat outta hell... while blasting danmaku every which way? Are you aware of your actions?"

Lily's glare grew hotter. Killing a half naked puppeteer was on her shit list.

"Tch." Alice bit her lower lip. "I guess not. Well, at least now I'm making the message of countless other residents clear. I can fill my grimore with how much people resent you." A sickening sweet smile suddenly appeared on Alice's face and she frolicked around the tree like a raving lunatic. "'SPRING! Springtime is here! Yay!'" She hopped right in front of Lily and twirled on her toes like a ballerina. "'Wake up, everyone! SPRING! SPRING IS HERE!'"

The eyes of Lily White became glossy all of a sudden. She really didn't appreciate being mocked. "Mmm!"

Alice noticed the look of offense coming from the fairy. "That hurt, didn't it?" Alice yawned. "Maybe it does, but not as much as the bullets you hit me with last year!"

Lily felt a tad sorry for Alice- emphasis on the word 'tad'. She still wanted to hurt her though.

"Oh! And let's not forget the Spring before last year: shattered windows. A tree through my got-damn roof," said Alice. She was enjoying Lily's misery. "Wait. Remember spring 07'? You don't? I do. I had stitches across my chest thanks to you!" After her declaration, Alice could have sworn she felt a presence behind her. It was a rather weird feeling. It was faint... or maybe it her imagination. She shrugged and continued her yandere tirade. "And the list goes on: front door being blown to bits, the forest fire of 99... a tree falling on Marisa..." She suddenly beamed at the memory. "Okay, that was kinda hilarious. Poor Marisa was out for hours."

Then something unexpected happened: a tear slid down Lily's cheek.

Alice was totally caught off guard. "You're... crying?"

Lily nodded with a sniff, "Hmm-mmm..."

"Uh, maybe I was a little too harsh on you," Alice reconsidered. Then a presence bothered her sixth sense again. This time she was sure that this wasn't her imagination. _Something _was looming behind her. She whipped around in alarm, searching for whatever that was emitting such spooky vibes. There was a monkey in a tree. A deer was drinking water from a nearby pond. A bobcat was going about it's business with a dead snake in it's maw. None of the wildlife gave off such vibes and Alice was pretty adept in sensing disguised youkai and spirits.

So, what in the world is going on? Alice wasn't crazy. Well... she is a bit crazy, but that's not the point. Her mind doesn't play tricks on her like that.

She asked Lily for clarification. "Hey, have you ever got the feeling that you were being watched?"

Lily shook her head, indicating a 'no'.

Alice sighed. "Hmm. It was just my imagination. I'm not crazy, after all."

Lily gave Alice the skunk eyes.

"Don't give me that look!"

Alice felt the looming presence again. This time it was tangible, because she felt a gentle hand goosing her buttocks. The puppeteer shrieked in alarm. "Eek! What in Shinki's name-" a person immediately came up in her mind. Alice clenched her fists, ready to rumble. She whipped around in fury. "Marisa! What did I tell you about smacking my rear? I'm going to hurt-"

What she beheld was not the Ordinary Magician. There was a young woman with gray eyes and silvery green hair. She wore a xanthous long sleeved blouse with black trimmings on the end of the sleeves. Her lower body was clothed in a forest green miniskirt that reached the middle of her thighs. A black (church) hat adorned the top of her head. Perhaps the oddest thing about the girl was the bluish orb that hovered about her via a (fleshy?) lasso. The 'orb' appeared to be an eye. An eye that was sealed shut.

"Howdy," Koishi Komeiji greeted.

"Who- who are you?" Alice wondered. She heard tales of a girl that can travel anywhere while completely indiscernible. Could the silver haired youngster be the said girl? "You're a youkai. How is it that I was unable to sense your aura?" Shanghai and Hourai were armed with blades.

Lily stared at Alice in confusion. Who in the hell was the crazy puppeteer talking to? A peculiar though suddenly reigned in her mind: _Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!_

"The name's Koishi," Satori's baby sister revealed. "Koishi Komeiji."

"Ah," Alice heard of the Komeiji Sisters from Reimu. They were particularly feared youkai, yet harmless. And the pretty satori before didn't appear to be a threat. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Alice."

Lily's eyes turned into huge white dots. When she get free she is going to reference the puppeteer to a mental therapist.

"So," Alice began, blushing because she was goosed by a rather cute girl. "What brings you to the surface? Food? Sight-seeing? Looking for a lover?" A nervous chuckle escaped her.

Koishi smirked mischievously. "Hey, care to dance?"

The satori's sudden request befuddled Alice. "Wait. What? ACK!" Alice's entire body suddenly became rigid. She willed her body to respond but there was an overwhelming force that prevented her from doing so. Her entire body felt like wet clothing. She had no control over her body whatsoever. It was as if she was in such a deep sleep that she felt wide awake... but there were no bodily functions. This state of mind... was indescribable. Nothingness, yet she was completely aware of it. A trance.

Lily was witness to this. But she wondered what the hell was Alice was up to now.

"Let's see..." Koishi giggled. "Okay, Alice. You're a dancing machine!"

Alice stretched out her arms all of a sudden. Right now she resembled a human puppet. Koishi made a gesture and poor Alice began moving around mechanically. Alice swiveled, marched, and performed a sort of funky automaton-like dance. Her eyes were glazed over in oblivion while she rhythmically popped and locked during Koishi's curse. Physically she had an expression of the living dead, but mentally her mind was screaming in terror.

_Sufferin' Shanghai! Somebody! Help me!_

"Automatic! Systematic!" Koishi sang, popping along with the helpless blonde. "Tuned and channeled to your vi-iibes~!" That was... madly appropriate, considering Alice's predicament. The young satori from the underworld was enjoying this immensely.

Lily gawked at the scene before her (oblivious of Koishi). Alice... that crazy girl was dancing all of a sudden! And what made it so eerie about the dance, she recalled a certain nigh-omnipotent gap youkai performing the very same moves a couple decades ago. If she remembered correctly, the dance was called the 'Puppet'. Or maybe it was the 'Machine'? The little spring fairy couldn't believe her eyes! Talk about a nostalgic rush!

The possessed doll maker and whimsical monster were both popping and locking (Get cha minds out the gutter, people). Koishi was groovin' as though she was at an early seventies rave. "Captivating~ Stimulating~! She's such a sexy lady! Filled with space age des-iiign~!"

_Oh gods! Please help me! _Alice's mind screamed. _Make it stop!_

Both Shanghai and Hourai were staring at their creator. Oddly enough, the sub-sentient dollies both had a ghost of a smile on their faces. Their subconscious manufacturer noticed this too.

_Traitors! The both of you!_

Koishi giggled. "Tee he! That was pretty fun!" A pair of blush stickers marked her cheeks and that mischievous smirk returned. "And now, my pretty... allow me to teach you how to Dougie!"

_No! Not that! Not the Dougie! _The Seven-Colored Puppeteer dread. Alice recalled a certain (old ass) seventeen year old border manipulating sub-goddess doing the wacky dance mere months ago. Alice swayed her hips and rocked her shoulders to a rhythmic beat that was subconsciously supplied to her by the strange youkai youth. She even plucked the collar of her blouse! _Damn this girl! How dare she toy with me!_

"Er'body love me!" Koishi rocked. "Er'- er'body love me!"

_'Just you wait,' _Alice threatened. '_Once I break free from this trance, I'll make you pay! No one toys with Alice Margatroid like a puppet! No one!'_

Lily's disbelief was ever growing. Now that crazy ass puppeteer was doing another dance! She wasn't familiar with this dance, though. Must have been pretty recent. She was nearly four decades behind when it comes to dancing.

"Teach me how to Dougie!" Koishi continued in pure glee.

At that moment, Alice's savior arrive. "Yo, Alice," a tomboyish voice rang. "I know you're close, girl. Where are ya!"

Koishi's eyes shifted. "Uh oh. Guess it's time to leave."

_You're leaving? _Alice thought in surprise. _Thank the gods!_

"Playtime's over." Koishi snapped her fingers and Alice felt a painful spasm throughout her body for a split second. The sensation was highly similar to drowning, only to resurface above water at the very last moment.

"Ghhhrk!" Alice wheezed. If that what it was like to emerge from a womb then Alice was glad that she only done it once. "Ghhhhhgh! Ugh!" She fell to her knees, coughing and straining. It was as if her lungs were about to burst. And her head was throbbing like hell!

"It's been fun," Koishi regarded. "Let's do this again soon."

"Again?" Alice spat in unbelief. "I won't allow it!"

Lily now had a good look up the puppeteer's night robe. She blushed because the mad doll maker was going commando. But still... the loony bitch was raging away for some unknown reason. _Okay. That's it. No more hanging around Cirno, Rumia, and the others. I'm going to be as crazy as they are soon._

The ultimate ninja blew a kiss at Alice. "Remember: you got the body, and I got the brains." After her parting words, the satori made a cutting motion with her hand and made a sort of door with the fabric of reality. She entered the door (supplying a brief glimpse of the Earth Spirit Palace). "Toodles."

Alice was on her feet again. "Come back here!"

"Alice!" Marisa beckoned, searching for her neighbor. "Aliiiiiice!"

"Damn," Alice cursed Marisa's bad timing. "I'm still in my sleeping robe. What does she want?" She gazed towards Lily. "Eh? What's with you?"

As if the fairy could respond at the moment. Tied and _gagged_, Alice. Remember? The blood running from Lily's nose was an interesting sight, though.

Marisa arrived onto the scene. "Found ya, ze. I've been sensing your magical signature all over the place." She noticed her neighbor was clad in a bed robe and the spring fairy bound to the tree before her. "What is this? A spring break party? You're going to streak the village, aren't ya Alice?"

"Nonsense," Alice nearly laughed at the witch's ridiculous assumption. "I was just doing the citizens of Gensokyou a favor, that's all."

Marisa stared at the distressed fairy for a moment. She whistled at the doll maker's accomplishment. "Hot damn! That's pretty impressive," the witch praised. "Last year during the first of spring, it took nearly the entire day for me to catch her. Let alone getting a clean shot with a Master Spark. You managed to capture Lily this soon... that is like, the best thing you've ever done since... since... you gazed into that creepy grimoire of yours for the first time."

Aliced rolled her eyes. "Harr-harr... a thousand laughs. Anyway, that capricious little buddy of Reimu and yours was here a moment ago."

"Who?" Marisa wondered. She had tons of buddies. Alice has to be more specific.

"Does the name Koishi Komeji ring any bells?"

"Hmm." Marisa prodded her chin in reminiscence, the gears in her mind struggling. "Komeiji... Komeiji..."

Alice stared at her questionable friend with narrow eyes. "Don't hurt yourself, Marisa."

"Satori's kid sister," Marisa confirmed, her pretty eyes bright with affirmation. "Silver hair, loves music and food, playful, crack jokes a lot, and..." the witch cupped her breasts. "She's... bigger than her big sister."

"A little too much information, don't you think?"

"Tee-he! Sorry. Sorry." The witch scratched the back of her head with a grin. "Got a little carried away."

"Obviously," Alice muttered. "So. You were looking for me. What brings you out here?"

The human girl's face brightened with blush stickers on her cheeks. "Oh yea, about that... I want you to come along with me to the village. Let's do a little spring shopping. What do ya say?"

_Shopping? Guess she stole some money from the Scarlet Manor, _Alice thought. Well, it was the first day of spring and Alice really didn't had anything in particular planned for today. Plus, Marisa's request seemed innocent enough. It may be fun. _Very well..._

Alice gave her evil-eyed neighbor her reply, selling her soul to the Master Sparkin' Devil. "Sure. Why not?"

The witch made a very girly sound, ecstatic. "Uwah! Sounds like a plan to me, da ze!"

**ELSEWHERE**

**IN THE FOREST OF MAGIC**

"Koishi!" Satori Komeiji called out as she crossed a riverbank via the stepping stones. "Where are you? Koishi! Koishiiiiiiiii!" The Queen of Chireiden has been searching for her little sister for quite some time today. The younger sibling was at it again, possibly causing a little mischief among the surface-dwellers. While having to scour parts of Gensokyou for Koishi may indeed be a cumbersome task for Satori, she would be lying to herself if she didn't enjoy the sights of the mystic state's geographical beauty. Satori always loved nature. Long before Koishi was born, she often relished the sights of unperturbed natural terrain, floras, and animal life. This was decades before man industrialized and molested a majority of the planet's contributions. Long before she was forced into the underworld that was eventually know as Old Hell.

The nostalgia... Satori found herself smiling. A smile that nearly claimed her entire facial expression.

By the time Koishi was born, the Komeiji family was already fairly ordained onto the netherworld. To commemorate this historical colonization of the sub-netherworld, the Komeiji's built Chireiden: The Palace of Earthen Spirits. It was a place she believe that her family were destined for. No longer she should live in self pity due to the surface-dwellers fearing her power. The citizens of the upper world... they will never understand how good they got it. Most of them (especially humans) truly does not appreciate the paradise that One Above All has given them. Perhaps... one day... the surface world may be more of a hell than one she reigned over will ever be. Satori grieved for the paradise she loved. She grieved for humanity... and more so for the youkai that were influenced by them.

It was then Satori sensed something. She tuned in with the thoughts of the wildlife. There was an old saying that goes along the lines of 'people talk' and 'the streets talk'. This was true. It was especially true about the wilderness and it was currently revealing gossip to her through it's ethereal whispers. The collective thoughts of the wilderness flowed along the cool morning breeze. Among the 'gossip' there were apparent sightings of a certain whimsical young satori.

Satori hopped over a puddle of water and continued her search. The thoughts of a woodland creature garnered her attention. **"You there," **she telepathically said to a raccoon. **"Sorry to intrude, but I can't help but to notice a very recent memory of yours."**

The striped creature shifted on it's feet, happy to be able to communicate with a humanoid. **"Ah. Good day. How may I help you?"**

It was male, and from it's mental poise and thought patterns she deduced it was 'middle-aged'. Good. Young raccoons were a rude and aweless lot. **"Wonderful weather we're having today."**

"**It is." **The raccoon replied. **"Ideal for catching fish. Oh, how I love this time of year!"**

"**Then I shall make this short in order for you to continue your leisure," **Satori nodded. She focused on his thoughts, scanning the vague images of a young youkai girl. **"You saw a youkai not too long ago."**

"**Of course," **the small mammal replied. **"This is the Forest of Magic. These woods are the abode of many youkai. The chances of not sighting them are extraordinarily slim."**

"**I'm looking for one in particular," **Satori provided, realizing that the raccoon only saw Koishi instead of encountering her. It was fading from his memory but Satori could see it. **"The one I'm looking for is a young female. She has silver hair, bears a semblance to my appearance, and a shade taller than I am." **Satori also provided a mental image of Koishi. **"My sister."**

"**Yes. I saw her earlier," **he remarked. **"But only for a fleeting moment, though. Joe may know where she went."**

The pink haired sovereign raised a brow. **"Joe?"**

"**Yea. Allow me to call him forth. Joe!"**

A bobcat revealed itself by leaping from a nearby tree. **"What? What is it, Tori?"**

The bobcat sounded annoyed. Maybe he didn't get enough sleep last night.

"**Joe, be a gentlecat. We have a wanderer." **Tori chided, indicating towards the youkai among them. **"She's looking for her sister, I'm afraid. And I do recall that you already encountered her quite recently."**

Joe the bobcat stared at Satori for a moment. Then, a flash of recognition marked his expression. **"Oh, hell yea I did!" **Mirth replaced the crankiness in his tone. **"She was making a fool out of Jiro- stealing his fruit and all."**

Satori gasped, her little sister was committing juvenile delinquency again. **"Oh no. I'm sorry to hear that."**

"**What's with the apology?" **Joe scoffed. **"Jiro stole the fruit from the village. Heh. That monkey's always up to monkey-business. He's just pissed over the fact that the satori broad beat him at his own game."**

"**I take it that Jiro's not taking it well, correct?" **Tori wondered.

"**Hell naw," **Joe remarked, his memory of encountering the silver haired satori were more potent than Tori's. **"After the humiliation, his mood gone sour... more sour than that damned rattlesnake I had for breakfast. And speaking of that, I really have to go."**

"**Then I dare not waste any more of your time," **Satori nodded in consideration. **"Do you have any idea where she may have gone to?"**

"**Hmm..." **the bobcat paused, trying to pinpoint Koishi's scent. **"She is heading north of here... she smells like strawberries..."**

"**Now's not the time for pleasantries, Joe." **Tori scolded.

"**Right. Right..." **Joe sniffed the air. **"Yep, homegirl's definitely north of here. Muenzuka, to be exact."**

"**Are you certain?" **Tori pegged.

"**Does a bear shit in the woods?"**

"**What does that have to do with-" **the bobcat's remark suddenly dawned on him. **"Why, of course!" **He turned his regards to Satori. **"Muenzuka it is, my dear. It's a fairly lengthy walk north of here. You can't miss it. It's a pretty peaceful place... and yet decidedly dreadful. You should find your beloved sister there."**

Muenzuka. Satori remembered that place. It was during a time when she herself was once a surface-dweller. The raccoon was right, it was a serene and dreadful place. Muenzuka was a beautiful landmark of Gensokyou, and yet, it wasn't devoid of dangers. Muenzuka was an extraordinarily flawed location. The place was a silent and misleading terror (from what she heard). It was a notorious badlands that lay host of Gensokyou's most dangerous spirits, humans, and youkai. A deceptive place, indeed. It was almost as if it once fell from grace... like an angel that once fell from heaven throughout the cosmos, whom eventually reigned the worst hell imaginable.

Why would Koishi be at such a place?

Satori bowed, **"Thank you. Thank you. You have no idea how much your help means to me." **She sauntered northward as the bobcat indicated. **"I appreciate it, Tori-san, Joe-san." **

She left the woodland creatures behind, her gait eventually becoming a jog. _Koishi, you have some explaining to do._

**CHIREDEN**

"So?" Rin muttered, reading a resume of a deceased fairly. "Fiftieth death, eh? That pesky Netherworld Princess literally had you on a blue plate. Still, I think it's kinda cool that your final death was an even one."

The tiny lilac haired sprite was crying a river. She was eaten by- yep, you guessed it: Yuyuko Saigyouji. What a way to go. "I... I... just wanted to try some of her tea." The fairy sniffed.

Rin patted the fairy's head... in mock sympathy, that is. "There. There. You have my condolences..." A huge twenty foot tall marble door (more like a gate) slowly opened. It emitted a grinding sound so eerie that it seemed like it was wailing. Behind the magnificent gate, were the eternal conflagration of the Hell Of Blazing Fires. "Welp... you weren't innocent either, my friend." With a terrifying grin, Orin tossed the sprite into her doomed fate. "Happy roasting! In ya go!"

"WAAAAAAHHH!"

The kassha's laughter resounded throughout the huge marble room. There were quite a number of the dead that are present today. All of them were shaking in terror at the maniacally laughing catgirl. It turns out that the spirits of the wicked were indeed cowards in the end. Heck, a majority of them were crying.

"Hey," Rin said the the next person in line, a scrawny frail man wearing a pair of oversized prescription glasses. "Glad to meet your acquaintance. Too bad you were killed. You were a youtube goblin-"

"Uh, that's troll..." the internet gangster corrected fearfully, eyes red with tears.

"Troll, right. I had this," Rin rolled her eyes. "Insulted people anonymously on the internet, hacked many FPS game lobbies online, racist, and you stole money from your mother's savings... countless times." Rin dropped the resume, and the said paperwork disappeared in a puff of red smoke. "Well damn. Appearances can be deceiving. You ARE a bad boy. No wonder they tracked you down."

"My mother shot me!" The virtual badass wailed.

"Hell! I would of put a bullet in your head too!" Rin remarked, the spirits hovering around her glowing red. "If I had a kid, I wouldn't allow him or her to steal from me! You got what you deserve, kid. Hell awaits!" Rin snatched the dweeb by his head and tossed him like a rag-doll into eternal damnation. "Next!"

Another 'goblin'. Rin sighed and rolled her eyes again as a summary of his life appeared in her hand. "Hmm... rage-quit after getting frequent defeats in Super Street Fighter IV AE online. So enraged, in fact, you've decided to jump off a bridge? What the- I don't even... Get your ass in there!" The hellcat gave the 'goblin' a furious shove.

"AAAAAHHHH!"

"Take it like a man!" Orin yelled down into the inferno. "You're forty-two, after all!"

Next, a bald obese man in a business suit stood before Rin, his pants soaked in absolute fear. The redhead's patience was wearing thin. "Tch! Some insurance salesman you are! Looks like that quadruple meat, super-cheeseburger with Canadian bacon and pork sausages you had this morning gave you more than just a bad case of the shits. You almost broke my cart too."

The salesman farted. It was a squeaker.

"Eww! That's it!" Rin lifted the four hundred pounder over her head, a display of her herculean strength. And remember folks, Rin may be a cute little cat-loli, but she's more than strong enough to knock a grown man's dick in the dirt. When she threw the heavy man through the gate, an 8-bit sound-effect resounded. "Ha! Ha! Like tossing a giant turnip at my enemies! Hilarious! Next!"

A jeweled door suddenly opened at the other side of the humungous room. "Orin-chan! Orin-chan!" Utsuho Reiuji's ladylike voice cried.

"Oh. What's up, Okuu? Just a moment," Orin turned to regard a man wearing a turban and desert robes. "Phew. You sure chose a wrong time to have a smoke-out party. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Come now... eternity's waiting and I don't have all day!"

The hell-cat snatched the man by his large beard and chucked him to the fiery depths.

A girlish scream resounded through the flames. "GYAAAAAAH!"

"That's for nine-eleven, motherfucker!" Orin snarled.

Okuu approached her best friend, providing the damned a nice view of an angel before being sent to hell. Okuu was an excellent example of feminine perfection (or something very close to it). "There's something I need to talk to you about."

"Fire away," Orin replied. She frowned when she caught someone trying to exit the room. "Excuse me, would ya... Hey IRS agent! Get your ass back in line! The fuck is wrong with you!" She blasted the wages collector with a wave of danmaku and the agent shrieked.

"He screams like a girl," Okuu noted.

"Yea, pretty much any mortal staring into the face of eternal damnation does so." Orin remarked, undoing her hair that suspiciously stood like horns. She also undressed herself out of the red jumpsuit she wore. "So, what did you wanted to talk about?"

The nuclear hell angel blushed, prodding her fingers together nervously. "Unyu... I... I've been feeling a tad funny lately..."

Rin noticed the younger girl was looking away with a shy look on her face. _She's so cute! Ahem. _"You've been feeling weird as of late? Do explain, Okuu..."

It was quite odd that a hell raven, whom stood well over six feet tall was afraid of looking a much shorter individual in the eyes. Orin was only an inch or two over five feet and the raven was almost twice her size. Okuu weighed at an impressive one hundred seven-

"Hmm!" Okuu glared at no one in particular. Cutting her description of her body mass off abruptly.

"That was a close one," Rin remarked. "It's better for one to stop while they're ahead instead of getting into deep shit."

"As I was saying..." Okuu resumed. "The feelings I've been having. They're strange. It's... it's... like a fire burning in my chest..." she opened her blouse, displaying the red orb of the Yatagarasu between the swell of her luscious pearls. "And it's not this thing, either."

Rin stared at Okuu's bosom thoughtfully (and appreciating the sight of the hell angel's tig-o-bitties). "Hmm? Are you sure it's not that thing?" She indicated towards the third eye.

"Not. It's not," Okuu relayed, her left titty flexing inadvertently (nice muscle control!). She almost flashed her best friend. "This thing burns from time to time. It's nothing I can handle. But what I'm talkin' about is a different kind of burn..." Okuu's cheeks sudden colored crimson. "Unyu... a kind of burn that makes my heart beat fast and makes me... want to do things..."

Wait. Didn't Rin heard the younger girl right? "What kind of things, Okuu?"

This time, Okuu's arms (along with the visible part of her right) and legs were claimed in a blush of embarrassment. "Don't make me try to explain it, Rin." Utsuho chided. "I guess it was a bad idea to talk about it."

"Oh no you don't," Rin wasn't letting her buddy off that easily. "You're putting your wonder up into the air and we're going to talk about it. You piqued my curiosity, toots. Whether you like it or not."

"Unyu..." Okuu flapped her wings, filling the grand room with a comforting breeze. "Maybe I should talk to Satori-sama when she gets back."

While the younger girl blushed, flinched, and behaved like a lovestruck schoolgirl, Rin was busy adding things up. Shyness, fast heart rate... and heat. Hmm? The kassha suddenly widened her eyes as an inkling of what Okuu was talking about dawned on her. "Oh shit!" Rin gasped.

Okuu whipped around to speak to Rin again. "Wh-what?"

"Damn." Rin cursed with a contemplative face. Okuu was a relatively young creature. She's been alive for a little over twenty years but she may very well live several centuries before she expire. On a nice note, the nuclear hell angel will retain her good looks and hot, luscious bod until the day she die. So... at her current age, it's very possible that Okuu may be going through a phase. And it's not the menstrual cycle. That is nothing new to her. "Damn. Damn. DAMN! **DAMN!"**

Okuu cutely tilted her head to the side. "Orin?"

Heat.

"Ah, Okuu... tell me something," Rin stuttered. "When was the last time you saw a hell raven?"

Okuu gasped. "I.. I... saw one flying around the Ancient City earlier."

"That's not what I meant," Orin reprimanded, just as nervous. "Actually, I kinda do mean that but... when was the last time you saw a male raven? A guy?"

At the kassha's inquiry, steam suddenly erupted from Okuu's ears, along with a whistling sound.

Oh shit. "Are the male of your species are the cause of your... funny feelings?" Orin pressed.

"Unyu! Yes! Yes!" Okuu exhaled, smoke billowing from her mouth like a dragon.

It's official: Okuu's in heat.

Orin was laughing. "Ha! Ha! Ha! This is beyond hilarious! And yet... totally cute."

"Hey! Stop that!" Okuu demanded. "Don't laugh at me!"

Orin wiped a tear from her left eye. "Heh heh... sorry about that. I just couldn't help it. This is totally unexpected coming from you."

"Ooh!" Okuu pouted. "That's not funny! I have feelings, you know!"

"Hey c'mere," Orin gestured and Okuu approached her. The kassha whispered something into the hell ravens ear. Soon enough, Okuu gasped and a mischievous grin formed on Orin's face. "And that's the feeling that you're talking about."

Okuu was astounded. Her best friend knew the feeling all too well! She was not alone in this! "Wow! I'm glad that you understand what I'm going through, Orin-chan. So does that mean that you sometimes want to strip off your clothes and-"

"Hey! Easy there, girl!" Rin stopped the hell raven before she could embarrass her. "A little too much information, there! I mean, I can understand- Sufferin' Succotash! What are you doing? Not now, Okuu!"

Sure enough, the nuclear hell angel was sliding a pair of black panties down her thighs. They were slightly stretched. "What?" Okuu wondered.

The evil spirits that were hell-bound were now busy ogling Okuu. They were wolf-whistling, cat-calling, and tossing whatever cash they had in their pockets.

"Take it off!"

"Yea, girl! YEA!"

"Tickle it! Tickle it!"

"Work it, big baby!"

"Show me a good time before I cook for an eternity!"

"That's it!" Orin donned on her red jumpsuit and her pigtails were imitating horns again. "No more assin' around! Go to hell! The bunch of you!"

Why in the hell is she cosplaying as the devil in the first place?

Meh.

**MUENZUKA**

The isolated locale of Gensokyou was just as peaceful and beautiful as she remembered. The tree and flowers enclosed this place in abundance. Petals of cherry blossoms littered the area as if they were the tear of Gensokyou. Various animals were now occupying the place but there were no signs of Koishi. She couldn't sense any youkai thoughts nor auras for that matter. Satori decided not to venture deep into these badlands in serene disguise. There was a graveyard for the loneliest of people about three miles north. Said graveyard was Muenzuka's signature landmark.

"She's not here," sighed Satori as she sat near a tree. "I guess Joe-san was mistaken."

Satori employed her third eye, reading the thoughts of the wilderness for clues. There were a herd of deer, a group of rabbits, a monkey (turned out to be Jiro), and a rather lazy mountain lion. None of them has seen Koishi. Satori decided to give up her search for Koishi and wait for her to return to Chireiden. A sense of sadness suddenly overtook her. "It's no use. I might as well wait for Koishi to return home. I better get going."

And then... there was a clue: a vague image of Koishi.

Satori jumped to her feet in alarm. The mental image was emitting southward, on the Road of Reconsideration. Yet, the most surprising aspect about this development was the fact that the thoughts were not coming from a youkai nor a woodland creature.

They were coming from a human!

"It can't be," Satori wondered. "Why would a human be there? That path is especially dangerous to humans. And yet, this one knows of Koishi. The human isn't far, very close to this place, as a matter of fact. Maybe... just maybe..."

Satori hovered above the ground and took flight, following the final clue to Koishi's whereabouts.

**THE HUMAN VILLAGE**

"You know," Alice began as she sat underneath a hut. "Hanging around with you while you're shopping for clothes comes as a bit of surprise to me. In fact, you're the last person I expect to go on a splurge for spring kimonos."

Marisa joined the puppeteer under the hut. She removed the witch hat off her head. "What do ya expect? It's spring, Alice. Besides..." The Ordinary Magician caught the sight of a young male worker. She whistled in appreciation. "I sure could use a fixer-upper this season." A grin appeared on her face as she nudged Alice's shoulder. "If ya know what I mean."

Damn. Marisa was full of surprises today. "You're having lust aches, Marisa?" Alice said, wanting to laugh at the witch badly. "Vying for the company of a strapping young male, are we?"

"Whatever," Marisa scoffed. "It's better than being home along all alone with a bunch of dolls and walking around the place with only a bra and panties, ze."

Alice narrowed her eyes. "Tch. Just what are you talking about? It's good for the mind, body, and spirit to saunter around the comfort of your own home in your underwear. You should try it. Improves personal hygiene, too."

"That's what she said~" Marisa sang, her grin devilish. "To be specific, Eirin must have told you that."

Alice gasped. "N-no! Any good doctor would recommend that!"

"Heh he he!" Marisa giggled. "There was even that time when Aya caught you having a tea party while you were wearing a black bra and a lacy pair of panties. And I have to say that was a small pair you had on that day."

"What?" Alice spat. "That Aya! That damned eavesdropping, slandering, surreptitious tengu!"

"Ha! Ha! Calm down, Alice." Marisa suggested. "At least Aya caught ya on one of your good days." She rose from her seat under the hut. "C'mon. Let's head over to the Hakurei Shrine. Ya know, see how's Reimu doing today. But first... I wanna buy another kimono, preferably a short one. I gotta catch a man."

Alice followed her neighbor through the village bazaar, curious. "Marisa, I'm sure that you will find one. To be honest, you're not bad looking at all."

"Pfft! Oh please," Marisa guffawed. "With the likes of you, Reimu, Sanae, and Keine that frequents this place, my competition is tough. I really have to work hard to get so much a fleeting glance from a man. You, on the other hand..." She suddenly grabbed Alice by the hem of her skirt and gave it an uplift. "It's pink Friday!"

"AHH!" Alice shrieked, her pink underwear rudely being shown to the world. Damn near every male in the vicinity of the village took a nice view of Alice's panties. Even a small number of females enjoyed the display as well. A tear escaped her eye as she gave Marisa a hot glare.

"MA... RI... SAAAAA!"

**MYOUREN TEMPLE**

"Ah... mercy me," Byakuren Hijiri sighed, bedridden. "This is quite a bad time of year to catch a cold. It appears that even the mighty youkai aren't immune to disease." She was resting on a futon in her room. She glanced at a small statue of a Bodhisattva near her bookshelf, and rested her sight on a painting of Buddha. A smile formed on her full lips despite her health. "I guess... that this is a test for me to overcome."

"Shh. Try not to talk so much," Shou Toramaru chided, applying a cool washcloth on the bedfast mystic's forehead. "And it would appear that you've caught more than just a mere cold, Hijiri-donno. This looks like a case of a full-blown influenza."

"Oh my... that's... bad," Byakuren coughed. "Never had the flu before. I guess there's a first time to everything, huh?"

"You're certainly right about that," Shou replied, finding Byakuren's sense of humor contagious.

"However..." Hijiri began, her voice growing hoarse. "What I cannot understand, for the life of me, is why would I get sick during the beginning of Spring?" The youkai savior's mindset suddenly regressed to that of a little girl. "Why did I get sick? Why? Why? Why!" Her arms and legs were flailing during her tantrum.

"Hijiri-donno!" Shou held her dear mentor down in alarm. "Calm yourself, please! You need to rest your body if you're looking forward to a fast recovery." Byakuren kicked the comforter off of her body, revealing the short black yukata she wore. "For Bishamonten's sake, you're behaving like the goddess up in Youkai Mountain."

"But it's Spring, Shou." Byakuren whined, her brown eyes wide with childish fervor. "It's beautiful out there today. I don't need to be stuck in my bed all day. I need to get out there and get some fresh springtime air!"

"You can do just that as soon as you recover!" Shou urged.

"Ooh! It's not fair, I tell you." The gradient haired knockout pouted.

"Well it seems like Anee-san is faring much better than before," came the voice of Ichirin Kumoi. She was carrying a tray of white tea. "I'm very thankful that Kyouko was around when she fainted."

"Yes. Aren't we all?" Shou replied, messaging a still-pouting Byakuren on her shoulders. "Who knows what may have happened if she were still unconscious along the path to Youkai Mountain."

"Hold on a moment," Byakuren said to her youkai companions, curious. "I... fainted?"

Ichirin nodded. "Fainted, you did Anee-san. You and Kyouko were on the way to the Moriya Shrine, but you suddenly fell ill. The moment you lost consciousness, Kyouko was wailing like Gabriel's Trumpet."

"Yes. Yes. You're right," Byakuren pressed her forehead with the damp cloth. "I'd thought it was a bad idea to head to the shrine today. I woke up with a terrible migraine this morning."

Ichirin sat the tray near the futon. Noticeably, she looked quite motherly without her hood and wearing her hair in a high ponytail. "And you scared the poor yamabiko half to death. I'm afraid the entire mountain shook while she was screaming."

"My goodness. Good thing I was already comatose when she started shrieking then," Byakuren giggled, her tongue lolling out of her mouth. The cute gesture was very reminiscent to a trademark of a certain karakasa. "Speaking of Kyouko, where is she?"

"Right here," Murasa appeared in the room with Kyouko in tow. "C'mon girl. Byakuren's awake. You can come in and see her."

The mountain youkai was fiddling her index fingers together nervously. "Uh... you kinda scared me earlier Byakuren-sama. First you were blushing, then you felt scorching hot to the touch, and then... WAH! I thought that you were going to die out there!"

"Don't worry your cute little head, Kyouko-chan." Byakuren reassured, flexing her lithe arms humorously. "I'm fine. It takes more than a springtime flu to take me out. I'm always here for all of- Kgh! Kgh! Kgh!" The monk doubled over as a coughing outburst overtook her. "Y... yea. I'm a big strong girl."

"While your illness didn't took you out," Ichirin sighed. "It certainly did knock you down."

"It damn sure did laid a number on ya," Murasa joked. "You got knocked the fu-"

"Murasa!" Ichirin scolded.

"What?"

"Language. No need for that line anyway."

Murasa scratched the back of her head with a huge grin. "Whoops. Sorry."

"Anyway..." the gypsy-like youkai returned her attention to Hijiri. "You lie back down and get yourself some more rest. You need to relax and drink plenty of fluids. Allow us to prepare your baths and meals. Soon enough, you'll break your illness in no time."

At that moment, there was an odd moment of silence. Everyone in the room stared at the wanyuudou in silent astonishment. Of course, Ichirin noticed the stares and it was making her highly uncomfortable. Why were the others staring at her like that? What gives? "Uh... girls... what's with the unnerving stares?"

Shou was the first to respond. "Ya know, if I didn't know any better... you sounded like a mother just now."

"Eh?" Ichirin was caught off guard by the tigress' ridiculous assumption. "Don't be ridiculous! I'm just concerned for Anee-san's health, that's all. I mean, she DID fainted due to her ailment today. She needs medical attention. What true friend wouldn't be concerned for her?"

Byakuren was now staring at Kumoi with morbid fascination. The wanyuudou looked quite attractive without her hood. And the white long-sleeved blouse she was wearing looked snug over her bountiful bosom. The monk noticed that they bounced whenever Kumoi made the slightest of movements. The nyuudou summoner's rack was as big as her own, if not, slightly bigger. "Hmm..." Byakuren said.

"What?" Ichirin was shrinking from the intensity of the stares.

And then, the Youchrist said, "Mama."

"Mama?" Ichirin recoiled in confusion.

Shou knew exactly what her mentor mean. "Honestly, Ichirin. That's no surprise, there."

Kyouko was confused. Murasa had a knowing smirk on her lips. "Oh, how we envy you Kumoi." The sailor guffawed.

Ichirin blushed. The girls were raping her with their eyes. "Stop that. I had these things since... forever."

"Look at em'!" Byakuren pointed at Kumoi's chest. "They remind me of my mother. You have an uncanny resemblance to her, Ichirin-san."

"You're embarrassing me, Anee-san," Ichirin pouted. "I know that I have a motherly appearance, but- What in the world? Kyouko! Got off of me!"

The cute little yamabiko was hugging Ichirin, her head submerged in Ichirin's voluptuary pearls. "Mama. Umm... they're so soft. Even softer than my pillow."

"Yea," Murasa Minamitsu joined the fun. She messaged her head underneath Kumoi's left breast, nodding up and down. "Incredibly soft. Damn girl, the boob fairy has been good to you."

"Guys, please!" Ichirin pleaded, her eyes giant white dots. "Leave my titties alone. You're all creeping me out!"

"And they're even bigger than mine!" Byakuren guffawed. "And that's saying a lot."

"Well now, shall we call you Mama Kumoi from here on out?" Shou joked.

"Shou! You're not making this any easier on me!" Ichirin squealed, smothered in lolis. A gasp suddenly escaped her. "Watch it, Murasa! That tickled."

"Aw! Can you blame me?" The funayurei remarked, stealing a squeeze and enjoying the moment. "I'm just another flat-chested, hard-bitten girl that loves titties."

"Ahhhh..." Kyouko was still fuddled in right boob goodness. She was in pure bliss. "This is heaven."

Tears escaped Ichirin's black eyes. "Oooohh..."

"Hey, what's with all the commotion up here?" Came a bratty, hoydenish voice.

"Nothing much, Nue," Shou replied as the sexy sphinx arrived into Hijiri's room. "It's just another day in paradise."

"Yea," Murasa added in her two cents. "Come join us in some titty worship!"

"Tee-he!" Kyouko giggled, using her head to make squishing sounds on the nun's bosom.

Nue gave Ichirin and the two girls smothering her a flat look. "No thanks. If Kumoi gets any redder then I think that she would explode."

Byakuren was still staring at Ichirin. "Mama."

A frown marked Nue's face. "Oh... kay. Looks like her fever's affecting her mentality as well." She pivoted her gaze upon the tigress. "What?"

"Looks like it has been an uneventful day for you, no." Shou mentioned, noticing the air of nonchalance over Nue. "First day of Spring was a little boring for your tastes, Nue?"

The nue rolled her eyes. "Shou... you have no idea."

"Where's Kogasa, by the way?" Shou followed.

"I dunno and I don't care." Nue relayed flatly. "She's hanging out with Rumia today doing hell knows what. Probably doing parlor tricks in the Human Village or something."

Shou could sense tension coming from the lithe abomination. With a smirk on her lips, Shou asked Nue "So... you mean to tell me that today's been an interesting one for you?"

"Not in the way that you're thinking," Nue quickly bit out.

"Then enlighten me, old friend." Shou must be related to the Cheshire Cat because she damn sure looks like that creepy furball now.

"Help... me..." came Ichirin's plea. Byakuren was adoring her mounds now.

Nue ignored the nun. "If you must know, then I'll tell ya!" Nue began. "That curse goddess that lives in the-"

And speak of the devil. There was a sudden puff of smoke in the room. "Hiiii~!"

Shou gasped in alert. "Kagiyama-sama! What are you doing here?"

Hearts were literally hovering around the beautiful curse goddess. "Ah. And a good afternoon to you, Shou-tan. Isn't it a lovely day?"

Shou bowed, displaying utmost respect to Hina. The legendary woodlands goddess has the potential of being the most dangerous creature in existence. Long ago,even her mentor, Bishamonten, took note of Hina's potentiality. "Ah! Yes it is, Kagiyama-sama. How could I expect less from the first day of Spring?"

Hina giggled. "At ease, warrior. You're awfully tense."

"You..." Nue growled. "You followed me here. And here I thought I've escaped you but you were following me the entire time!"

Hina turned to regard Nue and her face lit up like downtown Vegas. "Aw... quite a temper you got there. Besides, my black-skirted love machine of mass misfortune, you can't escape me. So long as the aura of misfortune shrouds you, you're never free from me."

"Well... that seems... horribly messed up." Nue remarked sardonically.

"Guys! Seriously, HELP ME!" Ichirin was dog-piled by Byakuren, Kyouko, and Murasa. She was drowning in molestation. "Eek! Gimme back my shirt, Murasa!"

Murasa tossed the nun's shirt away and it landed on top of Hina's head. "Hmm, that's a mighty peculiar situation your friend's in."

"Don't mind them, Ichirin will survive." Shou muttered.

"So now that you know where I live at," Nue complained to the curse goddess. "I demand you to leave this place at once. You frilly, curse-hunting stalker, you!"

"Nue!" Shou admonished. "That is no way for you to talk to Kagiyama-sama!"

"I do as I choose and I answer to no one!" Nue snapped.

"Nue! Don't make me go Red Sonja on your ass!" Shou warned, now armed with her naginata.

Nue approached the tigress and stood before the taller girl in a standoff. Though, Shou was considerably bigger than Nue, the black clad monster was totally unmoved. She held her pole-arm in her hands and her maverick wings wavered dangerously. "You're feeling like Suwako, then leap, bitch."

"I'll make you mine instead," Shou remarked, baring her fangs.

"Uwah! Such misfortune!" Hina swooned. "But, please, ladies... there's no need for such animosity. No conflict. No pressure."

"Animosity huh? I wonder what could be the cause?" Nue muttered darkly. Hina suddenly embraced her from behind. "Uhhwwrraaaah! Watch the hands!"

Hina giggled like a lovestruck schoolgirl. "Tee-he! Oh Nue-tan! You're so cute being mean. The blackness of your heart... the misfortune you're radiating... exquisite! I can just take you home with me! Oh ho ho ho ho!"

"I'm not going anywhere with- Uhhwrraaaaah!" Nue's boyish scream filled the room. "Get your hands off my ass! Stop molesting me!"

On the other side of the room, Ichirin's voice was heard. "Welcome to the club..."

"Smooth and soft. They're heavenly!"

"They have a nice suppleness to them. And quite firm, too. Plus, both your aureola are works of art, Kumoi-san. Ooh! How I envy you!"

"Titty! Titty! Titty!"

"Gee, thanks for the bout of confidence, Kumoi!" Nue growled. Hina suddenly nibbled on her left ear. "Would you stop it already? It's creepy!"

"It would appear that your dark aura of misfortune is a sort of aphrodisiac to Kagiyama-sama," Shou surmised. "Therefore, she finds you utterly irresistible."

"No shit, Conan. Even Cirno could figured that one out." Nue snarked, right before she felt Hina's hand on her rear again. "Hey! What did I tell you about putting your hands there? Do you wanna keep your hands?"

"But it's so soft and squishy!" Hina beamed. "I'd never imagined a surplus of misfortune would come in such a lovely package. Your body's a soft contrast's to the hard-boiled troublesome vibes in your heart. I love it! I'll do anything to collect that darkness from you."

That piqued the nue's interest, despite her current situation. "Anything? You'll do... anything?"

"Yep." Hina assured. "Tell me what it is and it's done."

Nue was astonished. "Damn."

"Now, what would you like for me to do?" Hina implored. "My sexy little demon harbinger of hard luck, you!"

Nue's eyes became shifty and an evil smirked marked her lips. "Hmm..."

"Nue..." Shou growled.

Nue ignored the tigress' threat. She didn't gave a damn anyway. "Yea! Go jump off a cliff!"

Shou gasped. Kumoi and the others that were smothering her did the same.

To their horror, the curse goddess released the nue and saluted. "You wish is my command!" After the declaration, Hina began spinning like a drill and disappeared in a puff of smoke. She reappeared in front of the entrance of the temple. "Yoo-hoo! Down here!"

The entire residence of Myouren (sans Kogasa and Nazrin) rushed to the nearest window to witness the curse goddess' amorous lunacy. Hina was already in a runner's crouch. "Here I go!" The Nagashibina deity suddenly took off running, her speed easily rivaling that of Aya Shameimaru. The ladies of Myourenji watched in complete awe as Hina made a smoking trail towards the nearby drop-off. Kyouko covered her eyes with her hands, she refused to be traumatized at a young age.

Hina reached the cliff and performed a dazzling ballerina's somersault off of it. "GERONIMOOOOO!" And then, after a pregnant silence...

**SPLAT!**

No, rephrase that sound-effect.

**BOOM!**

"Well screw me raw without a rubber," Murasa whistled. "She actually did it!"

"Unbelievable..." the now topless Ichirin said in awe. Despite trying her best to cover her chest with her arms, she felt a smooth hand pinched her left boob. "For the love of the eight millions gods, stop that!"

"Titty-titty!" Murasa giggled, guilty as charged.

"And to think, all this time... all I could of done was asked.," Nue stated in amazement.

"Can I open my eyes now?" Said Kyouko.

"That was mean, Nue. Totally unethical!" Shou admonished. "Hijiri-donno, she shouldn't have-"

"Uhh..." Byakuren suddenly fainted, partly due to her illness, but more so to Hina fulfilling Nue's horrid request.

"Hijiri-donno!"

"Anee-san!"

"Byakuren-chan!"

"What the hell- Byakuren!"

"BYAKUREN-SAMAAAAAA!"

The youkai of Myourenji all went to the ailing monk's aid. Ichirin sat the savior up into an upright position. She checked her temperature. "Not good. Anee-san's fever is shooting through the roof. Toramaru, bring some ice."

"Right." Shou nodded and dashed out the room. Murasa followed along with the tigress.

"BYAKUREN-SAMAAAA!" Kyouko wailed.

"Got-damn it, kid! Would you calm down?" Nue grabbed the yamabiko by her arm. "Cut out that racket! You wailing like a banshee isn't going to help anything!"

"But—but, this is the second time Byakuren-sama fainted today!" Kyouko whined.

"Jeez! You're one irritating little mountain gremlin, ya know that," Nue trolled. "Irritating as hell!"

Kyouko's eyes suddenly glistened with moisture. "Meanie! You're such a meanie, Nue! You big, fat-butted meanie!" The yamabiko stuck her tongue out at the nue. "See if I be friendly with you from here on out, donkey-butt!"

Nue blushed in embarrassment. She hate it when someone makes a comment on her sizable derriere. "Why you little prick!"

"What? You're angry now, ya big bully?" Kyouko was the troll now. "In order to compensate for your flat chest you have a butt that is as big as that of a village mule! Pettan-chan!"

Nue's eyes were glistening as well. "You take that back, you little monster!"

Tears were streaming down Kyouko's cheeks, but her insults still came. "Eeh-aaaaargh! Eeh-aaaaargh! Hey look! I'm Nue the Donkey! Eee-aaaaargh!"

"Fuck you too, you little motherfucker!" Nue cried. "I oughta knock the lolipop juice outta your got-damn mouth!"

Kyouko continued to bray like a wild mule, her ears flapping violently. "Eee-aaaaargh!"

Ichirin just had about enough of their childish behavior. "Would you two keep quiet! Shut up already!" The nue and yamabiko immediately did as they were told. "Anee-san is gravely ill and here you two are, bickering like fairies!"

Nue tried to defend herself. "But Kumoi, did you heard what this little-"

"Nue, you're over eight hundred years old. Kyouko's a mere child," Ichirin reprimanded. "You're supposed to be the mature one. Besides, it's your fault that she fainted. Anee-san passed out from the shock of witnessing Hina leaping from the cliff."

Speak of the devil. Again. Hina reappeared after a puff of smoke. "I'm back~!" She regarded Nue. "I told you that your wish is my command."

"You!" Nue shrieked in disbelief. "But how? You should be at least injured!"

"Oh, you silly silly little nue," Hina clasped her hands together in delight. "I'm a goddess remember? I'm incredibly resilient. Even more so than you youkai. I'm tougher than the toughest kassha, and as durable as the mightiest oni."

"But that's not fair!" Nue complained. "You've survived the fall without even a scratch!"

"Yes. I survived. And I done it on Lunatic difficulty!" Hina was immensely please with herself. "Now, my precious ill-fated bundle of misfortune, is the time to claim what is rightfully mine!"

"What's rightfully yours?" Nue asked, confused. "What the hell do ya- Uwrraaaah!"

"Aha!" Hina lifted the nue effortlessly off of her feet. She brought Nue's face close to hers and puckered her lips. "Gimme a kiss! Your misfortune is mine!"

Ichirin chose the moment to place her hands over Kyouko's eyes.

After a minute long smooch, a high-pitched scream filled the entire vicinity of the Myouren Temple.

"Nuuuueeeeeen!"

**THE ROAD OF RECONSIDERATION**

Satori found the culprit at last. She saw a male human who was sitting in the meadows a little way off the path. He was completely oblivious to Satori's presence. The satori slowly approached the resting human. She gasped when she stepped on a twig which made an audible snap. However, the man didn't notice the sound. _Take it easy, Satori. You don't want to scare him off. Just ask for the whereabouts of Koishi and that's a wrap._

Satori was mere yards behind the young man now. Curiously, he had a large sketch pad with him. Something on the pad caught Satori's attention, however...

On the paper, there was a perfect sketch of Koishi's profile! _This man, _Satori's mind thought in alarm. _He must have encountered my sister!_

The esper decided that now was the time to break the silence. "Excuse me..."

The man jumped in surprise as a response, drawing out a dagger. "Who? What? Where?"

Satori wanted to giggle, despite herself. "Do not be alarmed. I come in peace."

"Huh?" He caught a glimpse at a lovely pink haired female. "Oh. I'm sorry, miss."

"There's no need. I should be the one apologizing." Satori replied. She noticed that the stranger was a grown man, yet boyish. He has long black hair that was tied up in a style that Satori haven't seen in centuries. Even the human males at the village didn't sport such a feudal hairstyle. He was thinking of peaceful things: the pond, the clear skies above, the landscape, and Koishi. "So terribly sorry to alarm you."

"No worries, miss." The young man replied. "Would you like to sit next to me? It's a nice day for sky-watching."

"Hmm. I rather not," Satori replied. "I'm sort of in a hurry, you see. So allow me to cut to the chase and to not dispense any more of your time."

"Sure. What is it?"

Satori hesitated. "Do you know that girl that's depicted in your art-book?"

"Hmm. Good question," the young man rolled on his side and took the sketchbook in his grasp. "Have you seen this girl before?"

"She is my sister." Satori informed the young man directly. The young man took the moment to take a good look at the girl standing before him. He suddenly blushed and looked away. Satori noticed his thoughts went from indifference to... admiration. _My goodness. He likes what he sees. This is kinda odd. _"You met this girl before, correct?"

The youth undid his ancient hairstyle, his hair billowing down to the center of his back. "Ma'am, to tell ya the truth, the girl was a figment of my imagination. I've seen her in dreams but I would have never imagined that she was real. To actually discover that she actually exists... is incredible!"

"Look at me," Satori commanded, and the youth did so. "Can you see the family resemblance?"

"Y-yea," he stammered, blushing. "This is unreal, like some sort of grandiose twist of fate. Perhaps this is very much a plot of the gods-"

"Have you seen my sister?" Satori interrupted him in a serious tone, gripping his shirt. "You two actually met?" _He likes my eyes. What an odd fellow, indeed._

"Umm... you've already asked me that." The man informed. "You can let go of my collar now, miss."

_This man speaks the truth. He has never met Koishi. _"Again, I apologize." Satori told him. "It's just... it's been a long day for me. Please don't mind me if I appear a little harsh."

"It's okay, really." The young man reassured. "At least you're a lot nicer than the girls back in Kobe. I've been living here for almost two years and I've just discovered that the girls here are just as mean."

_Is he... flirting we me? Yes, he is! He's undressing me with his eyes even as he speaks! Wait a second. He's from Kobe? That means... _"You're not from Gensokyou, am I right?" _Should I tell him that I'm a youkai? Is it fair to inform him that I'm a mind-reading monster?_

"Yep. You've guessed it." He gave her a wide grin. "Gee, how you know? The Kobe part was a dead giveaway, huh?"

_He's courting me! Using humor as an aphrodisiac... what should I do? _Curious, Satori asked the young man "What is your name? Are you alone in Gensokyou?"

"Iga. Iori Iga. And I live here with my grandmother," Iori revealed. "She's my last known relative."

Satori observed the scenes of his past; only child, mother claimed by sickness, father killed in duty. He was lonely. He also met a rather annoyed Yukari whom was reluctant to allow him to move into Gensokyou. _The poor soul. _"I'm... so sorry to hear that, Iga-san."

"No need for formalities, friend. Just call me Iori." Iori giggled, his handsome hair waving in the breeze. "Besides, what's your name? Since you now know mine I guess it would be a fair exchange if I know yours."

_Very well. He's nice enough, despite his thoughts, he's innocent. _"Komeiji. Satori Komeiji.

"Satori. That's a pretty name," said Iori. "Although, now that I think about it... isn't that the name... of some kind of youkai?"

"You are correct, Iori. I am a youkai," Satori revealed, gazing into his deep dark eyes. "To be more precise, I bear the very name of my species. The satori."

"A satori?" Iori wondered, his mind settling on ancient paintings for some reason. "What's that? Are your species dangerous?"

Satori sighed. "Iori... please take a look at this," she held up her third eye. _Might as well get it over with. _"This is... this... Iori this is my third eye."

Iori stared at Satori's anatomy in befuddlement. "That thing's an eye? And here I thought that it was some sort of charm. Or a dream-catcher. Or a weird looking stethoscope."

"Hmm!" Satori glared at the boy, and yet he was genuinely confused. "I'll tell you once again Iori, I'm a youkai. I... am... not... human."

Satori didn't have to be a mind-reader to sense surprise coming from the young man. _Just as I thought. He's reluctant now. _Then Iori said something that caught her totally off guard. "And you're the prettiest girl that I have ever laid eyes on!" He blurted out.

Satori gasped, her third eye wide open with utter surprise. _This boy! To think that he actually has feelings for me!_ _But... what is this I'm feeling? I'm the loveliest girl he ever laid eyes on? Is he telling the... yes. He's serious! _"Don't be ridiculous!" Satori fluttered her violet eyes. "You mean to tell me of all the female of your kind to be attracted to... you find me the fairest?"

Iori blushed. He couldn't help. Might as well let his attraction towards her be known. "Uh... yes."

Cold laughter erupted from the satori. "Ha! Ha! Ha! Preposterous! Iori, don't develop a crush on me. Please don't. We'll be much better off if we part ways this instant."

"But... why?"

"Iori. Iori. Iori..." Satori nodded her head sympathetically. "You're a human. I'm a mind-reading satori. Nothing good will come out of this. I guarantee you."

"But... wait a tick?" Iori's eyes widened in shock. "You can read my mind?"

"I'm afraid so," Satori confirmed.

"Holy shit! I'm sorry!" Iori's curious thoughts fell completely. Almost.

Satori sighed, she detected a certain question in the back of his head. "Yes Iori, if you must know, they're purple. Bow-tie and all."

"Wow! You weren't kidding about mind-reading," Iori replied in amazement.

"And I appreciate the complements about my eyes," Satori added with a ghost of a knowing smile. "The fragrance I'm wearing is called Underworld Queen and my three sizes are 34-26..."

"Okay! Okay! I get it!" Iori punched the top of his head. _Think un-sexy thoughts! Think un-sexy thoughts! Think un-sexy thought!_

"Now you're thinking of obese women, slugs, something called Modern Warfare 2, and... an effeminate kid that goes by the name of Justin Beiber." Satori informed him with a flat gaze. _Cute. He finds me sexy. _"And I think your sideburns and facial stubble are quite nice."

Iori was clutching his head now. "Stop that!"

"As you can see, a relationship between us will never work out." Satori turned on her heels and looked back at Iori, whom was on his knees, panting hoarsely. "I must leave. While our little encounter... proved entertaining, I bid you farewell. Please forget about me, Iori. Wipe my very existence from your memory." Satori walked off, a tear sliding down her cheek.

And then, "W-wait!"

_Ooh! Don't make this harder than it needs to be! _Satori whipped around in a huff. "What?"

"Miss Satori," he stood up and bowed. "I would like for us to meet here again!"

Satori gasped. This kid was a regular spontaneous roller-coaster. Iori was surely full of surprises. _Don't say yes! Walk off! Refuse his friendship, Satori!_ _Nothing good can come out of this, girl!_

Satori gave him her final answer: "Yes. I would love to... Iori."

_Idiot!_

**CHIREDEN**

"Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!" Satori cursed herself once she arrived in her throne room. "Just what in the Hell of Blazing Fires was I thinking? I can't meet up with him!Both youkai and human would frown upon us if they ever found out about us!"

"So. I see you like the present that I've sent you," Koishi Komeiji mentioned, appearing on her big sister's throne. "Tell me Big Sis, how was he? How did you like the present from your dear ol little sister?"

"You! You had something to do with this!" Satori pointed at her sister accusingly. "You had a hand in this and you were manipulating poor Iori subconsciously! I should have known, Koishi. I've should have known!"

Koishi giggled, despite the malevolent look in her eyes. "Hee heh he! Relax, Big Sis. It's just a human male. Of course I had a hand in your fated meeting, but Iori's feelings are his own. The boy finds you quite... delicious. Ha."

"He's in love with me, Koishi!" Satori replied in a frustrated tone. "I've spent all day, looking for you and you lead me to a human from the outside world. He knows nothing of Gensokyou! Why did you do it, Koishi? Why?"

A bed of roses appeared around Chireiden's throne. "Why? You wonder why, Big Sis? Here's why: I did it for you! Yes. You."

"That man is falling in love with me!" Satori repeated. "It's not fair!"

"I can see that. Iori's feelings are indeed real, Big Sis." Koishi dismounted the throne and approached Satori. "I see that meeting him was one of the greatest things that ever happened to you."

"Koishiiiii..." Satori fell to her knees. "That was uncalled for! It's not fair!"

"It was fate, Big Sis," Koishi laughed. "Fate is the ultimate fairness. You're lonely, Sis. I've done you a favor. I've found the perfect suitor for you. A man that is just as lonely as you are! He is someone you need in your life!"

"You're wrong..." Satori glared into Koishi's intense eyes with tears in her own. "Koishi, you're wrong! Do you not realize the severity of your whims? Are you aware of the possible consequences if I decide to return his feelings?"

"Well... then I'll be an aunt." Koishi remarked.

"That is not funny!"

"Maybe not the feelings that you have for him..." Koishi began. "But your notion of reopening my third eye is! Did you noticed how terrified Iori was when you were reading his thoughts?"

Satori gasped once again. "Of course I do."

"And you actually think that I would want to open my third eye again?" Koishi scoffed. "Really, Sis, I appreciate the concern but it's redundant. I am not going back to living in rejection because of youkai and humans fearing my power! I refuse to return to such a despicable lifestyle!"

"Koishi..." Satori whispered. "What does Iori has to do with this? Leave him out of this! He's innocent!"

"Fufufu... I don't intend on harming him, Sis." Said Koishi, whirling her hat on her index finger. "I'm actually helping him out. After all, he met you, the Hearfelt Fancy from the Underworld. Return his feelings, Sis. I can see it burning bright in your subconscious."

"No." Satori uttered.

"It's there, Big Sis. It's inevitable."

"No..."

"It was love at first sight."

"NO!"

"You're in denial."

"No I'm not," Satori gathered herself back on her feet, conspiring something. "But...one thing's for certain, Koishi: I will meet with him again. I'm going to reveal everything to him. I'm going to tell him about you, Orin, Okuu, the Ancient City, Hell of Blazing Fires- all of it." Satori made a malevolent smirk of her own. "He will soon know, Koishi. Iori will know that I'm the devil of Old Hell. Fufufu... he will flee in terror and it will be happily-ever-after for me."

Koishi gave her older sister a very dark look. "Still lying to yourself, eh? Very well. By all means, tell your beloved your entire life's story. Let's just sit back and watch what happens. I can guarantee you that something very interesting will happen."

"Hmm-hmm..." Satori cackled despite herself. She will prove Koishi wrong. "We shall see, my sister. Don't let anything surprise you..."

**END OF TALE**

And that's the end of this tale... and the beginning of the Komeiji descent to madness. Christ in a diesel truck! The Komeijis are hard to write about. I just wanted to thank the readers and fellow authors for checking out my fics. It's kinda hard to believe that I've just gotten into Touhou last fall, and yet, here I am with a few Touhou drafts on my flash drives.

And Iori Iga... at least he has a name. And a face. Honestly, if any Touhou girl is going to fall for a man, at least give him a face (glares at danbooru for the trauma). Give the lucky bastard at least a detailed description, or a brief background check if that's not too much to ask. Bah. I guess it's whatever rolls your boat.

Oh! Please forgive me for the devilment that I've put Kumoi and Nue through. Shit, I even felt for Hina when she jumped off of that cliff. It's all about love, baby! Just thought I show them some love because I personally think that they don't get enough.

I also would like to thank Acharith1 for beta reading this thing. Man, your advice were extremely helpful. Plus thanks to you, I was about to give my muse the pick-me-up it so desperately needed.

And, oh yea! Music! Thanks for the tip, Willie G.R. Music is a wonderful muse fuse.

Touhou 4: Lotus Land Story OST – Casket Of Star, Alice Maestra

The Jacksons (obviously) – Dancing Machine

Sonic CD Megamix Original – Starry Night Zone

Tekken Tag Tournament 2 OST (preview tracks) – Historic Town Square (nonstop at the Myouren scene)

Double Spoiler – The Mystery In Your Town

Kinema Kan – Touhou Cheering Squad (beautiful!)

Phantom – Weird Air (the best Heian Alien arrangement smokin'! I kid you not!)

Was that trip really necessary? Oh, screw it. Be on the lookout for a sequel.

Later.

**NEXT TIME**

**Little OC Lost**


	4. Little OC Lost

Miss me?

**TOUHOU PROJECT**

**MISHAPS OF THE EASTERN WONDERLAND**

**4th Tale**

**Little OC Lost**

_**Outside World – Three Years Ago**_

"Ugh, I think I'm coming down with an headache," Kanako Yasaka sighed, gently messaging her forehead. "How do you children stand to play these high-definition video games for over ten minutes in the first place?"

"Rage-quitting again, Kanako-sama?" Sanae teased, enjoying her little victory over the storm goddess in a little game of Tekken. "You've indeed improved, but you have a long way to go. Beware of my mix-up games and knowledge of frame data. The rage system and bound mechanic are a doozy too."

"No worries, child. I'm just having a little fun challenging you," Kanako popped her fingers with a loving smile. "Still, I have yet to get used to these kinds of graphics. I'm going to need an aspirin."

"This thing is rigged!" A small blond haired girl cursed. She was causing a commotion on a plushie machine at the other side of the video arcade. "Rigged, I tell ya!"

Sanae giggled sheepishly. "Wow... Suwako-sama's been at that thing since we arrived here."

"Of course," Kanako remarked with a dark grin on her face. "That thing is making a fool out of that poor old lady."

"I've heard that!" The ancient little girl yelled, scaring a couple of high school kids. The miniature jean-suspenders wearing goddess was a riot today. The once powerful sovereign of a feared kingdom was being bested by a crane machine. "And watch who you're calling old, you old hag!"

Even though the people in the arcade were completely unaware of being in the presence of divine beings, Kanako remarked, "Says the midget who is my senior by a couple of centuries!"

"Ha! Judging from our appearances, that claim is not at all convincing!" Suwako cackled triumphantly and took another shot at the crane machine. A tiger plushy slipped from the crane's grasp. "AAAARGH!"

"Try not to have a stroke over there!" Kanako sang.

"She's really persistent, isn't she?" Sanae wondered.

"Indeed she is..."

"Right. Hey, wanna challenge me at a racing game?" Sanae suggested. "Or how about doing a little karaoke?"

"That sounds like fun... but first thing, first," Kanako indicated towards an old arcade cabinet. "Let's see how well you fair in a classic: Galaga!"

"You wanna play that fossil of a game?" Sanae laughed as she rose from the stool. "Fine. Don't be surprised if I beat your score."

"You're on!"

"Damn this machine!" Suwako condemned, garnering the attention of a forty-something woman. The woman approached the little goddess and chided her for bad behavior."Say what? Watch my language? Tend to your own damn business, child! Don't you know who I am? You're gonna spank me? I should whoop your behind instead, you insolent brat! Just so you know-"

Sanae quickly interrupted the impending confrontation between Suwako and the motherly woman. "Ah, having another one of your tantrums again, Suwa-chan? Auntie Sanae's gonna punish you for being naughty." The green haired school girl turned her regards to the woman. "I'm so sorry. My little niece has quite a temper."

Suwako raised a brow. What the hell was her baby talking about? "Niece?"

Sanae continued, "I'll be sure to discipline her. As a matter of fact, I'm grounding her for being such a potty-mouth."

"Bull. Shit." Suwako growled, causing the woman to gasp.

"Okay-gotta-go-bye!" Sanae grabbed her ancestor and immediately ran off with her in tow. Once she was out of the snoopy woman's range, Sanae placed Suwako back on her feet. "I should have known that this would happen. Why were you drawing attention to yourself like that anyway?"

"Drawing attention?" Suwako was mean-mugging her descendent cutely. "That crane game is a mark of pure evil, Sanae! It's rigged! Do you have any idea of how maddening it is to see a prize slips from it's grasp at the very last second? Five times in a row?"

Sanae sighed, at least Suwako had a point. "Regardless, keep your anger to a minimum and stop swearing. You're just a little kid... at least, that's how the public see you."

"I'm not a kid!" Suwako retorted. "I'm the Highest-"

"...of The Native Gods, I know," Sanae finished, using her ascot of her uniform to wipe the sweat off her brow. "Too bad today's society wouldn't believe you're a earth goddess that's over three thousands years of age even if you told them."

"Watch it, Sanae..." Suwako warned, not appreciating the fact that her child was referencing her true age.

"I apologize, Suwako-sama." Sanae replied and gave a courteous bow. "But you are going to have to behave like your implied age. No wonder that woman confronted you when she heard you cussing like a madwoman."

"If that child confronts me again, I will beat her ass like a madwoman," Suwako huffed. "Honestly, people should mind their own business. That mortal was about to receive an unholy beat-down. I even had a flashback of one of the uglier moments of the Suwa War."

"Hey Moriya!" Kanako shouted, playing at an old arcade cabinet. "It's Galaga, girl! Come get some!"

With a mischievous gleam in her violet eyes, Suwako cracked her knuckled. "I love a challenge. It's on now, Kana!" Putting on her game-face, the diminutive divinity trotted towards the arcade classic and sat on the game stool beside Kanako. "So, how are we going to do this? We're going for a single blaster challenge again?"

"Doesn't matter," Kanako was already concentrating on the game, obtaining a double-blaster. "Give it your all for what it's worth."

Suwako was fiddling her fingers together with a sinister gesture. "Excellent."

While the gods were occupied with their contest, a young girl entered the arcade. The young stranger wore a dark blue school uniform that was exactly like Sanae's. She was Sanae's age, sixteen or so. Her long hime styled hair gave her a somewhat regal appearance- like a feudal princess... or a certain eternal beauty from the moon. She approached the Tekken machine that Kanako and her miko was playing mere moments ago, watching the said game's attraction mode. However, she watched the virtual characters beating the crap out of one another with a noticeably blue look on her face. The green haired godling noticed the girl because of the familiar uniform.

Coincidentally, Sanae may know this stranger. Ain't that a bitch?

_A student from school, eh? _Sanae thought as she took in the girl's pretty features. _She looks familiar..._

"Not good!" Kanako was having some difficulties with the game now. "My double-blaster's gone!"

More power to the loli frog goddess. "Ah! Ha! Ha! What's wrong, Kana-chan? You're just not on the seventh level. You're slippin' already?"

A drop of sweat appeared on the storm goddess' temple as she struggled with the game's difficulty. "Tch!"

"Do it!" Suwako cheered for the primitive game's AI. "Kick her ass, space invaders!"

"Shut. Up!" Kanako growled.

"Don't concentrate on me," Suwako remarked innocently. "You better concentrate on that game."

**BOOM!**

"Why you little-!" Kanako made a grab for Suwako's neck but missed.

"Hey! Hey! You have two tries left." Suwako reminded. "You better go for broke, old lady!"

Kanako growled and everyone present in the arcade could have swore they heard a rumble of thunder despite the blips, beeps, and other sound effects from the video games.

Once again, Sanae sighed. She wouldn't be surprised if there was a massive storm cloud hovering above their current location by now. It couldn't be helped, though. Both Kanako and Suwako were bound to get into a wrangle every once in a while. They've been doing so for well over two thousands years- long before many nations of the world obtained their identities. Sometimes their bickering was so comedic it was almost as if they were fated to be a Manzai pair. A humorous duo on a divine level, that is.

"You're scared as a hooker in church, Kana-chan." Suwako cackled. "It's stage nine and you're sweating like a sumo-wrestler. That poor pink shirt of yours is going to be dark red by time your game's over."

"Roll your old ass over and croak already," Kanako relayed in frustration, more thunder boomed on the horizon. "I'm not done, yet!"

While the ancient ladies were fussing with each other, Sanae decided to excuse herself. _Ooh. This may take longer than I thought. With the way they're acting right now, I may never get a chance to challenge them on this game. Wait, maybe I can... _"Hey, I'm going back to play Tekken a little bit longer." She announced. "Try not to kill each other, okay? Have fun."

"Got your eyes on that cutie over there, huh?" Suwako said without looking at her descendent. "Careful, Sanae... it's always the cute ones that are surprisingly good at combat games."

Sanae froze on the spot, manga panel white. "Say what?"

Suwako's only response was whistling innocently.

"Whatever," scoffed Sanae as she resumed her way towards the familiar schoolgirl. At a glance, it seems that the girl wasn't interested in playing the game. Instead, she was only sitting in front of the machine with a brooding look on her face. "Hey, you mind if I take a seat?" Sanae asked, attempting to spark a conversation.

The girl took a moment to switch her attention from the game's opening scenes to Sanae. The pensive expression of hers vanished, replaced by a friendly smile. "No problem. Go right ahead. At least you're nicer than the guys that comes up and start playing away."

"I see..." Sanae said, not quite catching what the girl meant.

"I know it may sounds weird, but I like to watch Tekken's attract mode. I can't really explain why," the girl continued, flipping her long black tresses. "Besides, the opening movie of this game is pretty awesome. It really gets the player pumped for the action. Plus, that Jin Kazama's one hell of a guy, don't ya think, Sanae?"

Sanae was taken slightly by surprise. This girl knew her name. "Wait a minute... now that I think about it... you do seem familiar."

"Heh, why am I not surprised?" The noirette giggled. "We take gym class together and I'm always asleep in our Chemistry class."

Recognition dawned. "Oh! Your name's Haruna Shindo. You transferred here two years ago."

"That's me. Nice to meet you. Again," Haruna joked. "We shared a class back in eighth grade as well."

"Forgive me for not remembering you, Haruna-san," Sanae replied in earnest. "Though you are pretty quiet and I don't blame you for dozing off in Chemistry class. Nakatani-sensei's lecture are too monotonous. And he wonders why half the class falls asleep during his teachings."

Haruna guffawed cutely, her smile bright. "Isn't that the truth? Thank goodness for tutors!"

Sanae laughed along with her classmate. "That's the only reason we're passing his class in the first place!"

The younger girl wiped a mirthful tear from her eye, "Humph! Someone should bring along an audio recorder to class someday. Nakatani-sensei really needs to hear how he sounds during his lectures. I wouldn't be surprised if he doze off to dream land himself."

"I dunno," Sanae grinned. "He probably likes to hear himself talk."

"Shoot. I doubt that," Haruna remarked with a scoff. "I bet that man wouldn't last five minutes if he heard his own lectures. You'll be surprised."

"Now that you've mentioned it, I should voice record someone I know," the young Moriya priestess considered. "I bet my allowance that she'll be appalled by the way she sounds."

Speaking of someone she knew, Suwako was cheering in triumph. "Ah! Ha! Ha! I did it! I won a prize! Finally!"

The girls gazed towards the source of the high-pitched voice. "I thought that you were still playing that old shooter with Kanako." Sanae stated, being careful not to refer to the little blonde as Suwako-sama around her classmate.

"Oh ho ho!" Suwako pranced towards the schoolgirls with her prize in tow. "Kana's still playing the game. She's better than I thought- I'll give her that. But enough about that game and that hag, look at what I won."

"It's cute," Haruna immediately perked in uncertainty. "In a weird kind of way..."

"Hmm..." Sanae stared at her many times grandmother's prize. What Suwako held in her hands was a large pale brown hat with large googly eyes on the top of it. Odd thing was that the hat almost seems to be sentient- alive. To be honest, it was creeping the girls out. "Congrats, I guess. It would make a great gardening hat."

"Are you kidding me?" Suwako placed the hat on her head. "I'm going to wear this thing from now on. Starting from this moment, this hat and I are inseparable. Every time you see me from now on you'll see this here prize. Besides, I spent a part of your college fund trying to win a prize out of that rigged machine."

Sanae noticed the slip-up. "You... what?"

Suwako quickly recovered, changing the subject. "Uh, why don't you introduce me to your friend, Sanae-chan? Apparently you two attend to the same school."

The wind fujo gave her ancestor a glare that obviously meant 'this isn't over'. "Suwako, this is my classmate, Haruna Shindo." She turned to regard her dark haired schoolmate. "Haruna, this is Suwako Moriya, my little cousin."

"Little cousin?" Suwako wondered with a scrunched expression. Sanae kicked her in the shin before she could clarify her true identity. "Ow!"

Haruna noticed the interaction between them and wanted to laugh. You sure can't choose the people in your family! "Hi there. It's nice to meet you."

"Yea- same here. Ow..." Kero-chan grunted as she rubbed her now aching shin.

"Oh yeah!" Kanako cried victoriously. "I've toppled the game's high score! I still got it, baby! Let's see can you beat that, Suwa!"

"Whatever!" Suwako yelled in turn. "I'm having your score for breakfast, Kana!"

"People still play Galaga?" Haruna found the grape haired woman indulged in a classic fascinating. "Who would of ever thought. My mother loved that game."

"Heh, your mother has pretty good tastes, then," Suwako acknowledged, earning a glare from Sanae. "Nowadays, you have these crazy ass high-definition, high tech, eye burning shooting games that can give you an aneurysm. Ah, I miss the classics."

Haruna gave Suwako a long stare. "Did she just say a cuss word? What is she, eleven?"

Suwako's blood suddenly boiled. The nerve of this child! She's getting sick and tired of people assuming that she's just a little kid. "Listen sweetheart, just so you know- Ugh!" Her descendant kicked her again. "Stop kicking me!"

"Hush. You're misbehaving again, little missy!" Sanae berated but deep down she has regrets for treating Suwako like a child. The little goddess is going to have her ass on a platter once they return to the shrine.

Suwako's eyes twitched, her expression dark. "You know, Sanae, your mouth is definitely writing a check that your ass cannot cash. Keep it up and I'll give you a beating that you'll never forget."

Luckily, Suwako's little threat went unnoticed because Haruna's phone suddenly rang. "Oh. It's mom."

The ring tone sounded familiar to Sanae. "Is that Bad Apple?"

Haruna nodded with a big grin and answered her cell. "Hi Mom. What's up? Yea, I'm at the video arcade right now, killing time..."

While the noirette was speaking to her mother on her phone, Suwako decided to confront Sanae. She glared at her child in pure unappreciation. "You know, it's pretty messed up about how you're addressing me in public, Sanae." Little Kero said in a low voice so only Sanae could hear. Her tone was serious and scalding, imposing divinity. "So I have the appearance of a child, that is true. But I am still your grandmother and you will address me as so. You _will_ respect me."

The godling's heart-rate accelerated at the goddess' authoritative tone. "Please forgive me. I meant no disrespect in any way or form." Sanae bowed solemnly. "It's just that how will people react if they were to ever find out that you're my ancestor? Let alone the fact that you're a god."

Suwako tilted her head in thought, looking totally adorable even with that weird hat on her head. "Hmm. I understand where you're coming from. As a matter of fact, your great-great grandmother said the very same thing many years ago."

"You and Dad are at it again?" Haruna spoke in disbelief, oblivious to the conversation besides her. "Who was drunk this time? Huh? You don't mean that, Mama. You're just angry. Both of you are angry."

Suwako overheard what Sanae's classmate just said. Although she wasn't really being nosy. "Family problems. Sounds like trouble in paradise." Suwako noted. "Speaking of dysfunction, your eight times great-aunt, Sayuri, was a glaring example of it. Ooh... raising that child back in the 1680s was hell. I remember having to whoop her ass almost everyday until she was fourteen. By the others of my kind, that girl was rebellious!"

"Suwako-sama!" Sanae said through gritted teeth. She was a bit embarrassed about hearing about such an insubordinate woman in her ancestry. "You shouldn't speak ill of our family."

"I'm not speaking ill of Sayuri at all, Sanae," Suwako nodded. "I'm just telling the truth. That girl was no joke! She lied often to her mother and she didn't like me that much. She downright hated Kana, though I kinda agree with her on that part..."

Sanae sighed in resentment. The Highest of the Native Gods should be ashamed of herself. If anything, Sanae was beginning to think that her great-aunt's malevolent nature came from Suwako herself. It was a wonder if Sanae was anything like the diminutive earth goddess.

"Divorce! You two are considering a divorce?" Haruna gave a bitter laugh in the guise of a girlish giggle. "Don't make me laugh, Mama. You had a long day a work today. Maybe you should get some rest..." Her mother mentioned something and a blush suddenly invaded her face. "Boyfriend? Well... no Mama. Kaede's like a little brother to me. And why would you think that a younger person would make a better boyfriend? Dad may be younger than you, but... yes? Right. I'll be there shortly."

Sanae sensed something was amiss as the younger girl folded her cellphone in irritation. "Hey? Everything okay, Haruna-chan?"

"It's no big deal." Haruna replied wryly with a flip of her regal-like hair. "My parents are always getting themselves into goofy little arguments. I'm sorry if you overheard the conversation." She propped her elbows on the cabinet, now watching a demo fight between Miguel and Steve Fox with disinterest. She gasped when she felt a soothing hand on her shoulder. "Huh?"

"Looks like it's your cue to leave then," Suwako said assuredly with a wink. "Whether your parents are serious or not, they need you to be there with them. You are the crutch of their relationship- the living, breathing proof of their love."

Sanae's eyes glittered with stars. "S-suwako-sama, uh, I mean, Suwa-chan."

Haruna patted the little blonde on her head as she gave a light smile. "You know? You're pretty wise for a child at your age. What do you know about love and relationships?"

Suwako's bright countenance dispelled and it was now darkening with annoyance. "Wait. What?"

"However, what's odd about what you said..." Haruna faced the game screen again with a sigh. "... is that you're absolutely right. How is it that you know so much about such things, lil' mama?"

Sanae burst out in giggles at the irony. "Lil' mama! Ha! Ha!"

"Well..." Haruna dismounted the chair and gather her school briefcase. "It's time I get up out of here and be on my way home. Glad that I ran into you in here, classmate." She gave a bow and then proceeded to pinch Suwako's cheeks. "And you stay out of trouble, you little cutie!"

"Hey!" Suwako rubbed her now sore cheeks. "Careful with that Kung-Fu grip of yours!"

Haruna responded with a catty smile to Suwako's quip. "My, kids really grow up fast these days, don't they?"

"You've never lied about that." Sanae replied, cradling a glowering goddess in here arms. "Hey, why don't we exchange our contacts? That way we can keep in touch after school and during breaks. You can come visit our place if you like."

"Really?" Haruna was genuinely beaming now. "That sounds like a great idea! Here." She opened her cell and located her number in the information directory. "Sorry. I don't really know my own number by heart." She stuck out her tongue with a silly look.

Sanae dialed the number and saved it to her phone's memory. "Okay. Gotcha. I'll send a text to you later."

"Right. I guess I'll see you guys later." The noirette dismissed herself and left the video arcade.

"What an odd child," Suwako commented.

"Really?" Sanae cast a dubious glance at Suwako. "What makes you think that?"

"She thinks I'm a kid," the little force of nature remarked, her prize tilted on her head.

Sanae smiled mischievously. "Well, she has the right idea. As far as she's concerned, you are a kid."

"I resent that."

"I can't help it. Your reactions are too cute for words."

"All kidding aside, why not inform her that I'm no ordinary kid." Suwako told her child seriously. "In fact, I'm not a child at all. I've been on this earth since long before this island even knew it's name. I've fought off invaders from far away lands that were unknown at the time. I've fought and subjugated the very creatures that many people once thought were invincible." She paused, remembering the prevalent moment like it was yesterday. She resumed talking. "She's a friend of yours, Sanae. It wouldn't hurt to let her know that I'm a god and you're my child."

Sanae gave her ancestor a worried look. "Even if I did tell her everything, do you think that she would believe me? If she does, her faith in you wouldn't be enough. Let alone the fact that we're moving at the end of next month..."

Suwako nodded in understanding with a sagely air about her. "Indeed. You're right. But times are changing, Sanae. True, I believe in the old saying 'the more things change the more they stay the same.' Yet, times are changing faster than what you would think, baby. There's... not enough faith left in this world. I doubt I'll last another fifty years..."

"Don't say that!"

"Ah, but it's true, Sanae..." Suwako continued. "That's why Kanako wants to relocate the shrine to a place where faith is in abundance. She may not look like it, but Kanako scared. My old friend is deathly afraid of vanishing to heaven knows where." Suwako displayed a motherly smile but her grandchild was starting to look sad. "Aw... what's with the long face?"

Sanae hesitated, her eyes were glistening with tears that refused to fall. "How can you talk about death so casually? With you two gone then... I'll be alone. That's why I completely agree with Kanako decision to move the shrine. We can start a new life there. There... you don't have to worry about any shortages of faith."

"Hmm. For someone that has lived as long as I have... I discarded the perception of death as a mean to an end ages ago." Suwako said, in complete 'old hag' mode. "Who knows... death my very well mean a new beginning. That probably explains why Kanako's so attached to this mortal world. I remember when she was a wee little child she used to-"

"What was it that you remember about me when I was a child?" Kanako spoke as she approached the Moriyas. She came to a halt before them and her bountiful chest bounced slightly as she placed her hands on her shapely hips. Suwako gave the much younger goddess a dirty look (possibly envious). "Reminiscing the good ole glory days, huh?"

Staring at Kanako's long-sleeved blouse, Suwako suddenly hated the color pink. "My... that looks like a mighty ill-fitting shirt you have on. What's wrong? You're unable to find anything in your size?"

Kanako gasped. "It was on sale, thank you very much!"

"You work at the very same store you brought that outfit from." Suwako continued. "Surely you could of ordered something to fit those melons of yours. Hey, I know! Buy something from the plus-size store down the street from where you work at."

"Ooh..." Sanae sounded but she instantly shut the hell up when Kanako gave her a glare.

"Just so you know, I'm still considered a slender woman." Kanako retorted truthfully. "Besides, there are men out there that loves the sight of a well-rounded woman. Jealous much, Suwako?"

The storm goddess was right. "S-screw you!" Suwako gave her rival the middle finger, the sagely aura of her gone completely. "Enjoy your back pains, hag!"

"You're just jealous because you were a C-cup at most during your prime." Kanako whack-attacked. "And speaking of your prime... what is up with that hat? It's weird. It looks a lot like the straw hat you used to wear centuries ago."

Suwako plopped the hat off her head and beamed. "This? Isn't it awesome! I just won it while you were getting your butt kicked in that game."

Kanako leaned forward to take a closer look at Suwako's prize. "It... looks like it's alive. With it's wide glaring eyes it would give anyone the creeps."

Sanae nodded in agreement. "Uh-huh." She cowered when Suwako gave her a hot look.

"And that's not all, Kana-chan!" Suwako looked like a kid in a candy store. "I even gave it a name!"

"Say what?"

"What is it, Suwako-sama?"

"Pyonta!"

**GENSOKYOU OUTSKIRTS**

**THREE YEARS LATER**

The skies displayed a beautiful hue of violet this evening. The view of the sun was slowing vanishing beyond the horizon, bringing dawn in the Occident. The waters off the coast of the highway were calm. A crowd of seagulls hovered over the rocky shore in hope of catching their evening meal. There's hardly traffic on the national route during the past hour. So far, it has been a peaceful evening.

A smart-phone's ringtone interrupted the silence of the evening and it's owner sighed. She rejected the phone call and a voice message appeared shortly afterward. _He's blowing up my phone again..._

**BEEP**

_**'Haruna. Honey... it's me.'**_ A male's voice announced.

The young woman sighed in annoyance, the tresses of her dark bob cut hair flowing in the breeze. She leaned over a metal rail and tossed a pebble to the calm waters below. _What does he want now?_

_**'I understand that you're still angry with me, Princess.' **_The voice continued in an apologetic tone. _**'Of course, you have every right to be angry...'**_

Haruna pouted. Apparently, her old man was drowning with self pity. _You're damn right I'm angry, Dad! It wasn't far! It still hurts!_

_**'I'm sorry, baby. Please forgive me... I never should have kept the existence of your older sisters a secret from you... And... I regret divorcing your mother...**_

_You took her for a fool! _Haruna mentally screamed. _But it's all good. Even though Mama has her ways, I'm glad she grew tired of your bullshit. _A dark smile graced her lips.

_**'I've messed last Spring. I know I did...' **_Her father persisted sadly. _**'It was a huge mistake on my part. But know this: living alone with you for your senior year were among the happiest days of my life. I was glad to be there during your last term of high school...**_

_You was hardly around! I was the one who maintained the apartment while you were out chasing women in the streets! I even had to work two temporary jobs in order to keep up to date with the bills! _Haruna's mind raged as she gritted her pearly whites. _I've should of went along with Mama after the divorce, but NO! You wanted to claim me in order for you deceive people that you're not the deadbeat father that you're truly are!_

_**'Baby... I...' **_

The phone went silent as the message timed out.

"Now he wants to pretend that he's hurt because I've decided to move out," Haruna said in a huff and tossed another pebble into the Pacific. "He shouldn't miss me, though! He was hardly there with me to begin with! I understand that his work schedule was hectic from time to time, but being absent for several weeks is ridiculous!"

The now short haired noirette turned her attention from the ocean towards the vehicle behind her. The teal colored Pontiac Grand Prix was her mother's last gift to her before the divorce. The sports car was a mid-nineties model, a two-door coupe. She had almost an hour or so before she reached the city limits of Osaka. Her mother has been living in Japan's business capital for over a year. Since it was a business oriented city, Haruna thought that it would be a great idea to enroll in college there.

She opened the driver's door ajar and gave the evening scene one last look. "I'm free. From now on, I don't have to take nothing from that irresponsible man. I'm going to be with Mama again..." She mounted the driver seat and closed the door. She placed the key into the ignition and...

The car didn't crank. "That's weird..." She tried to start the car again. No response. "What in the world is going on here? There's a new alternator in here for Pete's sake!"

**Ju-ju-ju-ju-ju!**

"Oh hell no!" Haruna spat in disbelief, royally pissed. "Don't tell me that I'm stranded! Damn it!"

She tried to rev the car once again.

**Ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju!**

"Isn't this a bitch!" Haruna punched the horn on the steering while and there was no sound. "Dead battery! You've gotta be kidding me! Freakin' American-made vehicles!" She took her cell out from her skirt pocket and dialed a number. However, she was in for a little surprise. "No signal? I can't even call the national highway service! Ugh! This day just keeps getting better and better." Powering off her cell, she sighed in pure irritation. She calmed down once she noticed an open path in a forest several yards away. "Wait. Maybe there's a small rural area nearby. I should take a look. I hope I can find an auto parts retailer there."

The noirette took out her purse from the dashboard compartment and reached for her backpack in the back seat. She stepped out of her transportation and made sure she didn't leave anything important before locking the doors. She gazed at the forest path onto the left of the highway with hope. "Hopefully, this wouldn't take long." The little pretty crossed the road and entered the forest route. However, there was something strange about the route. The moment she stepped foot on the unpaved road she felt something slightly different about the very essence of the forest. The slight drop in temperature was immediately noticeable, but Haruna wasn't complaining. She actually welcomed the mild air compared to the scorching heat that prevailed earlier today.

_Country air..._ Haruna thought to herself with a tiny grin. _Definitely feels good, though. Though it's the middle of summer, it feels a little like autumn here. _The width of the road widened as she continued her trek through the forest. She picked up her pace, the hood of her sleeveless shirt waving in the breeze. She grew curious as she noticed several cherry blossom petals were now littering the ground. More curious, when she realized the absence of cherry blossom trees. She haven't saw such a tree on this road yet. _Strange. Very strange._

A few minutes later, a few tombstones were aligned on the path. If there were tombstones then that must mean that civilization was nearby. Haruna didn't like graveyards, let alone walking among them. _The gods bless the dead. I can't turn back now. _She thought. _There must be a town up ahead. Hmm... maybe I check my phone's signal. _She brandished her cell once again and turned it on. _Tch! I still don't have a signal! Just what is going on here? _Moving further along the path she saw the presence of very tall trees and more pink petals on the path. Still, there weren't any presence of cherry blossom trees.

The trees that she now saw were very tall. Some of them could easily rival those of multi-tiered buildings in the city. Those very trees made the dusky sky seemed darker than it already was. A murder of crows suddenly scattered among the shrubbery of the seemingly peaceful forest. The sudden outbreak of crows made Haruna yelp in surprise. "Yikes!"

Crows. Haruna didn't like crows. Creepy, beady-eye critters they were. Those birds are universally known as a symbol of darkness and death. Knowing that fact, Haruna was getting a little scared now. First she was walking along a path with tombstones on it, and now there were crows in the picture. She had a bad feeling about this. Many of the crows relocated to the heights of tall trees and some of them were now staring at Haruna with a haunting curiosity. _Why are they staring at me?_

It was then those pesky birds began their infuriating cries.

_**Grawh!**_

_**Caw!**_

_**Rrraawwgh!**_

"Argh!" Haruna covered her ears. "What's with these birds? They need to be killed – every last one of them!"

Then, something suddenly shot from the shrubbery the crows were inhabiting mere moments ago. It moved so fast that it was only a blur. The only thing that could be identified about the object that it was black. Haruna yelped and held her skirt down from the force of the sudden wind. Then she remembered something...

"Silly me!" She said to herself, blushing. "I'm wearing skorts. I don't have to worry about any cheap panty shots."

However, Haruna's novel moment was cut short because of the disturbance in the trees. The crows were now cawing and shrieking. They scattered from the trees as if their lives depended on it. Judging from the urgency of their cries Haruna knew something was wrong. She contemplated on going back to the highway and hitchhike for a ride. "Maybe I should head back. I'm sure that someone will come along and give me a ride."

Haruna stepped on a twig, and a high-pitched voice sang, "Is that so?~"

At the sound of the voice, relief washed over Haruna. "Phew... I'm glad I'm not alone. Watched too many horror movies back in the day."

The voice giggled. "Hee hee hee! You were scared?"

Haruna wasn't amused. _Great. Some country little kid playing a game with me. Well... now I know that there's a town up ahead. _"Hey, kid, wherever you are, this isn't funny."

The laughter dwindled. "Is that so?~" She echoed.

_Poor kid. Her parents must have been dope fiends, _Haruna thought. "Where are you? Come on out! I'm a little lost and I may need your help."

**CRUNCH!**

"Okay," the mystery girl was eating something now. "Let me... _nom_... finish... _yomp_... my snack." _Gulp._

Haruna's thin brows became check marks. "You're done?"

"Yep! _**Uuurp!"**_

A mangled crow's skeleton fell to the ground in front of Haruna. The young noirette gasped. "Is this some kind of sick joke? Just show yourself already."

"Behind you."

Haruna whipped around on her heels. Whoever this kid was... it was fast! She could have sworn that the voice was coming from somewhere high up in the trees. She took a good look at the kid... only to discover that the kid was not really a 'little' kid at all. Haruna beheld a blonde girl with wide red eyes that was a bit over half her size. The girl was wearing a black vest and skirt, with a long white blouse underneath it. There was a red tie around the blouse's collar along with a red ribbon on her head. She wore maroon colored loafers on her feet and black thigh-highs adorned her small legs. "Hi there!"

The blonde girl was up in a tree that was right in front of Haruna. She found the girl's pose to be very strange, having her arms spread out. "Get down from up there." Haruna commanded. "You're gonna hurt yourself."

Rumia tilted her head sideways. "Is... that... so?~"

"Why do you keep saying that?" Haruna was now wondering about the girl's sanity. "Just get down from up there already." Haruna was well aware that people that were raised in rural areas (and backwoods) had the tendency to be a bit more active than those raised in metropolitan areas, but what this girl was doing was ridiculous!

"Okay!" Rumia announced and jumped off the tree, spiraling in midair. She landed on her feet behind Haruna in a very graceful manner. "Ta-daa!"

Haruna was actually applauding Rumia's performance. "Wait. What?"

"My name's Rumia," the youkai of darkness introduced as she approached the bigger girl slowly. Haruna noted that Rumia was the size of an average early teen. Another thing about the blonde was the fact that Haruna found her cute. "I'm still hungry, ya know. That bird was only an appetizer."

"What bird?" Haruna asked. Then realization sudden struck her as she gazed at the pile of bones. "Are you talking about that over there?"

"Yes, yes!" Rumia confirmed as a fang appeared. "It was a tasty bird, but it didn't satisfy me. Maybe I should eat something else..."

_The poor thing! _Haruna thought, cringing about the fact that Rumia just consumed raw and uncooked food. It was kinda gross. Even elite warriors cooked their meals. _She's making me think about the Big Boss from Snake Eater... _An idea suddenly occurred to her. "Hey. I have some chocolate candy in my backpack. Maybe that will hold you over until..."

"You smell like strawberries!" Rumia commented, salivating.

"No I don't," Haruna said as she knelt down in order to search her backpack. "I'm wearing Sean John..."

"You're tonight's dinner!" Rumia sang with a predatory smile. "I'm going to eat you now!"

Haruna wasn't sure she heard Rumia correctly. "Just a second, kid. I got ya. Here!" She dug out a box of chocolate Pocky and smiled triumphantly. Rumia suddenly yanked Haruna by her hair and pulled the bigger girl towards her. "YAH! Watch the hair!"

"You smell so good!~" Rumia cupped the noirette's face and began licking it. To anyone that didn't know any better, it looked like Rumia had ensnared Haruna in a deep, passionate kiss... but it wasn't the case. Little Rumia was about to chow down on some supple human flesh! "Itadakimasu!" The little youkai's fang scrapped against her victim's left cheek before she got free.

"What is with you, kid!" Haruna screamed as she was backing away on her haunches. She noticed the stinging sensation on her cheeks and her eyes stretched in horror. "Wait! Did you said that you were going to... _gulp... _actually eat me? Please tell me that you were joking."

Rumia nodded. "Nope."

"You're serious aren't you?"

"Yep. Attacking humans is a youkai's job! Plus, humans are delicious!"

"Say what!" The noirettes's pupils constricted with immense fear. This wasn't some random peculiarly strong cute little country bumpkin, this was a youkai! This girl was an actual monster – a legendary being! Haruna heard of these things in many folklore. "Don't come near me!"

"Ahh!" Rumia's grill now looked like a bear trap. "You're mine! Rrraaaagh!"

One small step for Rumia... one huge leap for her stomach!

"KYAH!" Haruna shrieked as the ravenous girl pounced upon her. Rumia spread her prey's thighs in spread-eagle style. To Haruna's terrifying surprise, this girl was strong! This girl had the strength of a horny three hundred pound man that's just been set free from prison after a decade! Rumia kept Haruna's legs in such an embarrassing position by holding her by the knees. She simply cannot believe this little cretin's strength. "No! Get off me! It can't end like this!"

"Quit squirming!" Rumia commanded, salivating on her victim's face. "There's nothing you can do! Just let it happen!"

"You're hurting me!" Haruna felt the muscles in her thighs ache as Rumia kept them apart. Gosh... that didn't sound right, didn't it? Of course, Rumia has Haruna on her back with her legs wide open and... and... "Kyah! You're still stretching me!"

"Grr! You talk too much!" Rumia complained as she tried to take a bite at Haruna's collarbone. "I hate it when my food talks too much!"

"You're not having me for dinner, you little creep!" Haruna declared and used both of her hands to smash Rumia's eardrums.

"Ugh!" Rumia recoiled painfully from the sudden pressure on her ears. "That really hurt, ya know! I hate it- ACK!"

Rumia's complaint was interrupted because Haruna punched her on the forehead. "Ouch..." Haruna hissed as she retracted her fist, blowing on her aching knuckles. "What the hell?"

"You'll pay for hitting me!" Rumia snarled, only to get struck in the nose and on her tummy with a one-two combination. "Gah! Oof!"

"Holy mother of pearl!" Both of Haruna's fist were aching. She might as well be punching a three hundred pound ex-con since the blonde had the strength of one. "Just what are you made of?"

Rumia rubbed her nose and gave the noirette an odious glare. Apparently, those blows hurt because the youkai of darkness had tears in her eyes. "Grr... You harm me! I hate you! I'm going to really hurt you before eating you! YAAAAH!"

Haruna reached inside her duffel for something as Rumia approached her. _Where is it? Where is the damn thing? I knew I brought it along with me!_ Relief arrived when she felt a familiar cool object. "I found it! I- Kyah!"

Rumia was swift. By the time Haruna found what she was looking for, Rumia had already grabbed her by her left leg. With an ungodly tight grip on her calf Rumia lifted the noirette into air effortlessly. Then she brought her down back to earth with a slam. "Take that!"

"Augh!" Haruna gritted her teeth, surprised by Rumia's strength once again. _She's too strong! I can't fight her! Looks like I have no choice! I have to spray her and make a run for it!_

"Now stay down!" Rumia blustered in fury. She was still holding onto Haruna's calf. She raised her prey's leg and proceed to take a bite...

That is... she tried to take a bite out of her left leg.

**SSSSKKIIIIII!**

Rumia was suddenly assaulted by an overwhelming scent of passion fruit. "UUUWWHOOOAAA!"

Haruna's left foot slipped from Rumia's grip (and shoe). She gazed in her hand and realized that she sprayed her assailant with perfume. It's not exactly what she was looking for, but it worked! "Told ya that I don't smell like strawberries!"

Rumia's response was a blind backhand swing. However, it hit it's mark as Haruna flew several yards away from her. She hit the ground and rolled ungraciously to a halt near a tree. "Ugh..." Haruna grunted as she slowly got back on her feet. There was a pink slap mark on her face and she now realized that she was sent rather far away from Rumia's bitch-slap. "Damn. Anyone got the number of that mack truck?"

"Uwaaah!" Rumia cried, totally repulsed by the strong perfume. "What the hell was that!"

_I have to get away from this fool! _Haruna swore. Acting on survival instincts (and adrenaline) she proceeded to climb the tree behind her. _Maybe I can hide up here._

Rumia spotted her prey immediately. "I see you!~" She made a beeline for the tree.

"Cripes!" Haruna cursed. She kept climbing as high as she could. She cannot afford to let the pissed-off youkai catch her.

"Tee-he! I have to admit, this is fun!" Rumia cackled. She was now climbing the tree as well, and to Haruna's horror, she was only a few branches below. "C'mere!"

"Iyah!" Haruna unleashed a high-pitched scream. Rumia started coughing. Her coughs weren't ordinary coughs either, they were pained coughs from deep within. If she's not mistaken, the blonde youkai was about to regurgitate.

"Pfft!" Rumia spat a pink low-top sneaker from her mouth. "You're definitely from the outside world, girl. You wear strange shoes."

"Strange shoes? STRANGE SHOES!" Haruna shouted in disbelief. She couldn't believe the gall of the seemingly adorable girl! Hell, she couldn't believe how fast she climbed the tree she was currently cowering on! "Those were Nikes!"

"Doesn't matter," Rumia remarked as she wiped her lips, scaring the girl clutching onto the tree branch further. "I don't know exactly what a 'nike' is, but you're not getting away from me!" The darkness girl suddenly hopped on the closest branch like a jungle cat. "Come to Mama, toots! Rumia's hungry!"

Haruna Shindo shrieked in horror once again. Could this be the end? Being eaten by a small blonde who roughly looked thirteen was surely a way to go. Wait...

She still had her backpack on her. If the perfume worked wonders against Rumia, then she could only imagine how the item she was originally looking for would affect her. Haruna fished into the smaller pockets of the bag this time around. "I just know it's in here somewhere!" She exclaimed desperately. "It's gotta be in here!"

"Oh no you don't!" Rumia was now on the same branch that she was on.

"Aha! I found it!" Haruna laughed in triumph as she held up a can of Mace. "Ooh, you're gonna get it now!"

"Nah-uh!" Rumia declared as she made a pounce for her prey. "It's over!"

"Yah!" Haruna sprayed Rumia full-force in the face just as she was closing in on her. "Take that!"

Rumia let loose a strident, shrilling scream as if her soul was being consumed by the very fires of hell. "AAAAAIIIIEEEEEE!" Her face burned, tears rained down her face, mucus erupted from her nose, and saliva poured from her mouth. The next thing Rumia knew, she was falling from the tree. "AAAAAHHHHH!"

**THUD!**

She fell into a pile of bushes, yammering in pain. Haruna won. She prevailed against a creature that was physically superior in every way. However, while Rumia was sobbing among the shrubbery, another girl came into the picture. She was obviously on alert due to hearing Rumia's potent scream. "Rumia? What's the matter? Rumia!"

"Wah!" Rumia cried, flailing wildly in the bushes. "She sprayed me! That human sprayed me with something mean! Waaaaah!"

"Goodness..." Kogasa Tatara said sympathetically. Plus, it was apparent to her that Rumia fell from a tree. "Are you going to be okay? Where is this human?"

Rumia pointed upwards even though she was temporarily blind. "She's up there!"

"Huh." Kogasa gazed up the nearby tree and spotted a young girl dressed in a pink hoodie with a white tee shirt underneath it. A blue fleece miniskirt adorned her lower body and it appears that she was missing a shoe. The girl was slowly scaling down the tree. "You there!"

Haruna returned to earth and noticed another girl. "Huh?" She hoped that this girl wasn't another freak like Rumia. Plus, she was bigger than the blonde. "What is it now?"

"I take it that my friend here was trying to eat you," Kogasa informed, trying to take on an imposing tone. "But what you've done to her wasn't nice. She could have been seriously hurt."

"What?" Haruna responded in disbelief. The gall of this girl in blue! "Hello! She literally tried to eat me! I had to defend myself! It's survival of the fittest!"

"Uuu-uuuuu..." Rumia whined.

"You see?" Kogasa was failing in the intimidation department. "She's crying her little heart out."

"That little monster got what she deserved!"

Kogasa pouted cutely. "Ooh! You humans! You all think the world revolves around you!"

"Say what? You mean to tell me that you're not a human either?" Haruna surveyed the hetero-chromatic girl. This one was wearing a teal vest with white sleeves along with a short light blue skirt. There was a white pattern encircling the said skirt but Haruna wasn't paying attention to it. Instead, she was paying more attention to the turquoise girl's long shapely legs. While this girl overflowed with cuteness (and sexiness) the large egg-plant colored umbrella she carried gave Haruna the creeps. Wait... the umbrella the girl was carrying... could it be? "You want some of this too, Cutie-Pie?" Haruna threatened, raising her can of mace. "I take it that you're possessed by that umbrella."

"Hmm?" Kogasa wondered. A second later, it dawned on her. "Oh! No. I'm not possessed by anything. As a matter of fact, I am the umbrella. At least... that's what my friends told me."

"Uuu! I'm gonna kill her!" The bushes cried. "Kogasa, get me some water! Quick!"

"Ah... right!" Kogasa nodded.

"Rumia-chan!" Another girl appeared onto the scene. "I heard you screaming from far away! What's the matter? Nue's bullying you again?"

"No, Mystia." Rumia replied, rubbing her face furiously. "It's something worse."

"What?" Mystia wondered.

"I got hurt by a human!" Rumia wailed, the bushes she was in shaking violently.

"A human did this to you?" Mystia said. "It was a youkai hunter, wasn't it?"

"No! It was a human from the outside world!"

_Outside... world?_ Haruna wondered. She knew something wasn't right about this place.

"Where is..." Mystia caught the sight of Haruna. "...this human..." The night sparrow stood to her full height and stared at the newcomer. Mystia didn't know whether to be curious or afraid of the foreigner. "What have you done to Rumia?"

"Tch!" The noirette held the mace at the ready. "Another freak of nature, huh?" Haruna's expression was brave, but her heart wasn't. She was cowering inside. This Mystia girl was bigger than both Rumia and Kogasa. This youkai looked a little dangerous. She had pink wings and long claws for fingernails. Now that she thought about it, those claws of hers looked very sharp. "I don't want to fight you."

"Careful..." Rumia warned. "That weapon of hers is dangerous."

"How dangerous?"

"It can cause _even_ you night-blindness!"

"Oh..."

"Hey Rumia!" Kogasa announced as she returned to the scene. "I got some water! Now hold still while I pour it on ya!" She has filled the umbrella with water from a nearby pond.

**SPLASH!**

"Wah!" Rumia screamed, her face no longer irritated. "You said pour the water on me, not splash it!"

"It worked, didn't it?" Kogasa giggled. "Your eyes are open again."

Surprise. "Hey!" Rumia blinked her eyes, though the irises were still red. "It worked! Now for my dinner!"

"You're really persistent." Haruna comment with a hint of dread. She doubt that she could take on Rumia again now that she was aware of the mace. "Listen. You can't eat me. I'm probably not good for your health."

"Lie! Humans are the tastiest food in the whole world!" Rumia remarked savagely.

"Listen you! You're going to taste more of this mace if you keep on messing with me!"

Rumia cringed. "Tch!"

"That's enough, the both of you!" Mystia commanded, being the voice of reason. "Rumia, I have made some fresh lampreys a few minutes ago. I'm about to head over to the human village so I'll be sure to give you a few before I go."

Rumia's expression lit up at the thought of Mystia's cooking. "Really? Ooh! Thank you! I'm starving!"

"There's a village nearby?" Haruna was happy about the good news. "An actual place with actual humans, right?"

"Yes. It's a little further up ahead." Kogasa supplied. "Go past the sakura trees of Muenzuka and the Magical Forest and you'll reach the village."

"Magical... Forest?" Haruna wondered if she was loosing her sanity. _Just what is this place? _"Well... anything's believable now that I met you three."

"Grr..." Rumia gave her new adversary the middle finger.

Mystia sighed and looked towards the sky. The moon was now visible. "It's getting late. That means its dinnertime for most of the people in the village." She skewed her visage at Haruna. "Since I'm heading there, I can take you with me. I'm certain someone there will help you."

The noirette was glad that something was finally going her way. "Thank you! You're such a wonderful and helpful monster, Mystia!"

"HEY!" Kogasa, Mystia, and Rumia exclaimed, glaring in offense.

"Whoops! Sorry... tee-he!" She made a gesture of zipping her lips. That gesture may have saved her from a youkai beat-down.

**THE HUMAN VILLAGE**

The village they arrived in did not look like a rural town. Nope. The human village looked like an area straight out of the feudal ages. There were many houses of ancient architect and shops lined the streets like a bazaar. Haruna didn't have a doubt in mind that this place was lively during the day. She imagined children and animals running around this village without any cares in the world. As of now, there were a number of adults wandering the streets of the village and she gawked at a certain hairstyle that a few of the men were sporting.

"This is the place. Welcome to the Human Village," Mystia announced, dragging her lamprey stand to a halt. "I get most of my business here despite how late it is."

"Uh-hmm..." Haruna replied with a mouthful of lamprey and gulped. "It's just... I can't believe that some of the men here still rock topknots. It feels like I entered a couple centuries in the past. And the people in the city used to comment on how I looked like a feudal princess a few years ago."

Mystia was curious, taking note of the newcomer's hime styled bob-cut hair. "Did you used to have hair that reaches all the way to your waist?"

"Passed my ass and tickled the back of my calves," Haruna confirmed while shrugging. "Some of my classmates thought that I was a total snob. Heck, there were even a few that thought I was some kind of NEET. Proved those overly opinionated jerks wrong when I enrolled on the girl's basketball team. I even starred on it during my second and third year."

"I see. You should meet Princess Kaguya," the night sparrow suggested with a giggle. "Maybe you can show here that princesses can be active too."

"Wait? There's a princess here?" Haruna's curiosity piqued. "Seriously?"

"More than one, as a matter of fact." Mystia replied before frowning. "However... you... may not want to meet the other princess..."

"Eh?" The noirette was now as curious as a doomed cat. "She must be really prissy? Condescending as hell, am I right?"

"No. Not at all," Mystia explained, a very unpleasant memory resurfacing in her mind. "She's... quite the opposite, actually." The girlish giggles of the said princess resurfaced, reminding her of that terrible moment. Mystia shuddered. "Listen, you're better off just meeting Kaguya instead."

"Actually, I'm not planning to be here long," Haruna sat by a nearby tree, leaning on the base of it. "I'm just here to get what I need and be out." She was about to check the status of her cell again but something occurred to her. "Hold on. Did you say that the princess' name is Kaguya?"

"Yes. That's her name."

Haruna chuckled. "That's one heck of a coincidence! I've played the role of Kaguya for our school's play. _Thrice._"

Mystia was now confused. "The role... of Kaguya?"

"Yea. Princess Kaguya of the Moon." Kaguya emphasized, pointing towards said satellite in the heavens. "You ever read the Tale Of The Bamboo Cutter?"

"I'm afraid not," the night sparrow remarked. "But you're certainly right about one thing..."

"Yea? What's that?"

"Princess Kaguya is indeed from the moon." Mystia affirmed.

Haruna stared at the pink haired woman as though she had sprouted another head and a pair of testicles. "Say what! You can't be serious, Misty!"

"It's Mystia."

"Right. Mystia." Haruna cleared her throat and pointed towards the moon again. "So you're saying that this Kaguya... is actually from the moon? You're telling me that she is indeed a native of the moon – born and raised?"

"That's right. And now she lives Eientei, a palace to the east of here beyond the Bamboo Forest of the Lost." An imposing female's voice intervened. "I be careful if I were you, the journey there is very perilous."

"Huh?" Mystia wondered.

Haruna shot to her feet. "Who said that?"

"No need to fret, lost one." A nearby dragon statue said.

"What in the world is going on?" Haruna wondered for her poor sanity. "First, monster girls and now a talking statue. This has been one doozey of a day for me!"

"A talking statue? Where?" A red haired woman jumped from behind the statue of Dragon that was obstructing her presence. "I don't see any sort of creature anywhere..."

"Talk about dipping yourself in other people's conversation," Haruna muttered. "Who are you?"

"Me? Oh ho ho..." The redhead dressed in violet robes laughed. "Allow me to introduce myself to you, lost one: I am a champion of this world! I am the royal hammer of justice! I am... KOTOHIME!" The Maniacal Princess exclaimed, spreading her arms out along with her kimono. She blushed when she realized that her kimono was unfastened, revealing the short white yukata underneath. "Whoops!"

"Don't worry," Haruna reassured, unimpressed. "I've seen much shorter school uniforms than that."

"The shortness of my dress has nothing to do with this!" Kotohime's face was a red as her hair.

"Tch. If you got it, flaunt it," remarked Haruna.

"Would you like some lampreys, Kotohime-san?" Mystia offered, preparing a plate for the royal law enforcer. Kotohime was a regular.

"Why thank you!" Kotohime replied in kind, leaving money on the lamprey cart.

Haruna gazed at Mystia."I take it that this is the princess that you were talking about just now? The one that you suggested not to meet."

Kotohime took a bite of her food. "Huh?"

Mystia's face darkened. "No it's not. Kotohime's friendly and... harmless."

_Harmless? _Haruna thought, leaving the subject alone because Mystia seemed sensitive about it all of a sudden. "I see..." She shifted her gaze towards Kotohime. Said redhead was now licking her fingers. "Excuse me... Officer Kotohime?"

"Just call me Kotohime," the Maniacal Princess informed. "Or better yet, call me Koto-chan! That's what my last boyfriend called me."

Haruna gave the self-proclaimed police officer an uncertain look. The sooner she get's out of here, the better. "Right. Well, you wouldn't happen to know where the nearest automobile parts store at? I take it that you already know that I'm stranded."

"Certainly. Your way of fashion says it all," Kotohime said. "Although... I'm starting to think that Nue girl comes from beyond the border as well. She has a similar style of dress." Confusing suddenly invaded her features. "By the way, what's an automobile?"

Disbelief suddenly invaded Haruna's features. "You... don't know what an automobile is?"

Kotohime nodded her head sincerely. "Afraid not. I'm not really sure what an automobile is..." she noticed a tiny object flying in the sky. Her face suddenly brightened and she pointed towards the sky. "Oh! You mean that! Up there!"

Sure enough, Haruna looked up towards the sky, noticed an airplane, and grunted. "Ugh. Never mind. I may need to look around for a place to stay for tonight. I guess it wouldn't hurt if I stay here until tomorrow."

"All things considered," Kotohime noticed something about the dark haired girl. "You may wanna invest in buying a new pair of shoes. What happened to the left one?"

Haruna gazed at her sock-coated foot and sighed. "A little blonde girl tried to eat me."

"Ooh. It's a surprise that you survived the encounter unharmed." Kotohime noted. "There are some corpses of Rumia's victims laying around Muenzuka. It's likely that they're the corpses of humans from beyond the border because no human from this village would go near that place."

"That's actually where I found her," Mystia told the royal law enforcer. "She was traveling near Muenzuka when she was confronted by Rumia."

"Seems like Rumia's quite popular around here." Haruna muttered.

"Righfully so!" Kotohime exclaimed. "Something that impossibly cute is the last thing that you would expect to try to devour you. I remember being chased in the forest by her when I was a little kid."

Kotohime's little tale baffled Haruna. "Hold up. You remember Rumia chasing you as a kid? That can't be right. She looks fourteen!"

Mystia cleared her throat. "Youkai, remember?"

"I know but-"

"Rumia's been around ever since my parents were children," the redhead princess revealed. "By now, that little man eater is either in her 60s or older."

Haruna pointed a shaky finger at Mystia. "Then if Rumia's around that age... then... how old are you, Mystia?"

"Hey! It's not nice to ask a girl her age," the night sparrow chided.

"Ah! Sorry about that, Mystia." Haruna lowered her head, feeling infinitely inferior to those 'moster girls'.

"Psst!" Kotohime whispered into the outsider's ear. "She's sixty-nine..."

"HEY!" Mystia hollered.

"Anyway," Kotohime giggled. "I'll be taking our outsider friend off your hands, Mystia. It's getting late and I think I know of a place where she can stay at."

"Okay. I have to look for more customers anyway. I grilled a lot of food today and I hate for it to go to waste." Mystia said with a bow. She regarded Haruna. "It was nice to meet you, Haruna. I guess I'll see you around."

"Likewise, Misty- ah, Mystia." Haruna replied and the night sparrow was off with her cart.

"Now..." Kotohime was suddenly looming over Haruna with an intense look on her face.

Haruna noticed the change in the cop's demeanor. It also didn't help that she was significantly taller than her. Kotohime was the tallest girl she encountered since she entered this strange land. Right now, the redhead seemed to intimidate her with her height. "Um... Koto-chan? What's wrong?"

The officer's friendly red eyes were now narrowed in seriousness. "Come along."

"Ah... okay." Haruna replied uncertainly.

**HOUSE OF HIEDA**

"So." Kotohime began, sitting on the tatami tiled floor before the confused noirette. "What's your gig, kid? What brings you to Gensokyou?"

Something about Kotohime's tone unnerved Haruna. In the very least, the redhead did brought her a pair of shoes and patched the scratch on her cheek with a bandage. "I'm stranded, actually. I just stumbled onto this place when I took-"

"Listen honey, let's cut to the chase," the cop was masking unknown intentions behind a sweet smile. "I would like to know what in the world are you up to."

"Huh?" Haruna drawled, the bad feeling she got growing worse. She gazed at a painting of a dragon combating a great white tiger. The artwork portrayed a conflict between two divine beasts. It was unknown whether the beasts were fighting out of contempt or respect. Below the dragon was a village full of humans and youkai. Underneath the tiger were countless mountains surround by fog and beasts. Haruna was not sure of the symbolism here but she was pretty certain that the dragon was important to this place.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you." Kotohime's voice dispelled her musing. "I'll ask you again: What are you up to?"

"I'm being interrogated, aren't I?" Haruna giggled sheepishly.

"Of course you are!" Kotohime shot to her feet. "As the defender of Gensokyou it is my job to protect it from possible threats beyond it's border! For all I know, you could be a terrorist wrapped in a cute package! A menace to society!"

"Kotohime!" Akyuu No Hieda shouted as she burst into the room. "Keep it down! I can hear you shouting all the way down the hall!"

"But Akyuu-san!" Kotohime pouted cutely. "She could be a criminal! I have to intimidate her!"

"I'm not a criminal, though!" Haruna defended. "How dare you accuse me of being one!"

"Silence!" Kotohime was now armed with a jitte.

"Kotohime, calm yourself," Akyuu commanded and regarded Haruna. "Haruna, was it? I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Kotohime can be really extreme sometimes."

"I guess she's just doing her job," the girl from beyond remarked.

"Indeed," the grape-head chronicler nodded. "Though, it's questionable that if she's really a police officer, Kotohime's a good person."

"I swear my life on protecting this village," Kotohime placed her hand over her heart. "Even if the threats comes from beyond the boundary."

"But I'm no threat!" Haruna shrieked, annoyed by this crazy woman's antics. "I'm lost! Stranded!"

"Well then..." a smirk formed on Kotohime's lips as she crossed her arms. "What's in that bag of yours? If you're not a threat as you say you are, then you will allow me to check the contents of it."

Akyuu couldn't believe her ears. Kotohime was behaving as bad as the time when a youth named Iori Iga stumbled into Gensokyou. "Koto-chan... you're unbelievable."

"Don't be ridiculous!" Haruna snapped. "You're crazy! You know that?"

"Would you like another palm print across your face?" Kotohime asked dangerously, referencing the hand mark that Haruna received from Rumia. "I don't mind slapping a criminal. Call me crazy again and see what happens..."

Haruna glared at the imposing redhead in a challenge.

"Enough!" Akyuu commanded, being the voice of reason. "I won't allow fighting in my house!"

The noirette and the redhead continued their stare-down. "Fine." Haruna allowed the backpack to slide off her shoulders and hit the floor. "Check the damn bag. You're going to feel like a bag of chips once you realize that I'm not a criminal."

"Shush." Kotohime stepped forward with her jitte pointing forward. She knelt down and unzipped the backpack. "Hmm..." She dug out a college preparation textbook. "An aspiring scholar, eh? A good fraction of terrorists are educated, ya know."

"This is unnecessary, Koto-chan!" Akyuu said. "That is an invasion of privacy! What you're doing goes against regulations of being a law enforcer."

"Screw the rules, my name is Kotohime!"

"She doesn't give a damn, apparently." Haruna muttered.

The cop took out a hairbrush, a magazine, four manga volumes, and an iPod. "Yep. You're definitely from the outside world. But I'm not done yet, kid!"

"Gee, ya don't say?" Haruna sarcastically remarked.

"Koto-chan, give it a rest!" Akyuu pleaded. "You're being way too troublesome for your own good."

"Oh! What's this?" The redhead fished out a shopping bag that contained a pair of designer panties. "Pretty intricate design on these... and it's just my size to boot!"

Haruna's jaw dropped. "Hey! Now you're going a little too far!"

Akyuu nodded her head shamefully. _By the eight millions gods! This woman needs help!_

Kotohime dug out another textbook, a 3DS, and a small box of pocky. "So far, so good." She mentioned, opening the box and eating a pocky. "I could be wrong about you, kid..."

Haruna gave her the skunk eyes."I'd appreciate it if you stop eating my snack."

"Whoa! Wait a minute?" The deranged law enforcer took out a cool metal can in suspicion. "You're not off the hook. What's this?" She sauntered towards the dark haired girl, forcing her to a wall. "Don't play with me."

_Great! _Haruna thought. _Now she's going to think that it's a weapon. Well, technically it is. _"That's Mace. A tool for self-defense."

"Therefore..." Kotohime's red eyes glinted. "This is a weapon!"

"No it's not!" Haruna defended but the princess wasn't having any of it. She suddenly shoved Haruna to the wall violently. "ACK!"

"Kotohime!" Akyuu gasped. "Stop this at once!" She was afraid because there was nothing she could do right now. Once the cop goes off the deep end, there's hardly no stopping her.

"Don't... lie... to... me!" Kotohime warned, grabbing the noirette by her collar.

"Let go of me!" Haruna snapped, trying to free herself from the crazy woman's gasp.

"Shut up! You pranced your pretty little behind into our land, acting all cute and innocent while carrying a weapon!" Kotohime placed the can into her sleeve. Then with surprising strength, she proceeded to lift the noirette off her feet by her collar.

"Why!" The Child of Miare was crying now. "Why are you being so horrible, Koto-chan!"

"This is an affront to the criminal mind!" Kotohime proclaimed, not taking her intense eyes off the teenager that was dangling in her grasp. "This is a blow for justice! I have to do what needs to be done! This youth needs to be punish!"

"Ngh! You're crazy!" Haruna swore. "Scorching insane!"

"No! You're the one who's crazy if you think you can terrorize our beautiful land of Gensokyou!" Kotohime lifted her victim higher as she rose on her toes. "The pot calls the kettle black!"

It was then Haruna saw her savior. The can of Mace seemed to shine brightly in the darkness of the cop's wide sleeves. Arresting the opportunity, Haruna made a grab for the can and snatched it from the inside of Kotohime's sleeve. Once it was out, she pointed the can directly in front of the redhead's face. _Be damned if I don't, be damned if I do! This has to stop!_

Kotohime's eyes expanded, having a very bad feeling about this development. "Wait! What are you-"

Haruna sprayed the Mace.

_**SSSSHHHHHHHH!**_

Haruna was immediately on the floor and a extremely high-pitched scream resounded through the Hieda household. "AAAAIIIIIIEEE!"

Akyuu muffled her ears because the cop was screaming so loud!

Haruna sat back on her haunches and felt victorious. However, she soon felt very sorry for the cop as she staggered and fell over a table. "Oh no. I overdid it."

"KYAAAAH!" Kotohime was sobbing like an infant with her hands covering her face. "WHAT IS THIS! AAAAIIIEEE!"

Akyuu was sitting in a corner, cowering. Hearing the Maniacal Princess screaming like the world's coming to an end terrified her! "I don't hear her! I don't hear her! I can't hear her! I can't hear her!"

"IT BURNS!" Kotohime wailed, flailing and kicking. "IT BURNS SO MUCH! KYAAAH! HORRIBLE TERRIBLE PAIN!"

Hearing the cries of the once proud princess, Haruna's heart bled. She rushed over to the fallen redhead, trying to be of assistance. "Please! Calm down! Don't rub your eyes! The more you rub them the worse it will get!"

"AUGH!" Kotohime held out a hand to the direction of Haruna's voice. "GYYAAAH!"

A burst of danmaku suddenly burst from the princess' hand, hitting Haruna square in her breasts and sending her flying across the room. She fell on top of the cowering chronicler in an ungracious heap. "Yeow! That hurt! What in the heck was that?"

"Haruna... san..." a mop of purple hair beneath the noirette's butt grumbled.

She realized that she was sitting on top of Akyuu. "Ah! Sorry about that, Akyuu-san!" She got off the ancient child.

"Appreciated..." Akyuu gathered herself on one knee. She saw the burn mark on the outsider's shirt and blushed. "Haruna-san... ahem..."

"Eh?" She gazed down her chest and noticed that her black sports bra was shown through the hole of her shirt. Blushing in turn, she immediately zipped up her hoodie. "Yikes. Anyway, what in the world did Kotohime shot me with? How did she-"

"DUCK!" Akyuu shrieked and tackled Haruna to the floor. Then she carried the noirette as she jumped behind a bookshelf. "Danmaku! She must be truly angry!"

"Danmaku?"

"You'll pay!" The sobbing, spitting mess declared behind the fallen table. "YOU'LL PAY!" More multicolored projectiles erupted from behind it.

"Just what in heavens did you sprayed her with?" Akyuu's violet eyes were wide with terror.

"It's called Mace," the outsider explained, reinforcing her weight against the tremble bookshelf. "It's a highly irritable substance that many of us girls carry from where I'm from. It's very handy. You can easily thwart off any assailant with it. I never leave home without it."

Akyuu cringed, feeling sorry for Kotohime. Then again, that deranged woman brought it all on herself. Karma's a bitch. No lie. "It's... very effective."

"You're right. I peppered a girl named Rumia with it earlier."

"I see." Akyuu nodded. "I take it she was as traumatized as Koto-chan right now?"

"Cried like a newborn baby."

"Truly a formidable tool," the Child of Miare expressed. "I'll be sure to account that in the Chronicles."

"Grr!" Kotohime was now on her feet, blasting danmaku in a (temporary) blind rage. "You delinquent! Feel the wrath of Gensokyou's mightiest law enforcer!"

"This is no good! What are we gonna do?" Haruna pleaded.

"I don't know!" Akyuu supplied helplessly. "All we can do is to wait until Koto-chan calms herself down."

"Well she won't be calming herself down anytime soon." Haruna feared for the worse. "Mace is something serious! Without any cold water, that stuff is going to irritate her face for hours!"

"Oh dear..."

At that moment, a blue blur shot into the room. Akyuu sensed the familiar presence as it entered. The next thing she knew...

**WAP!**

The barrage of bullets ceased along with the redhead's screams. Both the child from beyond and Child of Miare warily peeked their heads from behind the bookshelf. To their shock, the Maniacal Princess was sprawled out on the floor, unconscious. She had a red bruise on her forehead. Akyuu immediately knew who the savior was just by looking at Kotohime's injury.

"Kamishirasawa-san," the little grape-head regarded.

"I heard Koto-chan shrieking like a banshee," the pedagogue of the village reported. She gazed around the den for damages, only to find minor burns on the shelf, a painting, and a small imported tree. "Is everything okay? You're not hurt are you?"

"We're fine, Keine-san." Akyuu responed. "Thank you."

The lovely teacher noticed the young girl behind the historian. "And who might you be?"

Haruna said, "Haruna Shindo, ma'am." Even though the beautiful teacher was young, her poise and essence was beyond her age. "Thanks for taking care of that lady, I guess."

"I'm Keine Kamishirasawa," the teacher replied in kind.

"She's the reason why Koto-chan went lunatic this evening," Akyuu hinted.

"I'm afraid Kotohime done so _way_ before she met Shindo-san." Keine remarked.

"Good point." Akyuu concured.

"I'm terribly sorry for what happened to her," Haruna bowed to the voluptuous hybrid. "She loved her job a little too much and then she attacked me."

"Ooh..." Haruna had the teacher's condolence.

"I... am unstoppable..." The redhead officer mutter in her sleep.

"I'm afraid you headbutted her a little too hard," the reincarnating child noted.

"Oh dear. I had to do something to stop her, Akyuu-san."

"No... n-no one can stand... against me..." Kotohime's unconscious ramblings continued. "Yu... Yukari Ya-ya-ya-yakumo... ain't got shit on me..."

Haruna nodded. "Gosh. Her mother must have dropped her one too many times when she was an infant."

"Very evident in her sanity," Akyuu said. "I can't wait to get a confirmation in order to include her unfortunate past in the Chronicles."

"I am... the... protector of Gensokyou. I am more... than a god... I'm a... superstar."

Akyuu rolled her eyes. "Quite. I have a favor to ask of you, Keine-san."

"Yes?"

"Our friend here is from beyond the border," Akyuu indicated. "By some twist of fate, she somehow stumbled into Gensokyou and now she's lost. Haruna-san requires a place to stay for a while. She must find a contraption that can allow her to use her source of transportation again."

"It's called a car." Haruna informed.

"Right." Akyuu sighed. How could she forget such an easy word?

"Ah. I just saw the priestess of Moriya a few moments ago." Keine perked at a bright idea. "Her and the gods of Moriya are from the outside world as well. They may very well be knowledgeable of what you're looking for, Haruna-san."

"Moriya?" Haruna wondered, familiar with the name.

"Yes. The Moriya shrine is the abode of two powerful goddesses in the mountain." Akyuu explained solemnly, still in awe from meeting one of the said goddesses. One of them looked even younger than Akyuu herself, and she was a least three times her age. "Are you familiar with them, Haruna-san?"

_Moriya Shrine? Hmm... _"It's kinda funny... but I remember a Moriya household that had a shrine as well back in the city. I was a friend of that household, but I have to wonder were they worshiping the gods that lives here. It's one heck of a coincidence if you ask me."

"Haruna-san..." Akyuu placed her hands on the teen's shoulder. "There's an old saying that I'm well aware that's even said beyond the border: it's a small world."

Keine mouth an 'oh' at the truth of the reincarnating child's words – the simpleness in them.

Haruna made a face. "What are you trying to say?"

"Look into that mirror, child." Akyuu's tone of voice aged several decades. "Gaze upon your reflection. Now... gaze unto mine. What comes to your mind?"

Haruna was slightly confused. Wasn't the little grape-head as crazy as the redhead? "I'm not sure. Uh... we have the exact same hairstyle? The only difference are the colors."

Akyuu smiled for the first time this evening. "I see. You are a wise woman, Haruna-san."

She was still confused. "I... I don't get it."

Honestly, Keine was confused as well. Huh.

Akyuu No Hieda gathered the den's table and sat it back on it's legs. "There's nothing to get, Haruna-san. You're already well aware that it's a small world."

"Yea, but what does that have to do with the Moriya gods? Or gazing at our reflections, for that matter?"

"Kamishirasawa-san."

"Yes?"

"Please escort Haruna-san to the Moriya shrine." Akyuu instructed as she strode towards the door. "I'm sure they will welcome her to stay with open arms."

"Of course." Keine obliged.

"You have a good night, Haruna-san." Akyuu said as she left the room.

Haruna stared at the spot the little historian was at mere moments ago. Just... when did that kid started acting all sagely all of a sudden? And what did she meant by 'small world'?" Haruna sighed. Thinking about today's events were giving her a headache. She certainly hoped the goddesses of Moriya had comfortable beds because she was ready to rest for tonight.

Keine's intelligent voice brought Haruna out of her musings."Ready, Haruna-san?"

"I guess so." Haruna replied uncertainly and gazed at the sleeping princess. "Is she going to be okay here?"

"She'll sleep it off." Keine shrugged. "Well... let's be on our way to the Moriya Shrine."

"Yea." Haruna gathered her belongings the princess scattered on the floor and placed them back inside her backpack.

**THE MORIYA SHRINE**

"Oh god," Haruna huffed as they approached the torii entrance of Moriya. "I think I've just lost a few centimeters off my breasts while on the way up here." She bend forward and rested her hands on her knees, wheezing. "My breasts are already small to begin with."

Keine turned on her heels and gave the outsider her backpack. To be honest, she thoroughly enjoyed the trek up the mountains. "I'm sorry, Haruna-san. I just thought that this was a good opportunity to exercise. You did mentioned that you've played sports while in high school, correct?"

Haruna plopped on the ground, winded. "Yea. Basketball... but I never thought that I would travel up a mountain... on foot."

Keine giggled. "Well, I am a schoolteacher, Haruna-san. Of course I'm going to challenge any youngster I encounter – mentally and physically."

"You... could of warned me, Keine-san."

"Well, I apologize. We should have flew here instead."

"What a minute? You can fly?"

"Of course. A majority of the natives of Gensokyou can do so," Keine explained, not at all surprised that the young noirette lacked the ability. "With enough training with ki and magic, you should be able to fly in about half a year or so."

"Really!" Haruna's dark eyes brightened. "That would be awesome! Flying would be so convenient in my life! I wouldn't have to worry about taking my little raggedy car everywhere and I no longer have to get on a train. Creepy people board the train from time to time. Perverts, otaku, yakuza, foreigners... I can write a book with that."

"I see." Keine remarked and looked at the entrance of the shrine. "Oh. It seems that the gods are still outside this evening."

Haruna gazed at the entrance and noticed two women sitting on the shrine's porch. "Wait a minute..."

"This Fiddle website is quite a wonder, Sanae," Kanako said with a laptop on her lap. "People seem to post anything that goes in their lives. They fiddle almost every little thing that they do. Whether the events are important or not, they're being posted."

"You find it odd, Kanako-sama?" Asked Sanae while giggling. "It's communication. A very effective way of it, I may add. Milions of people around the world use it every day."

"Ah. I can obviously see the merits of this website." Kanako prodded her chin thoughtfully. "Unfortunately, I can assume that there are just as many detriments of Fiddle as well. I pray that the good outweighs the bad of it."

"I understand," the young priestess of Moriya nodded. "How about checking out Headnotes? It's another popular and useful social site."

Kanako handed the laptop back to Sanae. "That sounds lovely, Sanae. However, I doubt that there are gods still in existence that actually use those social networking sites. Besides, dear... we have company."

Sanae raised her brow. "Company?"

"Good evening, ladies." Keine bowed. "How do you do?" The teacher cleared her throat, indicating the outsider to do the same.

Haruna was staring at the women. "Ah! Nice to meet you!" She greeted the same was Keine did. _Deja-__vu! These two look REAL familiar!_

Judging by Haruna's clothes, Kanako knew that she was from beyond Gensokyou. "You're from beyond the boundary. It's a pleasure, dear."

Sanae was analyzing Haruna as well. She could have sworn she knew her. "Hello," she bowed.

"So, what brings you two here?" Kanako wondered, knowing that Keine visits the shrine sometimes. When she did, either Moukou accompanies her or she brought along her class. Seeing a mortal from the outside with Keine was a first for her though.

"This young woman requires a place to rest at tonight," the lovely schoolteacher explained. "Since you are very knowledgeable of the lifestyles of the outside world, I thought it was appropriate to allow her to meet you."

"Hmm..." Kanako crossed her arms and suddenly said, "It's impolite to stare, child."

"Eh!" Haruna gasped in mild surprise. She was being discreet while staring at Kanako. How could Kanako know that she was staring at her? Those slit pupils of the voluptuous goddess kinda intimidated her. "I'm sorry."

"It happens," Kanako replied in kind. "Although, I can't shake the feeling that I may have met you before. You look familiar, child – especially your face."

"She does look familiar," agreed Sanae.

"What is your name?" Kanako asked.

"Haruna Shindo," the noirette revealed.

Hearing that name, Sanae gasped. "No way!"

"You know her?" Kanako and Keine wondered simultaneously.

"Yes! Yes! I remember now!" Sanae answered and grabbed Haruna's right hand, clasping it. "We were classmates! Don't you remember me, Haruna-chan?"

Haruna gazed into the eyes of the taller girl. "Wait... how do you know my-" Her eyes suddenly widened. "Oh my goodness! I understand what Akyuu meant! Sanae-san!"

"It's been three years!" Sanae gushed. "I didn't even recognize you at first with the short hair!"

Haruna couldn't believe this reunion. "Sanae-chan, I remember being a bit taller than you. Whoa! You grew up..." she admitted, noticing her friend's now mature body. "... and out."

Sanae blushed. "Aw! You grew up as well, Haruna-chan. You're as pretty as I remembered. You still look like a princess."

"Thank you..." Haruna replied in kind, though a bit envious. She looked down at her chest and then to Sanae's. _She's a D-Cup! Sanae-chan... that is not fair! Mine's are like stress balls! Hers are like water balloons!_

"Ahem..." Kanako stammered. "You're staring again."

"Sorry!"

"Kanako! What is all this racket I'm hearing out here?" The door to the Moriya household opened, revealing the true goddess of the shrine. "Why is Sanae out here squealing like she's on a sugar high?" A highly irritated Suwako stepped onto the scene. She saw Keine and Haruna and her expression softened. "Oh. Hi there, Keine-chan. How's your family and Moukou doing?"

"They're doing well, Suwako-sama." Keine replied. "And Moukou's off to Eintei again."

Suwako raised her brow. "Is that so? Not really surprised, though. She's off to drop-kick Kaguya again?"

Keine giggled nervously, scratching her jawline. "Actually... she's after Tewi this time around."

"Huh?" All three goddesses of Moriya simultaneously chimed.

"You see... Tewi stole an entire collection of Moukou's underwear..." Keine hesitated, mildly surprised herself. "To make a profit out of selling them..."

"Ooh!" The goddesses cringed in condolence.

"I can understand why she's mad." Haruna commented. "The same thing happened to me once. One time, I invited my ex-boyfriend over to my house and-"

"No need to reminisce such an embarrassing tale," Suwako chortled, noticing the dark haired youth at last. "By the way, who are you? You look familiar..."

"Suwa-chan, don't you remember me?" Haruna said to the ancient child. "I'm Haruna Shindou. I went to school with your big cousin."

Suwako was confused. "Cousin?"

"And you still look exactly the same as I remembered you," Haruna continued. "You're even wearing the hat that you won from the arcade a few years ago."

Suwako's mind immediately went back to that glorious moment. "Oh yea! Now I remember you! You even visited the shrine a couple of times when we lived in the city. How you been doing, kid?"

Haruna giggled. "I'm fine. And who are you calling a kid, little lady? I'm nineteen and you... should be thirteen by now, right?"

Sanae gulped. "Haruna-chan..."

Keine sighed demurely. "Oh dear."

Kanako cackled. "You hear that Suwa? She actually thinks that you're a mere child."

"I see..." a sagely glint appeared in Suwako's violet eyes. "I'm sorry that I left you completely in the dark, child. I understand, though. Appearances... can be deceiving."

Keine nodded her agreement. Her and Moukou both thought that Suwako was just a cute little blond village kid when they first met her. How wrong she was!

"I think I understand," Haruna admitted.

"Really?" Sanae wonderd.

"Yea. Little Suwa's wise beyond her age," the noirette said, earning a 'ha!' from Kanako. "Like Akyuu."

Kanako snorted.

"Haruna, you remember praying at the shrine when you used to visit us, right?" The Highest of the Native Gods asked. Haruna nodded. "You recall wondering about the god of Moriya, correct? You were one of the very few youths that still believed in gods."

"Of course I believe in gods. I have faith in them," Haruna smiled, causing Kanako to smile warmly. "It's just that... I know that they're around but I can't really sense any of them. Deep down..." She placed a hand over her chest. "I know that they exist. It's just... unexplainable."

Suwako really liked this girl. She was as honest as they come. "Wouldn't you believe me if I told you that I'm not a mere little girl? Weren't you listening to Kana over there?" She pointed to the storm goddess.

"What are you saying?" Sanae's classmate blinked her eyes in confusion. "Are you telling me that you're a youkai? Like Rumia, Kogasa, and Mystia?"

Kanako held out her hands while nodding her head. "She tried."

"Good effort," Keine praised.

"But... that would explain how you look exactly the same as the day I met you!" Haruna pointed out. "Three years passed and it looks like you haven't aged a day!"

"Your confusion is delicious," said Suwako and took her hands into her skirt pockets. "Listen, baby..."

"Baby?" Haruna scowled at the irony.

"Yea. She used to call me that, too." Kanako commented. "Some things never change."

"Ahem... as I was saying – I'm neither a human, beast, nor youkai. I'm a higher being." Suwako stated honestly, not at all being condescending. "That same goes for my friend, Kanako."

Now that she mentioned it, Haruna took a glance at Kanako. She noted her slip pupils, the ornament on her head, and the large shimenawa rope on her back, making her look like some sort of Bodhisattva. Then it finally dawned on her. "Are you saying... that you're gods?"

Sanae applauded.

"Indeed." Kanako confirmed.

Suwako gave the dark haired girl a wink."The genuine article, kiddo!"

"You have got to be kidding me," Haruna was skeptical, a nonbeliever. She looked to Sanae for clarification. "They're joking around again, aren't they?"

Sanae sighed. She never did wanted to reveal such a revelation to her best friend from the city. "No they're not, Haruna-chan..."

"Say what!" Haruna sang in disbelief, now depending on Keine to burst their divine bubble.

"They're divinities, Haruna-san." Keine explained. "Even I visit this shrine to pray sometimes."

"But-"

"Remember you used to pray about making the basketball team at our shrine?" Suwako asked with a knowing smirk. "It was not too long after we met you."

What the loli frog said shocked Haruna. Still, she challenged Suwako. "That was beginner's luck!"

"Oh?" Suwako donned on a fake white beard. "You also prayed for succeeding on the college entrance exams. Yea, and let's not forget about the finals... and your team making it to the regional's," said Suwako, loving the noirette's reaction. "Ara! You even made a prayer for increasing your breast size at my shrine. Twice."

Haruna was now red-faced with awe and embarrassment. "You... are a goddess!"

"And make no mistake, baby..." Suwako wagged her finger. "I can hear prayers. Some clear, other's not so potent... I hear stray prayers a lot. I get the best reception when you pray here at this shrine, though. This applies to Kanako as well."

"This is unbelievable..." Haruna uttered.

"Of course, you may view your reinforced will and new-found strength as 'divine answers', but..." Suwako paused, contemplative. "Aaa-uuu~... Both humans and youkai are amazing beings. Gods can only 'answer' the prayers of those that are willing to take action... those that help themselves. Of course, we have our limits. Not all prayers can be reciprocated. Such prayers of miraculous proportions can only be answered by the Big Guy, Himself. And even He help those of the willing and those that work for their goals. You can call it a challenge, if you will."

Haruna was at a loss for words.

"Now... do you believe us?" Kanako imposed.

"I doubt you no longer," said Haruna solemnly.

"Plus," Suwako slipped into cutesy mode and grabbed Sanae by her arm. "Sanae's my grandchild! Isn't she cute?"

"Whoa!" Haruna was struck by another revelation. "You're Sanae's... grandmother?"

"Yep! Yep!" Suwako balled her hands on her hips with a gleeful smile. "She's a part of me!"

Sanae blushed. "Suwako-sama..."

"Don't forget to mention that you're her countless times grandmother." Kanako joked, earning a glare from the much older divinity. "Ara... and let's not forget the fact that even my grandparents knew of you long before I was born!"

Suwako pouted cutely in anger. "Kanaaaaaaaa!"

"Oh ho ho!" Kanako laughed. "What's wrong? You're throwing another tantrum - in the presence of a guest, what makes it so bad! Even Remilia once mentioned that you're extremely childish."

"That little blood-sucking prick said that about me?" Suwako whined. "Fool! The pot calls the kettle black! I should go over to her place and body-slam her smug ass!"

"Suwako-sama!" Sanae gasped. "Watch your language!"

"Silence, Sanae!" Suwako commanded. "Can't you see that two grown-ups are talking? Interfere again and I will beat you!"

_Ooh! She's certainly angry! _Haruna thought as she witnessed the little goddess' outburst of immaturity.

"I guess this is when I take my leave." Keine informed as she turned on her heels. "It was really nice to meet you, Haruna-san. Good luck in your endeavor. Hope to see you again soon."

"Good night, Keine-san." Haruna replied and Keine was on her way back to the village. She felt a hand tapped her shoulder. "Oh. What's up, Sanae?"

"Hey... mind coming along with me to run an errand?" Sanae requested with a mild blush of embarrassment. Kanako and Suwako were still arguing. "It's already kinda late, but I need to make a run to the Hakurei Shrine."

"I would love to, Sanae-chan," the younger girl considered. "But I'm kinda tired. I walked all the way from the village to these mountains with Keine-san."

"No need to worry about that," the wind fujo turned around and bowed down on one knee. "I can carry you. Get on."

"Whoa! You can fly too?" Haruna wondered in astonishment.

"I'm a mortal goddess – of course I can fly!" Sanae responed. "Well?"

Haruna was blushing now. "Piggyback? Are you sure, Sanae-chan? I may be a little heavy for you."

"Don't worry." Sanae reassured. "I've been training my body and spirit nonstop since I've arrived here."

"Okay..." the noirette remarked uncertainly and climbed on Sanae's back. She wrung her arms securely around Sanae's shoulders. "Okay. I'm ready."

"Hold on tight." Sanae slowly levitated a few feet in the air. Making sure that her friend's legs were firmly in her arms, she smiled. "Alright! Here we go! To the Hakurei Shrine, classmate!"

Haruna shrieked as Sanae suddenly took off like a bullet. "Waaaah!"

"Told ya to hold on tight!" Sanae's giggles resounded in the air above the Moriya Shrine.

**HUMAN VILLAGE – BATH HOUSE**

Akyuu couldn't bring herself to enjoy tonight's bath as she should. She was disturbed... very disturbed. The bath house has always been the place where she can unwind and relieve stress. However, for the very first time, the bath was not working it's magic. In fact, she felt even more stress now than before she dipped in the steamy waters. This was going to be a long night!

The Child of Miare looked towards the source of her tension. "You're awfully quiet... Kotohime."

The lovely law enforcer stared off into nothing in particular. She didn't even seem to register Akyuu's voice and there was a passionless look in her red eyes. Just... what is going through her head right now?

Akyuu sighed. That was not a state of Zen her red head companion was in! Kotohime was probably off in her own world – hell, her own universe! Wherever she was, Akyuu was sure that the officer was bound to bring something back from it. "Kotohime..." Akyuu leaned over and fanned her hand in front of the princess' face. "Oi. Koto-chan!"

Still no response from the Maniacal Princess.

"Kotohime. Please come back down to earth," said Akyuu apprehensively. Maybe that was a bad idea on her part. "Any day now..."

The redhead remained lost in her own mind.

"Koto-chan... KO~TOOO~HIME!" Akyuu sang, using a friendly tone in hopes of garnering the princess' attention. The reincarnating loli tried another tactic. "Hmm... _She fights for good, she fights for justice... she's the bitch that you really don't wanna mess with!_"

Kotohime's head swayed ever so slightly.

Akyuu continued, "_Steal a nickel, snatch a dime, no matter how significant the crime, your ass' gonna do time!_"

Kotohime's eyes glistened with tears.

"_Ko-to-hi-me! Ko-to-hi-me! She's the redhead ranger of the law! She's a badass that has knows no weakness, detriment, or flaw!_"

Kotohime was breathing again, sentient. Even her pearls were once again floating along the hot bath's currents.

Akyuu noticed that the officer was coming around. "Ya know, if I recite another lyric of your made-up theme song I'm going to drown myself in this bath."

The regal officer resumed her state of Koto-Zen.

"Argh! Don't tell me that you're still angry about earlier?" Akyuu sudden roared, severely annoyed. "Get over it, Koto-chan! You brought it all on yourself!"

Kotohime abruptly stood on her feet, giving Akyuu a good peep show at her surprisingly curvy body. "You're wrong!" She shrieked in turn. "She's a delinquent! A menace to society!"

"You were overreacting and giving her a difficult time!" Akyuu retold, now angry. "You forced the girl's hand through insensitivity and intimidation!"

"That outsider possessed a weapon!" Kotohime reasoned. She really didn't appreciate getting her face irritated by the strange weapon.

"It was only for self-defense, Kotohime!" Akyuu argued. "She was able to thwart Rumia with it! Who knows what would happen if she didn't have said weapon!"

"So you admit that it was a weapon!"

"You're an unsavory woman, Kotohime! Brash and imposing!"

"AND YOU ARE AN OLD WOMAN AND A FOOL!" Savagely retorted the Maniacal Princess.

A very uncomfortable pause occurred as Akyuu stared at the officer in utter disbelief. Kotohime was breathing hard while pointing an accusatory finger at Akyuu. Akyuu looked as vicious as Remilia on a bad day, ready to maul the insane princess. There was tension between to two girls as intense as the one between the great dragon and divine tiger.

"Ara..." a new voice invaded the room. "Am I interrupting something?"

At the other side of the room, stood Byakuren Hijiri. The youkai messiah was clothed in a bath robe (which failed to hide her godly curves). She blushed shyly because the robe was rather small and the slightest moment can inadvertently give anyone a peek at her goodies. She slowly stepped into the bath, relishing it's warmth. "Ahh~! This feels lovely. Kogasa attacked Kyouko for some reason and I had to scold her. Murasa was harrassing poor Nitori and I had to protect the kappa from my friend's prying hands. It's been a long day for me."

Kotohime eyes became cat-like. "Tch!"

A pair of horns appeared on top of Akyuu's head. "Humph!"

Byakuren noticed the sudden evil aura inside the room along with the change in the girl's demeanor. "Hey? What's the matter? What ails you two?"

_And I thought that I had a killer body, _Kotohime thought disdainfully.

_She's the pinnacle of feminine perfection! She's as beautiful as Samantabhadra! She must die! _Akyuu thought with utmost abhorrence.

The pair slowly approached the Monk of the White Lotus menacingly. "Girls? You're scaring me..."

"Our adversary!" Kotohime shrieked with tears in her eyes.

"To enlightenment!" Akyuu squealed with a delirious expression on her cute face.

Byakuren's scream pierced the silence of the night, alerting Shou into action from afar.

**HAKUREI SHRINE**

"Oi Reimu!" Marisa yelled out. "There's no need to search for something that's isn't there!"

The true law enforcer of Gensokyou sighed. There was nothing inside the shrine's donation box as usual. Sometimes, she wondered if it was really worth being the shrine maiden of paradise. She imagined her ancestors going through the same drama: not receiving any donations while the people around the land depended on her. Life simply sucks sometimes. "I guess you're right."

"Eh? You were expecting donations today?" The witch said with surprise.

"Well... yea." Reimu responded hesitantly. "I spoke with Sanae earlier today and she said that she was going to donate money to the shrine. Guess she couldn't make it today..."

Marisa crossed her legs on the foyer. "Knowing Sanae, she's was probably too busy gathering faith for Baba Yasaka and that cute little great-grandmother of hers. Give it a rest, Reimu. Maybe she will come by tomorrow to make the donation."

"Right." Reimu nodded and then rolled her eyes at the sight of her blue haired guest. "By the way, what are you doing here, Tenshi?"

The celestial shrugged. "Bored. Ya know, trouble in paradise."

"Tenshi... with the way you're viewing heaven I'm definitely sure that there are more interesting things going on in hell." Reimu sighed.

"No kidding," Marisa added with a cackle. "We got mind-raped by Satori, got into it with Rin, and endured a battle of epic proportions against that deliciously hot Utsuho." A dreamy look glazed over the witch's expression. "Oh! We also got Koishi pissy drunk while we were hanging out with Yuugi. I'll say drag me to hell on the day I kick the bucket."

At the sound of the satori's name the celestial perked. "Koishi? She arrived in Bhava-Agra recently. She called herself challenging me to a swordsmanship duel but I couldn't take her seriously."

"Really?" Reimu wondered. "She made a surprise appearance in the hot springs the other day. That girl asked me did I needed a back scrub and I nearly jumped out my skin."

"Pah! That's nothing, ze!" Marisa scoffed. "One day, I woke up to discover her sleeping on my bed. I got a surprise once I saw myself in the mirror: My entire face and chest were covered in pink lipstick. Comes to find out that the little devil been smooching me in my sleep." A odd pause occurred. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Ooh... nothing..." Reimu found a nearby tree suddenly interesting.

Tenshi was laughing at the witch's (un)fortunate mishap. "Heh heh heh... You sure that it wasn't just a wet dream?"

"Oh, screw you guys!" Marisa gave them the middle finger. "Raw," she added.

"Reimu-saaaan!" Came Sanae's voice as she appeared in the air above the Hakurei Shrine.

"Great." Marisa grumbled. "Here comes Tits McGee."

Sanae landed before the shrine with a stranger in tow. "Hi, Marisa-san. Hi, Tenshi-san. How you guys doing?" She stepped aside and introduced her friend. "Guys, this is my friend, Haruna Shindo. She entered Gensokyou not too long ago."

Haruna bowed. "Umm... how do you do?"

"Bored." Tenshi droned. "Tenshi Hinanai's the name."

"I still have breath in my body, so I guess I'm doing fine. The name's Marisa." Marisa grinned, gazing at the stranger with Sanae. "You know what, Sanae? She's hella pretty, but Kogasa's still cuter." Reimu jabbed the witch in the rib with her elbow. "Ow! What?"

"Ahem... I do wonder what took you so long, little godling." Said Reimu offhandedly. "Did your parents over at Moriya decided to allow you to stay up past curfew?"

"I had a lot on my hands today, Reimu-san."

"So how was your hectic day, then?" The older miko said in an almost accusatory tone. "You managed to gather numerous amounts of faith? Will Kanako be able to last another millennium?"

Tenshi was the first to sense the tension between the two priestesses. _Ooh... kay..._

"Oi..." Marisa sensed the tension as well.

"Well... I'm pretty sure the Moriya will be just fine. I know for a fact that the tengu still praise that woman." Reimu comment. "No doubt in my mind that the shrine will continue to prosper."

"Whoa..." Haruna gasped. "Bad blood." _And that is one awesome hat she's rocking,_ she noted of Marisa.

Sanae glared at the older miko, resisting the urge to throw the money at her. However, she knew not to engage Reimu in a fight – whether it be danmaku or fisticuffs. Reimu was still stronger than she was and Suwako refused to teach Sanae the darker side of ancient martial arts. Sanae opted for girl talk. "I see..."

"See what?" Reimu responded.

"Guys... be easy, ze." Marisa was growing worried for both of the priestesses.

"Welcome to the Hakurei Shrine, classmate." Sanae introduced to the younger girl. "This is the home of poverty, poor ethics, and profanity. Be careful around Reimu. She's a bad influence and you may end up as aggressive as she is."

Reimu brandished a handful of spell cards. "Feeling froggy like your grandmother? By all means, leap!"

Sanae gasped and took out her gohei while adopting a fighting stance. "En' Guarde, Hakurei!"

The red-white's mystic orbs suddenly appeared and they hovered around her. "Up yours, Moriya!"

Marisa hopped off the shrine foyer in alarm. "Hey! Guys! Cool it down!"

"Yea!" Tenshi cheered, having something entertaining happening today at last. "Thrash! Maim! Let the miko cat fight begin!"

"Sanae-chan, Reimu, please calm down! There's no reason to fight!" Haruna implored. Suddenly, she felt a gust of wind behind her, causing her miniskirt-like shorts to flutter. "Kyah!"

"Oh wow! Really?" Aya Shameimaru commented as she scribbled into her notepad. She stood on the roof of the shrine. "The kid from beyond the boundary is wearing shorts underneath, eh? I can do something about that!"

Thankfully, the sexy tengu's sudden appearance made the priestesses forget all about their beef (if temporary). "Sup' Aya!" Marisa waved.

"Aya! You came at a wrong time!" Tenshi scolded, her source of today's entertainment blown. "They were about to get into it!"

"Oh. Hello there, Aya-san!" Sanae greeted.

"I take it that you want to take a few snapshots of Sanae's friend, huh?" Said Reimu.

"Ooh! Most definitely!" Aya confirmed. "But first..." A wicked gleam flashed on the tengu's brown eyes.

"You want to take snapshots of..." another burst of wind occurred and Haruna felt a smooth hand smacked her semi-bare derriere. "Huh? I think I feel a draft..."

Aya's camera shuttered several times. "Ooh! They're black! Lovely!"

Haruna noticed her miniskirt in the tengu's hand. "GAH! Since when did you-"

"Turn around once more, would ya?" Aya requested, still taking snapshots. "You have a nice round ass!"

"That's mean, Aya!" Sanae chided. "Can't you see that you're embarrassing Haruna-chan?"

"For shame, Sanae!" Aya said conspiratorially. "You must have forgotten who I am! Taking compromising and embarrassing photos is what I do best! Such photos are a majority of the reason the Bunbunmaru is still kickin'!"

Marisa and Tenshi wolf-whistled at the same time. Haruna shrieked and tried to retrieve her skirt from Aya. "Don't do this to me! Give it back! Give me back my skirt!"

"Sure, why not?" Aya handed the article of clothing back to the outsider. "Besides, tomorrow's issue is gonna sell like Mystia's cooking!"

Haruna was adjusting her skirt onto her hips. "Tomorrow's issue? As in a magazine?" Her face suddenly boiled red. What if the snapshots of her ended up on a magazine stand? What if her pictures end up on the internet? Or worse: what if the photos of her ass turn out to be on the walls of men's room, workspace, and cell phone galleries? She gasped in horror at the prospect. "That camera of yours! Gimme that darn camera!"

Aya grabbed the young human by the forearm with a single hand. She slowly lifted Haruna off her feet, unzipping her hoodie. "Hmm. Your boobs are nice." Aya commented, focusing her camera on the said area with her other hand. "They're small, but that have a pretty roundness to them... like Sakuya's. I wonder what's the reason behind the hole in your shirt, though. I can see your sports bra through it."

Haruna noted Aya's strength as she was dangled in midair. "Lemme guess, you're a youkai, too?"

"A tengu, to be exact." Aya answered with a satisfactory smile. "Plus, you smell like strawberries."

"Why do I have the feeling that you devour humans?" Haruna wondered nervously.

"Humans on my diet? Yck! I'll pass!" Aya nodded her head in disgust. "There has never been an incident of tengu preying on humans in eons. With all the stuff you guys ingest on a daily basis, I can only imagine how y'all taste like."

"Immense relief washes over me." Haruna remarked happily. "And could you please put me down? You're hurting my arm."

"Now... where were we? Oh right! Let's remove that bra of yours, shall we?" Aya proceeded to take off Haruna's shirt but a hand grabbed her by the wrist. "Aww! You're no fun, Reimu."

"That's enough." Reimu commanded. "Besides, I think our friend is embarrassed enough as it is."

"Eh? You think so? Tell that to the others." Aya let go of Haruna's arm and looked at the others girls present at the shrine. To her surprise, Marisa, Sanae, and Tenshi were staring blissfully with goofy grins on their faces. "Okay. Peep show's over, ladies. You can check it out in tomorrow's issue of the Bunbunmaru, though."

"Aww!" The witch and the Celestial chorused, snapping their fingers.

"Huh?" Sanae asked in a way that suggested that she just snapped out of a trance.

Reimu sighed with her hand held out. "Just gimme the donation. You had me waiting long enough."

"Oh. Right!" Sanae went into her skirt pocket and took out a small bag of coins. She handed the money to the older girl. "I take it that the contribution lifted your bad mood?"

A small smile graced Reimu's lips. "Pretty much. Give my regards to Kanako-sama."

"Wait a brick?" Marisa made a face of consternation. "Reimu... since when did you refer to Kanako as... _Kanako-sama?_"

"What are you talking about, Marisa?" Reimu raised a brow. "I just received a blessing from a goddess. Isn't it appropriate to call her so?"

"Feed a stray beast a meal and it'll be loyal to you," the Moriya maiden commented with a roll of her eyes.

"HEY!" Reimu yelled, clearly affronted by the makeshift proverb.

"Still, that's pretty weird of Reimu." Marisa continued, recalling something. "It's almost as weird as the time that Reimu had a boyfriend."

"Shh!" Reimu blushed embarrassingly. "Marisa!"

This tidbit shocked Tenshi. "For real?"

This was news to Sanae. "Reimu-san... since when did you have a boyfriend?"

"Well..." Reimu decided to let the cat out of the bag. "I... _had _a boyfriend..."

"What happened to him, Reimu-san?" Curiosity was getting the best of the Moriya godling. "The relationship didn't work out?"

"No. We had great chemistry, actually," the Hakurei fujo explained. "Except for the fact that Remilia tried to murder him countless times. My poor Masahiro-kun was definitely on edge."

Marisa's face suddenly brightened, familiar with Reimu's paramour. "Masahiro? Masahiro that lives on the south side of the human village with his uncle! ?"

"Aw! C'mon Marisa!" Reimu retorted angrily. "Don't tell me that you tried to flirt with him!"

"No... no... nothing like that, Reimu I assure you, buddy-ol-pal." Marisa stammered in defense. The Ordinary Magician began whispering to herself. "That man sure give stupid head, though! Da ze!"

Reimu heard that. "What did you just say! ?"

Marisa gasped. "Uh, nothing!"

"Wait?" Aya suddenly wondered. "You met him too, Marisa?"

"Well... yea." Marisa was blushing at a very pleasant memory.

"Girl!" Aya was now blushing as well. "That guy was really talented with his tong-"

"AYA!" Reimu seethed, causing the witch and the dark haired tengu to clutch onto one another in fear.

"Sorry!"

Haruna tried her best to suppress her laughter. "Heh... he-he-hee! Some boyfriend he was. Whoever he is, he was a rolling stone. He – GAK!" She was suddenly snatched by her collar.

Reimu was giving the new girl a sinister glare. "Just who do you think that you're laughing at? Do you want to see my bad side, toots?"

"Ah! No!" Haruna fearfully responded. "Wouldn't dream of it!" _This is one terrifying woman! Holy shit, she's brutal!_

"Good..." Reimu grounded out.

"Oh yea," Marisa pounded her right fist into her left palm in thought. "Now that I think about it, wouldn't Yukari be able to sense your presence since you've crossed the border recently? I mean, that woman's gonna be scouring all of Gensokyou – looking for the last person who went through the boundary."

"Who's Yukari?" Haruna wondered.

"Say what!" Tenshi repeated.

"You haven't met Yukari-san yet?" A surprised Sanae said.

"Uh... afraid not." Haruna answered. "Who is she?"

"For starters, she's a youkai." Reimu began. "Or so she says..."

"Another youkai?" Haruna sighed. This youkai thing was getting old. "Like Rumia and Kogasa, right?"

"Tch. Hardly," Aya opined. "Comparing those two along with me to Yukari is like comparing a meteorite to the sun."

"Oh dear." Haruna replied sheepishly.

"Yes. Yukari Yakumo... the one who created the border around this very land," the Hakurei youth revealed. "Although it is often suspected that she's far more than a youkai, they call her the Youkai Of Boundaries."

"The Youkai Of... Boundaries?" Haruna repeated.

"She definitely lives up to her title, that's for sure." Sanae commented.

"That is so true. That woman is a rare being, likely the only one of her kind." Reimu continued. "To this very day, I still don't believe that she's a youkai. Heck, even if she is, then she's the pinnacle of youkai perfection. She's a creature that can even give deities and demons pause. A super-youkai, if you would like to call it..."

"That sounds a little impressive, actually." Haruna commented. "What she does?"

"Ooh! You can fill an entire grimoire with that!" Marisa testified. "Ol Gappo is one serious piece of work!"

"Yes she is," Reimu nodded. "Imagine someone that could travel anywhere in the world... or any other world instantly. Literally!"

"She could do that?" Haruna gulped.

"Yea! Yukari can pop up outta nowhere right now!" Marisa giggled. "Beware of gaps!"

"She can appear while you're taking a bath," Aya added. "She can appear while you're sleeping. She can appear while you're changing panties. She can even catch you slipping while masturbating in the comfort of your own home – on your own time! That's embarrassment literally with your panties down! Just when you're about to climax and scream, BAM! A wild Yukari appears!"

"Aya!" Reimu yelled.

"What?" The sexy tengu said.

"Too much info!" Reimu chided and sighed. "This is T-rated, remember?"

"Oh! Right! Right..." Aya guiltily blushed.

"Anyway... creating gaps to go anywhere is only a fraction of Yukari's power." Reimu resumed. "She can dump this entire land in the middle of the Sahara. She can cause the entire human race to go extinct if she wanted to. Hell, that old hag can even turn the sun into a gigantic ball of ice!"

"Are you serious?" Haruna was scared now. Yukari Yakumo is the boogeyman of Gensokyou!

"She's dead serious, unfortunately." Sanae commented. Even the lovely demigod was afraid of the beautiful youkai sage. "Even Kanako-sama once mentioned that she would not be a match for Yukari if they were to clash. My grandmother said that the fiercest of the Mishaguji wouldn't hold a candle to her. They were considered invincible many centuries ago. She is a walking, breathing paradox made flesh."

"And as her moniker implies, she manipulates boundaries." Reimu crossed her arms in thought. "That particular power is hard to explain. You see... every thing in existence... has can influence the boundary between peace and chaos. She can control the line between life and death; beauty and ugliness; heaven or hell; up and down... you get the picture. Taking that into consideration... that is a fearsome power. A high level god would be envious."

"I'm sorry, but that is one scary old lady!" Haruna summarized and all of them agreed.

"Plus, she wants me to be her shikigami." Aya commented.

"She wants Aya to be her familiar?" Haruna wondered.

"That's right." Sanae nodded. "Yukari-san seeks youkai of considerable experience, power and talent. Youkai that possesses power well beyond that of an average one. A youkai that has a sixteenth of her power... and that is _very _powerful for a youkai." She pointed at Aya whom was taking a sexy pose. "Aya is one such youkai. Yukari sees her as the perfect candidate."

"Daughter of a bastard!" Haruna stared at the reporter in awe.

"Strong, beautiful, and versatile," Aya shifted her pose, lifting her arms in an x shaped behind her head while puffing out her plump bosom and jutting her luscious backside. "I'm the total package, baby! She wants me! I would want me, too. I'm just that awesome!"

Tenshi rolled her eyes. "And people thought that I was arrogant..."

Marisa patted Tenshi's left shoulder. "Don't mind her. It's a whole different story when Hatate's around."

"Right. So Aya has a reason to toot her horn. Big deal," sighed Reimu. "Lemme finish explaining Granny Gap, okay?"

Aya deflated. "Sheesh. Talk about ruining a glorious moment..."

"Now, considering how vastly powerful our friend is... she has a flaw." The red-white miko unveiled. "A _big _flaw."

"One that you wouldn't believe." Marisa added, tilting her hat with a lovely grin.

"Yea? What's that?"

"My friend, the devil of Gensokyou... is in fact... a sloth!" Reimu's revelation was a shock to Haruna. "That's right. Yukari Yakumo is lazy as hell!"

"She's very lazy," Sanae commented. "Ungodly so."

"Um-hmm!" Aya and Marisa chorused.

"Damn..." the dark haired girl said. "That's... sadly hilarious."

"A farce of the gods." Sanae commented again.

"Knowing her, Yukari's probably sleeping right now." Reimu clicked her tongue. "Some sub-god, huh?"

"To a point that it's almost mind-boggling." Haruna admitted. _A sorry ass boogeywoman! Ain't that a bitch?_

"What a waste of power!" Tenshi scoffed. "And to think that there isn't a soul in heaven that could even begin to challenge her? Besides me, of course."

Haruna was now curious about the blue haired woman on the foyer. "Heaven? For real? So you're not a youkai?"

"Nope." Tenshi confirmed proudly. "I'm a Celestial."

"Plus a masochist! Check this out!" Marisa grinned and grabbed Tenshi by the lock of her hair.

"Oww! Quit it!" Tenshi responded in pain. "That hurts! Ow! Ow! OWW!"

Marisa ignored the Celestial's pleas of anguish. "Now... to turn up the difficulty a notch. How about Lunatic?" She laughed and yanked Tenshi's hair harder.

"Gyah! Marisa stop! Ow!" Tenshi was cringing in pain, but now her expression transformed into that of a goofy and blissful smile. Her voice raised into squeals."Ow! OOOOWWW! Oww... Ahh! Annnnnnnh~ Ooooh! It hurts so good! Pull harder! HARDER! Gimme some of that good pain!"

Haruna expressed her awe once again."Dang! You weren't kidding, Marisa."

"I told ya! Tenshi's no angel! She's a trip, ze!" Marisa guffawed as she released Tenshi's tresses. A dark presence suddenly loomed behind the Ordinary Witch.

"Marisaaaaa!" Tenshi snarled as a keystone the size of her head appeared in her grasp. "You play too got-damn much!"

Marisa gasped in terror at the righteously pissed Celestial. "Oi! Tenshi! I was just play-"

Tenshi swung the keystone full-force at the witch's head. "RETRIBUTION!"

**BAM!**

"Holy crap!" Haruna shrieked.

"That had to hurt..." Aya said, taking pictures of the now laid-out witch.

"That's going to leave a mark." Reimu cringed.

Sanae expressed her condolence. "I shall pray for a quick recovery for her."

Hovering above the unconscious witch's head were a couple of deformed faces. They were pudgy and they resembled Marisa greatly. "Yukkuri shitte ne!" They sang.

**SHINDO HOUSEHOLD**

**TWO YEARS AGO**

"You're a horrible man, Tate!" Akane Shindo declared her husband of eighteen years. "How dare you look me in the eyes and tell me lies! You take me for a fool, Tate! Just because my birthday was yesterday doesn't mean that I was born yesterday!"

"We've been together for a long time, Akane!" Tate snapped back. "We've been married for almost twenty years! You should know me by now, woman! I'm not lying to you!"

"Do you deny those two girls that you have by Aoi?" Akane questioned. "What will our daughter think of this?"

"Akane, I've known Aoi long before I met you!" Tate hollered and took a swig of whiskey. "We grew up in the same neighborhood!"

"You ended up jumping her bones and she popped out two of your kids!" Akane tossed a television remote at her infidel husband, missing his head by inches. "You hid that fact for years, Tate! You hid it fro Haruna!"

"I'm sorry, okay!" Tate spread his arms in frustration. "I'm sorry for falling in love with Aoi a few years before I met your ass! Are you happy now? I was young and stupid!"

"Bastard! I'm not angry that you were in love with Aoi! Nor am I mad about you having twin daughters before you met me!" Akane nodded her head furiosly. "What I'm mad about is the fact that you've hid secrets from me - Aoi's children being one of them!"

"Crazy woman! We all have secrets! We all have our dark sides!"

"That may be true, but we made our vows to bring them into light," the angry forty year old housewife said. "You remember when we made those vows, Tate? It was on the day of our wedding!"

"Shit!" The thirty-eight year old discomfited hubby brought a fist to his forehead. "Here we go again! Talking about our damned vows!"

"You didn't have a problem with them on that day!" Akane planted her hands on her hips. "And that didn't stop you from laying up with that young hussy that works at the Italian restaurant!"

"I did not had sex with Hitomi!" Tate swore. "Since her boyfriend left, she needed a shoulder to lean on!"

"I'm sorry to hear that, but that girl has four sisters and two brothers!" Akane retorted, her mid length dark hair swaying with her head in anger. "She would have been just fine without you! You're not fooling me with that big brother act, Tate!"

"Regardless, I didn't have sex with her!" Tate wanted to pull the ponytail off the back of his head.

"Oh! What about the time you came home after a twelve hour shift while smelling like Irish Springs?" Akane rambled. "Oh! And let's not forget about that hot biracial coworker of yours that you took out to dinner for eight nights straight!"

Tate's mouth hung open in shock. "How do you know about that?"

"Woman's intuition and Twitter!"

"Tch!" Tate took another sip of whiskey. "That's Fiddle, you idiot!"

"Twitter, Fiddle – whatever!" Akane snapped. "Anyway, what goes around, comes around! Karma is going to bite you on the ass one day! I pray that it'll take a good chomp, too!"

Tate smiled sardonically, not giving a shit about his wife. "Whatever..."

"Ooh! When I heard about that, I fell out laughing," the front door of the house opened and in came a seventeen year old girl dressed in a tracksuit. "Tomio-kun got a speeding ticket the other day... while riding a bicycle! That was hilarious!"

Tate couldn't even look at his daughter. He felt so ashamed. Akane was the one who was smiling sardonically now. She had to spill the beans to her daughter sooner or later. "Looks like I'm going to have to tell her..." said Akane.

"Okay. I'll talk to you later. Bye." Haruna ended her call and placed her cell phone back in her pocket. She looked at her parents and gave them both a warm smile. "Hi Mama! Hi Dad! How are you guys doing?"

"I'm fine, baby." Akane responded, not wasting any time. "Can't say that about your daddy, though. I'm not even sure that I want to stay married with him any longer. Somehow, I think I would feel even better when we get through with our divorce."

Tate dropped his glass on the floor. "Divorce?"

Haruna was shocked. "Mama... you... you can't be serious? You're... talking about divorce again?"

"I'm serious as a heart attack," sighed Akane as she started walking out the living room. "I'm not gonna endure it any longer. I refuse to put up with your father's bullshit!"

"Akane!" Tate hissed.

"You have some explaining to do, boy." Akane said as she disappeared from the room.

An uncomfortable silence reigned inside the room. It was time for the father to fess up his sins to his youngest daughter. "Haru... na..."

The noirette's brown eyes glistened with moisture. "Dad..."

**MORIYA SHRINE – SANAE'S ROOM**

**PRESENT**

Haruna jerked awake in cold sweat. _It was a dream... more like a recap..._ She dreamed about that fateful day when her mother first declared for divorce. She gazed around the room, her eyes landing on an alarm clock that looked like a frog. It was after midnight. _Oh right. I'm in Sanae's room._ Haruna took the comforter off her body and rose from her futon. Sanae was to the noirette's left, sleeping peacefully on a queen sized bed. _At least someone's able to sleep well tonight._

"Umm..." Sanae purred, shifting in her sleep. The pink comforter slipped off of her, revealing her white tee shirt and red boy-shorts. "Satori..."

Haruna smiled. _That's so cute! She's having a dream! _

"Sa... to... ri..." Sanae shifted again, her entire bosom nearly peeking out of the low-cut collar of her shirt. Haruna blushed once she noticed the older girl's lovely mounds. _Damn. You have grown a lot, Sanae-chan! I still can't believe that you're taller than me now!_

"Sato... riii..." Sanae puckered her lips, sleep-kissing. Haruna giggled at this and decided to cover the older girl back up with the comforter. "Satori..."

_Must be someone she really likes, _Haruna thought, covering Sanae's chest. _Easy girl! Fidget any more in your sleep, you're gonna flash me._

"Satori... I... love you..." Sanae rolled onto her back.

_Whoa! Seems like she's having a wet dream in the making! Listen to how she's saying that name._

"Worship... me... Read these... filthy... thoughts..."

_Oh well. Maybe I should step outside to clear my mind_, she thought and left the room. Entering the den, the saw the light of the television illuminating the dark room. Kanako was sitting up on the couch in front of the TV, fast asleep. Haruna walked through the den silently, being careful not to wake the storm goddess. For all she knew, a god could get extremely cranky if you rudely awake one. _That's kinda interesting... even gods need a good night's sleep._

Haruna exited the front door and sat on the foyer. She gazed into the night sky, wondering about this land of mysticism. She believed that stumbling into Gensokyou was not at all coincidence. The words of Akyuu No Hieda resurfaced on her mind.

"_There's an old saying that I'm well aware that's even said beyond the border: it's a small world."_

"That kid was right," the noirette thoughtfully said to herself. "I still can't believe that I ran into Sanae-chan again in this wonderland. This isn't coincidence at all."

Then there was a sudden sound among the trees. _Shi! Shi! Shi! Shi!_

Haruna stood up in alarm. "What was that?" She took several glances at the trees around the shrine's yard. "Hmm... maybe it was just a deer or something."

_Shi! Shi! Shi! Shi!_

A raccoon leaped out from behind a patch of bushes. The woodland creature stared at Haruna in curiosity and went on about it's business. "False alarm." Haruna sighed. "The little guy was probably looking for bugs or something..."

There goes that sound again: _Shi! Shi! Shi!_

Her heart-rate accelerated. "Okay... I think I'm going to head back inside now."

She saw movement in the trees. Focusing on whatever it was that was moving along the branches, she realized that it was a monkey. "Phew! It's just a monkey. I'm getting paranoid."

After disregarding the primate, she heard an unmistakable sound."_Is-is-is-is... that-that-that-that... so-so-so-so?"_

Haruna gasped in terror. There was something devilishly familiar about that sound. "Wait a minute? Could that be-"

"_Is-is-is-is... that-that-that-that... so-so-so-so?"_

"Shit!" Haruna swore and quickly turned on her feet. The moment she did this, she felt something putting it's weight on her left thigh and the last thing she saw was a black clad knee coming straight into her face.

**WHAM!**

Haruna succumbed into darkness.

**ELSEWHERE – SEVERAL MINUTES LATER**

Her head hurt. In fact, her head ached so much it felt like someone dropped an anvil on her head. Haruna never had a headache so bad since the day she woke up with a hangover after her high school graduation party. It was incredibly hot. She groggily opened her eyes. "Ugh... where... am... I?"

"Oh-ho! You're coming around! Good!" A high-pitched voice said.

"Huh?" Haruna wondered and tried moving her body... to no avail. She felt her arms were tightly bonded behind her back and her legs were tied together by the ankles. She also smelled something burning. "What's... going on?"

"Ah! You're awake!" A pair of wide red eyes were staring into hers.

Haruna recognized the sound of the voice and those wide eyes. "Rumia!"

"That's my name," the darkness youkai giggled. "Don't wear it out!"

"You!" Haruna looked around and realized that she was bound to a log that was hanging above a open flame. The blond youkai had removed the pajamas Sanae lent to her and now she was only in her sports bra and panties. She was literally being cooked! "Where did you put my clothes, you little creep!"

"Don't worry about it!" Rumia grinned, fixing a salad made out of persimmons and stolen ingredients from the village. "You won't be needing them anymore! You're mine!"

"Nah-uh!" Haruna retorted in horror. She tried freeing herself by rocking left and right. "Just wait until I get free! I'm going to kick your butt!"

"Is that so?~" Rumia mocked her prey. "You can't get free! I tied you up tight!"

"You little monster!" Haruna spat helplessly at her nemesis.

"Shut up!" Rumia approached her victim and poured salt on her. "You humans taste extra good with this stuff!"

"You know, you're going to have high blood pressure with how much salt you're putting on your meal," a new dulcet voice advised. "I'm afraid that not even youkai are immune to bad health."

Haruna heard the voice. "Huh?"

Rumia gasped in alarm. "Who's there?"

"Now now, my cute little Rumia..." the voice giggled. "Surely you know who I am? You should be able to tell who I am by the sound of my voice."

Rumia gulped. "You're not who I think you are, right?"

"Take a guess."

The darkness youkai said, "What do you want this time, Nue?"

"Nue?" Haruna wondered.

"Nue? NUE!" The voice scoffed. "Okay! I'm done messing around with you, kid. Let's cut to the chase." A very powerful presence shrouds the forest as Yukari Yakumo suddenly appeared from a gap in reality. "It seems that I gave your intellect more credit than it deserved. I mean, seriously – Nue! ? I'm offended that you'd even compare me with that svelte trickster! Why have hamburger when you can have steak?"

Haruna gazed at the voluptuous blonde woman, but there was something about her that made the hair on the back of her neck stand rigid. _Is she another youkai?_

Rumia fell on her rump. "Yukari... Yakumo!"

The super youkai grinned. "That's my name, don't wear it out."

_That's... Yukari! ? _Haruna thought in alarm. _She looks vastly different from what I thought she would look like. _She actually thought that Yukari was some white-haired old lady with horns that dresses herself in ancient Japanese clothes. Boy did she thought wrong!

"Stay away from me!" Rumia cried. "I'm about to have dinner!"

"No," the devil of Gensokyou gave Rumia a cold stare. "She's mine."

_Hers? What does she wants with me?_

"I found her first!" Rumia hollered while shaking her head. "I caught her fair and square!"

"Right..." with a wave of her hand, the fire instantly extinguished. "Although, I have to admit, that was a pretty sweet Shining Wizard that you tagged the poor girl with."

"Wah!" Rumia picked up two stones from the ground and scrubbed them together furiously. "My fire! Why did you go and do that?"

Yukari yawned. "Because I'm Yukari, that's why."

Rumia pouted. "Ooh! You're such a mean old hag!"

The youkai sage narrowed her violet eyes ominously. "Run along, Rumia."

Like a hard-headed defiant child, Rumia said "No!"

_She's scared!_ Haruna noticed that the darkness youkai was failing in her act of bravado. _Rumia's downright frightened!_

"Rumia..." Yukari closed her eyes with a sigh. "You're wasting my time. Get out of my sight. I'm not going to tell you again."

Tears streamed down Rumia's cheeks as she spread her arms in defiance. "No! No! No! She's mine! This is my food! Mine! Mine!"

"You poor little misguided creature..." Yukari opened her eyes. They were glowing an unholy shade of red. "BEGONE!"

"AAAAIIIEE!" Rumia screamed as she scrammed off into the night.

"The Youkai of Everlasting Darkness..." Yukari scoffed with a roll of her eyes. "Bah!"

"Uh... thank you?" Haruna squeaked nervously over a pile of ashes and burned twigs.

"You." Yukari's tone cause chills to travel up the poor girl's spine. "Come along."

After a wave of her hand, a void enveloped all Haruna could see and she felt herself falling into an abyss. "WAAAAAAAAAAHH!"

**THE PHANTASM**

Haruna fell for several minutes while screaming hopelessly. What in the world is going on? What is the meaning of this endless darkness? Did that Yukari woman ended her existence? Has she come for her soul? Could this be the shadow of death?

"AAAAAHH!" The lull of gravity returned, but Haruna didn't felt anything when she landed. All she knew is that she landed on something. She picked herself off the ground(?) and noticed that she was still semi-nude. She gasped in terror as she witnessed the world around her: an endless swirl of violet, red, and blue with countless gaping eyes. "AAAAIIEE! My nightmares aren't even this scary!"

"So you're the one that crossed my barrier today." Yukari spoke as she appeared behind the frightened child. "We meet at last."

Haruna didn't reply. She was busy being scared witless.

"Hey? Chen got your tongue?" Yukari sighed. "I won't allow anything to hurt you. Say something."

"Wha... what is this place?" Haruna wondered with fear evident in her tone.

A debonair smile graced the devil's full lips, this place always has that effect on people. "Of course, this is paradise, purgatory, and hell all in one." Yukari revealed to the outsider. "This is Home Sweet Home, child. Isn't it wonderful?"

A rather large eye appeared in front of Haruna, staring at her with a mix of accusation, malice, uncertainty, and curiosity. "Uh... I guess it's nice. There aren't any fire and brimstone here, right?"

A dulcet chuckle escaped Yukari. "No worries, deary. However, I can warp us to the many hells of different realities if you would like."

Haruna felt as if her heart fell down her rib cage. She fervently shook her head. "No! No thanks!"

"You look rather uncomfortable." Yukari noted, liking the shape of the girl's lower body. "Let's have a seat, shall we?" With a snap of her fingers, the swirling void dissipated like a fog. They were now standing inside a very large room with dark checker board flooring and there was a rather luxurious couch right before them. She went over to the couch and sat down while crossing her legs, giving Haruna an inviting look. "Well?"

Haruna stared at the buxom woman in purple. Now that she thought about it, Yukari seemed familiar to her. But first thing, first... "Um... do you have any clothes to spare?"

"Oh! Right! Hold still for a moment, would you?" Yukari snapped her fingers again and now her visitor was dressed in a pink kimono, complete with a white mob cap. "There. Check yourself out in that mirror to your left."

Haruna did so, taking the hat off of her head. "Nice. But I think the cap is not for me, though."

"Aw!" Yukari pouted. "You look so cute with it on! Very well..." with another snap of her fingers, the cap disappeared. _So much for turning you into a Touhou girl._

Haruna took a seat with her phantasmal host. "So you're Yukari Yakumo?"

"That is correct," Yukari affirmed. "Looks like Reimu already told you about me."

"Yea, she did," Haruna said, still staring at the super youkai with curiosity. "And to be honest... I thought that you would look much different."

"Excuse me?"

"No offense, ma'am." Haruna held out her hands in defense. "You're extraordinarily beautiful!"

"Why thank you!" Yukari squealed.

"And here I thought that you would be an ugly old hag," the noirette comment truthfully.

"Hmm!" Yukari opened a gap with blazing hellfire visible and the smell of brimstone emanating from it. "You sure that you don't want a tour of hell?"

"Not at all!" Haruna giggled fearfully and the gap closed. "I apologize."

"You're a smart child." Yukari took a paper fan from her sleeve and covered her lower face with it.

Haruna saw this gesture and her eyes widened in recognition. "Uwah!"

"What is it?" Yukari remarked curiously.

"I've seen you before!" Haruna pointed to the sub-god in an unmistakable manner. "You've been in the city many times!"

"Well I'm not surprised," Yukari giggled as she leaned on the arm of the sofa. "It is a small world, after all. I've been to all the continents on this planet. Yes, even the frozen one."

"I used to see you on the city train all the time," said Haruna as she traveled down Memory Lane. "You're were usually on your cell when I see you, though. You wore designers clothes and carried a lot of shopping bags. People assumed that you were a tourist."

"I get that a lot, actually." Yukari fanned her face.

"And I can overheard your conversations while you on the phone sometimes," the human youth pointed out. "Who was this Ran person you used to scold all the time?"

"She's my shikigami." Yukari replied. Children will always be children. They were an overly nosey bunch! "Ran!"

The said nine-tailed woman appeared inside the room from a gap, courtesy of her master. "Yes, Yukari-sama?"

"Ran, this is..." Yukari looked over to Haruna for clarification. "What's your name now?"

"Haruna Shindo."

"The girl that crossed the border today: Haruna Shindo," Yukari introduced. "Haruna, this is Ran Yakumo, my ever loyal servant and friend."

Ran courteously bowed. "It's nice to meet you, Shindo-san."

Haruna returned the gesture."Same here, Ran-san."

"Hey, where's Chen?" Yukari wondered, her violet eye scanning the room for the mischievous youkai cat. She noticed that the shikigami duo were getting less inseparable during the recent months. "I thought she was hanging around with you, Ran."

"She's not here." Ran confirmed. "She's out hunting the tengu girl with the cellphone. She once mentioned that the spirit reporter smelled delicious to her."

"Oh my." Yukari made a face. "Hatate should be extra careful for now on. Chen is terribly persistent when perusing her meals."

"You're certainly right about that," the nine-tailed fox agreed. "Is there anything that you would like?"

"I'm fine, thank you." Yukari gazed over to her dark haired guest. "What would you like, deary?"

"You have bottled water?"

"Of course." Ran responded as she made her way out the room. "I'll go get one."

After the kyuubi left their presence, Haruna commented. "That is one awesome looking woman! She's pretty cool."

"Indeed. My friend is as powerful as her awe-inspiring her looks are," said Yukari. "She is the strongest beast youkai that I've seen in ages."

"She is?" Haruna asked with an air of surprise.

"Quite. Looks can be deceiving. Ran may be humble, but she can be a force to be reckoned with when provoked." Yukari stated matter-of-factually. "The same can be said of Chen. That is why they are my shikigami. In fact, Chen is Ran's shikigami."

"A shikigami... of a shikigami..." said Haruna thoughtfully. "Huh."

"Quite impressive, isn't it?" Yukari giggled. "Only the strongest of youkai and beasts are candidates for being my familiars."

"Oh! That's what Reimu said about Aya!" Haruna pounded a fist into her palm. "I met Aya earlier. She's a little on the perverted side but she seems to be an easygoing person."

"Let me guess, she took a photo of your underwear?" Yukari hit the nail on the head.

Haruna blushed, recalling the feel of Aya's smooth hand on her derriere. "Just how do you know about that?"

Yukari nodded her head. "Come now, this is Aya we're talking about. Nearly everyone in Gensokyou has been a victim of her antics. Including me."

"Wow. Really?" Haruna wondered. "So that means that she caught a snapshot-"

"I was going commando that day," the youkai sage revealed.

"Ooh..." Haruna grimaced. "I feel your pain."

"Such sympathy is not needed. Aya got what she was looking for and I enjoyed the experience." Yukari told the lost girl. "Exhibitionism aside, Aya is very talented... both as a journalist and as a warrior. She is highly versed in combat lore and her prowess are legendary among her people."

"You sure couldn't tell that by looking at her," Haruna commented.

"If you were her sworn adversary, then you are already dead." Yukari explained. "People made the mistake of underestimating her because of her girlish good looks. In the hundreds of years that she existed, many youkai made the mistake of being on her bad side. And really... Aya rarely shows her bad side."

"I can only imagine..."

"Yes, and that is why I sought her out. She is beyond worthy of being a shikigami of mine." Yukari was shaking a fist now. "In fact, that woman is as powerful as Ran, if not, more so. Yet..."

"What?"

"I give that tengu pause. She knew that I can easily overwhelm her but she refuses to be my shikigami," Yukari spoke with a sad look on her face. "I respect that..."

"I see..."

"Anyway," the super youkai resumed her friendly smile. "How do you like Gensokyou so far? What's going wrong in your life? Besides the fact that Rumia almost had you for a late night snack, you seem awfully stressed."

The noirette gasped."Wait? How can you tell that?"

"You entered Gensokyou via Reconsideration Road." Yukari revealed in a solemn voice. "People that are troubled, melancholic, and suicidal enter this realm through that path. The same can be said for people that hardly has any relatives and those that already committed suicide. With the exception of those that have significant spiritual power that is the only way you could have crossed the boundary."

"You... you're right," Haruna admitted as she hung her head with a blue expression. "I am a little depressed. I come from a dysfunctional home."

Yukari nodded. "Yep. You sure fit the bill of an OC entering Gensokyou."

"Huh?" Haruna raised her head curiously.

"Nevermind," Yukari hid her sly grin with her fan. "Let's just say that I now know why I felt the rift in the boundary earlier." She crossed her legs again. "So what are you going to do now? You're going to return to the outside world or would you like to remain here?"

"I've already decided to leave tomorrow," the dark haired girl replied. "It was good seeing my friend Sanae again, but I decided to move on with my life. Sanae moved on with hers three years ago and I missed her a lot back then."

"So you already met the two and a half gods..." Yukari surmised with another slick grin. "I take it that it was a big surprise when you found out that they're gods."

"Yea. It's something straight out of a fantasy manga." Haruna remarked.

"I remember the day they entered Gensokyou. Actually, Kanako brought the entire shrine here," the super youkai twirled a white umbrella in her hand. "The little one, Suwako Moriya is the true goddess of Moriya but Kanako was the sole proprietor of it for a very long time. Details are sketchy but Suwako owned an entire kingdom and Kanako overthrew her in a great war long before I was even born."

"Long... before you were born?" Haruna wondered as she cocked her head. "And Reimu and the others were calling you an old... uh, older woman."

"I know, right!" Yukari said, releasing some pent-up tension regarding many people calling her an old hag. "Kanako existed many years before I did and that loli frog is even older! She's one of the oldest gods around. Heck, she's among the first generation! She's the old hag in this picture!"

"That's some mind-boggling irony there," the lost girl nodded in agreement. "Judging from how adorable she is, no one would ever suspect that Suwako's an ancient... child. I honestly thought that she was just a little girl with a smart mouth."

Yukari bit her lower lip."Deceptive little thing, isn't she?"

"That she is," Haruna agreed.

Ran returned to the room with a cold bottle of water and handed it to Haruna. "Here you go."

"Thank you very much, Ran-san. Haruna graciously opened the drink and took a sip. "Ahh!"

Yukari stood up from the couch. "Well... it was certainly nice meeting you, Haruna. Enjoy this realm while you're here. It may be the last time that you will see me and the others."

The lost girl sensed some finality in Yukari's voice. "What do you mean?"

"Those that once enter and leave Gensokyou... may never walk upon this land again." Yukari explained. "In a few months time, this land won't be a distant memory. The memory of this wonderland will be effaced from your mind... forever."

"Really?"

"I'm afraid so. The existence of this place is not to be acknowledged by the world beyond the border." Yukari stated to the noirette. "It is this land's way of preserving itself, alienating it from the annals of history and scientific knowledge. To an outsider to return home, the memory of Gensokyou is indeed magic. Magic that will eventually fade from the mind of the outsider. Do you understand, Haruna Shindo?"

"I... understand." Haruna acknowledged. _This is such a bummer!_

"Tell me what you need and I'll help you be on your way tomorrow."

"I... need a car battery." Haruna informed. "Either that, or a pair of jumper cables."

Yukari closed her eyes. "Very well." She waved her umbrella and another gap opened. "Have a good night, Haruna."

"WAAAAAH!" Someone suddenly fell out of the gap.

Haruna was shocked about this development. "It's Kogasa!"

Yukari was unamused. "You just had to do it, didn't you?"

The lovable karakasa gathered herself on her haunches and lolled her tongue out with a wink. "Tee-he! Surprised to see me?"

**OUTSKIRTS OF GENSOKYOU – NEXT DAY**

"I hope that everything goes well with you in Osaka, Haruna-chan." Sanae said, giving her friend best wishes for the future. The Moriya miko guided her friend safely to the boundary of Gensokyou.

"Thanks, Sanae-chan." Haruna winked.

"Just be sure to drop by when you get the chance."

"Wait a second? Yukari-san once I leave there's no coming back to this place." Haruna wondered in shock. "You mean to tell me it's possible that I could return?"

Sanae sighed, nodding her head. "That's just like her to tell such a tale. Just so you know, Yukari's a troll. A _big _troll. I am very convinced that she wrote the book on trolling."

"So Yukari-san was only messing around?" Haruna's mouth hung open in disbelief. "She got me good! She really had me feeling depressed about leaving."

"Well... what she said is only half true. It's rare but there has been a few people that returned to Gensokyou." Sanae revealed. "Of course, it requires great spiritual power and from what Marisa told me, possibly science."

"But I don't have any spiritual power," Haruna whined. "Let alone any sort of meditative training."

"Ah. Now that's where I come in," the Moriya priestess waved a finger and winked. She took a hair clip from her skirt pocket and parted her classmate's bangs before putting it near her right ear. The hair clip had a cute little picture of Pyonta engraved onto it. "There. That hair clip is your ticket inside Gensokyou. It's imbued with spiritual power from my grandmother. It's a lifetime pass."

Haruna became teary-eyed and glomped Sanae with a hug. "Oh! Thank you Sanae-chan! Thank you! I'll keep this as long as I live!"

"Yea... no problem..." Sanae wheezed from the affectionate bear hug. "You're... suffocating me... Haruna... chan..."

"Huh?" Haruna realized that her friend's face was as blue as her skirt. "Whoops! Sorry!"

"I see that you two are enjoying the moment," Yukari said from the other side of the road near Haruna's Pontiac. She was wearing her usual purple-white getup along with shades on her face. "Now let's get a move-on, ladies. This tale has to end soon."

Both Haruna and Sanae were dumbfounded. "Huh?"

Yukari sighed and held up an electric jumper-cable box. "Just come on you two! There's hardly any traffic on this road today and I'm thankful for it. I don't want to be hit on by a sweaty, three hundred pound trucker with titties as big as mine again."

"Oh... kay..." Sanae droned.

"What? You were jealous, Yukari-san?" Haruna giggled and crossed the road.

"Hardly," the youkai sage scoffed, powering on the electronic box. "You know what to do."

"Right," the dark haired girl went inside her vehicle and pressed a switch that open the hood. "She's all yours!"

"It's showtime, girls!" Yukari grinned as she leaned underneath the hood.

Sanae, however, saw something that Yukari was about to do wrong. "Uh... Yukari-san? Are you sure that you know what you're doing?"

"Of course I do! Don't be ridiculous!" Yukari protested. "Besides, I will change the entire fandom's perception of me being lazy! I'll show those simpletons! I'll show em all!"

Sanae was looking scared now. "That's all well and good, but you're-"

Too late. The super youkai was in for the shock of her life!

_**KKZZZZZZTTT!**_

Yukari began rocking violently while smoking like a locomotive. "Kyah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!"

"Holy crap!" Haruna screamed.

Sanae sighed."You're... applying those cables to the wrong polarity.

Yukari transformed into a skeleton with a huge golden afro and she was wailing like an opera star. "AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AAAAAAAHHHHH!"

The Moriya fujo quoted something her grandmother said a while back, "The Youkai Sage of Boundaries... bah!"

Soon enough, the cabled sparked for a final time and Yukari fell to the ground. She was covered in soot. "Well... that was... an unpleasant experience..." she coughed.

Sanae stood over Yukari. "Is that a fact?" My have the mighty have fallen... in such a hilarious way!"

"Is she going to be okay?" Haruna wondered, but she was laughing on the inside. _That was one EPIC ass FAIL!_

Sanae noticed the now inoperable jumper box on the ground beside Yukari. "Now what? That thing isn't any good now."

Yukari waved her hand weakly, opening a small gap. She reached inside it and pulled out a brand new automotive battery. "Here..."

"That's what you could have done in the first place!" Sanae scolded as she picked up the fresh battery and replaced the old one.

Meanwhile, a employee at an automotive retail store was accused of merchandise theft by his boss and was fired on the spot.

"Now," the green haired handywoman completed the battery installation and closed the hood. "That's all she wrote. Give it a start, Haruna-chan."

"Cool," the noirette placed the key inside the ignition and started the car. The Pontiac quickly roared to life.

**VROOOOM!**

"Alright!" Haruna laughed in satisfaction. "Now that's what I'm talkin' about! Thank you, Sanae-chan! You too, Yukari-san!"

The smoking body on the ground gave her a thumbs up.

"Think nothing of it," Sanae picked up Yukari off the ground and carried her bridal-style. "I know common sense is scarce in Gensokyou, but that was ridiculous!"

"That... wasn't... common sense..." Yukari grumbled.

Sanae rolled her eyes."Suuuure it wasn't..."

"You know, Sanae..." Haruna noticed the way Yukari was being carried. "You're looking awfully heroic right now."

Sanae blushed. "Really?"

"Definitely." Haruna replied, blushing as well. They were both staring into each others' eyes. _What is this feeling? Why is my heart beating so fast?_

_Holy Kanako!_ Sanae thought feverishly. _My classmate can't be this cute!_

"Cheesy..." Yukari grunted, ruining the warm moment.

Sanae gasped and cleared her throat. "Ah! Well it's best for you to get a move on, Haruna-chan. Your life awaits."

Haruna shook out of her stupor."Oh! You're right!"

"Don't forget to come over for a visit, okay?"

"Yea, I'll make sure not to forget." Haruna nodded. "Maybe I'll stay around for a while on my next visit."

"That would be great." Sanae replied. She blushed once again and look away. "Well... it guess this is goodbye... for now."

"Okay. Let me be on my way." Haruna shifted the gear in reverse. "But there's one more thing that I need to tell you, Sanae-chan."

"Huh? What is it?" Sanae wondered with a pink hued face.

"You're still the same and yet, you've change a lot." Haruna revealed. "You're looking so cool with her in your arms right now. I'm jealous!"

"Haruna-chan!"

The younger girl giggled. "I'm going to give you a call later on, pretty lady! See ya around!" The car backed onto the highway and resumed it's journey to Osaka, leaving a nonplussed Moriya maiden.

"Could it be..." Sanae's mind haven't fully registered what her friend meant yet. "Could it be that my classmate likes me... more than just a friend?"

Yukari suddenly wrapped her arms around Sanae's neck. "Aw! Isn't that sweet? Your old buddy wishes that she was in your arms instead of me."

"You're ruining the moment, ya know?"

"Well, maybe I can lighten the mood again," Yukari gave Sanae a seductive smile. "Has anyone ever told you that you smell like strawberries?"

"You're delirious, Yukari-san."

"Indeed I am!" Yukari suddenly puckered her lips and gave Sanae a deep passionate kiss, totally surprising her.

After a moment of awkward silence, Sanae suddenly dropped Yukari and retreated to Gensokyou while screaming like an elementary schoolgirl given cooties. "WAAAAAAAAAH!"

Yukari stared longingly at Sanae's sprinting form from her spot beside the highway. "Oh ho ho! She wants me! It's only a matter of time!"

**END OF TALE**

**Author's Notes**

That's that. The story of Haruna's invasion... uh... visit to the eastern wonderland ends. I'm not sure if she will ever appear again. I'm aware that Sanae didn't know that Suwako was her ancestor before the events of Subterranean Animism in canon, but I thought it would be fun if she did. I find Sanae trying to hide that fact from Haruna really hilarious.

Hmm... this was one long ass tale. I haven't written anything this long in years. I once wrote a chapter for a KOF crossover that was nearly 15k in length (for another website if I remember correctly). This piece was _**almost **_twice as long! This was a story that almost never ended because Haruna and Yukari was very hard to write about.

I guess whatever doesn't kill ya, makes ya stronger. Now to check out some of the latest gameplay videos of Tekken Tag 2. I've missed E3 and ComicCon. Sad... that game's not going to see the light of day in the western arcade market. It barely got Bloodline Rebellion by the skin of it's teeth.

Plus... I suck at rapping. Kotohime's 'theme song' is testament to the claim.

Until next time!

**NEXT TALE**

**Mischief At Scarlet Devil Manor**


	5. Mischief At Scarlet Devil Manor

Need a fix? Here.

**TOUHOU PROJECT**

**MISHAPS OF THE EASTERN WONDERLAND**

**5th Tale**

**Mischief At Scarlet Devil Manor**

Myouren Temple was bustling with life today. Many people congregated on the sacred grounds to attend a special event. Both humans and youkai alike were present to witness a ceremonial for uniting a human male and a youkai female in matrimony. Marriages between a human and youkai were rare. In fact, today's ceremony may very well be the first human/youkai wedding in Gensokyou's history. The joyfulness of such an occasion was undeniable.

Byakuren Hijiri stood before the groom on the alter. It was very appropriate for her to unite the bride and groom together for the rest of their lives. The monk wanted to cry. Today's marriage was a huge step towards her dream of coexistence between humans and youkai. To be honest, this was the greatest day of her super mortal life. She hoped today's ceremony will set an example to the citizens of Gensokyou. Byakuren hoped that this event would soon dispel the tension of the land.

"Ooh, here she comes," Keine whispered among the crowd.

"Tell me why I came to this wedding again?" Moukou asked aloud, dressed in a midnight blue ceremonial yukata. She hate yukatas.

Keine nudged her immortal friend with an elbow. "Shh!"

The ash haired immortal rubbed her now aching ribs."Okay. Okay. Sheesh!"

Surely enough, here comes the bride. She was accompanied by her bridesmaid, a beautiful raven haired woman of uncommon height. The bridesmaid was even taller than the groom. She walked at a steady pace along with the bride. While the bride slowly approached her soon to be husband, a few snapshots were taken. The flashes of the camera disorientated one of the shamisen players. Fortunately, it was a minor disturbance.

"Ugh..." Kogasa moaned with a set of swirly eyes. The ghastly cutie was wearing traditional wedding robes and her hair was up in a high ponytail. _That crow needs to take it easy with that thing, _she thought as she resumed playing the instrument. Ichirin was playing a flute. The karakasa has her condolence. That winged reporter certainly needs to take the flashing down a notch. To the nun's relief, Kogasa was on her best behavior today. The heterochromatic girl would be whining by now.

The bride was standing besides the groom at last. Byakuren was smiling so brightly that a tear finally slid down her cheek. A redhead girl began crying beside the graciously tall bridesmaid. The groom's Best Man began sniffing, trying his best not to shed tears. The youkai savior's joy was very infectious!

Byakuren cleared her throat and began the sermon. "By the guidance of fate, we have assembled here today in this holy temple... to unite man and youkai... lovers..."

Several minutes passed (including a novel moment with the tall bridesmaid passing out during the sermon). It was now coming down to the moment of truth. The bride and groom were staring affectionately at each other in the eyes. The bride was blushing so profusely that the discoloration can be seen through the veil she wore. The groom, for some odd reason... was hard to identify by the shadow of his hair. Nevertheless, it was time to get the two lovers hitched!

Byakuren spoke to the groom. "Do you, Mystery Guy, takes this youkai as your lawfully wedded wife? Even in health, sickness, and other adverse times will you stay by her side?"

After a moment's hesitation, the groom timidly replied "I do."

The beautiful monk nodded. The young man was ready to spend the rest of his days by his youkai companion's side. She was proud of him! She now regarded the bride. "Now... do you, Satori Komeiji, accept this man as your lawfully wedded husband? From now on, you will be his pillar of strength and greatest friend. Will you take him?"

Satori's violet eyes were bright with hope. This man was ready – she could tell from his thoughts. "I do," she solemnly replied.

_This is really happening! I can't believe this!_ Byakuren thought in pure glee. She suppressed her excitement and cleared her throat again. "Very well." She regarded the congregation. "Before we unite these two into holy matrimony, is there anyone present that wishes to object this union – to provide discord, perhaps? Speak now or forever hold your piece."

No questionable murmurs among the congregation. Everyone was quiet... except for the faint sobs coming from Orin. The hellcat was so happy for her master! Okuu was faring better now. She took Shou's advice of not locking the knees, which is why the hell raven fainted in the first place. Hatate was even there to record the mishap, to Aya's chagrin. She's going to have a word with that cute little spirit photographer after the wedding. Kogasa absentmindedly plucked a string of her shamisen and Kumoi slapped the turquoise girl on the back of her head. There were no disagreements. No objections!

Byakuren Hijiri was mentally doing cartwheels. _Yes! Yes! This is delightful! Human-youkai harmony, here I come! _"Ah. Then it's settled... by the decree of the gods... I shall now pronounce-"

"STOP!" A high-pitched voice wailed from the entrance. "I DISSENT! I OBJECT THIS UNION!"

The entire congregation suddenly expressed their disbelief.

"Oh no," Keine held a hand over her open mouth. "Sanae? What in the world is that girl is getting herself into now?"

"Finally, some entertainment." Moukou chuckled. "It's on now!"

"Moukou!"

"Meh. This wedding was boring," the immortal remarked curtly. "The sudden chaos was badly needed. It's the spice of eternal life."

Kogasa stared at the divine intruder. She dropped her instrument as her eyes took on a slight tint of green. "It can't be..."

"Looks like she has feelings for that disrespectful godling." Parsee chuckled darkly.

"Sanae! You... you home-wrecker!" Orin sobbed.

"Inconceivable."

"She appeared out of nowhere..."

"And it was just about to get to the good part. What a letdown!"

"All boobs, no brains!" A certain flat-chested undefined girl trolled. Wait, what?

"Boo!"

"You're a fan favorite because...?"

"Unyuu?"

"You su-diddly-uck, ze!"

The wind priestess of Moriya ignored the crowd's air of disapproval. "Please forgive me, but I cannot allow Satori-san and that man to wed!" She ran up to Satori and held the youkai girl's right hand into hers. "Satori-san..."

Satori fluttered her eyelashes in confusion. "Y-yes?"

"I love you!"

Due to the wedding being interrupted, Byakuren fell off Cloud Nine. The very first human-youkai wedding... ruined by the selfless child from the outside world. Her first huge step towards coexistence was now a huge misstep. A sad look claimed the youkrist's face and her lips wriggled. _FFFUUUU-_

"You're in love with me?" Satori gasped, unable to read the demigoddess' mind because of the shock. "Sanae, do you know what you're saying? Do you truly mean it?"

"Yes Satori! I mean it with every fiber of my being!" Sanae declared. "I love you with all my heart!"

"I'm being punished, aren't I?" Byakuren said to the heavens and fell to her knees while crying. "Please... reinforced the will of this foolish misguided soul. Give me a sign that this is only a minor setback on the road to enlightenment. Namusan..."

"Let's get out of here, Satori!" Sanae urged.

"Now wait just a minute," the 'faceless' groom intervened. "What is up with you? Do you have any idea of what you've just-"

"Begone." Sanae uttered as a bluster of wind came from a wave of her hand. The groom was literally blown away! Shoot the author.

Satori simply couldn't believe that Sanae was doing all of this for her. In a sense, Sanae's rash actions were commendable... and fascinating. "Sanae... san... UWAH!" The Moriya fujo lifted her in her arms and she was now carrying her like a newlywed. "Sanae-san!"

Sanae gazed into the pink haired esper's eyes. "You know, this is like something straight out of a romance novel."

Satori giggled. "If the lack of resistance from the congregation is any indication, I agree. Never mind that, let's be on our way!"

"Right!" Sanae nodded and proceed to fly away from Myouren Temple with the love of her life in her arms. Soon enough, the people in the wedding left the temple with mixed emotions. The only people left were the usual residents of said temple. Kogasa was sobbing. She cursed the satori's existence. Shou and Kumoi were both nodding their heads in sympathy. Nazrin conveniently decided it was time to walk her pet dog. Nue nonchalantly went about her business (probably to go hang out with her tanuki buddy). Kyouko resumed her duties of sweeping the yard of the temple.

Murasa whistled, "Well screw me raw without a rubber!"

"Shut up, Murasa," the youkai savior grunted dejectedly. This turned out to be one heck of a day! Oh well... back to square one.

**SCENE CHANGE**

Satori enjoyed the flight in Sanae's arms immensely. She was certainly glad that the wind priestess intervened the wedding just in the nick of time. To be honest, she didn't even knew her fiance's name. Hell, even his face was a mystery to her! That fact in itself was amazing. The only thing she really knew about the guy was that he was young and he really loved her (and fiends after her as well). Satori returned his feelings in the long run and it was on that day he proposed to her.

It was something out of a fairytale – a dream. Now that she thought about it, something wasn't right about the entire scenario. "Hmm..."

"What is it, Satori-chan?" Sanae asked, her hair breezing in the cool autumn wind heroically. They were now soaring over the Forest of Magic. "What's on your mind?"

"There's... something not right about all this," she responded as she cradled her arms around Sanae's shoulder more securely. "I hope I'm not the only one that thinks so. Don't you feel weird about something?"

Sanae elevated higher in the atmosphere. Aya appeared in front of them from seemingly out of nowhere with her camera and Sanae didn't want a head on collision with the reporter. The tengu took a number of snapshots and went on about her business. "Huh? What do you mean? I love you. There's nothing weird about it."

"I see..." Satori closed her eyes for a moment. The answer she received from Sanae confirmed it all. Everything was not as it seems. "I was right all along."

"About what?"

Satori nodded her head sadly and gazed deeply into her lover's eyes. "I simply cannot believe that I didn't notice this sooner. How could I've been so careless? Everything about this is unbelievable."

Sanae's confusion grew. "Satori..."

"Hush..." Satori gave the miko a warm smile and pressed her index finger on her lips. "Do you love me, Sanae?"

The mind reader's tender inquiry somehow distraught Sanae. "What are you on about? Of course I love you."

A tear glistened in Satori's violet eye. "I'm so happy. I have the same feelings for you, Sanae-san. I really do. It's mutual. I wish... I wish it was like this in reality..."

"Don't be ridiculous!"

"It's true," the satori was crying now. "Sanae, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But this is all a dream. My fiance, the wedding, no objections from the people when you broke the wedding... it's all a dream." She sniffed and wiped a tear from her eye. "I... I can't even read your thoughts. That further confirms that this isn't real."

"No. You have to be kidding me," Sanae stopped mid-flight like a hummingbird. "Don't cry, Satori! This is real!"

"Oh Sanae..." Satori closed her eyes again. "How I wish that this is true. In fact, this is too good to be so. Unfortunately... all things must come to an end. This... is the end of our story."

Sanae's eyes glistened as well. "No. NO! We're together, Satori! How can you—"

The priestess' exclamation was cut short due to Satori's lips meeting hers. The pink haired youkai kissed her human paramour with extreme passion. Her tongue embraced the tongue of her divine lover, signifying their farewell. Sanae nearly fell from the skies by such an surprise moment. If compromising her first kiss to Satori was a dream then she definitely didn't want to wake up! She wished that this moment would last forever! Unfortunately, they both had to catch their breath.

Satori broke from their kiss and the sad look she gave Sanae was enforced with finality. "This was a sweet... beautiful dream. I wish that we're able to share our feelings like this in reality." The satori's image suddenly became translucent. "Farewell... Sanae."

Sanae gasped as her lover began fading away before her eyes. "Satori! No! Please! Please don't leave me! I-I don't care if this is a dream!"

The pink haired girl dematerialized completely. Sanae was alone. "A dream..." came Satori's disembodied voice. "That is what so sad about it. It's time for you to open your eyes."

"No! I don't want to!" Sanae covered her face with her hands and began sobbing.

"I know it's hard, but you must WAKE UP!"

_WAKE UP!_

_WAKE UP!_

_Wake up..._

**HAKUREI SHINE**

"Hey! Wake up, ze!"

Sanae stirred at the sound of the familiar voice and her eyes shot open. "Eh? Where... am I?"

"Dang. You're at the Hakurei Shrine, remember?" Marisa Kirisame revealed, showing concern for the younger girl. "Reimu really put a number on you, ze."

"Wha..." Sanae slurred and pressed her left hand to her suddenly aching head. She realized that she was indeed at the Hakurei Shrine and her head was resting on Marisa's lap. She adverted her gaze towards the familiar torii of the said shrine's entrance and it finally hit her. "Oh no... I've lost."

"Again," Marisa added.

Sanae suddenly felt downright pitiful. "But... I've trained so hard. I was certain that I will beat Reimu-san this time in a duel."

"And let's not forget about our deal." Reimu approached them and knelt down on her haunches. Sanae noticed that the older girl had smudges of dirt on her face and tears on her robes. "Do you remember the condition in the event of your defeat, Sanae?"

Sanae sighed. The entire left side of her shirt was torn. Luckily she decided to wear a sarashi today. "I... I must accompany you and Marisa to the Scarlet Devil Manor. My losing was unfortunate, but I'm a woman of my word." Sanae had a nagging suspicion that Reimu must have hit her with the Fantasy Seal. Maybe that would explain the blissful dream of hers.

A victorious grin marked the older miko's face. "Good girl."

"I knew that you were going to lose," Marisa commented with a giggle. "It was pretty much a one-sided battle. You didn't even last five minutes."

"You're rubbing salt into my wounds, Marisa!" Sanae complained. After this ordeal was over, she vowed to request her ancestor to train her with a new rigorous regime. Knowing Suwako and her ways, Sanae would welcome the tough love. Reimu Hakurei was the greatest adversary that she has ever faced and Sanae simply couldn't live with herself if she were to never score a victory against the older girl. "Besides, what's the reason you guys are visiting Remilia's home again?"

"I wanna borrow a couple volumes from Patchy," Marisa chirped.

Reimu made a gesture with her thumb and index finger. "I haven't had any donations in months."

Sanae nodded her head sadly. She was going to help these girls in committing treachery at the Scarlet Devil Manor. She made a silent prayer to both Kanako and Suwako (and many other gods) for forgiveness. She was officially enrolled in Hakurei and Kirisame's School of Hard Knocks. "Fascinatin'..." she muttered.

**SCARLET DEVIL MANOR**

There was something off about Sakuya.

The eldest of the mansion surveyed the actions of her chief maid with a critical eye. The first thing noticeable about Sakuya was the slight hue of pink to her usually pale skin. Second, the silver haired servant was walking with a somewhat slower gait this evening. To the naked eye Sakuya's movements were completely unnoticeable, but to Remilia Scarlet... the maid's dilatory pace was as clear as day. Third, Sakuya seems to have a hard time catering to the weight of the food today and she was breathing laboriously. The vampire noticed the maid's lack of energy as well. Remilia paid special attention to the heartbeat of her subordinate, noticing the lag in her heart rate. Lastly, Sakuya accidentally dropped silverware on the dining room floor. Twice.

That has never happened before.

Sakuya was under-performing this evening. The changes were unsettling. Even the most adept fairy maids were on par with Sakuya. Something was wrong. She can smell it. "Sakuya, is everything well this evening?"

The perfect maid paused after setting a bouquet of gourmet bread on the center of the dining table. "Pardon?"

The Scarlet Devil's scrutiny caught the maid by surprise somehow. "I can't help but notice the slight change of both your craftsmanship and demeanor, Sakuya."

"Mistress, I am fine. Your curiosity is-"

"Oh. Don't get me wrong," the diminutive terror propped her elbows on the table. "You're still performing well, Sakuya. It's just that you aren't functioning at your zenith. Plus, you made a handful of minor mistakes."

"It's just one of those days, I suppose." Sakuya replied. "I apologize for raising your concerns, Mistress."

"Hmm. How... altruistic of you," Remilia gazed at her right hand woman intently. "Perhaps I should get the wine myself."

"That... won't be necessary," Sakuya wheezed. She started off to return to the kitchen but she didn't noticed a fairy maid with dishes behind her. She bumped into the fairy and it yelp as the dishes flew out of her hands.

"Oh no!" The fairy shrieked. "We were grilling the steaks for hours!"

"Got it!" Hong Meiling was immediately on the scene. She performed a back-flip twice and followed up with a perfect somersault. She caught the endangered plates in midair and gracefully landed on her feet. "That was close. Be a little more careful next time, okay." She placed the dishes on the table.

Sakuya nodded. "I'll keep that in mind, Meiling." She faced Remilia and gave a bow of courtesy. "Please forgive my ineptitude. It won't happen again." She made her leave towards the kitchen.

Meiling placed her hands on her shapely hips. "Gosh. She's definitely not herself today, isn't she?"

"Do tell..." the Scarlet Devil twiddled her fingers while her ruby eyes scowled. "That's an understatement. There is something very wrong with that child."

"Hmm..." Meiling sat at the table and crossed her legs. She noticed the strange air about her friend as well. "What do you think is wrong with Sakuya? She can't be overworked. She enjoys her job and takes pride in it."

The elder of the manor prodded her chin thoughtfully. "Perhaps I should allow her to rest for a day or two."

Meiling stood straight up from her chair as her hands slammed onto the table. "What! ? You're kidding, right?" If Remilia really considered giving Sakuya a few days off, that would mean no pasta for a while. Meiling loved Sakuya's pasta! "I can't go a few days without Sakuya's cooking! She makes a mean Chicken Alfredo!"

"You're a youkai, Meiling. I'm sure that you can endure it." Remilia narrowed her eyes. "Speaking of youkai, our guest is still here, right?"

"I didn't see her leaving here so I guess so." Meiling admitted. "And I didn't fell asleep this time."

"Very well. She can stay over for dinner." Remilia crossed her legs under the table. "Flan and the others will be here shortly."

Inside the kitchen, Sakuya was leaning over the sink while ruminating. She was not feeling well today. Her head was throbbing in pain and it became increasingly hard to breathe. _Okay. Get it together, Sakuya. _She thought to herself. She poured herself a cup of cold tap water and downed it in a single gulp. _I haven't felt this queasy since I was a child... but I can't afford to show weakness in front of the Mistress. _She held a hand over her bosom as her breathing became more strenuous. _I can't believe that I'm lacking energy today. What in the world is going on with my body?_

"Sakuya!" A a pink haired fairy cook announced as she entered the kitchen. "Remilia-sama and the others are waiting on the Caesar salad. Would you like for me to bring it to them in your stead?"

"No. That won't be necessary," Sakuya replied and grabbed the huge salad bowl from the table in front of the fairy. It took nearly every ounce of her being to even lift the bowl. "Allow me."

The fairy noticed how much of a struggle for Sakuya to hold the bowl. "Are you sure?"

"Positive," the made gave her fairy companion a genuine smile. However, she was crumbling on the inside. "I better get going. It's best not to keep empty stomachs waiting." And with that she exits the kitchen into the dining room. This time every resident of the manor was sitting at the dining table (including Patchouli's guest). Flandre tried to snatch a large piece of steak from the center of the table but her older sister was there to stop her. Flan pouted at her after a admonishing gesture of her hand. Patchy's guest was reading a paperback novel. She seem to be deeply immersed in the tale.

"Here's the salad everyone," said Sakuya as she placed it on the table. A wave of dizziness suddenly washed over her. "I... I'll be back with the drinks in a moment." She sunk in a chair and brought her hand over her eyes. _Ugh. The pain is getting worse._

"Aw! Salad?" Flandre pouted. "I hate vegetables! I'm not eating a bit of it!"

"Quiet Flan," Remili commanded before she regarded Sakuya. "Sakuya, maybe you should take a leave and give yourself a break. You're clearly not yourself today. Allow me to go get our wine and drinks."

"I am fine. There's no need for concerns."

"Are you?" Remilia imposed on the maidservant. "Are you really? Sakuya, there is something wrong with you today. I can tell by your heartbeat and the smell of your blood. Don't lie to me."

"Uwah! You're right." Flandre acknowledged, noticing Remi's scrutiny at last. "Your heart is beating slowly, Sakuya. It's even going slower than Patchy's." Said youkai magician glowered at the younger Scarlet. Her demon familiar chuckled at the resentment.

"Don't... worry..." Sakuya stood up on shaking legs. Her vision blurred. "I'll... be just... ugh..."

Sakuya fainted. She hit the floor with a soft thud.

"Sakuya?" Remilia shot from her seat and came to Sakuya's aid in an instant. The urgency in her voice cause her calm tone to rise into a shriek. "Sakuya!"

Meiling was kneeling besides Sakuya was well. "What's wrong with her, Remilia? Isn't she still alive?"

Remilia propped the maid's head against her chest. "This isn't good. Sakuya's really sick! Her temperature is through the roof!"

Flandre was having second thoughts about the steak. "Uh... nevermind."

"A fever?" Meiling wondered. "She must be really sick then."

"No. It's worse. I've suspected it earlier but I should have known," Remilia lifted the unconscious girl off the floor in a princess carry. "Sakuya has influenza!"

After the vampire's confirmation, everyone at the table blanched. They slowly excused themselves from the table. Food was now the last thing on their minds. "Just where do you think you're going?"Remilia asked in a authoritative tone.

"I'm heading back to Voile," Patchouli remarked noncommittally. She cut a glare at Flandre. "There's certainly no need for me to be more ill than I already am."

Remilia scowled again. Why the nerve of that big-tittied nerd! Haven't it ever occurred to her that Sakuya isn't the only one that cooks dinner? "You should be ashamed of yourself, Patchy." She gazed over to Koakuma, the overly friendly demon girl. "And what about you, Koa? What excuses do you have?"

"I guess I don't want to contract a human-borne illness," the redhead intoned cautiously. "I heard from many demons that humans bear the worst diseases. Perhaps maybe I can help you nurse Sakuya back to health if you like?"

"No need," Remilia remarked as an idea formed in her mind. "With Sakuya ill it would mean bad news for us."

"What do you mean?" Meiling wondered, snatching a piece of bread from the table and biting into it. "You have me around. What is there to be worried about?"

Remilia gazed flatly at the yaojing. "That is what I'm afraid of."

Meiling gasped. "That was mean!"

"You're a youkai woman! Suck it up!" Remilia snapped before regarding everyone again. "Honestly... I may need two of you to work in Sakuya's stead." She spoke to Koakuma again. "Koa, you're going to have to patrol the mansion. Just in case something goes for the worse. I'm sure that you're more than competent enough to take care of would be intruders."

A hopeful look gleamed in Hong's eyes. "Ah! What about me? What will my duties be since Sakuya is going to be bed-ridden for a while?"

Remilia sighed. "Gate guard. No buffs or nerfs."

Meiling's entire being became white as a sheet of paper. "_Ga-kuuuun!"_

"What about me, Big Sis?" Flan was pointing at herself cutely. Remilia was hit with a bout of jealousy when she noticed the small mounds on her little sister's chest. She shuddered as they began jiggling due to Flan hopping up and down excitement. "C'mon, tell me! Huh! Huh!"

Remilia growled. "You. You go back to your room. I'll bring you cake."

"Really?" Flan hoped.

"Yes Flan," the older vampire replied unconvincingly (just don't tell Flan that). "I'll even bring you a triple chocolate cake loaded with pecans, strawberries, and vanilla cream." _Yes Flan! I'm going to bring you a low calorie chocolate cake! Therefore your boobs will hopefully stop growing at an alarming rate!_

"Yay!" Flandre cheered and vanished from the dining room, followed by a gust of wind.

**PICCHUN!**

"Ahhhnn!" Koakuma blushed, holding her skirt down in order to keep if from fluttering.

(Un)Fortunately for Patchouli, she caught a glimpse of heaven on the hell-born girl. "Mukyuu!" She held a hand over her now bleeding nose.

Remilia sighed once again. Sometimes she wondered why Patchy kept Koa around. She was beginning to suspect that besides being Patchy's assistant, she was also there as eye candy. Go figure. She nodded her head and glanced at the guest of honor. "I'm sorry to impose this on you, but would you mind staying over for a while? I'll even pay you."

"Hey!" Hong, Koa, and Patchy exclaimed simultaneously.

The guest diverted her attention from the novel in her hands. "Of course," came her dulcet reply. "Why not? I'll be glad to give you a helping hand."

"Excellent." Remilia said in a evil tone as she carried Sakuya to her room.

**MISTY LAKE**

"So," Sanae said in order to break the silence. She was flying over a giant lake along with Reimu and Marisa. "What's it like inside the mansion?"

"Spooky." Marisa admitted while surfing on her broom. Showoff.

"And European," Reimu commented. "If I ever wanted to travel to Europe I might as well go to Remi's place for a visit. Seriously, she has tons of souvenirs from many countries there."

"I see..." the youngest girl considered. She met Remilia before and to be honest, Remi was the cutest thing on the other side of Suwako. In fact, the vampire was grinning in glee once she discovered that there was someone in Gensokyou that is smaller than her (much to Suwako's chagrin). Because of that, the Queen of The Night has been on the Highest of the Native God's shit-list ever since. However, something about going to Remilia's abode bothered Sanae. While Remilia was an inviting and sociable person, Sanae couldn't help but sense murderous vibes from the vampire. In all of the easygoing nature and charisma about Remilia, Sanae feared her. To have subordinates as efficient as Sakuya Izayoi and one as powerful as Hong Meiling, Sanae assumed Remilia to be a very formidable being. Now that she thought about it, the sun was to set in a matter of minutes. "I have a bad feeling about this."

"Don't worry," Marisa reassured with a wide beautiful grin. "We're going go inside Remi's crib, take what we need, and be out. Remilia won't know what hit her, ze!"

Sanae sighed. "That doesn't sound very assuring now, does it?"

"Hey!" Reimu pointed ahead of them. "I can see the mansion."

After traveling through low clouds and fog, the abode of the Scarlet Devil was now in sight. It was an impressive edifice with an intricate Western design. While the main body of the mansion was a two-storied building, it was adorned with with three towers. The clock tower was the tallest among them. If anything, the Scarlet Devil Manor looked more like a castle from afar and that what gave it an imposing appearance. To Sanae, the manor looked downright sinister.

"Damn it," Reimu swore as she swatted a flying creature. "It's only dusk and the bats are already flying about."

"Whoa!" Sanae gasped as a swarm suddenly appeared. "How creepy! This is straight out of a horror movie!"

"Cranky little fuckers, aren't they?" Marisa quipped while she guarded her face. "Must be something big about to go down tonight."

"We're almost passed the shore of the lake." Reimu announced. "Let's lower altitude and prepare to land."

Sanae nodded. Deep down she was kinda scared but she was accompanied by both Reimu and Marisa. Knowing that fact strengthened her courage. "Right."

"Hold it right there!" A cosseted voice commanded.

The three girls stopped mid-flight to prevent themselves from colliding into the person that suddenly appeared before them. She hovered before the girls with a mischievous expression on her face. She was sitting cross-legged on a keystone. "What the heck, Tenshi?" Reimu expressed her annoyance.

The Celestial smirked at Reimu's vexation. There were a few smudges on her face along with a some rips on her pretty blue dress. The most curious thing about Tenshi right now was the body of an unconscious girl slumped over her right shoulder. Judging from Sanae's expression, she was very familiar with the girl. "What are you guys up to?"

"We're about to raid Remilia's place," eagerly remarked Marisa. "You can tag along, toots. You down?"

The smirk on the Celestial's face grew. "Bitchin'. Can't wait to see the look on that smug blood-sucker's face."

"Hey, what happened to Nue?" Sanae asked the billion yen question. "Why are you carrying that alien around?"

"Oh? You mean this?" Tenshi patted the undefined girl on her back. "I was bored. Saw this girl flying around the skies of Bhava-agra and decided to challenge her to a fight. It was a good fight but I kicked this cockroach's ass profusely."

"Cockroach?" Reimu and Marisa wondered.

"Eh? You mean to tell me that she's not a cockroach youkai?"

"Afraid not, Tenshi-san." Sanae confirmed as she nodded her head. "That's Nue Houjuu. A mysterious girl with the ability to feed off of fear and to conceal her true form. Nobody can be certain that her humanoid form is her true form for no one has ever seen it before. I am absolutely certain that she's a space alien, though."

"Is that right?" Tenshi grinned.

"Undefined form, eh?" Marisa got closer to Tenshi and smacked the black clad girl on the derriere. "One thing's for sure, she has a nice backside. Guess it compensates for her lack of boobs."

"Marisa... you're impossible." Reimu sighed at the witch's shenanigans. "Whatever. You can come along with us, Tenshi. Just don't get in our way, okay?"

"As you wish, Hakurei Maiden." Tenshi remarked sarcastically and tagged along with the others.

**SCARLET DEVIL MANSION**

**ENTRANCE GATES**

The human protagonists and their celestial companion landed on the earth. Noticing that there was a presence guarding the mansion's gates, they hid behind the veil of numerous trees in front of it. Different colored sets of eyes peered through the foliage. The gang realized that the guard was wide awake and thus they began formulating their plan. The yaojing was rather difficult to contend with on one of her good days. A fact that Marisa learned the hard way when she left her hakkero at home a while back.

"It's China," said the brown pair of eyes.

"Looks like she's on point this evening," the golden set of eyes commented. "Should I zap her with a Master Spark from here?"

"No Marisa," the brown orbs admonished. "She doesn't deserve such a cheap-shot. China's the friendliest person of the mansion."

"Judging from here, she looks rather hard to exterminate," a pair of ember eyes surveyed. "This is a sneaking mission, right? What do you suppose our course of action in order to get past her?"

"Nice trousers she's wearing," complimented the mischievous red eyes, noting the baggy black pants on the sentry. "The dragon design on the left leg is awesome."

Off in the distance before the stealthy girls, the sentry sneezed. "Achoo!" After the minor sternutation, Meiling's blue eyes became shifty. "Someone must be taking shots at me..."

The gold eyes narrowed. "Damn. She's totally unaware of our presence, ze. It's a rare bank-shot, Reimu. I'm itching to take it."

"I said no, Marisa!"

"You're no fun, ze," the golden eyes gleamed pitifully. "No fun at all!"

"Humph. She doesn't looks so tough," the red eyes scoffed. "Allow me to take care of her, ladies. It'll be over in minutes."

"Ah! I know!" Ember Eyes perked at a bright idea. The next thing they knew, a large cardboard box with the word 'ZUN' embedded on it emerged from the foliage. "Aha!"

"Sanae, what in Yukari's name are you doing?" Brown Eyes wondered.

"Duh! I'm going to get past Meiling-san," Sanae-in-the-box answered. "Don't worry, Reimu-san. She won't notice a thing. This is the oldest trick in the book. It's tactical espionage action, baby!"

"What the hell?" Golden Eyes wondered as Sanae crept towards the mansion. "She's going to blow our cover! If by some miracle that she manages to get past China, then... I'll eat one of Alice's dolls the next time I see her, ze!"

"Holy smokes!" Red Eyes exclaimed as the moving box was completely ignored by the gate guard. "Looks like you're having Barbie for dinner, then."

"No way!" Golden Eyes uttered in disbelief as a question mark hovered over Meiling's head. There, right before their collective eyes, was Meiling staring at the box in curiosity. After an awkward silence, Meiling resumed her patrol. While Meiling's back was turned, Sanae emerged from the box and took the opportunity to jump over the gates. "Well... that happened."

"Would you like curry and hot sauce with your Doll a'la Mode?" Red Eyes giggled.

"Damn. Looks like I'm gonna have to pay Alice a visit after this is all over and done with."

"Aha! Eye thawt eye herd some peepuls talkin' over here!" A bratty voice laughed. "Come on out! Yew can't hide from the strongest! Burr!"

Reimu sighed. "Gracious! Can this get any worse?"

As if answering Reimu's question, Meiling was now on alert. "Who goes there! ?" A exclamation point was hovering above her head.

Marisa face-palmed. "Fucking... Cirno!"

Cirno, brought to you by a 1080p monitor, glistened in her arctic glory. The blue aura emitting from her was just plain awesome! "Dat's right! Burr! Eye found yew! What'cha gonna do bout it, ya trykks?"

Reimu narrowed her eyes. "Cirno... I'll bet my pet turtle that you can't even spell the word tricks."

"Oh yes eye can!" Cirno meet the red-white's challenge. "Get ready t'be am... am... amazing! It's... t... r... y... k... uh, give me a sec... k... s! Ha! Burr! BURR!"

Marisa made a face. "You know, I would make a joke regarding spelling and grammar right now. That, along with the joke of Rumia and the decimal system ran it's course years ago. Holy Youkrist on a floating ship – you're dumb as hell!"

"Shut up!" Cirno rudely pointed at Marisa. "Get ready for da fight of ya life! Burr!"

"Come on out!" Meiling beckoned menacingly. "I know you're there!"

Tenshi cracked her knuckles. "Looks like this is my cue to step up to her," she laid the unconscious Nue on the ground and emerged from the hiding spot. "You two go on without me. I'll take care of the gate guard."

"Good deal." Marisa agreed and took out her hakkero. She aimed it at Cirno.

"Whoa! Hold up a-"

"Master Spark!"

"ACK!" Cirno instantly disintegrated, a legion of red and blue cards fluttering about where her body used to be.

"So much for her," the Hakurei miko commented offhandedly. "C'mon Marisa. Let's get a move on!" She sprung from the greenery along with the witch. Both of them were making a mad sprint towards the mansion. Just as they were about to bound over the gates, Meiling charged at them.

"Oh no you don't!" She closed in on Reimu, intent on striking the miko with a blow so devastating that it will have her out for days. During the very last moment, a hand caught her fist. Her eyes widening in surprise, Meiling glared at the intruder. "What?"

Tenshi returned Meiling's glare with a haughty grin. "Nice night for a fight, right? C'mon... show me a good time."

Meiling hopped away from her challenger. As she stared at the Celestial, a smile of appreciation marked her face. "Well this is a treat. It been so long since I engaged someone as strong as you are in hand-to-hand combat. Wha-"

Before Meiling can react, Tenshi already closed in on her and she delivered a powerful right hook to Meiling's chin. The force of the blow made her body spiral in midair before it met the ground again. Tenshi was satisfied by the blow. "First attack."

Meiling kipped off the ground, realizing she was sent a few feet away from her opponent. Deeply impressed by the physical strength of her adversary, Meiling wiped the blood that was trickling down her chin. "You're pretty strong. That punch made me bit my tongue."

"Ah. You liked that," Tenshi tightened her fist as she took a stance. "You ready for more? I can assure you a well-whooped ass."

"Sure. That sounds like fun." Hong adopted a kung-fu stance and beckoned her opponent. "Well... let the head-busting begin!"

Meanwhile...

Sakuya stirred away from unconsciousness with a slight pain in her head. She gasped when she realized that she was lying on something cool and soft. "Where... where... am I?" She asked aloud, her vision still a little blurry.

"Ah. You're awake," came Remilia's voice.

"Oh... Oujou-sama?" Sakuya wondered in confusion. Another wave of nausea hit her. "Ugh!"

"Relax Sakuya. Don't try to move so much." Remilia informed, preparing a cup of hot tea. "Here. Drink this."

"Thank you, Mistress," the maid graciously accepted the cup and began drinking it. After taking a good gulp, Sakuya regarded her master again. "What... happened? Where am I?"

"You... happened and you're in your room." Remilia remarked curtly. The vampire's back was turned to her.

"What do you mean?" Sakuya wondered. "I was about to serve everyone dinner down in the kitchen just now."

"That happened nearly two hours ago, Sakuya." Remilia turned to face Sakuya with worry in her eyes.

"Pardon?" Sakuya's sight was returning. It wasn't much, but it was improving.

"You're stricken with influenza, Sakuya." Remilia revealed much to the maid's surprise. "Your health was failing so much that you've passed out in the dining room. You're boiling hot and I can tell how different your blood smells. It... smells like oddly bittersweet, like a mixture of corn syrup and meat seasoning."

Despite her health, Sakuya managed to smile. "I'm afraid that was what I put on the gourmet bread and steaks, respectively."

Remilia blushed. "Shut up."

Sakuya brought her hand to her mouth and giggled. "Sorry. Sorry."

"All jokes aside, Sakuya... I did smelled something in your blood. That, along with the decreased rate of your heart." Remilia revealed. "That is one serious pathogen that's working your immune system right now."

"Don't worry, Mistress. It's just a flu." Sakuya gazed into her half filled cup. "Whatever doesn't kill me only makes me stronger."

Remilia crossed her legs on the chair near Sakuya's bed. "I certainly hope that my worries are in vain, Sakuya. Many decades ago I witnessed countless human beings lose their lives to the very ailment that plagues your body right now." She leaned over and laid a hand on Sakuya's forehead. "You're burning up inside. The pathogen is inside and literally giving your immune system the fight of your life."

Sakuya simply couldn't believe how caring her master was right now. She already knew that the vampire cares for everyone living in the mansion (Hong included), but she never would have thought that it was to this degree. "Oujou... sama..."

"Don't worry, Sakuya. The Queen of the Night is going to make sure that you recover from that human-borne impurity." Remilia intoned dramatically. "With me by your side, no pathogen would dare curse your flesh after this setback."

Perhaps... this is Remilia's maternal side finally revealing itself? Speaking of matriarchal instinct, Sakuya couldn't remember her mother. In fact, she can't ever remember her mother's face nor her name. Yet she felt the warmth coming from Remilia. It was as if she had experience with children before. In a sense, her, Patchy, Koa, and Meiling were the children of the Scarlet Devil. That would theoretically make Flandre their aunt. Ultimately, the haughty little queen was somewhat taking care of all of them.

"Thank you for your kindness," Sakuya noted.

"Eh?"

Sakuya wanted to cry but she refused to let her tears flow before her master. "You've humbled yourself in order to... nurse me back to health. You... simply don't know how amazing you are, Mistress..."

"Shh..." Remilia ruffled her maidservant's silver hair. "Glad to see that you're feeling a bit better than before. Now, rest your head and try to get some sleep. That should help yo-"

"Remilia-sama!" Koakuma suddenly burst into the room."

"What is it, Koa?" Remilia sensed the urgency in the demon's tone. "Tell me what's wrong?"

"We have intruders!" Koakuma explained, shaking in her loafers. "Patchouli-sama sent me here to ask for our course of action!"

"Shit!" Remilia hissed. She sensed the presence of four beings- two of them the usual. "The manor is filled with the scent of bitches! Seems like Reimu and that witch brought along company. Damn, at such an inopportune time while they're at it! With Sakuya being ill, thwarting intruders has become significantly more difficult."

"Who are they?" Koakuma cowered, meaning the other two interlopers. One of the presence downright frightened the little devil. "I have a real bad feeling about one of them."

"Hmm..." Remilia 'scanned' the energy signs of her new enemies. "One of them is one-fourth god, the damned earth goddess' little cub! The other one..." the vampire's pupils suddenly constricted. "Is a Celestial! The very same one that shattered Reimu's shrine a few years ago."

"Oh no!" Koakuma's heart wanted to jump out of her chest. "I don't know if I can deal with-"

"Koa! Get a hold of yourself!" Remilia commanded. "Don't worry. We'll find a way to dispatch them... somehow."

"I'll fight alongside you!" Sakuya threw the comforter off of her, revealing a rather short and flimsy blue-colored sick gown. It only reached the maid's upper thighs and both the assistant librarian and vampire blushed at the sight of it. "Oh dear. This is rather tight. Mistress, where's my uniform?"

"No need, Sakuya. You need your rest." Remilia stood up from the chair.

"But Mistress-"

"Do as I say, Sakuya!" Remilia commanded with pure authority. "You are no condition to fight whatsoever!"

Sakuya laid back down on the bed. Defeated. "Yes, Mistress."

"Now..." Remilia regarded Koakuma. "Let's be on our way to take care of those fools. One of them is close so let's capture her first. She will soon learn a lesson that she will never forget."

Koa agreed with the devil. "Of course, Remilia-sama."

**OUTSIDE THE MANSION**

"Hey, are you okay?" A voice said. "Wake up."

Nue stirred at the sound of the high-pitched voice. "Wha..."

"Good. Looks like you're coming around," the voice spoke again. "You're all banged up. What happened? Were you attacked by humans?"

"H-humans?" Nue stammered in both confusion and grogginess. Her vision was still hazy as she sat up on her haunches. "Just... what... are you talking... about?"

"Your clothes are tattered, miss. You are a youkai, right?"

"Of course I am..." Nue scoffed painfully at the ridiculous assumption.

"It's likely that humans attacked you, then."

"Humans..." Nue's vision was clearing. She could make out a girl in a blue dress. "Bah! Don't... be ridiculous. As if humans can harm me."

"Well, the black-white witch destroyed my friend several minutes ago," the girl in the blue dress said. "I saw it happened with my own eyes. Cirno was instantly vaporized."

"Cirno? Who in the hell is that?" Nue wondered, noticing the girl before her was a fairy. In fact, this wasn't an ordinary fairy. This one was rather large and she had a majestic air about her. To the nue's surprise, the fairy is almost as big as she was.

"Cirno's my friend," the big fairy revealed. "She's the self-proclaimed strongest in Gensokyou."

"Oh, that thing..." Nue grunted. She tried to raise herself off her hindquarters and there were several jolts of pain throughout her body. "Argh! It hurts to move!"

"I've told you that you were banged up."

"Who are you?" Nue demanded, feeling slightly uncomfortable of being slightly larger than the grand fairy before her. "Did you attacked me? My name's Nue, by the way."

"My name's Daiyousei," Dai introduced. "And no, it wasn't me who attacked you. A girl with blue hair left your body here before she engaged the gate guard into a fight."

"A blue haired girl?" Nue was starting to gather an inkling of her attacker's identity.

"Yes." Daiyousei answered. "She was traveling with Reimu, Marisa, and the girl from Moriya."

"Shit," Nue swore. Now she knew the reason of her pain. "It's that girl from heaven! She saw me flying around that big ol' rock in the sky and challenged me in a fight. Damn... she's much tougher than I thought."

Daiyousei fluttered her four wings in concern. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Don't worry," Nue managed a wink. "I heal fast, kid."

Dai blushed and looked away. "Oh... I see."

"Say... where am I?"

"Oh! You're in front of the Scarlet Devil Manor."

Suddenly battle cries were heard. Nue jerked at the sounds of them. "The hell was that?"

Dai peered through the greenery. "Looks like the girl who beaten you is now fighting the gate guard."

"What?" Nue painfully crawled over near Daiyousei at the bushes. The fairy's entire being glowed red when the nue's hip brushed against her forearm. "Lemee see! I have a bone to pick with that fool. Once I'm healed, I'm going to knock her smug ass out!"

Daiyousei stared at the undefined woman in admiration. Even while scowling fiercely the nue was absolutely breathtaking! The mysterious girl was quite lovely but Dai sensed some serious dark vibes from her. While Nue appeared to be quite mischievous at a glance, there was something immensely foreboding deep down in her spirit. Dai was somewhat familiar with the air of darkness about the black clad girl. It reminded her of Flandre Scarlet, the devil's little sister. While Flandre was dreadfully powerful... she was innocent. Flandre Scarlet don't know any better.

Nue on the other hand... seem to have a menacing intent- murderous even. The big fairy would not be surprised if the girl went hand in hand with violence once upon a time. She detected a history of violence just by the glint of her evil red eyes and the sound of her boyish voice. For all she know, Nue may have been a terror to both humans and youkai. Perhaps she was right.

Weird. Something about the girl drew Daiyousei to her. Granted, the nue was attractive but it seems to be an invisible force that beckoned for the fairy's attention. Like a demon luring a wary soul to destruction, Dai knew this was wrong. But... this feeling felt so right to her. _This girl... how come I can't... keep my eyes off of her?_

Nue shifted her weight on her legs as she watched the fight between the Celestial and gate guard intensified. "Looks like they're really getting into it." Nue said. "I hope that bitch gets her ass kicked."

_Gods of the Moriya! She has a beautiful voice! _Daiyousei mentally gushed. _It's so tough and deep... yet __it's dulcet and feminine! Kyah! She would make a good singer!_

"C'mon! Kick her ass, gate guard!" Nue wagered by swinging her fists. She jabbed twice with her right fist and delivered a southpaw hook. "Show her that you don't mess around! Fuck her up!"

Dai giggled. _It looks like I have an attraction to bad girls._

**Tenshi VS Meiling**

"Uh-oh!" Tenshi sidestepped a left blow that was aimed for her head. Meiling closed in while following pursuing her with a volley of quick punches to her head. Tenshi guard and evaded them all (so far). "You're fast! But you have to be a bit faster if you want to land an attack on me!"

"Ha!" Meiling attempted a spearhead to Tenshi's neck and missed as the arrogant girl ducked. She swiftly spun in a circle on the ball of her right foot and lashed out with a spinning back kick with her left leg. It was blindingly fast but Tenshi caught her leg. "Eh! No way!"

Tenshi retaliated with a kick to Meiling's abdomen as she released the guard's offending limb. Meiling fell on her butt from the force of the kick. "Ow!" She cried as she rubbed her butt. "That hurts!"

"What?" Tenshi allowed her red haired adversary to gather herself back onto her feet. "You wa shock, much?"

"Whatever. Talk is cheap," Meiling fumed.

"Well it's a good thing that I can back up such cheap talk then," Tenshi countered.

"Yaaa!" Meiling was instantly back in Tenshi's face, her left forearm on a collision course to the Celestial's nose. Tenshi gasped in surprise. She noticed that the gate guard was moving faster than before. Tenshi shifted her head to the left and struck Hong in the chest with her knee. "Gah!" Hong fell back while clutching her ample chest. "Watch it! These are sensitive! You're not fighting a male opponent, you know?"

"Back on your feet," Tenshi beckoned the shuddering redhead on the ground. "If you are a true warrior then gender shouldn't be an issue. I doesn't matter."

Meiling gathered herself on her feet again. "You're wrong. You wouldn't understand. You hardly have any breasts to begin with."

"What?" Tenshi blushed in embarrassment. "How dare you insult me!"

"Now would you look at that?" Hong giggled in a mocking tone of voice. "A moment ago it was you who was doing the cheap talking. Now look at you... I said one joke and you're offended. Words are weapons too, you know? Any 'warrior' should know that."

Tenshi snarled as she tried her best to dispel her case of breast envy. "_Touche_."

"I have to give it to you, though," the gate guard put up her dukes. "You're pretty good. You were able to evade and counter everything I threw at you so far."

A sardonic smile appeared on the Celestial's face. "Is that a fact? That's good to know. At least now I know those huge melons of yours are a glaring weakness. It's time to wrap this fight up."

"You're not touching my chest again," Meiling warned. "I won't allow it. I didn't know that Celestial warriors fought so cheaply."

"Shut up!" Tenshi flew towards her opponent with a flying kick. Unfortunately for her, Meiling caught her leg and slammed her down on the ground hard. "Oof!"

"Ki-yah!" Meiling attempted a punch to Tenshi's face while she was down. The Celestial rolled away from the incoming strike just in the nick of time. Evidently, Hong poured a lot of strength into her fist because her entire forearm was in the ground.

Tenshi went on the offensive again while her adversary's arm was lodged into the earth. The blue haired girl raised her right fist, preparing a mighty blow to Meiling's head. The redhead freed her arm from the soil and sidestepped Tenshi's incoming fist. However, the Celestial kept the pressure as she turned towards Meiling and attempted a roundhouse kick to her ribs. Meiling blocked Tenshi's kick and propped her weight on the the haughty girl's shoulders. Using the Celestial's shoulders as leverage, she propelled over her. Feeling insulted because the larger woman used her like a stepping stone, Tenshi swiftly turned around and kicked Meiling in the face.

"Ugh!" Meiling reeled from the boot that struck her face. In a clever manner, Meiling used both her hands as she fell backwards in order to perform a back-flip. It turned out to be a very clever maneuver because Tenshi was kicked in the face by both of the gate guard's feet. She performed four consecutive back-flips in order to space herself away from Tenshi. When she resumed her stance she realized that Tenshi was lying on her back. "Back on your feet."

"Double _touche_," Tenshi grunted as she pried herself off the ground. "That was a nice little number you hit me with."

"You want to continue this dance?"

"Yes," Tenshi remarked. "Isn't it the general idea?"

**SCARLET DEVIL MANOR – VOILE LIBRARY**

Marisa stood before the entrance of the great library. The grand door before her were had a large stone demon head embellished above it along with two gargoyles on both sides. Such 'welcoming' decorations wasn't there before and Marisa admit that they were kinda creepy. The eyes of the statues glow red once she opened the door. "Oh-ho. Patchy's trying to prevent visitors from entering Voile, eh? She has the right idea... considering that she spruced up the door with creepy stones."

The Ordinary Witch strode down the purple colored carpet of the library. She also noticed the change of color about the carpet. It was originally red but she guessed that the librarian opted for a shade that suited her. It's either that or she renovated the floor in order to give it a more minatory ambiance. Another change about the library were the color of the flames on the lamps. The flames were now glowing a shade of sinister blue, enhancing the forbidding atmosphere of the place. Marisa was thoroughly touched by the idea. She truly appreciated Patchouli for going out of her way in order to finally acknowledge Marisa as her equal.

"Aw, this is nice." Marisa whistled. "To think that she did all this for little ol me. I'm so proud of her!"

Then... there was a fluttering sound.

"What the heck is that sound?" Marisa turned around on her heels and saw a book hovering behind her eerily. "Wow! Would ya look at that? A flying book. Ain't it cute?"

The book suddenly swooped down and collided with Marisa's head. She fell to the floor from the impact. "Son of a bitch! That book just attacked me!" She rolled over onto her belly and saw the offending book hovering several feet before her. "Damn. That's a mighty nice gimmick there."

The book shook and shot it's way towards the witch again. "Nah-uh! I won't fall for the same trick twice!" Marisa went into her pocket and fished out her hakkero. She pointed it towards the approaching book and a thin golden beam shot forth from it, evaporating the book. "Hah!"

She heard the fluttering sound again. Two books emerged from the shelves this time. "Okay... I see where this is going," the witch grabbed her broom that was strapped on her back and held it like a professional batter. "You wanna play with me? Okay then!"

The books zoomed their way towards Marisa at an incredible speed. Fortunately, Marisa was prepared this time. "Batter up!" Once the books were within range she took a mighty swing and knocked them into the high ceiling. The books exploded on impact. "Holy crap! Exploding books? Patchy must really hate my guts."

"With the way you're constantly invading her library I would too," a voice in the shadows remarked. "Yet, knowing Patchouli's animosity towards you, here you are again. Why do you always do this?"

Marisa replied to the disembodied voice. "And who are you? It can't be Koa because your voice isn't as high-pitched as hers. You're another one of Patchy's imps from hell?"

"That's out of the question," the voice said. "Now leave before I force my hand in the matter."

"Aw! That's not very nice."

"Of course," the voice relayed. "That's the point"

"Sheesh." Marisa raised her hands with a nod. "Sakuya shows more hospitality than you."

"You're not making your way out of here, yet?"

"You want me to leave? Why should I?" Marisa suddenly parted a group of books on a nearby shelf, exposing a pair of gaping deep blue eyes. "The fun has just begun... my dear ol neighbor!"

"What?" Alice gasped. "How did you know it was me?"

"The hidden badass role just isn't you, girl." Marisa grinned, relishing the puppeteer's surprise. "Nice try, though. I know the sound of your voice like the back of my hand, ze." She raised her left hand and inspected the back of it. "What the hell? Since when did I had a birthmark here?"

"Ugh," Alice sighed and made her way around the bookcase to face Marisa. "Your kleptomania never ceases to amaze me, Marisa. I wonder what in the world ever happened to your conscience when you commit such acts."

Marisa was confused. "Conscience?"

"Nevermind. I see now. Very well..." Hourai and Shanghai appeared around their master along with several other dolls. "I'm the Scarlet Devil Manor's guest of honor tonight and Remilia is paying me handsomely for combating any nuisances that would invade it."

"Looks like we have to fight it out, huh?"

"I'm afraid so." Alice replied.

"Wait. Before we go blasting off at each other with dolls and Spell Cards, give me a sec." Marisa snatched one of the dolls hovering around Alice. "There is something I need to do..."

"Eh? What do you mean by that? Why did you took one of my dolls?" Alice wondered. She definitely got her answer! What Alice was now witnessing cause her face to turn blue in absolute horror. "EEK! MARISA! WHAT IN MY MOTHER'S REALM ARE YOU DOING! ! ?"

_Nom!_

Marisa was chewing on the severed head of the doll in her hands. "Being a woman of my word, that's what I'm doing!" _Yomp!_

Alice pointed a shaky finger at her rival, her eyes were giant white orbs and voice shrieking as if Mystia encountered Yuyuko in a dark alley. "Y... yo- YOU'RE EATING MY DOLL!"

"Ugh!" Marisa pounded her chest and coughed out an artificial eye. "Argh! You think I'm enjoying this? These things are disgusting!"

"YOU SAVAGE!" Alice's cry could break mirrors if there were any around. "MARISA, YOU HORRIBLE HEARTLESS HEINOUS BITCH!"

"I'm sorry, Alice! But I had to- oof!" Marisa's apology was cut short because her neighbor gave her a devastating punch that sent her flying like a bullet.

"DAMN YOU!" Alice swore in unadulterated rage. "TROOPER – 'SUICIDE SQUADRON'!"

The poor witch was now in deep shit.

**ELSEWHERE IN THE MANSION**

Sanae was faring well inside the mansion. She effortlessly took down ten fairies since she arrived in this place. To top it off, she dispatched those pixies before they even detected her. The yelps of their surprise were rewarding and the sounds of their necks snapping were satisfying! Suwako's close quarters combat training was paying off! This espionage stuff was awesome! Maybe she should change her career of being a shrine maiden to a ninja instead.

Sanae hid behind a decorative knight's armor at the sound of a voice. "Oh no! What should I do? Some of our staff are already missing!"

Sanae chanced a peek down the hall. What she saw was another one of those cute little dumb ass fairy maids. _Aha! Score another fairy for my kill-streak! Eat your heart out, Modern Warfare!_

"Good grief, those girls are a pest," said the fairy. She had long silver hair and carried a butcher knife. "They better be glad that Sakuya-sama is sick. If my teacher was feeling well she would of gotten rid of those girls in no time."

_Eh? So Sakuya's out of the picture,_thought Sanae. _I've met her before. She seems really elegant and refined. Is it true that she's really as formidable as the people say she is?_

"Yet... now it's up to me," the fairy exclaimed. "I will hunt down those girls and make both Sakuya-sama and Remilia-sama proud!

_We'll see about that. _Sanae thought sinisterly. _Ooh! Here she comes!_

"I wonder how Koakuma's doing right now?"

_Hmm... _Sanae wondered. _I don't know who this Koakuma is... but she sounds pretty insignificant._

"Now's really not the time to let my mind drift," the endangered sprite said. "I got a job to do." She floated passed the knight armor ever so slowly...

_Wait for it... _a feral gleam was in Sanae's eyes. _Wait for it..._

"Oh how I wish for one of those cowardly girls to pop up out of nowhere an-"

"Now!"

"Huh!" The fairy gasped at the sound of the voice but it was to late. The interloper had already ensnared her in a brutal Sleeper's Lock. "Aiiieeee!"

"Shh! Shut up!" Sanae whispered fiercely. "Keep your little ass still!"

"Koa! Koakuma!" The now helpless sentry screamed and pressure was applied to her neck. "ACK!"

"I said shut the hell up!" Sanae growled.

"Please! Don't hurt me!" The fairy pleaded, only to receive a bonk on the head. "Ow!"

"That's better," said Sanae as the fairy hushed. "I can't help but overhear you mentioning something about a Koakuma. Tell me what you know about her."

"I'm not a snitch," the fairy remarked harshly. "You'll get nothing from me. My lips are sealed."

"Is that right?" Sanae interrogated. "At least you're tougher than all your friends that I demolished earlier."

"It was you! My friends will come for you once they regenerate!" Sanae's victim exclaimed in fury. Sanae applied even more pressure on her neck, making her face turn blue. "URGHK!"

"Very well. When you cretins come back to life, come over to the Moriya Shrine." Sanae informed. "If you think I'm pretty bad now then you're in for a real horror if you come over to my place. I am Sanae Kochiya, a mortal god! And I am quite the devil for you fairies and youkai to contend with!"

"Grr... you'll pay for this... you godling scum..."

"Sorry, I don't see any price tags. Enjoy your little vacation in hell!" Sanae declared and twisted the girl's head nearly a full circle.

**SNAP!**

The fairy maidservant's (temporary) lifeless body fell to the floor. Sanae grabbed the little sentry by the legs and dragged the body behind the armor. _Eleven down! Who else wants some of this tactical espionage action?_

"Yura!" A voice called not too far from Sanae's position. "Yura! Are you around?"

"Tch." Sanae sensed the weird vibes of the approaching girl. There was something... otherworldly about her. "What kind of aura is that? That's not a youkai aura, nor is it human or god." The Moriya miko crouched low like a jungle cat.

"Oi! Yura!" Koakuma rounded a corner. "Where are you? Say something!"

Sanae gasped at the sight of the girl. _Whoa! You have to be kidding me? That girl's... a devil! A bona fide, actual living breathing creature from hell! And I thought Koakuma was just her name! _

"Maybe she's in the kitchen," Koakuma intoned thoughtfully. "Since Yura is Sakuya's number one student, I wouldn't be surprised to find her there. She's probably trying to make some soup for Sakuya-san."

_No wonder her presence felt so demonic. Should I attack her? _Sanae frantically ruminated as Koakuma's shadow fell over her hiding spot. That means that the demon girl was just about to walk past her position. _Of course I can! What's a mere devil to a mortal god? She's nothing to me! I'm going to scare the wickedness out of her!_

"I wonder what's Patchouli-sama is doing right now? I hope that Alice doesn't try to make a mover on her." A cute pout appeared on the imp's face. "If that puppeteer tries to seduce Patchouli-sama, so help me S-"

"Hah!"

Koakuma was caught by surprise by the sudden ambush. A girl with green hair rammed her into the wall. "Yeow!"

"Wow! That must have really hurt!" Sanae commented as Koa slid to the floor. "Seems like your race is capable of feeling pain as well."

"What are you talking about?" Koa grunted as her back ached. "I can't believe I didn't sense you here."

"Now now... how can your lowly demonic intuition could possibly detect a mortal god such as I?" Sanae stood over the cowering imp with a sickening sweet smile on her face. "Don't feel bad, though. You're out of your league here."

"Out of my league?" Koa wondered what the crazy girl was talking about. "You're friends with Reimu and Marisa. Who are you?"

"Silence demon!" Sanae commanded and lifted Koa off the ground by the collar. "It is in your best interests not to anger me. Do that, and I will cast you back to your heinous realm." _Yay! That line was awesome! I bet she's all good and scared!_

Koa was forced to the wall. She was surprised to discover that this crazy child was a bit taller and bigger than she was. The green haired girl stared into Koa's eyes as she held her against the wall. _This woman is crazy, _Koa thought. _I don't think I can take her! Patchouli-sama, I really need your help!_

"Be a good little devil if you know what's best for you," Sanae threatened the imp. "You wouldn't want to end up like your friend behind me, don't you?" She indicated to the fairy's (fading) body behind the decorative armor.

Koa gasped at the translucent corpse of the fairy maidservant. "Yura!"

"Now that we got that out of the way let's get down to business." Sanae tightened her grip on her victim's collar. "You said something about heading into the kitchen just now, am I right?"

"Y-yes." Koa shakily replied. "I was on my way there."

"Good. You're going to take me there." Sanae declared. "Maybe I can procure some food while I'm there."

"I won't." Koa said out of the blue.

The Moriya miko was honestly surprised by the imp's sudden resistance. "What did you just say?"

Koa forced a brave face as sweat glistened on her forehead. "I won't allow it. I refuse to comply to your whims."

"Well that's mighty noble of you," the godling actually admired Koa's resilience. "But..."

**CRICK!**

"Aaiieee!" Koa felt the sudden pain on her wrist as she was snatched from the wall. Sanae secured the devil's sprung wrist behind her winged back. The mad woman took Koa's free arm and forced it above her chin in a painful lock. "Ugh!"

"You were saying?..." Sanae had the poor imp in a chicken-wing lock.

"No! I still-"

**CRICK!**

"Gyaaaaah!" Koa shrieked.

"You're still feeling bold, faithful minion?"

Koakuma gave in. She couldn't bear the pain on arm and wrist any longer."Okay! You win! I'll... take you to the kitchen."

"I thought so." Sanae grinned victoriously. _Ha! What a pushover! Some demon this girl is!_

"It's this way..." Koa reluctantly lead her captor down the hall. Didn't she even have a choice? She couldn't take the girl on in a fight, let alone a danmaku duel. Even though Koa complied to the girl's whims she couldn't help but to have a bad feeling about all this. She dreaded that the godling has something heinous for her in store once they reached the kitchen. _Patchouli-sama! Please! Help me!_

**CRICK!**

"Ugh!"

"Walk faster." Sanae demanded as her grip on Koa's sprung wrist tightened.

"Yes ma'am," the cowardly demon obeyed. After a few minutes of walking silently they finally reached the door to the kitchen. "Here we are..."

Sanae eased her hold on the little devil. "Good. You were quite obedient for a devil. Now... to make sure that you don't make a move while I'm in there..." Sanae pulled out an ofuda charm from her pocket and stamped it on Koakuma's forehead. "That should do it."

Kao gasped as she sense a surge of spiritual pain coursing through her body. "What is this?" She tried to moved but her body didn't respond to her mind at all.

"A youkai immobility charm," Sanae explained with a wink. "To be honest, I'm kinda surprised that it works on demons as well. Considering this, there's really not that much of a big difference between demons and youkai. I've learned something new today."

"Kuh! You're mean!" Koa whined with glistening eyes. "This isn't fair you big meany!"

"Screw fairness, my name is Sanae," the white-blue mikogi garbed woman remarked. "Now you stay put while I get some grub, okay?" A sudden realization struck her. "Oh, wait. You cannot move right now. Silly me."

"Tch. Curse you," Koa pouted. "You're nothing more than a thug."

"I know you are but what am I?" Sanae remarked while lolling her tongue out at the redhead. "Now to continue the mission." Sanae opened the door and entered the pitch black room. There was a girl present on the kitchen counter. She was silently munching on a piece of cheesecake but Sanae didn't seem to notice her. Suddenly, something sprung from the darkness.

**DING!**

"Ugh..." Sanae fell flat on her back, out cold.

"That takes care of her," Patchouli intoned flatly with a large frying pan in her hands. The stainless steel cooking utensil now had a rather large dent in it. "Good riddance." The surly witch exited the kitchen and stared at her distressed familiar. "Look what you've gotten yourself into, Koa. Who knows what that child would have done to you if I weren't around. Be thankful that I heard your yelps of pain down the hall."

Relief washed over Koakuma. "Yes Patchouli-sama! I am very grateful that you were here to save me."

Patchouli noticed the source of her familiar's distress. "Hmm. An immobility charm, eh? That's quite a nasty curse she placed on you. Hold still while I take that thing off of you."

"Okay." Koa did as she was told.

Patchy placed her hand on the charm and tried to pull it off of her familiar. However, the charm was imbued with some sort of divine power and trying to pull it off felt very akin to dealing with strong adhesive tape. What made the task even trickier was the fact that it sent shock waves through her arms in rivulets. Because of Koakuma's demonic nature, it made the charm more resistant to being removed. "Grr! Curse that woman! She's a lot smarter than I thought."

Koa felt the shock waves as well. "Hurry up! It hurts!"

"Shut up, Koa! I'm trying the best I can!" Patchy snarled through gritted teeth. She was now using both her hands in the struggle to free Koa from her imprisonment. _Damn it! That godling came prepared!_

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Koakuma cried. "What have I done to deserve this?"

"Hush! I'm almost there!" Patchy exclaimed and climbed on her familiar. She had her legs wrapped around Koa's waist and if there were anyone around to see them right now that person would have swore that they were... you know, hunching. "This is it, Koa!" The witch was about to succeed in removing the charm.

"Oh yes! Yes! I can fell it!" Koa testified in bliss. Her master's body was incredibly soft and squishy. She honestly forgotten about the curse because of it. Blood trickled down the imp's nose. "Do it! Go for broke! It's all yours, Patchouli-sama!"

Patchy gave a battle cry and pulled the ofuda off of Koa. "HIYAAAAAH!" The charm erupted into smoke and Patchy fell to the floor on her butt. Not only that, the magician's pink robe was burned away due to the charm, revealing a purple-white petticoat that fit snugly on her body. "Phew. That was quite an ordeal. Remind me to study defenses against demon immobility curses."

Koa fell on to her knees, drained. The undershirt underneath her vest had tatters in it and her head wings sported bruises. Other than that, she was fine."Oh thank you, Patchouli-sama!"

Patchy stood back on her feet. Koa noted that her master had a pair of nice toned arms. The sorceress must have been working out. "Koa, help me take the girl to Remilia's quarters. She would like to have a word with her."

"Right." Koa nodded and went with Patchy into the kitchen to gather Sanae's unconscious body.

They were completely unaware of the girl sitting on the counter whom was now munching on a submarine sandwich.

**TREASURY ROOM**

Reimu Hakurei gazed at the old book shelves before her. In the very books of those shelves were the Scarlet Devil's monetary records (and transaction history). They were financial documents that spanned across cultures and decades. Remilia's entire pecuniary accounts were laid bare before the Hakurei fujo: savings, checking accounts, credit, debit, currency exchanges... you name it. It was all there. However, despite all of this...

Reimu didn't care.

The raven haired heroine was looking for one book in particular. A book that was actually a lever that opened a hidden passageway that led to a storage room full of money. If Reimu wasn't mistaken the book was hidden among the vampire's Russian archives. Or was it among the ones that recorded her financial years in Thailand? Or the Italian archives, maybe? She couldn't quite remember. She wished Marisa should have came along with her because the witch knew exactly where the hidden book was. _This is going to take a while. _Reimu thought as she fished out one of the vampire's Scottish records. "Huh. 'Rachael Elinor Jansen McDowell'. That's a nice name."

"Halt!" A voice cried out. "Stay where you are, intruder!"

Reimu sighed and swiveled on her feet. There were a group of armed fairies before her. "Look, girls... I've just took out thirty of your buddies while on my way here. I mean, what kind of difference will a small group of six would make? And really... this fairy busting business is getting boring. Could you all get lost and go bother Sanae or something?"

"We're not giving up until we get rid of you!" A sword wielding blond declared.

"As long as you are here we shall continue to pursue you!" The second fairy exclaimed, armed with knives.

"Yea! We don't die! We multiply!" A red haired version of Luna Child shrieked.

"Shit," Reimu remarked idly. "You all wanna do this the hard way."

"ATTACK!" The apparent sword wielding leader commanded. The fairies projected their blades along with colorful danmaku at their target. Reimu ducked as a battleaxe flew into the wall above her head and cartwheeled out of harm's way as danmaku showered into the shelves. "Keep the pressure on her, girls!"

Reimu used an old globe to block a trio of knives aimed at her chest. She took out a couple of darts and tossed them at her adversaries, hitting two fairies on their arms. "Argh!" The pained duo cried.

"Ten! Lili! Don't give up!" The leader screeched.

Reimu waved her gohei before her and outstretched her arms. "Spirit Sign 'Fantasy Orbs'!" A concentration of colorful spheres erupted from Reimu's soul. The orbs caused the fairies to panic as they scattered about in the large room. As they fled, the spirit orbs followed their targets. Three of the sprites were vanquished by them.

"Oh no!" The Luna lookalike called Ten cried. "We're going to need reinforcements, boss!"

"Take this!" Reimu materialized right in front of Ten and delivered a kick to the fleeing fairy. Ten was sent flying to the orb that was perusing her. The spirit orb exploded on contact, destroying Ten.

"AAARRRGH!"

"No! Ten!" Lili screamed.

Reimu appeared in front of the grieving Lili with her gohei drawn back like a golf club. "As for you, FORE!" She took a mighty swing and knocked the living daylights out of the fairy.

**WHACK!**

Lili flew through the air like a bullet, the orb tearing a hole in her body as she fell through it. She crashed into a wall and her body dissolved into bits of magic particles. Another fairy was rather bold. She makes her way towards Reimu as a clever diversion. Therefore if the fairy performed the tricky maneuver right, the orb should collide into Reimu. Fortunately, the shrine maiden of paradise saw this one coming. She kinda figured that one of the fairies would intend on doing this. As Little Miss Smart-Ass came near her, Reimu grabber the fairy. "Gotcha!"

"Wah! Let me go!" The fairy demanded.

"Fat chance!" Reimu turned the fairy in her grasp and faced her towards the incoming orb. The fairy's eyes were now huge white dots as waterfalls poured from them. "Nice knowing ya you little cretin!" The spirit orb homed in and hit it's mark, forcing Reimu to slide back on her feet from the impact.

"AAUUGH!"

Reimu dusted of her hands after the fairy diminished. "That takes care of her." After that, two fairies accidentally collided into one another due to their panic. The orbs hit them and they were gone. "Heh. Dumb-asses."

Then... there was one.

"Hah!" The leader used her sword to slash the orb chasing her. She looked around the room and noticed that she was now alone with the intruder. "Damn it! They're gone!"

"It's good to know that you're the smartest one among them." Reimu commented admirably. "You were the only one that came up with the idea of deflecting my homing attack. I have to give it to ya, nice work."

The last fairy growled in anger. "Curse you!"

"Yea. Yea. That's what they all say," Reimu remarked nonchalantly. "Now, since you're the smart one, are you ready to surrender? You can help me, even."

"Bitch please!" The fairy scoffed. "I will never surrender!"

"It's your call, toots."

"Shut up!" The enraged sprite cried and threw her sword at Reimu. The raven haired priestess made a horrible grimace of pain as the blade ripped clean through her. The fairy saw this and pumped her fist in triumph. "Yea! How ya like me now?"

Reimu suddenly vanished.

"What?" The fairy wondered with extreme worry in her tone. "Where did she go?"

"That was an after image." Reimu informed, forcing her opponent to turn around and face her. "Surprised to see me?"

"When and how?" The frightened leader asked the crafty girl. "I HIT you!"

"Yukari's Gap Hag Troll-jutsu," Reimu revealed. "Good for me, too bad for you." She knocked the fairy into the ground with her gohei. Once the sprite was on the ground Reimu placed a foot on her chest. "Right. Now you can help me out a bit."

The fairy struggled to remove Reimu's foot off of her but it was no use. "I surrender. I'll... do whatever you want. I will help you."

"Good." Reimu eased some weight off her victim but her foot remained. "I told you that you were smart one. Okay, let's get down to business. Do you know where I can find the switch that leads to the loli vampire's money room?"

The fairy sank in thought. "I... think so. If I'm not mistaken..." she pointed towards an old painting of the master of the manor. It was an antique portrait of Remilia Scarlet herself. In the bust rendition, Remi has a solemn expression with a light smile on her face. Her scarlet blouse was deep cute and she was not wearing her trademark mob cap. What was most striking about the artwork was the smile on her face. It was NOT the haughty, condescending and predatory smile that many in Gensokyou was accustomed to seeing on her face. The smile was warm and humble... as genuine as that of a valley girl. Whoever the artist was that witnessed that friendly face, he/she caught a **very **rare sight of her. "The switch is over there. On the shelf next to it."

"She's actually looks... chummy in the picture," Reimu comment as she gazed at the portrait. "I can't believe that this is Remilia, though. The Remilia in that picture is vastly different from the one we all know today. She must have been through a lot of stuff to turn out how she is now."

"I've told you what you wanted to know," the fairy huffed. "Is that all? Can you get your foot off of me now?"

"What? So you can run off and tell all your magical homegirls where I'm heading to? No way. You're coming along with me." Reimu removed her foot off the fairy and plucked her off the floor. She held on to one of her wings. "As I said, you're pretty smart. Like hell I'm just gonna go on my merry way to riches while you plot your little revenge."

"Argh! Okay! Not so rough on my wing," the fairy complained as her captor approached the bookshelf. "You have to be gentle with me."

"What's your name by the way?"

The fairy hesitated. She believed that giving a stranger or adversary her name would give them some sort of power over her. "I..."

"Well?" Reimu urged, enunciating her inquiry with a wave of her hand.

"It's Saeba," she revealed.

"Now, wasn't that so bad?" Reimu remarked sarcastically in a dumb-dumb tone of voice. "That's a rather cute name, too. Might name my kid after you."

Saeba blushed. "Tch. Whatever."

Reimu reached for a old book shrouded in dust. "Hmm. Could this be it?"

"I'm certain."

Reimu gave Saeba a flat glare. "You do it."

"What?"

"Did I s-st-stutter? You pull the switch," Reimu commanded as she gave Saeba's wing a squeeze. "Who do you think I am, Cirno?"

"Ouch! Okay, I'll do it!" Saeba whined. The empowered human released her and she fluttered towards the book in question. After giving it a good look, she tunred back to Reimu. "Yep. This is definitely it."

"Well pull the got-damn book already!"

Saeba's eyes were suddenly hidden beneath her blond bangs. "With... pleasure..."

Reimu immediately noticed the insidious tone of the fairy. "Wait! What?"

Suddenly, Saeba made a purely sadistic face that could have made Rena Ryuuga and Maria Ushiromiya blush. "**SUCKER!**"

A section of the floor slid from underneath Reimu's feet.

**FWIP!**

"SCREEEEEEW YOOOOOUUUU SAAAAEEEEBAAAA~!" Reimu screamed, glaring in murderous rage at Saeba's grinning mug as she plummets down an abysmal trap.

"Hahaha!" Saeba laughed as she pointed down the hole that led to Suwako knows where. "You were right about one thing: I am the smart one! Can't say the same for you, bitch!"

"EEEEEAAAAT AAAAAAAHHH DIIIIIIIC-"

**SAKUYA'S ROOM**

"Sakuya, I brought you some soup," a fairy maid announced as she entered the room. "It should help lessen the fever you have."

"Fever?" Sakuya grunted as she painfully sat up in bed. "It's chilly in here..."

"Eh? You must be feeling a little worse than before then," the fairy intoned as she placed a tray with a bowl of steaming soup on Sakuya's lap. "You should drink the broth as well. It can sooth any type of respiratory symptoms."

"Ah. Chicken noodle soup is one of my favorite. Thank you..." Sakuya gazed at the fairy in slight confusion. "...What's your name again?" There were an awfully lot of fairies given names in this episode.

"It's Mio," the blue haired pixie replied.

"Ah... right..." Sakuya intoned uncertainly. She closed her eyes and clasped her hands together. "Itadakimasu..."

Just as Sakuya was about to indulge in her therapeutic meal, there was a booming sound followed along with the entire mansion rumbling. "What in the world is that? Could it be a storm?"

Mio sighed. "No. It's cloudless tonight. Meiling-san is fighting one of the intruder at the gates as we speak."

"We have intruders! ?" Sakuya exclaimed in disbelief. "Not good! Where are my knives, clock, and uniform? I have to help the others!"

"No, Sakuya-san." Mio advised. "You're in no shape to fight right now. All you need to do is eat and rest in order to recover your health."

Sakuya saw her black pin-striped uniform folded neatly on her dresser. The urge to defend the mansion was rising. "No! I can't afford to let Remilia-sama's safety to be compromised!"

"No way! It's Remilia-sama's decree that you stay in bed!" Mio explained.

"But-"

The entire mansion rumbled again.

"Who... is that?" Sakuya wondered. The person Meiling must be fighting right now must be incredibly strong. Plus, the last time Meiling fist-fought someone that caused the premises to rumble was Yuugi, Superhuman Hijiri, and Yuuka Kazami (with the oni and youkai monk being friendly duels). "Whoever she's fighting is incredibly strong."

"Ah, that would be the spoiled girl from Bhava-agra," answered Mio.

"Tenshi? What is she doing here?"

"Who knows," Mio admitted. "But we do know that she came here along with Reimu, Marisa, and that demigod from Moriya."

The Perfect Maid looked positively shocked by the news. With all the chaos going on right now there wasn't a damn thing she can do. "N-no..." Sakuya uttered before she fainted on the bed.

Mio nodded her head in sympathy. "Poor child... This job may very well be the death of her one day."

**Tenshi VS Meiling**

_**Round II**_

The fight between youkai and Celestial raged on. Both of the girls were now striking one another with a new intensity. Tenshi guarded against a punch for her stomach and countered with a kick for the gate keeper's face. Hong did a cross-block before her face just as Tenshi's boot was mere inches from her nose. Tenshi was an amazing opponent! Despite her cute looks and small form, she packs a wallop! The strength of her blows can give the mighty oni a run for their money. The very ground shook as her strikes landed on the defending limbs of the gate guard. _This is too cool! She's giving me a real workout!_

Meiling did a swift spin on her heels and raised her left leg high in the air. She performed an ax kick with her leg and Tenshi blocked the attack just as the heel of her foot was about to crush her skull. Tenshi grabbed the guards ankle and swung her in the air before throwing her twenty feet away from her. Meiling landed on her feet like a cat and she appeared to be not at all dizzy. _Shoot! This big broad is stronger than she lets on! She's even bigger than Iku and yet... she far more agile! The Chinese martial arts are awesome!_

Meiling's southpaw was tightened near her waist and her right hand was before her face in a fighting stance. Both of her feet were arch apart within shoulder's length, her right foot as the fore and her left foot bearing most of her weight. Tenshi noted that some of the trickiest strikes comes from such back-stances. Her redhead opponent was a lethal combination of speed, strength, and unpredictability. She now had the feeling that the guard was just warming up. This should be interesting!

Meiling's right hand suddenly clinched into a tight fist. "You know what, I would be sleeping at the gate right now." She said out of the blue. "I guess I should thank you for this fight. I was bored, after all."

Tenshi eased her fists. "You're welcomed, I guess. But I gotta admit you're far stronger than any fighter I've trained with in heaven. Heck, you're even tougher than the elite Celestials when it comes to hand-to-hand fighting."

"Really?" Hong's eyes were wide with wonderment. "I thought that a number of warriors from there studied Chinese martial arts and philosophy."

"Mostly philosophy, actually..." Tenshi idly replied while scratching her ear. "A majority of them sought after magical knowledge and many more were influenced by the Spell Cards phenomena. I'm about the only one in all of heaven that still trains in physical combat. Nowadays, using your fists in Gensokyou is like bringing a knife to a gunfight."

Meiling wholeheartedly agreed. "Preaching the choir on that one." She was beyond capable of taking down Sakuya and even Remilia in a traditional scrap.

"Yea... sad commentary but true," Tenshi nodded. "Okay. Enough about that, we're in the middle of a fight."

"Ditto! Here I come!" Meiling exclaimed as she suddenly sprang from her stance and charged at Tenshi. When she was mere inches away from Tenshi, she jumped up in the air. Due to her wearing black pants at night it was kinda hard to see her soaring in the night air. Luckily, it was a full moon tonight...

Fortunately, Tenshi can see Meiling's soaring form thanks to the moonlight. "I see you!"

"What'cha gonna do about it?" Meiling codded as she came down with a kick which was aimed for Tenshi's head. However, she feet didn't met the Celestial's head, it met her outstretched right fist instead. "Nice counter!"

Tenshi eased her right arm a bit... with Meiling **standing **on her fist. The gate guard stood on her fist with a catty smile on her face! "You showoff. Real cute..." Tenshi scolded.

Meiling hopped off of the blue haired girl's fist. "You're the showoff here. You've countered my Soaring Eclipse Heel Kick."

"And you're real heavy too!" Tenshi said as she made a strike for Meiling's chest. Meiling caught the incoming fist and shifted hazardously to her left, forcing Tenshi on the ground with a take-down. Tenshi grunted as she hit the ground hard. "Guh!"

"Nah-uh! No cheap shots to the ta-ta's," Hong lectured. She followed the quip by grabbing Tenshi's left arm and fell into a painful arm-bar. "Punishment game!"

"Kyah!" Tenshi screamed as the gatekeeper stretched her arm. What made the technique worse was the fact that Meiling's feet bore down on her shoulder hard. It augments the already painful stigma in her arm. "Ugh! Damn it!"

"Give up!" Meiling commanded, tightening the muscles in her thighs to apply more pressure on Tenshi's small bicep. "If you tap out now I'll let you go!"

"Never!" Tenshi moved her head close to the guard's left foot and promptly gave it a huge bite on the ankle.

**CHOMP!**

If the Scarlet Devil Manor had numerous windows, many of them would crack due to it's gatekeeper high-pitched shriek of agony. "AAAAHHHH!"

Meiling swiftly disengaged herself from Tenshi's arms and rolled away. The moment Hong was back on her feet, Tenshi was already upon her. The Celestial drew her right arm back and delivered a powerful backhand that sent Meiling rolling on the ground. The gatekeeper stop rolling unceremoniously on her face. _Well... that hurt. I think she's getting angry now._

"Kiyaaaahh!" Tenshi shouted as she pinned Meiling on the ground. She was mounted on the fallen gatekeeper like a saddle. "You wanna do some ground fighting? I'll show you ground fighting!" She punched Hong thrice in the face, causing the redhead to cover her head with her forearms. Noticing the gatekeeper was now defending her fair face, the Celestial threw a few punches at her ribs. One of Hong's arms went down to defend her ribs. She still held her right arm over her face. It was then that Tenshi took the opportunity to deliver a fierce blow to Hong's bountiful bosom. "Take that!"

This time, a large horde of bats scattered from the roof of the mansion due to another one of Meiling's screams. "GYAAAH!"

In a desperate move, Meiling grabbed Tenshi's collar and brought her head in to collide with Tenshi's skull. The headbutt proved very effective as Tenshi recoiled in pain. While the Celestial was stunned, Hong grabbed her by the collar again and used her right foot to throw Tenshi off of her: a traditional judo throw.

Tenshi fell onto her back, cursing in pain. She writhed on the ground as her hands went to her crotch. "Grr! AAAARGH!"

Hong shakily stood back on her feet, her arm clutching her sore bosom. There was now a pink bruise on her forehead. Tenshi's head was just that solid! "Yea... ugh... you and me both, sister! Told you not to strike my titties!"

"Hypocrite! Now that's a real cheap-shot you laid on me!" Tenshi cried, balled in fetal form with her hand soothing her nether region. "Friggin' coochie kick! If this is what getting' your cherry popped feels like then I'll pass. Ugh!"

Meiling slowly approached the agonized girl on the ground. "Are you okay? Maybe we should stop this fight while we're ahead. I mean-"

**SWISH!**

There was a sudden flash of red and Meiling gasped as she hopped away. After making paces away from the Celestial, she realized that her right pant leg now had a huge tear in it, leaving her shapely thigh somewhat exposed. "Yikes!"

"You'll pay..." Tenshi got back on her feet with the Sword of Hisou now in her grasp. "May you suffer in hell for that cruelty!"

"A sword! Really!" Meiling concluded that her opponent was overreacting. Hell, what the Celestial did to her bosom was an act of malevolency as well. She was in no position to cast stones. "Attacking my chest didn't exactly tickle, ya know!"

"Silence! Fight!" Tenshi exclaimed as she charge at Meiling with her sword drawn. The gatekeeper sidestepped as Tenshi took a swipe at her neck. However, Tenshi was counting on this and hit the gatekeeper square in the jaw with the hilt of her sword.

"Ghk!" Meiling stammered backwards, a fresh red bruise on her jawline. She immediately retaliated with a power right straight punch to the Celestial's face, stunning her. Unfortunately for Meiling, the blue haired girl wasn't that much fazed by the punch (as evident by her fierce scowl). Growling angrily, Tenshi returned a right punch of her own to Meiling's face.

**PA-KOW!**

"Iyaaah!" Meiling flew like a red-green-black bullet from the force of Tenshi's strike. She rebounded off the gate as she hit it and fell to the ground. She gathered herself on all fours, blood trickled from her lips. _Shit! That felt like a full force punch from Yuugi just now! _She look up to take a glance at her opponent. Tenshi was harmed but she didn't have any bruises on her. _Damn. She may be small but she's frightfully strong! She's not even bleeding! Just what is she made of? Even an oni would have a bruise on it right about now._

"Get up," Tenshi commanded as she stood over her adversary. "I know that isn't all that you got. You're being thrown around by a little ol girl like me, ya know. Don't you feel a bit embarrassed?"

Meiling felt the heat emitting from Tenshi's sword. She rose her head again and gaze at the magnificent weapon. "Embarrassed? Not at all? One of my teachers was a midget tiger yao-jing from the frigid city of Harbin. He was a master of Bajiquan and Shorinji Kenpo and he always emphasized that 'looks can be deceiving'. I would be a complete utter fool if I took your size for granted."

"Smart girl. Your teacher is very wise," Tenshi commented and put her foot on Meiling's left hand.

A high-pitched yelp escaped the gatekeeper. "Eek!"

"You... have a lovely voice," Tenshi intoned sinisterly. "The way you scream and squeal... ooh! That's pure ecstasy!" She slowly grind her foot on Meiling's knuckle.

"Gah! Stop it!" Meiling yelped again.

Tenshi didn't gave a damn. She's been hanging around Yuuka a little too much lately."Umm-hmm... make me. I'm going to make you cry now. Sing for me!"

The blue haired filly was displaying one of her more brutal tendencies. Hong refused to be a victim to her sadistic abuse. With her free right hand, Meiling clenched it into a qi powered fist and swiftly delivered a punch to Tenshi's crotch.

**KER-PLOK!**

Tenshi's eyes widened as her pupils dilated and her lips turned into a wavy line. Both of the peaches fell off her hat and tears streamed down her face as her face glowed beet red. "Ugh... ugh... ugh..."

In the foliage in front of the mansion gates, both Nue and Daiyousei had a good idea of what was about to happen. "Ooh shit! You better cover your ears, kid!"

The great fairy nodded. "Right."

Both the undefined creature and grand pixie clamped their hands over their ears.

Smoke erupted from Tenshi's ears as the earth shook. Meiling took this opportunity to ball up and cover her ears. A moment later, Tenshi unleashed a cataclysmic, unholy scream.

"**GYAAARRRRR_GGGGHHAAAAAAAA-"_**

**CHIREIDEN**

"Wow, Orin," Satori commented as she sat at the dining table. "You cooked all this food? It looks delicious!"

"Awesome!" The statuesque Reiuji Utsuho giggled as she appeared at the table. "Looks at all this grub! You even made spicy boiled eggs, curry, and pork-vindaloos! Those are my favorite!"

"I'll say, this is going to be one satisfying meal," Satori praised.

"I know, right? I've made this meal with all of my heart!" Rin blushed. "My culinary talents has improved a lot!"

"Yea!" Okuu snatched the basket filled with boiled eggs. "Let's chow down!"

And just when Satori and her pets were about to say their graces...

"**-AAAAAA**_**OOOOOOEEEEEEEEEIII!-"**_

All three of them went under the table because of the sudden horrifying sound. "What the devil is that noise! ?" Satori wondered, hugging both Orin and Okuu with frightened eyes.

**EIENTEI**

Kaguya Houraisan was lying on her favorite loveseat with her regal dress bunched around her waist. Her long flawless legs were a sight to behold while she was filing her toenails. The eternal knockout was also listening to a tune on her iPod. "Baby, can you see – shootin' stars and brightest stars... shinin' on my heart – make me glittered with lights..."

In front of the lounging princess, Reisen Udonge Inaba was sitting Indian-style on the floor. The moon hare held a black device in her hands as she stared relentlessly at the sixty-inch high-definition television before her. "Okay... this is a team deathmatch, right?" She spoke into the Bluetooth device at the base of her crumpled ear. "I'll do the sniping once the game begins. I hope that this match isn't hacked. This is Modern Warfare, not hax wars. I grieved for PSN."

"_Right," _Reisen's virtual comrade replied. _"This is going to be a tough one for me, though. This is a new map and I'm totally unfamiliar with it."_

"Don't worry," Reisen reassured. "I got your back. I have actual military combat experience. We should be fine."

"_Combat experience? That's awesome!" _The co-op player praised. _"Hmm. I bet that you're pretty hot. Mind telling me how you look?"_

Reisen made a face. "Come again?"

"_I mean, c'mon, OverdriveIOSYS you were even on Xbox Live earlier playing Gears of War," _the online gamer continued. _"Word from the grapevines says that you're very beautiful. One of friends said that you have dark long hair like a feudal princess."_

Realization dawned on Reisen. "Oh! Hold your joysticks, dude! I'm not Over-"

"**-IIIIIIEEEEEEE**_**AAAAAAAAAAAA!-"**_

"Whoa!" Reisen shrieked at the sudden sound, accidentally pulling the PlayStation®3 onto the floor. Her ears were folded flat on her head.

Kaguya, however, was oblivious to the apocalyptic scream. "Pour on me, make it shinin' tonight! The rain of stardust – The whimsical dance scattering into the night – (Wanna be startin' somethin' tonight) – spinning round and round with a joking face, if they show you their dance on the stage of the night sky~! OOOOOOOOOOOHHH~!"

Finally, the princess noticed that the game console was powered off. "Hey!"

Reisen unfurled her eyes as the scream faded. "What?"

"Gimme the controller," the Lunatic Princess reached out her hand. "I'm about to knock some heads in Tekken! I got a lot of Bob, Lars, and Steve players' asses to whoop!"

Reisen didn't bother asking the princess about the unholy noise just now. She sighed instead and gave the controller to Kaguya. "Fine. Happy spamming."

**MYOUREN TEMPLE**

Kyouko Kasodani was merrily sweeping the terrace of the temple entrance. She enjoyed the simple life of this place. She worked diligently on the daily chores of keeping the Myourenji clean and hospitable. Truth be told, tidying up the place when need be was rather fun. "Ah! It's another beautiful night here at the temple!"

"What?" A surly ginger haired girl said as she appeared on the patio. "You're sweeping and cleaning the yard 24/7, Kyouko. Most of the work you do around here is utterly redundant. You sure are trying hard to impress Byakuren-san."

The yamabiko's entire being became rigid. "What did you say, Orange?"

The little yao-jing rest her arms behind her head and sneered. "Tell me, are you that deeply in love with her? I know Hijiri has a smoking hot bod, but to covert to lesbianism? Pfft! I'll pass."

Kyouko dropped her broom and yelled at Orange with wide eyes. "I am not a lesbian!"

Orange poke her left pinky inside her left ear. "Suuuuuure you're aren't..."

"The pot calls the kettle black, Orange!" Kyouko accused while pointing at her nemesis. "The other day, you were admiring how big Kumoi's boobs are!"

"What?" Orange scoffed. "I can't help the fact that Kumoi's chest is sitting on swollen. Every time you see her they're all in your face. It couldn't be helped. Those are some big ass titties on Kumoi. Even Hijiri gets a case of breast envy when she sees them."

"So you admit that you were looking at her boobs?"

"Yea... So?" Orange intoned idly. "That doesn't make me a lesbian, though. Unlike you!"

"I know you are but what am I," Kyouko ranted.

"Got-damn it!" Oranged face-palmed."Don't you start saying that bullcrap again, Kyou-"

"**-AAAAAA_EEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHH!-"_**

Orange wasn't even a Christian, but she did exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!"

Kyouko had plopped her head into the ground... like an ostrich. Sometimes... this tale is getting a little too loony for it's own good. "Make it stop!" Came her muffled voice.

Behind the temple, a small statue in a small patch of grass suddenly went up in a puff of smoke. After the smoke cleared, there was a bespectacled female (with a huge friggin' tail) laid out on the ground with a bad case of the swirly eyes. It seems like not ever her couldn't withstand the terrifying sound.

"Goodness gracious!" Futatsuiwa Mamizou sputtered. "All this trouble is not worth staying here sometimes! I'm seriously considering returning to Sado!"

**SCARLET DEVIL MANSION**

"**-RRRRGGGH!"** Tenshi completed her piercing scream and fell down to her knees with her hands over her crotch (again). "My coochie! Why is it always the got-damn private area!"

"HIYAAAH!" Meiling charged at the pained Celestial and delivered a qi infused uppercut to her chin.

"Aaahh!" Tenshi was sent somersaulting several yards away from the gatekeeper.

By this time, several fairies had gather around the gates of the mansion. The intense fight between youkai and Celestial has drawn a huge crowd.

**REMILIA'S CHAMBER**

Sanae slowly regained consciousness due to a disturbing presence. Everything about the presence she was feeling right now was just plain... wrong. The aura of malice was virtually tangible and it challenged Sanae's very divinity. For the first time in years Sanae felt true fear. Should she challenge this malevolent menace? Or should she acknowledge the fact that she may be out of her league and cower in fear? What evil is this?"

"Oh look, she's stirring awake," a mellifluous voice said.

"Ugh..." Sanae would have pressed her hand to her aching head if not for the fact that she was lying on a cool marble surface and bound in ropes. "Where... am... I?"

"Tch! Serves you right for intruding my mansion," the voice scoffed.

A cold realization hit Sanae. _Her... mansion?_

"The goddesses of Moriya should be ashamed of themselves for allowing their cub to run wild!" Remilia snarled with pure disdain. "You are going to be punished this night, girl!"

Sanae gathered her bearings and sat on her hindquarters. "No. You're... wrong. I didn't want to come here to your abode, Remilia-san. I was forced to come along on this raid by non other than Reimu herself."

Remilia's pupils now became slits. "Forced, you say? How foolish! Don't give me that rubbish! You were born with free will! What – Reimu tells you to jump off a cliff and you would've done it? Don't incur more of my wrath than you have already have, godling!"

"I'm sorry..." Sanae uttered, humbled by the vampire on the throne before her. The diminutive terror had every right to be angry. She knew that this was retribution – justice. The vampire had no qualms in punishing her. It was time for Sanae to be a woman and face the music. "Please forgive me. I'm truly sorry for what I've done this evening."

"Oh, you're 'sorry' all right!" Remilia exclaimed as she got off of her throne. Never has a four foot eight inches tall being has ever been so intimidating to Sanae! Sure, Remilia Scarlet was significantly larger than Suwako Moriya but she was still... well, small. And this 'small' devil was making her grovel in fear. "I am going to hurt you. A lot! Your gods will understand this rectification!"

Sanae began wrangling her hands out of the rope behind her. It was a nifty little trick that Kanako taught her. If she was able to free her hands from the ropes then she will escape her bounds. _C'mon... I can do this!_

"If you thought what Patchouli done to you was bad then what I'm about to do to you is far worse," Remilia declared. Sanae noticed the devil she attacked earlier was in the room. The red hair imp was watching the scene unfold with silent anticipation. Another woman was right besides the devil girl, a small but well shaped grape haired woman in a striped petticoat. She had a studious expression on her face as she stared at Sanae. She figured that Patchy was the one that knocked her out. "I can hear your heart fluttering rapidly in you chest. Are you done freeing yourself?"

Sanae gasped in shock. How did Remilia know that she was trying to break free from her bindings? "No way! How do you know?" Did Remilia pulled a Satori just now?

"Your frantic heartbeats was the telltale sign that you were up to something," Remilia revealed as she approached Sanae. "You're done now?"

Sanae managed her hands free and pulled the rope off her body. "Yes. Something inside me tells me that I should stand up against you." She rose off the floor and brandished her gohei. "Scarlet Devil, once again I apologize, but I must face you."

A fang appeared as Remilia smile maliciously. "Opting to do this the hard way, eh? Know your place, kid! It's time to discipline you!"

Looking down at the much shorter girl, Sanae found Remilia's wrath somewhat odd. "I... need an adult?"

Remilia's smile widened. "I am an adult," she proclaimed. The next thing Sanae saw was a pale blur heading towards her face.

**WAP!**

Sanae fell to the floor with her left cheek stinging in pain. She took her gaze off the floor and realized that the Scarlet Devil was standing over her. _I – I didn't even see her hand coming! _She thought frantically.

"Oh-ho!" Remi laughed as she observed Sanae's kneeling form condescendingly. "What's wrong? Moriya's precious little baby has a boo-boo?"

Sanae brought her hand to the painful hand print on her face. "Kgh! How did you moved so-"

"Silence. This is my wrath," the eldest of the mansion remarked. "And even to a lowly demigod like you my powers are vastly superior. Now... be a good girl and let this happen."

"Never!" Sanae shrieked, surprising the vampire as she blasted her with damnmaku all of a sudden. "I am a mortal god, monster! Don't take me lightly!" She got back on her feet and activated a Spell Card. "Esoterica 'Grey Thaumaturgy'!" A bright star shaped projectile emerged from the spell and Remilia's skin burned from it's shimmering flares.

"AARGH!" Remi roared in agony as was sent sailing into her throne.

"Remilia-sama!" Koa cried.

"Remi!" Patchy shouted.

The brilliant pentagram spell faded and Sanae displayed a triumphant expression. "Ha! How do you like this 'lowly demigod' now, huh?"

Remi pulled her upper body free from the throne's headboard and fell to the ground on her butt. She turned around and gave her crafty opponent a heinous glare. "Grr! You... you little bitch! How dare you! You miserable pile of-"

"Secrets?" Sanae codded with a wink. "Make no mistake... there's more of where that come from."

Remilia's trembling fist was clenched so tight that a vein bulged on the surface and her palm began bleeding. "Wretch! If that's the way you want to play it – fine!" A red mist swirled and congealed around her bloody hand. Soon enough, Spear the Gungnir materialized in her grip. "Suffer the consequences of your foolish ways! Rrraaagh!" She chucked the spear.

"Wah!" Sanae fell on her butt in sheer terror and cast another spell. "Help me, Suwako-sama!"

"Hup!" The diminutive deity suddenly manifested before her descendant and clasped her hands together. A clear bubble surrounded her distant child, protecting her. Suwako somersaulted out of harm's way as the Gungnir crashed against the shield.

Remilia noticed the little goddess. "What?"

"Thanks Suwako-sama!" Sanae praised with stars in her eyes.

"Just what have you gotten yourself into now?" Suwako demanded in a tone of disapproval with her hands on her hips. "You've summoned me at a wrong time, ya know! I was just about to eat some homemade pork vindaloo!"

Sanae lightly pounded her fist on the top of her head. "Tee-he! Sorry about that!"

"You're impossible..." sighed the superannuate child.

"Venerable Suwako..." Remilia grounded out with a tone of disfavor and... respect? "It's an honor to be in your presence but I'm afraid that you're stepping out of your bounds."

Both Koakuma and Patchouli watched the scene unveiled in interest. Was the Queen Of The Night being humble before the Highest Of The Native Gods? Maybe... maybe not, it was interesting to say the least.

"Eh? Am I, child?" Suwako wondered, causing Remilia to grimace. "Calm yourself. I am not here to fight you. Tell me what Sanae has done."

Sanae gaped in disbelief. "But – Suwako-sama!"

"Silence!"

"That wench... uh... Sanae has assailed my home this night, ancient one." Remilia explained in hopes that the smaller girl will understand the situation. "She accompanied her friends, the Hakurei girl and the Kirisame witch in order to steal and plunder from us."

"I wagered with Reimu-san and lost," Sanae fearfully explained. "That's the only reason why I'm here!"

"Therefore, you are in the wrong!" Remilia accused before returning her sights on Suwako. "I am telling the truth! Your miko needs to be disciplined!"

Suwako rubbed her chin in thought, being the judge and jury of this scenario. "Is that a fact?" She intoned with a mischievous smirk forming on her lips.

"Yes!" Remilia hollered. "Now take her with you before I do her harm!"

"Nah-uh!" Sanae lolled out her tongue. "She's here to help me whoop your keister!"

Suwako simply said, "No I'm not."

Remilia's eyes went wide. "Huh?"

"WHAAAAT!" Sanae sang in disbelief.

Suwako wheeled on Sanae. "Ah... my precious pompous foolish little girl, you've brought this on yourself. Therefore, you are in big trouble, little missy! That child has every right to beat you to a pulp this evening. And so I will leave you here to deal with her."

Sanae clasped her hands and fell to her knees before Suwako. "No! Grandmother, please! Don't let me contend with her by my lonesome! I'm scared! I don't think I can beat her!"

The vile smile returned on Remi's face. _I like where this is going!_

"No. Let this be a lesson to you. A part of your training, even," Suwako lectured, waving her index finger in her descendant's face. "This is divine retribution, my child. You're just gonna have to wing it. Serves you right for having Reimu persuade you to go on a crash-dummy mission."

"Please! Don't leave me!" Sanae gripped her hands on Kero-chan's shoulders. "I beg of you!"

"Sorry. You're gonna have to finish what you've started. It's fate." Suwako told her child with a troll face. "Oh! Would you look at the time? The summon spell is about to phase out. Now I can get back to my Indian dinner." Her body soon became transparent as she began vanishing. "Happy dueling!"

"Suwako-samaaaaaaaaaaa~!" Sanae cried.

"Well well well..." Remilia intoned menacingly. "Looks like it's time to resume our little scuffle, wouldn't you say? What a wise little hag. She surely knows what is best for you."

"Shut your accursed trap..." Sanae grounded out darkly, gathering courage.

"Oh? Juvenile indignation, much?" Remi taunted. "My ancestor was a bitch too but you don't see me crying. Now... back on your feet, brat. Let's finish what **you've** started."

"Very well..." Sanae stood up again with her gohei at the ready. "I will be the victor of this fight! By the power of Kanako Yasaka, I will punish you! Do your worst, monster!"

At a safe distance, Koa giggled and Patchy bopped her on the head with a book. "Oww! What was that for?"

The One-Week Librarian brought her index finger to her lips. "Shh!"

"I'm in such a good mood tonight! I have a little present for you!" Remilia proclaimed and outstretched her arms dramatically. Her wings looked... noticeably large than before. "Shall I give you despair?"

Sanae's expression was stone-cold serious. "My power of miracles will triumph over despair."

"Ha! Such bravado you have there! How admirable!" Remi giggled. "Let's get down to business. You notice this grand curtain behind me?"

Sanae gazed at the huge scarlet drapery that shrouds the balcony behind the vampire. What the hell was she getting at? "Yeah... so?"

"Fufufufu... it's bad enough that you're facing me on my home turf, kid. However, that's just the beginning of your problem." Remi eyes suddenly glowed brightly and the curtains slowly parted. After what seemed like a small eternity Sanae can see the smooth balcony stern and the cloudless night sky. Then a realization of pure horror hit her... as evidenced by a red glow...

Tonight is the night of a full moon.

"Holy Yasaka!" Sanae gasped.

"Hahahaha!" Remi laughed in demonic glee while relishing the girl's look of terror. "Yes, my foolish adversary. Now you're aware that you are in deep shit now! The Scarlet Devil haunts tonight!"

"Kh! Prayer 'Charm Of Good Commerce'!" The Moriya fujo took to the sky and rained down a barrage of brightly colored charms on the vampire.

Remilia didn't move. She only stood in place with a demented look in her eyes. The empowered charms of her holy adversary littered her entire body, leaving various cuts and bruises on her body. She licked the blood of a fresh wound on her jaw. "Fufufu... is that all you got? Very well. I'm up for some fun tonight and I'm about to do something that I haven't done in decades!"

Remilia's proposal unnerved Sanae. "What do you mean?"

"I'm about to assume my true form!" Remilia announced. "You should be honored, kid! Not many victims of mine get to witness this!" A swarm of bats suddenly appeared and blanketed the vampire's form as they swarmed around her. A pillar of scarlet light emitted from her body and reached through the roof, possibly reaching the stratosphere. "Ooh yes!"

"Damn! Suwako-sawa chose a very wrong time to be a prick to me," cursed Sanae.

"Hehehe!" Remi cackled wickedly among the swarm of vampire bats enshrouding her. "How exquisite! It's been so long since I've done this! Ah ha ha ha!" The bat horde merged into her body and now stood a statuesque lilac haired woman in a pink dress and huge wings. The ultimate Remilia flexed her regal gauntlet covered arms and flapped her wings, causing a gust to rush in the quarters. And the bad news for Sanae were the fact that the vampire's wounds were gone.

Both Koa and Patchy were holding onto their slips in order to prevent cheap pantyshots. "Ahhn!" Koakuma cooed.

"Showoff..." the grape haired librarian muttered.

"Well..." Remi said with her (slightly) deeper voice. She appreciated the sight of her lithe adult body. Nice arms, longs legs, nice bosom – you name it! Remi was the total package! "The dress is feeling a bit snug, but, whatever! Every cell in my body is burning with power! Glorious rage is coursing throughout my being!"

"Despite your power, Scarlet Devil..." Sanae pointed her gohei at the apex vampire dramatically. "You will fail! I am Sanae Kochiya! A mortal-"

The Scarlet Devil suddenly vanished and reappeared right in front of Sanae. "Oh, spare me!" With a mighty bitch-slap, Sanae was sent spiraling back to the floor.

**THUD!**

"Ow ow ow..." Sanae whimpered as she regained her bearings. "I didn't even-"

Remilia appeared before her again with her arms crossed. "See me? Of course you didn't, love! You're utterly outclassed here! Not that you had a chance to begin with, by the way. I could have easily dispatched you with my ordinary form."

Sanae swiftly rolled on her side and fired a stream of danmaku into Remi's face. "DORYAAAA!"

The Scarlet Devil was totally unfazed. "Now that was not nice! Although, it did tickled a bit."

"YAAAH!" Sanae tossed a bomb at the Scarlet Devil and it detonated the moment it hit her face. "How do you like that?"

The smoke cleared. And to Sanae's shock, Remilia was still standing. "Okay, now you're truly pissing me off!" Remilia snarled. "Just what in the hell are you doing carrying bombs in the first place? Kids today!"

Sanae was on her feet again. She raised her gohei above her head as she concentrated. "Miracle 'Night Of The Super-'"

**WAP!**

Sanae was on the floor once again. "You hax!"

"Nah ah ah!" Remi teased as she waved her finger. "This is our fight, remember? I just can't standby idly as you cough up your most powerful spells now, can I?"

"What about me allowing you to transform a few minutes ago?"

Remilia's grin dropped completely. "Cheeky bitch, c'mere!"

Sanae was yanked off the floor by her collar. "Ahh!"

Remilia held the now smaller woman before her with a single hand. Sanae used her dangling feet to kick Remi in the stomach but the vampire didn't felt it. "Now now... you shouldn't be angry at me. You should be angry at yourself. You bore all this trouble on yourself."

"Reimu and the others will come for me," Sanae spat.

"Oh, I know they will! I'm certain!" Remilia laughed. "Now... what should I do with you? I would kill you and summon a hell-spawn demon to teabag your corpse but that would be outright wrong. That little hag of yours will come over here and kill me in my own house the moment she finds out about your murder. Instead, I have something more sinister in store for you. This will hurt a bit."

"Huh?"

Remilia's fangs sank into her right shoulder. "_Nom!"_

A piercing scream escaped poor Sanae. "KYAAAAAAH!"

"Yummy!" Remi remarked with her face covered in her victim's blood. "Demigod's blood is the shit! This is delicious! Oh ho ho!" She yanked Sanae closer to her again and resumed her blood-lust. "_Yomp!"_

"AAAARRGH!"

Suddenly, Remi tossed the screaming girl on the floor like a ragdoll. "Mmm... that's enough. My hunger is slaked but that's not all. This is when the fun really begins! Check it!" Remilia created a small magic circle with her hands and a fiery red bad emerged from it. "Now would you look at this? Say hello to my little friend, a bat from the deepest parts of hell!"

"Khhhrrrrgh..." Sanae grunted, holding the wound on her shoulder. Her heart was beating so frantically that she can hardly hear Remi speaking to her.

"Don't worry. Mama Remi has a medicine that will make the pain go away." Remilia blew a kiss and the demon bat screeched violently as it made it's way towards Sanae.

Sanae stared at this unholy creature with a mixture of fear and curiosity. _What is that thing? I have a bad feeling about this! _

The bat suddenly made a ear-slitting screech that shook the room and flew straight into Sanae's open wound. "Sanae Kochiya..." Remilia began. "I've taken you. Mind... body... and soul... it all belongs to me, Remilia Scarlet, the Scarlet Devil."

A excruciating pain like never before coursed through Sanae's being. And the world suddenly faded to nothingness.

**VOILE **

" Damn it all! All this trouble for just one doll!" Marisa shouted, blasting a stream of star-shape danmaku at Alice. The dazzling barrage of danmaku hit the various arrows that where shot from a group of archer dolls. "We've been going at it for minutes, Alice! Don't you think it's about time to let bygones be bygones?"

The Seven-Colored Puppeteer's reply was an angry sneer. "No way! What you've done is unforgivable, Marisa Kirisame!"

"It was just one doll, Alice!" Marisa rebutted as she ducked a thrown blade in the nick of time. "C'mon! It looks no different from all the other dolls you've created! Can't you, like, make another one?"

"Doll Ambush!" Alice declared as a set of dolls darted towards her neighbor with their blades drawn. Marisa took cover behind a bookshelf.

**THUNK! THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!**

"Shit!" Marisa hissed, taking in the sight of the sharp blades that were embedded through the furniture. "That was a close one!"

"Hah!" Alice tossed a doll near Marisa and it detonated, causing the witch to yelp in fright and jump out of harm's way. She ungracefully fell on her stomach due to the explosion and chanced a glance at the spot she was at a moment ago. To her horror, all that remained of the shelf were burned paper and splinters.

"What the heck, Alice! And here you are going ballistic about me chomping on one doll!" Marisa exclaimed with a shaky finger. "You're using your little girls like bombs!"

"A dignified sacrifice, mind you," Alice remarked cruelly. "Still... that does not give you the right to consume one of them."

"So that's how it is, huh?" Marisa took out her miniature furnace. "You're just plain aching for a fight now, Alice. I'm afraid that I'm gonna have to put you down now, ze!"

Alice narrowed her eyes. "Try me."

"You asked for it!" Marisa grinned and held out her trusty weapon. A thin green beam shot forth from the hakkero.

"Shanghai..." Alice uttered and the said doll hovered before her with a large shield. The beam was successfully deflected. "Nice try. You have to do better than that though."

Marisa powered up her hakkero in record time and grinned at the puppeteer. "Master Spark!"

"Tch!" Alice flew out of harm's way. The witch's signature beam of power made a huge hole in the wall behind Alice (Patchy's going to be pissed). "I knew that you would go for that! Honestly, you're way too-"

"Yee-haw!" Marisa was charging full speed towards Alice on her broom.

"Kyah!" Alice gasped as Marisa collided into her. The witch was still going full speed and Alice was going along for a ride. "Ugh! MA-RI-SAAAAA!"

"Hey-hey! Watch it with those nails of yours, da ze!" Marisa exclaimed as Alice tried to claw her eyes out. "Stop! Quit playin', Alice!"

"Shut up! I can't stand you!" Alice rebutted and began punching the witch in the face.

**PAP! PAP! PAP!**

"Ow! Ow! Ow! You're hurting me Alice!" Marisa whined, still flying hazardously around the great library with Alice in tow.

"That's the point!" Alice punched the witch again.

"Gah!" Marisa nearly fell off her broom. She was holding onto her broom tight but it was becoming increasingly hard for her to do so because of Alice. The youkai puppeteer was trying to knock her out. "Alice, if you don't stop hitting me, I'm gonna lose control of my broom! We could get seriously hurt!"

"Namely you!"

"Oh shit!" Marisa realized a particularly huge bookshelf she was about to crash into. She immediately used the 'brakes' of her broom in order to prevent an accident. Unfortunately, slowing her broom to a halt right now was like trying to stop a train from moving a quarter of a mile while braking. It was very difficult. Marisa dispensed a lot of her magic to control her broom. The risky tactic worked but it had a price.

"WHOA!" Alice flew off the broom. She was on a collision course to the gigantic bookshelf.

"Ah – Alice!"

**CRASH!**

Alice bounced off the shelf and fell on the floor in a heap (along with books falling on top of her).

"Alice!" Marisa cried as she dismounted her broom. She dug through the great pile of books until the puppeteer's face was visible. "Alice! Wake up, girl! Please tell me that you're okay!"

"Damn..." Alice grunted in pain as her eyes slowly opened. "I lost... didn't I?"

"Don't try to talk, Alice!" Marisa cradled her neighbor's upper body in her arms. "You're hurt."

"Please... Guk!" Alice gasped in pain. "I am... a youkai. This... is... nothing... to... ugh... me..."

Shanghai and Hourai hovered over Marisa's shoulders with worry on their faces. "You coulda fooled me," Marisa said. "I believe that a half ton of books just rained down on you."

"Shut up... Marisa..." Alice grounded out in annoyance. "I'll... sleep it off..." And with that, Alice slipped into unconsciousness – a sleeping beauty in the mean ole witch's arms.

"Meh," Marisa shrugged as she lightly laid Alice's head down on a stack of paperbacks. "I guess she's gonna be okay, girls. Now to get what I came here for."

**SECRET ROOM**

"Oowf!" Reimu grunted as her face harshly met dirty linoleum. She was going to kill that damn fairy once she lay eyes on her again! What Reimu has in mind for her, Saeba's gonna wish she can't regenerate after she's done with her. Reimu didn't appreciate barreling down a long tunnel that led to who knows where. She gathered off the ground while dusting filth off her robes. After making sure that none of her bones were broken, Reimu took in her surroundings. "Now, where am I? I hope that I'm not in Flan's room."

The Hakurei maiden was in a dank, moldy chamber. Two streams of water were flowing on both sides of the surface she was standing on. One of the streams were clear and the other... was the exact opposite. Reimu nearly retched her lunch once she realized what the 'dirty' water contained. "Ew! I'm in the mansion's aqueducts! I have to find a way out of here."

A foot-sized sewer rat sudden skittered from a broken pipe behind Reimu. Once she laid eyes on what it was, a high pitched scream escaped her. "Aiiiieeee! A rat! Gross!"

The large rodent stared at Reimu in curiosity. The girl's scream didn't unnerved it in the least bit.

"It's just sitting there and staring at me!" Reimu subconsciously hiked her skirt up to her thighs in fright. "Get lost! Get lost! Get lost!"

The rat remained unmoved. It was now nibbling on a piece of sewage.

"Ahh! I gotta find a way out of here!" Reimu exclaimed with chattering teeth. She whipped her head frantically in all directions, looking for a way out of this place. Her face brightened when she spotted an old door near a staircase. "There!" She immediately took flight over the clear stream and landed before the door. She entered the door and slammed it, pressing her back onto it with an immense sigh of relief. "Phew! I wonder where I'm at now?"

She soon noticed that she was in a narrow corridor with dim torches adorning the walls. Interesting enough, there were a few shelves aligning the right walls. All of them stored old newspapers and archives. "That's odd. If I'm not mistaken... I get the feeling that this was a print office once."

As Reimu slowly traversed down the hall, the sounds of a musical instrument reached her ears. Whoever the musician was... the music (s)he was playing was quite jazzy and melancholy. Reimu thought that it was a lovely tune but she wondered why would anyone play any sort of music in such a dreary place. "Could it be one of the Prismriver Sisters?" Reimu asked herself as she noticed a glow ahead of her path. "No, it can't be. They only perform in trio. They're aren't inclined to individual performances."

As Reimu went closer to the ghastly glow, she realized that it was coming from two beings. One of them was the apparition of a man dressed in a black pin-striped suit with a rather stylish fedora on his head. He was playing a violin. The other apparition was a dog, a Doberman to be precise. The man stopped his music for a moment in order to regard Reimu.

"Good day, stranger," he greeted and Reimu was surprised to find out that he was rather handsome. "It's been a long time since a mortal last roamed these halls." His pet Doberman seemed to smile as he sat on his hind legs, wagging his tail.

"Who... are you?" Reimu wondered, trying to suppress a blush. Apparently the man died young. He couldn't have been much older than Reimu.

The ghost musician made a face of consternation. "I... can't remember. It's been ages since I last heard my name. I guess. All I know that I'm to remain here in this very hallway for eternity..."

The dog whimpered. He was sharing the same fate.

Reimu wanted to grieve for the lost souls. "That's terrible. What... happened to... you?"

"Oh. You're wondering about the circumstances of my death, huh?" The musician said with a perfect set of pearly whites. "To be honest... I... don't really know that either. The only clues I know of are three women: two of them are rather small in frame and... the third woman is big... and intimidating."

Reimu knew two of the women the ghost was referring to. _Komachi and Shikieiki... _she pondered. _But what about the third woman?_

"It's no big of deal, really," the phantasmal musician said, snapping Reimu out of her thoughts. "Anyway, what brings you here? I haven't laid eyes on a living human in probably decades. And I must saw that you're exceptionally beautiful."

Reimu glowed bright red as she giggled like a schoolgirl. Her heart became skittish and her arms went behind her back in a cute gesture. "D'aaaaw... I bet you say that to all the living girls."

"I speak the truth, fair one," he grinned. "The only beings I see around here are rats, spiders, and fairies. I know it may have been years since I last laid eyes on a woman but somehow I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that you're one the loveliest girls around."

Reimu cooed. It was starting to drizzle down south. "You know, I wish I could have met you while you were alive. I have a feeling that we would of gotten along just peachy."

"Yea. Oh well. Maybe in another lifetime..."

"Yea..." Reimu suddenly found her feet very interesting. "Maybe..." _Looks like I going to have a word with the Yama. Maybe she can pulls some strings in order to get this guy reincarnated... with his good looks intact. Heh-hee! Both Marisa and Sanae would be so envious of me!_

"Silly me," the ghost suddenly laughed. "Listen to me... another lifetime. I may have been a comedian during my life."

"Yea..." Reimu swooned. "Ha ha funny."

"Anyway, now that my sap story's out of the way," the ghost's smile suddenly disappeared, replaced by grim seriousness. "I would like to ask of you a favor."

Reimu noticed the change of air about the musician along with his dog. "What is it?"

"Do you have any money to spare?" He requested as he held out his hand. "I need a donation. The huge woman once told me that I can reach Nirvana once I bring her some money."

Reimu winced. Hard times are everywhere - even among the dead. "I'm sorry. I'm afraid... I don't have any money. You see, I'm just a broke shrine maiden."

The ghost's expression was now dark. "That's... too bad..."

The Doberman started growling menacingly.

Reimu was now on guard. _Something's not right!_

"Fufufu... no money, huh?" The ghost chuckled. "That's alright. I rather prefer you, though." His eyes suddenly glowed an ominous shade of red. "How about joining me in purgatory? Therefore, our gloomy love will be everlasting in this wretched place!"

Reimu gasped as both of the phantoms glared at her menacingly. "Ah! No thanks! Listen, you're cute and all, but you're nothing special!" (**A/N: Any of you male readers out there ever heard this from a girl before?)**

The spectral dog suddenly barked and attacked Reimu. The beast pounced the shrine maiden and pinned her to the ground, snarling viciously. "Nice work there, Despair. Now finish her off and make her mine!"

"Not a chance!" Reimu roared and kicked the dog off of her. The dog yelped as it flew to the nearby wall. Reimu rushed upon it and gave it a swift strike on the head with her gohei. "That's for trying to rip out my throat out, you mutt!"

"No!" The ghost cried as he rushed over to his fallen pet, nearly bowling over Reimu on the way. He crouched down and cradled the beast, which was now burning in blue flames. "No! Despair!" He cried and turned his tear filled glare at Reimu. "Why! He didn't deserve this! With him gone I'll be alone forever!"

"He attacked me!" Reimu defended. "All thanks to you! So you cannot blame me!"

"But, I'm all alone here!" He cried, trembling. "He was the only friend I had in this lonely existence! Please, shrine maiden! Heal him!"

Reimu's eyes were hidden beneath her bangs. "I can't do that. He's already dead to begin with. I've only exorcised him."

The ghost noticed a certain word. "You... exorcised him?"

Reimu's face was expressionless. "Yes."

"Can you... do the same for me?"

"Yes," Reimu echoed. "However... you may have been sentenced here for a reason. If I were to purge you from this realm who knows where you may end up at. Reincarnation, Hell... or, in the worst case scenario, Oblivion. And Nirvana is way out of the question by this point."

"Is that right?" He considered, closing his eyes. "I now risk eternal damnation or complete nothingness with no chance of being reborn?"

Reimu's expression faltered. "I'm... sorry. I sense great wickedness from you."

"If I can be reunited with Despair then so be it," the ghost finally decided and faced Reimu. "Do it. I'm sure whatever waiting for me beyond this realm is much better than being mere vibes in this hall. Exorcise me. Send me to my ultimate doom, shrine maiden. At least... I'll be with my best friend."

"Right..." Reimu uttered with a solemn look about her. She gathered energy into her gohei and tapped the ghost on the forehead with it. The ghost vanished in a burst of blue flames, never to be seen again. "And may the gods and the Yama have mercy on your soul." After completing the ritual, Reimu headed towards the door on the end of the hallway. She entered the door and the next thing she saw lifted her spirits immensely.

She has found Remilia's treasure trove at last. Reimu Hakurei has hit the mother load!

And that's not all. Her pixie nemesis was wandering around the room, oblivious to Reimu's presence. It was time for her to extract sweet revenge!

"Double jackpot," Reimu grinned as she coolly made her way towards the hoarded wealth within the room with pure determination.

**Tenshi VS Meiling**

_**Final Round** _

"Raaaargh!" Tenshi swung the Sword of Hisou at Meiling several times. The gatekeeper has successfully avoided every swing and Tenshi was getting tired. "Hold still, you!" She yelled, attempting a stab for the gatekeeper's face.

Meiling crouched low and delivered a backwards sweep-kick to her opponent's ankles, tripping her. The Celestial fell on her back and rolled away to safety as Meiling attempted a stomp. Hong lunged at the girl with her right arm forward and spotted her right on the lips with her fist. Miraculously, the Celestial wasn't bleeding. "You're really something, ya know that? You're taking a beating but you haven't even begun to bruise yet. And here I am with a lot of bruises and a busted lip."

"Shut up! Shaaa!" Tenshi raged and charged again with her sword. The gatekeeper dodged again and countered with an elbow strike to the ribs. "Grrraaaah! Damn you!"

"Don't worry, you're not doing so bad," Meiling commented after a couple of spacing back-flips. "You're doing better than you think. I'm the one who's bleeding here. It looks like I the one who's loosing this fight."

"Stop mocking me!" Tenshi went on the offensive with her blade again.

Meiling fell back on her right hand and lift her right leg up into Tenshi's chin with a leap. "WAA-CHAAA!"

Tenshi was now flying high in the air.

Not far away from them, both Dai and Nue were still spectating the fight. The big fairy was watching the scene unfold with bated breath and Nue was looking for revenge on an opportunity. Dai took a moment to gaze at the undefined girl once again and noticed the angry look on her face. Nue's lips were set in a grimace and both of her fist were tightly clenched with anger veins on them. The nue assumed something was not right about the fight. "Hey, are you alright?" Dai wondered. "It looks like something's bothering you."

"You're damn right something's bothering me," Nue retorted with a snarl. "Right now that gatekeeper is beating the living shit out of that peach hat wearing idiot! Yet, the bitch doesn't look in the least bit injured. Sure, she's being worn out but look at the gatekeeper. She got marks for every hit she received."

Dai was a little confused. "What does that mean?"

"Argh! I means that the gate guard may lose this fight!" Nue angrily explained. "I fought that girl myself. I hit her with nearly everything I got and she took it and smile! She's made out of something incredible! She can take hits like a fucking god!"

Dai somewhat understood what Nue meant. "Oh."

"That kid is a real glutton for punishment. I tell ya that much," Nue growled. "I don't think even Sperhuman Hijiri has half as much endurance as she does. This is so frustrating!"

"Nue... chan..." Daiyousei uttered in worry.

"I got it!" Nue suddenly exclaimed at a bright idea. "Once that gatekeeper get that girl all good and tired I'll step in a give the final blow. I'm gonna put that brat to sleep!"

"Ah! She's back on the ground!" Dai exclaimed as she pointed at Tenshi's prone form on the ground.

"And she still wants more," Nue cursed as Tenshi got back on her feet.

"Guh... you think a attack of that caliber will do me in?" Tenshi taunted as she slowly walked towards Meiling. "Wrong! You can't beat me, gatekeeper. A little sisters hits harder than you!"

"Incredible..." Hong uttered as the Celestial stood right before her with a grim smile. There was a considerable height difference between them as the Celestial only reached her abdomen in height. "Your endurance is remarkable."

"Duh! Indestructible," Tenshi scoffed. "What cha gonna do about it, big bad?"

"This, of course! Hiyah!" Hong threw at punch at Tenshi's face at the exact same time as Tenshi threw one at her's. Both of them were caught in a brutal cross-counter blow, with Tenshi being slightly stunned and Meiling falling on her ass. Her beret fell off her head. "Ouch!" Hong cried as she rubbed her aching jaw. "You gotta lot of power behind your fists."

Tenshi stood over Meiling with a triumphant smirk on her lips. "Oh, I'll show you striking power. Soon you're going to regret facing me."

"You hit harder than me, I'll admit that," Meiling complimented. "But... you're not something that I can't handle."

Tenshi's eyebrows became check-marks. "What was that?"

"It means that you haven't beaten me yet," Meiling declared as she got off the ground. "As a matter of fact, I will win this fight. Let's see how your incredible strength match up to my speed and finesse."

"Whatever you say. Here I come!" Tenshi charged and threw a hook punch at her head. Unfortunately, she missed, with a pain on her stomach being testament to the failed attack. "Oof!"

"See what I mean?" Meiling giggled with Tenshi hanging on her fist. "I got you."

"That makes for both of us!" Tenshi cried and drove her sword into Meiling's back. It made a sickening sound as it burned through the gatekeeper's torso. The end of the blade was jutting out from the cleft of the gatekeeper's breasts.

"EEEEIIIIIAAAAHH!" Meiling screamed as excruciating agony tore through her chest.

"You're singing again," Tenshi laughed. "Crying like a baby!"

"Guhk! You..." Meiling grounded dangerously and brought her knuckles close to Tenshi's abdomen. She focused a lot of qi into her fist and released it with very minimal budging. "Scarlet Inch Crush!"

"GWOOA!" Tenshi was sent flying by the might of the 'tiny' punch with the wind knocked out of her.

Meiling took the opportunity to pull the Sword of Hisou out of her body. "Grr! Ah! Aarrrrgh!" The burning sensation of the Hisou scalded her hands as she pulled it out. She dropped it near her feet and the offending weapon was now a mere hilt. "Ooh, that smarts!" She worked her gazed over to the Celestial that was hunkered on the ground a few yards in front of her. "This is getting ugly. We have to put an end to this fight somehow."

Tenshi recollected herself with a gasp. The redhead's last attack really done a number on her! "Argh..."

"Well..." Hong beckoned. "Do you agree with me?"

Tenshi's pride was now on the line. Her respiratory system was struggling to cope with the pain of the recent attack. "It's... not... over... yet," she swore with haggard breathing. "I'm... still standing."

Nue noticed the Celestial's sluggish movements. "Aha! This is it!" She gasped.

"What is?" Dai wondered.

"That brat seen better days," Nue remarked studiously. "Look. She's on her last leg. She can't take much more."

"Well, at least she did put up a good fight with the guard," Dai stated. "I've never saw her get thrown around like that before."

"That may be true..." Nue said deviously while cracking her knuckles. "But her goose is cooked. It's about time I come in and finish her off." A devilish cackle escaped her, scaring the poor fairy a little.

_Nue-chan... you sound so evil, _Dai mentally noted.

Tenshi's lungs ached from the labored breathing. The gatekeeper was proving to be her single greatest opponent yet. She was having a lot more trouble contending with the red haired yao-jing than she imagined. The Celestial was aching all over but her pride was on the line! She is the Eldest Daughter of the Hinanawi Clan! She is one of the mightiest warriors of Bhava-agra! This common yao-jing should be humbled before her might! "Huff... huff... Is that all you got?"

Meiling eased from her stance, concerned for her now weakened opponent. "I wouldn't talk like that if I were you. Take a look at yourself. You're winded."

"Don't take me lightly!" Tenshi retorted in frustration. "I don't need your pity! I will best you!"

Meiling nodded her head in admiration. Tenshi was a fighter- a rather strong one at that. Yet... her pride was going to get her killed one day if she keeps this up. Maybe if the Celestial took a foot in the right direction she would be a truly formidable warrior. After all, Hong noted, she probably has enough strength to beat Remelia in a fist fight. However, that was unlikely. It seemed the girl only honored power above anything else in a fight. If Meiling was a cold-blooded killer, Tenshi would be already dead.

Meiling picked her opponent's sword off the ground and tossed it to her. Tenshi caught her beloved weapon without laying her eyes off of Meiling. "This fight is over." Meiling said. "Take your weapon and leave the premises."

Tenshi uttered, "No."

Meiling gasped in disbelief. Despite the beating her opponent took... she wanted more. "What did you just say?"

Tenshi drew her blade and took a stance once more. The Hisou Blade glowing with an intense vigor. "I'm not going anywhere until I defeat you. Show some respect! I'm not some common weakling! I am a Celestial!"

"I'm not taking you for granted. Trust me," Meiling remarked as she resumed her stance. This time she didn't balled her hands into fists. They were spearhands instead. "You are very strong. I'm actually impressed that you've lasted thing long against me. Even Sakuya would have given up by now."

Tenshi smirked. "I'm not this Sakuya you speak of."

"Point. While you are physically stronger than my friend, I wish you would stop while you're ahead." Hong shifted her stance, sizing up the blue haired intruder. "You should choose your fights more wisely."

"Shut up!" Tenshi snapped. "Let's get back to it!"

A black blur suddenly appeared on a warpath towards Tenshi. "YOUR ASS IS MINE!" A boyish voice suddenly raged behind the Celestial.

Before Tenshi could react, Meiling was already springing to action. The Celestial almost didn't see her coming! She ducked in fear of the yao-jing's spinning kick at the very last second. Fortunately for Tenshi, she avoided the brutal attack. Unfortunately for the girl with the boyish voice, Meiling's foot collided with her left shoulder as she tried to attack Tenshi. Everything seemed to go in slow motion for a moment and there was a sickening sound of bones shattering inside the assailant.

"Guhk!" Nue grunted as a tear escaped her eye. The next thing she knew, she was flying like a bullet. She soared into the brick wall of the gates so fast it exploded upon impact.

Tenshi reluctantly stared at the shattered wall the 'cockroach' youkai just crashed into. The fear in her heart resurfaced, only this time it was more intense than before. "Sufferin' Shanghai!"

Meiling was now standing on one leg, her face expressionless. "You're ready to end this?"

The Celestial was sure that Meiling wasn't that brutal earlier during their battle. Could it be that her struggle with the yao-jing was merely a warm-up? "You were prolonging this fight on purpose?"

Hong cranked her neck and popped her knuckles. "Not really. You're pretty good. It's just that you underestimated me."

"You... you make me sick," Tenshi cursed. "You lead me to believe that I was beating you and now you're belittling me! I'll make you regret mocking me!"

"Do your worst," Hong challenged. She sensed something happening to Tenshi.

"Oh-ho! You better believe I will!" Tenshi retorted. _Temperament 'State of Enlightenment'! _After mentally declaring the disposition, she gave the gatekeeper a piercing stare.

Hong noticed the change in Tenshi, noticeably her stare. "What is she up to now?"

Tenshi darted towards her while trying to attack with her forearm. Hong sidestepped and delivered a swift blow to her face and her suspicions were realized. The Celestial didn't even register her attack. She wasn't even stunned in the slightest. Tenshi hit the gatekeeper with a backhand, knocking her on the ground again. "This is what you wanted, right?"

Hong replied by springing off the ground and striking both of her feet to Tenshi's face. The impact of the spring kick hurt Hong though as she sprang her ankle and fell back on the ground. "Ahh! Something's weird going on here!"

"I am indestructible," Tenshi murmured, apparently in a state of her personal Zen.

"Shaa!" Hong struck the Celestial on the leg and bruised her fist. "Oww!" She cried, blowing on her sore knuckles. _She's harder than stone! She's using her qi to reinforce her body like armor! That's gotta be it!_

"Hurts, doesn't it?" Tenshi taunted and lifted Meiling off the ground by the tresses of her hair. She was kicked in the face while the gatekeeper struggled to get free. "Not so fun now, is it?"

Meiling struck the Celestial's chin with her knee. Tenshi didn't felt that either!

"How annoying! I'm totally impervious to your attacks and yet you still try your hardest to harm me. This is hilarious!" Tenshi laughed and knocked the gatekeeper away with a forearm strike.

Meiling ate dirt when she landed on the ground. She was growing frustrated. How can she harm someone who doesn't feel pain nor respond to harmful stimuli? An inkling of an idea occurred to her. _Okay... I have no choice but to rely on this, _she thought as she gathered a considerable amount of qi into her right hand. _It's a gamble but right now I don't have much of a choice! I can't afford defeat at my own game! My job as gatekeeper of the Scarlet Devil Mansion is on the line!_

"Hello," came Tenshi's taunting voice. "Anybody home?"

"You betcha," Meiling responded as she spit grass from her mouth. "And you probably won't like what you find." _Fierce Tiger's Inner Strength!_

"Say what?"

Meiling was back on her feet and charging like a raging beast! "RRRRAAAAAGH!"

"Whatever! It won't wor-" Tenshi's jibe was interrupted as a tremendous pain coursed through her belly along with a sonic boom rupturing her ears. "URGHK!"

Hong Meiling has smite the mighty celestial with a devastating fist to the stomach. "Fierce Tiger's Mountain-Shattering Fist!"

"WWWAAAARRRRGH!" Tenshi wailed. The gatekeeper's death fist caused Tenshi to bleed from the mouth while flying. She hit the ground hard and tumbled unceremoniously into a tree many yards away from the gatekeeper. After that grand and climatic moment, Tenshi finally slipped into unconsciousness. "Uh..."

Hong Meiling has won. After a grueling traditional battle, she has prevailed against the indestructible Tenshi Hinanawi!

Meiling fell on all fours and gasped in order to catch her breath. That last resort move of hers was risky, but it won her the battle! "I did it... she's out."

A group of fairies that was watching the fight soon flew over to the fallen Celestial. After a moment of inspecting Tenshi's body, one of them said, "It's over! She's out like a light!"

"Thank goodness!" Meiling gasped and stood back on her feet. "She was one tough cookie! I'm going to have to train harder if I were to encounter people as strong as her again. Yuugi would love to meet this person."

"What are we going to do about her, Meiling-san?" Another fairy asked.

"Take her inside and let her heal," Meiling replied as she stared at the unconscious girl's bloody form. "Thank you for the battle, fellow warrior. I apologize for the bodily harms I've inflicted upon you and I pray for your quick recovery."

"Oh no!" Another one of the pixies gasped. "What about the others?"

"Oh snap," Meiling swore and dashed off towards the mansion. "Guys, take care of her for me!"

**INTERLUDE**

_**Mansion Anteroom**_

Reimu felt immensely satisfied on a job well done. She has successfully gathered some cash from the mansion's savings and punished Saeba as a bonus. The little bitch didn't even know what hit her! She returned to the den with two bags of money in her hands (besides, what's a couple of thousands of yen compared to Remilia's riches?). "Once I return to the shrine, I'm going to throw a big party!"

"Reimu," Marisa said as she entered the lobby from the great library. "Is that you?" She was riding on her broom with a huge bag on her shoulders and an unconscious Alice in tow. "Oh. It is you. I thought I heard your voice, ze. Were you saying something about a party just now?"

"Right you are, Marisa," Reimu nodded with a chuckle. "I've managed to collect some cash from our dear old friend's stash. Talk about a lucky break!"

Marisa made a face. "A little too lucky if you ask me."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, first off, have you noticed any... lack of resistance since we been here?" Marisa questioned.

"Hmm... aside from dealing with a horde of angry fairies, I think they defended the place pretty well this evening." Reimu replied.

"Yea, I dealt with a lot of fairies too," Marisa said and patted Alice on her back. "And Alice just so happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Still... something's bothering me about all this, ze. I haven't ran into Patchy yet."

Reimu dreaded the worst. "Please don't jinx us, Marisa."

"Plus, I don't think either of us wouldn't have gotten so lucky if not for a certain..." Marisa trailed off for emphasis, "silver-haired terror."

"Reimu-saaaan..." A somewhat deranged voice sang.

"Damn it, Marisa!" Reimu cursed with a face-palm.

"Yea, I shoulda kept my mouth shut, huh?" Marisa grinned.

"Amen to that," Reimu acknowledged and regarded the voice. "Show yourself!"

"Hehehe... what's wrong, Reimu-san?" Sanae stepped out of the shadows of the room. She looked quite different. Physically, the youngest of the trio looked the same every since they known her. Yet, something was definitely amiss about the Moriya fujo. Her amber eyes were dull and soulless and there was a wicked grin on the fair maiden's face. "You seem agitated. Need some stress relief? Well then, let's get ready to rumble!"

Marisa noticed the demonic countenance of the white-blue mikogi robed girl. "Sanae, what the hell?"

"What has gotten into you, Sanae?" Reimu wondered.

"Enough! You die, Hakurei!" Sanae shrieked and a concentrated stream of danmaku shot across the lobby. The older duo dodged the stream as it destroyed a large portion of the wall.

"Holy shit!" Marisa gasped. "That's not Sanae!"

"Yes it is! She's under a possession curse!" Reimu explained as she prepared a spell. "Divine Spirit 'Fantasy Seal'!" A powerful collection of homing projectiles erupted from a magical circle and battered the demoniac girl.

"AAAH!" Sanae cried as she was bombarded by Reimu's powerful attack. She knocked over a sofa before she hit the floor. "Reimuuuuuu~!" Sanae trembled her fist. "That was not very nice!"

"Stop whining, Sanae. Geez," Reimu sighed and chucked a yin-yang orb at her rival.

**THUNK!**

"Yeow!" Sanae whined, clutching a fresh huge bump on her head. "That hurt, you moron! I'm telling Remilia-sama!"

"Sama?" Marisa wondered with an moue of consternation.

"Yes. Remilia must be the one that placed the curse on her," Reimu stated with a drawn out sigh. "Damn that loli-vampire. She just had to make it harder than it needs to be."

"Ha! Right you are, Reimu-san! I belong to Remilia-sama now!" Sanae remarked with cruel laughter. "If you got a problem with it, then you can come over to the throne room and see her!" With that challenge issued, the demoniac miko vanished in a poof of black smoke.

"Reimu, let's leave already," Marisa considered with a flat expression. "We got what we came for, so let's leave Tits McGee here. She seems happy enough about her new life as Remi's eternal slave."

"No," Reimu simply uttered.

"Why not?"

"Because, if we leave Sanae here then we have hell to pay," Reimu elucidated. "Both Kanako and Suwako will be on our case and we'll never hear the end of it! It will be a nightmare for the rest of our lives!"

Marisa wasn't liking the outcome."Ugh. They might as well downright kill us then!"

"And that's the worst case scenario," Reimu added. "Either way, we're screwed. That's why we may be better off confronting Remi for Sanae's freedom. So let's go to Remi's room and kick her loli can!"

Marisa grinned. It sounded like a good idea. "I'm down with that, da ze!"

**SAKUYA'S ROOM**

_**2nd Interlude**_

Sakuya sipped the last of her tea and got off the bed. It has been a few hours since she fainted for the second time tonight. She wasn't sure that it was because of her illness or the news of the intruders. Either way, she refused to be in such a useless state while the mansion was in danger. At this point, her influenza felt like an insult to her. She couldn't bear such humiliation any longer. "Ugh! I can't afford to rot here any longer. I gotta go help the others."

The moment Sakuya made it to her dresser the door of her room swung open. "Sakuya!"

"Meiling!" Sakuya gasped, using her pinstriped outfit to cover herself because of the flimsy gown she had on. "What's wrong?"

"Ah! I had a bad feeling that you were attacked and that's way I came over here," Meiling explained, noticing the blush on the maid's face. "How are you feeling now?"

"A little better than I was before," Sakuya stated as she turned towards her full-length mirror. "I'm still a little sick, but I have a duty to fulfill."

"Duty?" Hong raised a brow questionably. "Sakuya, don't force yourself. You need more- AHH!" Hong saw the maid took out a knife and threw it at her. Strange thing was the fact that Sakuya's aim was way off. The thrown knife wall jutted on the corridor wall just outside the door. "Wow... you _**are **_sick."

"Never mind that," Sakuya remarked with a pout and turned her back to the gatekeeper. "What happened to you by the way? You're a mess."

Hong gasped as she look down at the healing wound on her chest and her torn pant leg. "Well, one of the intruders I was fighting was surprisingly strong. She was strong, Sakuya! It was my first time fighting a Celestial! You should have saw how she manages pain! Totally unbelievable!"

"That's all the more reason that the mansion needs my help," Sakuya remarked nonchalantly, fastening a pair of fingerless gloves on her hands.

Meiling watched the maid slipped into her uniform intently. To the gatekeeper, Sakuya has one hell of a nice body! She never understood why Sakuya desired to have bigger breasts. If anything, Hong desired a frame as sleek and lithe as Sakuya's. If the maid desired sporadic back pains then she can have it! Appriciating the maid's backside, Meiling nearly drooled (she has a similar build to Jaime Koepp and Lisa Raye. Yea). "Gosh, Sakuya..." Meiling said with a blush. "You have such a wonderful build. So nice and curvy... I really like how round your behin- ACK!" A pillow smacked into her face.

Sakuya was glaring at Meiling with her right arm out. She was dressed in her black pinstriped uniform. "You were saying?" She grounded out dangerously. "Why were you staring at my body in such a manner, Meiling?"

Meiling tucked the pillow in her arm and giggled demurely. "Ah... I couldn't help it, Sakuya. Besides, honesty is good for the soul."

Sakuya eased her arm down to her side as a small smile graced her lips. "A little too honest if you ask me. Now let's get a move on. We need to head to Remilia-sama's room as quickly as we can."

Meiling nodded. "Right."

**THE FINAL BATTLE**

Reimu made it up the lengthy flight of stairs that lead to Remilia's chamber. It has been one long night and it's about to get even longer. She gritted her teeth in annoyance. She definitely didn't feel like taking on a pissed off vampire who claimed to be a descendant of Dracula himself. Noticing the full moon while passing the clock tower didn't made her feel any better either. One thing that Reimu knew about vampires (and other beings of youkai and foreign monsters) was that they were at their zenith on such a night. She placed her hand on the golden knob of a large velvet door. "Damn. Here goes nothing..." she sighed and entered the room.

It was time to wrap things up.

Remilia was sitting on her throne, drinking a teacup of blood nonchalantly. Once Reimu noticed the significant changes of the vampire's body she cursed her luck. "D'oh!"

"I beg your pardon?" Remilia wondered. _Sip._

Okay, it was time to get this show on the road. It's do or die time! "Uh – Suffer, Remilia! Sanae does not belong in this mansion!"

The teacup fell off of Remi's fingertips and clattered to pieces on the velvet floor.

"Ahem... What-"

"Aw c'mon!" Reimu complained. "Not this speech again? Don't you think it's a little cliché already?"

Remilia ignored her. "What... in the Nameless Hill are you doing in my house uninvited, Reimu! Let alone robbing me!"

"Wait. How did you know that I was robbing you?" Reimu wondered.

"Well, what other reasons do you have for coming here besides solving incidents and social events?" Remilia imposed. "Don't worry, I'll wait..."

Reimu paused. "Uh... umm..."

"Exactly!" Remilia exclaimed with a flare of her eyes. The great vampire rose from her throne and flapped her impressive wings. The new Remilia was as tall and voluptuous as a well-trained volleyball player."Now Reimu... it's time for your punishment! And you better believe that this outcome will be different from last time! Since our last battle I've stored up a lot of demonic power in hopes of encountering you again!"

"Tch! Motivated by revenge, huh?" Reimu said, brandishing her trusty gohei. "You're certainly a classic villain, Remilia."

"That may be a bit true, Reimu, but this time... I'm going for something fresh," Remilia grinned as her fingernails elongated. "This time, the villain wins in this story!"

"Reimu!" Marisa sang as she arrived on the scene. "What's wrong with you? You were going to start this party without me?"

Reimu rolled her eyes. "Marisa... where have you been?"

"To a hidden room full of goodies," Marisa answered bluntly. "You know, that little attic past the clock tower? Plus I had to find a spot to put Alice aside for this event."

"Marisa, we have a royally pissed off vampire to contend with!" Reimu hollered.

"Oh right," Marisa acknowledged and took a good look at Remilia. "Hi, Remi. Smokin' hot body ya got there, ze! Bow-chika-wow-wow!"

"Insolence..." Remilia snarled with a trembling fist. "Sanae!"

The said girl appeared before her master. "You called, Remilia-sama?"

"Indeed. Now take care of these intruders!" Remi commanded.

"Ooh! You're such a loving master!" Sanae swooned, embracing the much taller woman.

"Wha- Sanae, no!" Remilia stammered. "Now's not the time for this!"

Sanae whimpered and looked up at Remilia with the puppy eyes. "You... you don't love me, Remilia-sama?"

Seeing the young miko's sad expression caused Remilia's heart to bleed. "Aw... don't cry, child," Remilia reassured, wrapping her leathery wings around the possessed girl. "Of course your Master loves you. You're a good... demoniac slave girl."

"Okay..." Marisa sighed at the comically pathetic sight. "I already had enough of this shit." She took out her mini hakkero and took aim. "Master Spark!"

Remilia vanished out of harm's way with Sanae in tow. The colorful beam of destruction destroyed the vampire's throne and blasted a certain karakasa girl out of the sky beyond the balcony. Sanae reappeared with a royally pissed expression on her face. "You! How dare you try to attack me and Remilia-sama!" She brandished a black spell card from her sleeve and activated it. "Hell Sign 'Brimstone Shower'!"

A small rip in reality suddenly appeared above the demon priestess. After chanting a dark prayer, numerous bits of scorching rocks descended upon her rivals. "Suffer!" Sanae screamed.

"Yikes!" Reimu exclaimed, cartwheeling out of the hell storm's trajectory.

"Stardust Reverie!" Marisa declared, using the barrage of various star-shape danmaku to counter the flaming rocks. "What in blazes is going on? Since when did Sanae began casting demonic spells?"

"Simple! She must be possessed by a demon from Hell!" Reimu clarified, hopping out of harm's way of a red hot beam intended for her. She gritted her teeth and took to the air, challenging Sanae.

"Oh-ho! What's this?" Sanae giggled. "Is the great Reimu Hakurei ready to challenge the very forces of Hell itself?"

"Yea, I've done it before," Reimu nodded, activating a spell. "Spirit Sign 'Fantasy Jewels'!"

"Hell Sign 'Burning Purgatory'!"

Five multicolored spheres of magic clashed with an equal number of large orbs of hellfire, causing an explosion. Both Reimu and Sanae were sent reeling from the blast.

"Ah, keep it up, Sanae," Remilia praised from her spot on the floor. "You're doing good, kiddo!"

"Psst, cow tits!"

Remilia whipped around at the insult. "Pardon?"

"Orreries Sun!" Marisa commanded, with four orbs encircling here. Each orb fired a beam of energy at the vampire. "Gotcha!"

"That's what you think, bitch!" Remilia laughed as Marisa felt something incredibly soft on the back of her head. Realizing that the Remilia she blasted was a fake, she slowly turned around to meet deep red eyes leering down at her. "Boo."

"Aw, I screwed, am I?"

"Pretty much. Raw. Trickster Devil!" Remi zipped passed the witch, leaving red slash line in her wake. The witch was hit twice across her shoulder and her ribs.

"OWW!" Marisa cursed, tumbling onto the floor. "Reimu! A little help down here!"

"I'm a little busy right now, Marisa!" Reimu retorted, dodging a trail of flames. "Damn it, Sanae! How could you fall for such a cheap trick?"

"Cheap trick?" Echoed the younger girl as a crazed smile crept on her face. "Reimu-san, this is not a cheap trick. This is my potential realized! The best thing that ever happened to me! I'm having a blast with my new-found power!"

Reimu raised a brow. "You're... having a blast?"

"Yep! A real good time, my friend!" Sanae giggled. "It's like going on a girls' night out to a nightclub filled with lots of good alcohol and ugly men! It's exhilarating!" **(A/N: That was cold, Sanae. Real messed up. Even more so if any of the female readers agree)**

Reimu frowned. "You're sick, you know that?"

"I know, right! Ain't life grand!" Sanae giggled and employed another black spell card. This one had red trimmings on it. "But now it's time to end yours, Reimu-san. Burn in hell! Devil Sign 'Lucifer's Wile'!" A huge net of hellfire surrounded the rivals with six magic circles appearing around Sanae. Large chunks of fiery stones, lasers, and f lamming skulls burst forth from the circles.

"Divine Arts 'Omnidirectional Demon Binding Circle'!" Reimu called out, employing one of her strongest spells. A powerful pillar of holy light surrounded the Priestess of Paradise, protecting her from the powers of the damned. Reimu grunted as she was forced back to the scorching net behind her. "Shit!"

"What's wrong, Reimu-san?" Sanae taunted, the forces of hell pouring out of the circles relentlessly. "Can't take the heat? Hahahaha! I made a funny!"

"Ugh!" Reimu grunted as a barrier begin to weaken. The Binding Circle was doing well against the hellish barrage for a while but time was running out. "It's risky... but it's the only chance I got in order to stop her."

"Hahaha! What's that, Reimu-san?" Sanae cackled, placing a hand near her ear. "I can't hear youuuuu~!"

"Here goes nothing!" Reimu exclaimed, reinforcing her spell and flying towards Sanae in a graceful pattern. She dodge the lasers and grazed some of the flaming skulls (which were the most dangerous). After moments of dodging and grazing with her barrier, Reimu was now face to face with her rival. Her barrier was gone and she was greatly annoyed. "That's your ass, Sanae."

Sanae's eyes widened with a gasp. "No! It can't be!"

The Protector of Gensokyou unleashed her penultimate attack. "Divine Spirit 'Fantasy Seal'!" A horde of highly powered spheres of holy magic surrounded Reimu. "Now I will set you free!"

A pitiful look etched on Sanae's face. "Damn."

The swarm of projectiles descended on the Moriya miko.

**KA-BOOOOOOOM!**

"KYAAAH!" Sanae shrieked as she was sent crashing to the floor. She met the floor with a painful sounding _thud _and something peculiar emerged from her chest. It was the demon bat that possessed Sanae!

Sanae noticed a gargoyle statue in a corner of the room before she slipped into unconsciousness. _Hey. That guy looks like Goliath..._

"Aha!" Reimu laughed, appearing before the frightened hell-spawn. "You're not going anywhere! It's time to send you back to where you belong!"

The bat screeched in terror and tried to flee but it was too late.

Reimu intercepted the path above the demonic critter and fired a set of needles at it. "Demon Sealing Dimensional Rift!" The barrage struck the bat and it was sent back to it's home realm. After completing the feat, Reimu rubbed sweat off her brow. "Phew! That was pretty rough!"

"Oi! Reimu!" Marisa shrieked, getting slapped repeatedly across her face as Remilia held her by her shirt. "Ow! Ow! Ow! Remi's pimping me over here! Oww! Get your lazy butt over here on the double!"

"Right!" Reimu soared over Remilia and rained a number of amulets on the vampire. The amulets burst into smoke.

"Gah! How annoying!" Remilia coughed as she released Marisa. "What are you, a ninja now?"

"Nope. I'm just your reliable protector of this realm, that's all," Reimu remarked. "Marisa, hit her!"

"You got it! Meteoric Shower!"

"Fantasy Jewel!"

Remilia was suddenly trapped with danmaku coming from both sides. "This is... gonna hurt," she sighed.

**BOOM!**

"No!" Koakuma cried. "Remilia-sama!"

"Remi," Patchouli frowned.

Marisa flew away from the destruction. "Reimu, did we get her?"

Reimu stared down at the crater intensely. "I... hope so."

Suddenly a red mist shrouds the room, alerting everyone in it. "Nice try, ladies. Very impressive," Remilia applauded. The mist condensed on the floor, pooling it with a liquid that looked very similar to blood. "Yet, you only managed to irk me further! The time has come for your defeat! No one angers the Scarlet Devil and leaves this place unharmed! No one!"

"Ugh!" Marisa frowned in disgust. "What is up with this mist? And what the hell is that pooling around on the floor?"

"That's... blood," Patchouli gasped.

Reimu overheard what the youkai magician uttered and realized a giant form hovering behind Marisa. "Ah! Marisa, behind you!" Reimu gasped.

"Eh!" Marisa turned around and saw a gigantic hand descending towards her. "Aw, motherfucker!"

**WHAM!**

The bloody hand swatted Marisa like a bug and returned into the blood on the floor... with Marisa with it. "Hahahaha! Too slow, wicked witch of Gensokyou!" Remilia laughed. "That's what you get for pissing me off!"

"Marisa!" Reimu screeched, landing on the blood soaked floor while searching frantically for her friend . "Marisa! Where are you?" She snapped a glare at Remilia. "What have you done to her! ? Marisa's nowhere to be found!"

"Foolish girl," Remilia snickered. "That's the point."

"You went too far, Remilia!" Reimu cursed, shaking a blood soaked fist. Her hair and the white of her robes were now as red as the blood on the floor. "Marisa may have her ways but she didn't deserve that! Having a devil possess Sanae was one thing but enough is enough!"

"Then come and face me, Reimu," Remilia beckoned. "Make me pay for my sins. Make me suffer for what I've done to your friends!"

"Toryaaaa!" Reimu darted at the Scarlet Devil and tried to hit her with a somersault kick. Unfortunately, the vampire caught her offending foot in her grasp. The miko was now being held upside-down. "Grr! Let go! Let go of me, Remilia!"

"Silence!" Remilia commanded. "This is your punishment! You all are paying for everything you did to me! You break into my abode, attacked my staff and family, and robbed me! Yet, here you are, utterly incensed for removing your friend from this battle."

"Damn you!" Reimu screeched and tossed a yin-yang orb at the vampire.

Remi raised he free hand and deflected the orb. "Bitch, please. As I was saying, you have absolutely no right to be angry after the crimes you committed this night, Reimu. You are a fool to think that you can cast st-"

"I'MA FIRIN' MUH LAZAAAAR! MASTER SPARK!"

"Wha?" Remilia gasped and turned at the sound of the voice, dropping Reimu. Marisa's signature attack beam was heading her way. "Impossible! How did- AAAARGH!" The ray of energy consumed her entire being.

Reimu raised herself from the messy floor. "Marisa?"

The blood drenched witch was grinning triumphantly with her hakkero smoking in her hand. "Take that. Who's the bitch now, bitch?"

Reimu ran up to the Ordinary Witch and gave her a bear hug. "Marisa! You're okay! But how? I couldn't find you anywhere!"

Marisa gave her friend a wink. "I blasted my way out, ze. Pure and simple."

"Well whatever you did, it worked!" Reimu praised.

"What? You'd thought I fell to Remi's cheap trick?" Marisa wondered. "Who do you think I am, Sanae?"

"Ahem. Who you're calling a bitch?" A form made of blood rose from the floor, revealing the Scarlet Devil. "Your mama's a bitch."

"Hey!" Marisa yelled indignantly. "Don't you talk about my mama! Now you're cruising for a bruising, sister! My mama's long gone!"

The witch's rant sparked Reimu's curiosity somehow. "Marisa, now that I think about it... I don't know anything about your mother. What happened to her?" Reimu regretted dispensing such questions because the witch made a pitiful face. She was well aware of Marisa's dysfunctional relationship with her father. "Ah! I'm sorry. I didn't know that what you meant by saying your mom's long gone that she's-"

"-in jail!" Marisa sniffed as a crocodile tear slid down her face. "She was the biggest shroom dealer in Gensokyou... that is, until a certain crazy wannabe regal law enforcer arrest her. To this very day I still can't believe that my mama got popped."

"Whatever. Huuuuh!" Remilia waved her hand and a large spout of blood rose from the floor. "Punishment game!"

"Dodge!" Marisa hollered.

"Agreed!" Reimu added and flew out of harm's way. The wave of blood crashed on the spot the duo once stood a moment ago. "By the eight million gods! The blood solidified as hard as stone! She's really trying to put us out of our misery!"

"Hup!" Remilia waved her hand again and the giant arm of blood emerged again. The gruesome hand formed itself to a fist and shot directly at the heroic duo. "Haha!"

"Move!" Reimu pushed Marisa into a flying start and did evasive maneuvers herself.

"Humph!" Remilia did another gesture with her hand and another arm surfaced from the blood. "Marisa! Here's another present for ya!"

"Do not want!" Marisa retorted.

"Marisa, look out!" Reimu shrieked.

The bloody fist reappeared before the witch. "Got-damn it, Remilia!"

**POW**

Marisa was knocked off her broom. That had to hurt!

"Hahahaha!" Remilia laughed. "Just give up already! You know that you cannot match me at my zenith, so why persist in this bloodletting?"

"You're overconfident, Remi," Reimu warned. "And that is going to bite you on the ass!" She took out a spell card and prepared her ultimate spell. "It's time to put all this to an end!"

"Oh! Preparing the good ole Fantasy Heaven, eh?" Remilia chuckled, preparing an attack of her own. "Very well. Let's see how it stands up to my ultimate attack in this form!" An overwhelming red aura slowly enveloped the Queen of the Night. The aura began gathering all the blood and mist from the room. "Well it was fun while it lasted, but now it's time to put an end to this. Midnight King 'Dracula Cradle'!"

Suddenly, the door to the room flew open and in came Sakuya along with Meiling. "Oujou-sama!" Sakuya gasped with wide eyes.

This is one of those (extremely) rare moments that Sakuya has bad timing. "Ack! Sakuya!"

Reimu seized opportunity during the maid's unintended intervention. "Fantasy Heaven!"

"Oh no," Remilia raged. "Not this time, Reimu! I won't allow you to claim victory again!"

"FINAL SPARK!" Marisa roared, surprising the Queen of the Night once again.

The powerful spells were heading towards the vampire from two different directions again. From one side, seven arcane yin-yang orbs of pure power was fast approaching her. The orbs contained a part of Dragon's essence h(er)imself. From the other direction, came Marisa's strongest spell which seemed to be galvanized by her desperation. It was impossible to deal with spells of such magnitude simultaneously – even at her empowered form. "No..." the Scarlet Devil gasped in horror. "NOOOOO!"

**KABLOOEY!**

Everything was fading into nothing, going black. The last thing she heard before succumbing to oblivion were the cries of anguish from every resident of the mansion, Sakuya especially.

"OUJOU-SAMAAAA!" Sakuya forlornly shrieked.

A bloody tear escaped her now sightless eyes. "Sakuya..."

**EPILOGUE**

_**The Infirmary**_

"Hong Meiling! Swallow!" Eirin Yagakoro chided with a mask of irritation. "Swallow it like water!"

"No!" Meiling bawled like a child. "I'll choke on it!"

"Argh, for the love of the dark side of the moon, Meiling," Eirin encouraged. "Ingest the damn capsule already! This antibiotic will prevent your bruises from becoming infected. It's for your own good."

Meiling eased her tantrum. "Can I chew on it then?"

"No," the Lunarian medico insisted. "You must ingest it entirely."

The gatekeeper's temperament once again regressed to that of a infant. "No! I don't wanna!"

Eirin pouted. "Meiling!"

"You are disgracing your yaojing heritage, Meiling," Remilia commented on a nearby sickbed from where the gatekeeper sat. "I've seen you devoured entire portions of roast in a single gulp. Surely a pill won't be much of a problem for you." The vampire was no longer the stately, pulchritudinous demoness that she was mere hours ago. She has reverted back to her adorably ordinary form during the moment of her defeat. Gauze covered a great portion of her body. "Now do what the good doctor ordered. Drink it with a cup of water."

Meiling shivered on the chair next to Remi's bed. "Ah... okay."

Sakuya was neighboring on a bed next to Remilia. "Oujou-sama."

"What is it, Sakuya," the eviscerate vampire huffed.

The Perfect Maid blushed. "Please forgive me for my... grievance earlier. I supposed I lost my composure when I witnessed your defeat. It was too much to bear."

"Oh please," Remilia scoffed. "I'm not the only one who's confined to the infirmary now, am I? Tonight's battle took a toll on Reimu and Marisa as well." She pointed towards the duo resting on their beds across the room. Marisa actually grinned and waved. "My losing came with a price that they've paid dearly for. They fell along with me and I am satisfied with the outcome."

Sakuya smiled. "Then I am happy for you, Oujou-sama."

"Ahem... speaking of price," Eirin noted while administering a syringe. "The bags of money that Reimu 'borrowed' from here... are going to cover the medical bill for all of you. What she stashed away in those bags are more than enough and then some."

Remilia glared at the shrine maiden across the room. "Curses!"

Reimu lolled out her tongue childishly. "BEEEEEE!"

"And now," Eirin faced Meiling with the needle. "It's time for your shots. Considering that you've fought against a Celestial even a youkai's regenerative factor has it's perks. This is to supplement your immune system, Meiling."

"What!" Meiling gasped as her eyes stretched in horror. "A needle! No! No! No!"

The medical knockout gave the gatekeeper a mug of extreme annoyance. "Don't you start whining again, Meiling! Tenshi's blood has spilled onto you and it's a big detriment to you. Why, it's likely that her blood's ravaging your immune system even as we speak."

"No!" Meiling whined and jumped into Remilia's arms. "I hate needles!"

"Argh!" Remilia screamed as the gatekeeper's weight crushed her damaged body. "Meiling, get your big ass off of me!"

"Yo!" Tewi appeared in the room with a roller-bin filled with food. "Who wants chocolate pudding?"

"Me! Me!" Marisa exclaimed with her hand raised in the air and wildly swinging it. She too was resting on a sickbed in the room. "Over here, Tei!"

"I would like one as well, Tewi," Reimu waved, clothed in only her sarashi and black skintight spats (they were out of gowns). Their battle with the fully powered vampire took an immense toll on them. She flopped back down on her pillow with a huge exhale. "Whew... what a night this turned out to be!"

Tewi approached the heroines with two bowls of figgy goodness. "Here ya go, ladies! Enjoy!"

Reimu gazed at her dessert and then gave the youkai rabbit a flat stare. "Okay, Tewi, tell us what's wrong with the pudding. It's not a prank, is it?"

Tewi gasped, expressing mock hurt. "Why Reimu! How could you be suspicious of sweet little ol me? There's nothing wrong with that pudding. I've made it with love."

Reimu handed the bowl back to the prankster. "Right... I thought so."

"Yea, last time I tried your food I had a horrible case of the shits for days," Marisa said, reminiscing in disgust. "I think it knocked off my cycle by a few hours."

Reimu stared at the older girl. "That's a little too much info, Marisa."

"Humph," Tewi scoffed. "I tried. Enjoy your roaring stomachs, ladies."

"Reimu! Marisa!" An unexpected visitor happily exclaimed as she appeared in the room. The sight of the visitor scared the living hell out of the heroic duo. "How you been doing!"

"EEEEEEE!" Reimu shrieked, clawing the wall above the bed's headboard in hopes of making an escape. She looked as though as if Mephistopheles himself has entered the room.

Marisa was as white as the screen behind the text you're reading. "OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT!"

Flandre yanked the witch off her bed and hopped on the one occupied by Reimu. "Hi guys!" The absurdly powerful being gushed. "I'm so glad to see that you're okay! Big Sis didn't break you two after all!" She wrapped her free arm around Reimu's hip, emitting rather painful sounds as she squeezed the miko.

"Flandre..." Reimu rasped with a blue colored face. The sounds of the destruction going on in her insides were similar to a balloon's surface being griped. It was a rather... vexing sound. "I'm dying..."

"Me too..." Marisa wheezed as part of her soul hung out of her mouth. "I can see Komachi's tig-o-bitties..."

"Ah ha ha! Sorry bout that," Flandre giggled, easing her hold on the girls. "How about some cake to make you feel better?" She faced the door. "Koishi-chan, come on in!"

"Alrighty," the silver haired satori wheeled in a giant vanilla cake. She offered Eirin a slice before approaching Flandre with her vict-, err, friends. "Who wants cake?"

"Give my friends a slice, Koishi-chan," Flandre commanded with our heroines giving thanks to whatever deity they worshiped. "Slice a big piece of cake for Reimu-chan because she's my sweetheart! Hehehehe!"

The whimsical girl handed Marisa a slice on a small dish. "Here ya go!"

"Thanks, ze!" Marisa accepted, oddly revived.

Koishi cut a huge chunk off the cake and offered it to Reimu. The slice was so big that it was a miracle that the saucer it was on barely held it. "And one for you, Reimu!"

Reimu blanched at the dainty offering. That slice of cake must be loaded with hundreds upon hundreds of calories. At this rate her boobs are going to big as her rival. "Uh... is that for me?"

"Of course it is!" Flan and Koishi choruses.

"Don't you think... that it's a little too big?"

"Auh," Flandre scoffed as she placed her hands on her hips (accentuated by the jiggling of her chest). "Big Sis always told me that whenever a poor woman is around, I should give her cake. And you're definitely a poor woman from what I've heard."

"Uh..." Reimu groaned uncertainly and gazed at Remilia across the room. The Queen of The Night gave her a thumbs up. _Damn you, Remi._

"Well?" Flandre wondered as she drew closer to Reimu. She cut off a piece of the offered slice with a fork and raised it in Reimu's face. "Say 'ah'!"

Reimu reluctantly complied. "Ah..." _Shit!_

**GULP!**

"You see? That wasn't so bad!" Flandre guffawed. "I bet it was pretty good, huh?"

In truth, the cake wasn't bad at all. A little too much on the sweet side, but, meh. She rather deal with a toothache later than the wrath of Flandre. "Yummy..." Reimu implied lamely.

"Auu..." Flandre was staring at Reimu's face curiously. "You have some frosting on your face."

"Eh?"

"I'll get it for you!" Flandre volunteered. "It's going to be a lot like kissing!" Her face drew close... dangerously close to Reimu's. "PUCKER UP!"

"Ah! Flandre!" Reimu witnessed her approaching fate and cowered. The adorable bundle of ultimate destruction was about to claim the Shrine Maiden of Paradise as her own. "No! No! Don't do it! I've never had my first-"

**SMOOCH!**

Flandre embraced her beloved miko in (probably intended) passionate kiss – after licking the bit of frosting off her face, of course. "Mmm-mhhhm! MMMMM!" Reimu's wails were muffled and she was swinging both of her arms wildly in protest. There wasn't a damn thing she can do right now. She might as well endure Flandre's (frighteningly) adorable advances.

"Yea!" Marisa whooped. "That's the way to do it, Flan! Make her your bitch!"

"Ugh! Would you be quiet, Marisa?" Alice bellowed from a neighboring bed. An ice pack was resting on top of her head. "I'm trying to rest here!"

"Whatever, doll-maker," the witch guffawed. "Just shut the heck up and let your overly wonderful youkai regenerating factor heal your cracked skull."

Alice gasped. "How rude! At least I'll recover long before you will, Little Miss Over-Exertion!"

Marisa laid back on her pillow as a huge face-splitting grin claimed her face. "Keep telling yourself that, Alice. Keep telling yourself that."

"Ya know, this turned out to be a rather interesting night for me," Tenshi commented with a smile. "I'm glad that I've joined those clowns on their little misadventure. It was fun."

Iku Nagae was sitting on a chair next to the Celestial's bed. "Eldest Daughter, you've roamed around the skies while behaving like a common thug and gotten yourself into two brawls." The messenger's sun hat wasn't present on her head and she didn't looked as matronly as she usually did. "I really fail to understand why you consider getting yourself into such scuffles are entertaining to you."

"I had the opportunity to test myself against two powerful youkai, Iku," Tenshi replied in kind. "Even though I was soundly defeated, I really enjoyed the experience. This lower world is so full of wonder."

Iku sighed. The eldest child of the Hinanawi clan has always been like this. "And here I thought that you were severely injured. You have a... rather disingenuous perception of what's fun."

"I know," Tenshi giggled. "Am I cool or not?"

"And I'd thought that I was off duty tonight," Iku lamented, fanning her face with folded sheets of paper. "Woe is me."

"Hey Iku, wanna sign my cask?" Tenshi requested innocently with a marker held out to her caretaker.

Again, Iku sighed. "Why not..."

Daiyousei and Byakuren Hijiri were both present near Nue's bed. News of her being hospitalized at the Scarlet Manor reached the Myouren Temple somehow. "Hijiri..." the nue's boyish voice came out steadily. "How did you know that I was here?"

The Youkrist replied with one of her trademark smile. "Well that nice little demon girl saw you laying unconscious at the gate, Nue-chan. So she came to the temple and brought news of your hospitalization here. I was really worried about you."

"The others," Nue drawled. "Did they come along with you to visit me?"

Byakuren began scratching her jugular innocently. "Well..."

Nue's expression darkened. "Some friends they are. Especially that rat, Nazrin..."

"Nue!" Byakuren gasped. "That's not any way to talk about your companions. We all love you." There were truth in the youkai monk's words but Nue wasn't buying any of it. Being sealed in Makai kinda does that to ya.

Nue crossed her arms with a pout, her alto voice getting deeper. "Tch. Love, huh? I still have to get used to such a concept."

"I love you, Nue-chan," Daiyousei confessed out of the blue.

Both the youkai savior and chimera's eyes were wide. "What?"

Dai was now beet red with an overly dumb look on her cute face. Did she just say that out loud? "Uh, I mean... I love you like a relative, Nue-chan. Y-yea. Like sisters. Or cousins."

Byakuren was giggling like a schoolgirl now. Nue gazed at her new friend with uncertainty. "You... love me?" She wondered as her wings slithered over her shoulders.

"I do, Nue-chan," Dai whispered. "I was by your side while you were unconscious in the rubble. I was there the whole time until Koakuma saw you."

"Plus," Byakuren added with a wink. "Kogasa left the temple to look for you." She indicated towards an occupied bed behind her. "See?"

There, sleeping peacefully on the bed was Kogasa. The poor ghoul-like youkai was covered in soot. Suddenly, she jerk upright on the bed with her arms held out like a zombie. "Surprise..." she uttered and fell back on her pillow, snoring like a hibernating beast.

"Well that was weird," Nue said flatly. "Poor kid gets herself in all types of trouble."

"Hmm," Byakuren teased. "Sounds familiar, doesn't she?"

Nue caught on to the monk's quip. "Hijiri!"

Byakuren laughed at Nue's reaction. "Oh Nue-chan! You're so cute when you're angry. No wonder Dai-chan likes you."

"Nu-eh!" The undefined girl gasped as she gazed at the great fairy with a blush. For a moment, both of them were staring into each others eyes. Nue suddenly broke the trance, stuttering in embarrassment. "W-whatever! Don't make fun of me!"

"Don't worry, Dai-chan," Byakuren told the fairy. "Nue likes you too. She'll eventually come around. You can even come over to the temple to visit her."

Daiyousei was practically glowing now. "Ah! Thank you!"

"Clowns," the now red-faced beast pouted. "The both of you!"

"Ooh, what a night this turned out to be," Sanae whined, sipping a cup of water. Her wounded shoulder was layered with gauze. "I've gotten injured by Remilia-san, possessed by an evil spirit, and now suffering a terrible headache. I will never wager with Reimu again. I've learned my lesson."

"Yes you did," Suwako remarked solemnly. "A very valuable lesson was learned tonight. Whatever doesn't kill ya only makes ya stronger, kid."

"Still, you could have helped me, Suwako-sama." Sanae chided, giving her ancestor a flat gaze. "Fighting Remilia was really scary, you know."

"Relax," Suwako patted the young priestess on her back. "Of course it was a scary battle. But it wasn't anything that you couldn't handle, sweetie. I wouldn't leave you alone if you didn't have a chance against Remilia. All challenges are scary at first. You did better than you thought."

Sanae frowned. "Are you kidding me? I can still smell the scent of brimstone on me."

"Hahaha! As they say back in my day 'You gotta go through hell in order to get to heaven'. Ya know, turning a weakness into strength, defeat into victory and stuff. Generally to overcome your limits." Suwako said, poking Sanae's nose. "I'm proud of you."

A wry smile appeared on Sanae's lips. "Kanako-sama forced you to come back over to the mansion, didn't she?"

"Ack!" Suwako's sagely countenance suddenly vanished. "Um... yea... she even took out her old vine from the storage room and threatened to beat me with it once I'm asleep. I pretty much didn't have a choice but to return here."

Sanae nodded her head with a drawn out sigh. "For shame, Suwako-sama..."

Meanwhile, outside of the mansion, a newly rejuvenated Cirno appeared on the scene. Regenerating from Marisa's Master Spark took longer than she thought. "Damn dat witch!" Cirno swore. "Eye shuid go in there an' teech her a lessin'! Bur! No one zaps da strongest an' gits away wit it!"

And so, that puts an end to this lengthy tale. By the powers of Fate, Providence, or Kismet, no Touhou girls were brutally murdered during the making of this fanfic. After tonight, everything went back to normal and our ladies resumed their daily lives. It's a Happy Ending for everyone!"

"HEY!" Cirno shouted to no one in particular.

Um... yes?"

"Dis is not da end," the ice fairy pointed her finger accusingly. "Eye still have a score ta saddle wit Marisa! BUR!"

Cirno, please. You can extract your revenge on Marisa at another time. You'll have your chance. It's all good.

Cirno's deep blue eyes dilated in anger. "No way! Eye'm da strongest! Eye want my shot at da witch agun, Captun Falcun! Bur! Bur!"

It's Captain Vulcan. Geez! Cue the fade to black effect.

A certain youkai of darkness appeared as everything suddenly went dark. "Th-th-th-th that's all folks," the adorable Rumia announced. She was munching on a piece of roast she stole from the mansion.

Whelp. See you next time. Bur...

Damn it, Cirno.

**END OF TALE**

That's that. That should wrap things up nicely. This silly tale was inspired by the Touhou Kinema Kan PV entitled 'Memories Of Phantasm' and it looks very high quality. It's roughly based on Touhou 7: Perfect Cherry Blossom. If you're new to Touhou or haven't done so yet, I recommend you check it out immediately. Originally, it's not voiced but there should be a number of fandubs out there by now.

Speaking of Kinema Kan, the song that Kaguya-hime was singing was 'Touhou Oendan' or 'Touhou Cheering Squad.' It's my absolute favorite Touhou PV/music video.

Tenshi. Yea, I may have overdid it on the badassery on her but you have to bear in mind that she's a Celestial. She's practically the bane of a youkai's existence – even among oni and bakeneko. I've tried my best not to have her lengthy battle with Meiling one-sided. For a moment, I thought that Tenshi was going to win.

Speaking of Meiling... were you expecting a Musou Tensei-esque finishing attack? It was tempting as hell, but I went for a Bajiquan deathfist – Paul Phoenix style!

Heh. I admit, I was dying on some parts of this tale, Alice/Marisa confrontation in particular. But... I would be lying if I told ya that I didn't encounter difficulties at some parts. The Myouren wedding was the hardest part. I'm (somewhat) aware that Buddhism doesn't have much to do with wedding ceremonies (if at all). Marriage is more of a Shinto custom, ya see. With this in mind I somehow have no doubts that Byakuren would be overjoyed to conduct a wedding – especially between human and youkai.

Too bad it was a dream.

About that phantom musician part... let's just say that anybody that ever played CastleVania 4 will get the reference.

About Myouren... anybody noticed Orange there? I hardly ever see her in Touhou fanfics (along with Kotohime and the dream goddesses). On an additional note, Orange's appearance was a nod to WillieG.R.'s Icicle Sukima. Give his fanfics a read when you get the chance.

And lastly, if you have the time, head over to the Let's Danmaku forums for a visit. It's a real cool place to lounge around, chat, and fanfic support. Heck, for a guy that doesn't blog I'm usually there (even at work). If you're new to writing Touhou fanfics I seriously recommend checking it out. You're very likely to meet prolific authors such as Etherdrone, Achariyth1, WillieG.R., Magnificent Sasquatch (X), TakerFoxx, Kerreb17, and among others. It's a welcoming place and you can get advice if needed. And... you may wanna leave your sanity at the door. Jus' sayin'.

And now...

**::In a Tyrone Biggums voice::**

"I'ma smoke some crack!"

Kidding! Kiddin'...

**NEXT TALE**

**Maidens VS Ninjas**

Take care!


	6. Maidens VS Ninjas

Get ready for the next battle!

**TOUHOU PROJECT**

**MISHAPS OF THE EASTERN WONDERLAND**

**6****th**** Tale**

**Maidens VS Ninjas**

A dark cloud looms over the elusive land of Gensokyou. The citizens of this wonderland were distraught over a number of recent events. Fear grips the hearts of the fair people as a mysterious new menace lurks the area. A new incident is on the horizon. With the emergence of such an incident, it was up to Gensokyou's heroines to save the day. The shadows of this new darkness will be brought to the light.

Speaking of shadows…

Two figures ran along the rooftops of the Human Village. Their movements were both discreet and swift. Both of them were clothed in dark robes and hoods. They were ninja: infamous yet very mysterious agents of incredibly enigmatic origins. Ghosts lurking in the dark, they traversed the roofs of the village undetected. Ninjutsu was often christened as the 'Art of Invisibility' and the two mysterious figures were nailing the reputation pretty well.

For now, anyway…

"Hey," a voice from a small restaurant below wondered. "Did I hear something on the roof just now?"

"Hmm, maybe it was a cat or a tengu up there," a deeper softer voice followed. "No need to worry about it, Moukou. Let's finish up our meal."

"I could have sworn that I heard something, Keine…"

Or so the two on the roof thought…

One of the agents made a shushing gesture. He was a lean male with broad shoulders and he was carrying a sack full of stuff. "Shh… let's get a move on - quietly."

The other ninja, a taller, overweight fellow, nodded in agreement. He carried a bag as well. "Alright, right behind you."

The shinobi duo resumed their espionage but there was something that they did not count on…

"MEOWRR!" A cat shrieked as the big guy accidently stepped on its tail. It instinctively clawed the offender on his foot in retaliation.

"Oww!" The big man hollered, grabbing hold of his aching foot. The cat scurried away.

"Holy crap, Toru," the lean ninja scolded. "Let the whole village know that we're here, why don't cha?"

"Sorry about that, Nobu." Toru replied. "I wasn't expecting a cat to be up on the roof during this time of night." He picked up his loot, unaware of the way he's holding it.

"Toru! You're spilling the stuff we've stolen!" Nobu shrieked in horror.

Women's undergarments were pouring out of the huge bag that Toru was carrying. "Damn it all!" Toru swore, noticing they were falling over the edge of the rooftop.

"No time for that, man! We gotta go!" Nobu urged. "We can't risk getting caught!"

At the restaurant beneath the roof, Moukou's suspicions were confirmed. She spotted a number of undergarments raining to the ground. "Keine, I knew I heard something on the roof! Look over there!" She exclaimed, pointing outside the restaurant.

"What in the world is going on?" Keine gasped in wonder.

Sitting across the table from them was the child chronicler of Gensokyou. Akyuu batted her long eyelashes and took a slurp out of her bowl of noodles. "Well, this is an odd development."

"I'm heading to the roof!" Moukou declared as she shot up from the table accompanied by Akyuu and Keine. "This is too weird to let slide!"

"Moukou!" Keine gasped as her best friend rushed out the door. "Uh… what am I going to do with her?" She sighed.

"Maybe we should come along," Akyuu suggested. "Don't worry about the bill. It's on the house."

Keine bowed. "I appreciate your kindness, Miss Akyuu." She got up from the table and stacked the messy (Moukou's) plates together. Her immortal friend had eaten four plates of food. The plates were almost spotless. "Moukou definitely appreciates it. The girl eats like Miss Yuyuko sometimes."

"Yes, she has boundless energy." Akyuu joked. "She's always on the move and burning away the calories of tonight's meal as we speak."

"I see…" Keine responded absentmindedly, surveying all the underwear that fell from the sky. "How risqué… if this is the start of another incident… then I have to wonder why women's undergarments?"

"That's a good question," said Akyuu. One pair of pajamas in particular caught her attention. "Hold on a second. Could it be?" She picked up the orange sleepwear and checked to see if it was her size. "What in the world is going on?" Akyuu gasped. "These are mine!"

Keine was holding a pair of black low-rise panties with an equally surprised expression. "And these are mine! What's going on? I just purchased this pair the other day!"

Akyuu tilted her head in wonder. The hanyou woman was holding a pair of panties that were roughly the size of her fist. Akyuu didn't mean to be rude, but she said "Really? That pair belongs to you?"

"Of course they do!" Keine replied truthfully. She was absolutely certain that the pair belonged to her.

"Hmm…" Akyuu narrowed her eyes as she surveyed Keine's round backside. A deep blush rose on her cheeks. "Wow. Just how do you manage to fit into them?"

The hanyou's skin glowed red in embarrassment. "Miss Akyuu! That's none of your business!" Keine chided. "Let's go! There's no time to waste!"

The ninth Child of Maire nodded out of her stupor. "Ah – right!"

Five rooftops away from the restaurant, the thieves fled as if their lives depended on it. "You don't think that anyone could be following us, do you?" Toru asked.

"You've left a trail," Nobu complained. "Of course someone's following us!" The lean ninja contemplated leaving his meaty companion to his fate because of the screw-up. But he knew better. Their master would have his head if he abandoned Toru during a mission. "This is going to be a long night!"

"Uh… and I think it's about to get a lot longer." Toru informed, pointing towards two figures that were before them.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Nobu wondered, finally noticing the two beings heading towards them. "Shit!"

"What are we going to do?" Toru prompted.

"Hold it right there!" The first person commanded, obviously a woman.

"Stop in the name of the law!" The second person demanded. It was another woman with a deeper voice.

"Oh crap!" Toru swore. "It's that crazy cop!"

"I'm not going back to jail!" Nobu vowed. "We're going to have to fight our way out of this one, Toru!"

The big man's smile was visible through his mask. "Now we're talking!"

The men halted in their escape and now stood before the women in challenge. "You two caused enough trouble for today," Kotohime began. "I've been investigating this incident for two days and it looks like you guys are the culprits. Give up and turn yourselves in. Unless you want to do this the hard way, it really doesn't matter to me by this point."

Meira unsheathed her _katana_. She never dealt with ninja before but she knew enough about them when it comes to fight-or-flight situations. Things could get ugly.

"Look, Nobu! The pretty girl took out her sword!" Toru was ready for a fight.

Meira blushed a bit but she kept her serious composure.

Nobu unsheathed his blade as well. "Is that right? Let's give them a fight then."

"Hold it!" Kotohime commanded, seemingly indignant about something. "Pretty girl? What do you mean by that? I'm right here too, you know."

The ninja thieves raised their brows. "And…?"

"Darn it! I'm a pretty girl, too!" The Maniacal Princess complained. "Why, I'm one of the most desirable girls in Gensokyou – youkai included." She preened her hair and allowed the slit in her kimono to show a glimpse of her smooth leg. "Tell me that I'm wrong."

"Uh, Koto…" Meira intoned.

Kotohime rambled on. "I've won beauty pageants, knowledge competitions, sporting events, spelling bees…"

"This isn't the right time to rant, y'know?"

"Do you have any idea of how many men (and a woman or two) would love to take me out on a date?" The deranged redhead had rested her hands on her hips, pouting cutely.

"Nobody cares, Koto!"

"That's exactly right!" Nobu rushed towards the self-proclaimed royal enforcer with his _ninjato _drawn. Meira intercepted his warpath as she jumped right in front of Kotohime and locked her _katana _with Nobu's blade. "Tch! Nice form you have, lady. But let's see how well you handle that blade of yours."

"Yea, you're not getting any cheap-shots off of any of us." Meira grunted.

A dark cast appeared on what little was visible on Nobu's face. "Cheap-shots? Don't you know that there isn't such a thing as a fair fight?" He withdrew from the samurai-ko's struggle and kicked her in the stomach as he did so.

"Meira!" Kotohime shrieked. She turned a glare at Meira's opponent. "Jeez! You're not supposed to hit a girl in the stomach, you know?" She noticed that Meira shrugged off the pain and engaged her opponent again. "Yeah! Kick his butt, Meira!"

"Eii!" Meira retaliated with a swipe intended for the ninja's head. Her adversary ducked the blow, slicing off his scarf.

"She's pretty fast, Nobu." Toru advised. "Stay on your toes, man!"

The smaller ninja would have made a retort but Meira was still on him, pressing the offensive. Their blades locked again and he noticed the slightly predatory look in Meira's eyes. "Ugh... I guess I've pissed you off, huh?"

Meira's response was a kick to his knee, dropping him down on the other. She hit him across his face with the hilt of her blade and he fell on his back. "That was dishonorable!" Meira complained, kicking the man while he was down. She stomped on Nobu's ribs, causing him to ball up on the ground and roll away from the assault. Yet, Meira was still pressing her offensive as she hopped towards him with her sword raised overhead for a mortal strike.

Luckily for Nobu, he still had a firm grasp on his steel and guarded against the samurai woman's injuring attack. He pushed back Meira with his feet and hastily gotten himself back on his feet. _Crap! She's pretty aggressive like an irate beast. No matter. It's time for me to end this little scuffle._

"Hey, what's up?" A voice greeted. An intense burning pain suddenly met Nobu's back.

"Argh – shit!" Nobu cussed as he dropped on the ground, rolling. "Hot! Hot! Hot!"

"That's right," Moukou assured as she landed on the rooftop they were currently on. "And there's more of that where that came from if you piss me off."

Meira noticed the white-haired woman. "It's you."

"Hi there, Moukou!" Kotohime greeted.

"Look what we have here," Moukou surveyed the huge man glaring at her from a distance. The much smaller man was rolling on the ground, ridding the flames on his clothes. "Ninja, huh? I'm afraid that I haven't met you two before in the Forest of the Lost."

"There you are!" Keine shouted as she arrived with Akyuu. "You're too fast for your own good sometimes, you know?"

Toru took a menacing step towards the ladies. "It looks like I'm gonna have to step in and give you a hand, Nobu."

Moukou was unfazed by the big man's advance, "The more the merrier, big man."

"How odd," commented Akyuu. "I didn't know that there's another clan of ninja in Gensokyou - much less cause trouble around the village."

The chronicler's statement garnered Keine's attention. "For the longest time I thought that ninja didn't exist in Gensokyou until Moukou told me. And from what she said, these two men are totally different from the ninja from the forest."

"That's because we're not from here." Toru said, employing a large spear.

"Oh really," Kotohime drawled with sarcasm. "Your little buddy was complaining about not going back to jail just now. Someone's lying, if you ask me."

Toru slowly turned his attention towards Kotohime. "True, the two of us are from here, but…"

"TORU!" Nobu yelled, relieve of the flame that was on his back. The back of his dogi was burned off, revealing a scar on his chiseled back. "You're saying too much!"

Kotohime noticed the scar.

"Who are you? And what's this about another clan that's not from here?" Akyuu demanded, comprehensive.

"And how in the word did they enter Gensokyou in the first place?" Meira wondered, her katana still drawn.

"That's the last thing that you should worry about." Nobu taunted a smirk evident on his masked face. "What you do need to know that you should go back to your homes. I'll stay there if I were you. Who knows what will come up missing?"

Keine warned the minions. "So you're up to an incident, correct? I wouldn't be so confident if I were you." They found her warning quite funny somehow.

The ninja duo laughed and vanished after they deployed a pair of smoke bombs. It was the classic ninja getaway. Or was it cliché?

And, of course, the ladies on the roof were left in severe fits of coughing. "Wow!" Akyuu managed between coughs. "It's just like… what… the books say!"

Moukou's body erupted in flames as she hacked. "Damn! Stereotypical ninja!"

Meira and Kotohime were using their billowy sleeves to snuff away the smoke. "That's – kuh! Usually how… hah – they get away from…" Meira strained, doubling over in irritation. "…their pursuers…"

"They had some of our clothes with them," Keine coughed. "Plus he hinted about burglarizing our homes."

"I know," Kotohime replied, relieved of her coughs. "I've been investigating this already. There have been a few reports about villagers missing their stuff lately."

"Then it must be those bastards then," said Moukou. "Someone's always starting shit in Gensokyou."

Meira nodded. "That's one way of putting it. And I have a feeling that this is just the beginning."

"Now let's recover the clothes that they've left behind," said Keine. "They're such a disrespectful duo! They may be laughing now but they will definitely cry later."

**YOUKAI MOUNTAIN – The Following Morning**

A lone figure stood near a glistening waterfall, waiting. The figure was male and he was clothed in a silver-colored ninja dogi. Even though he was a shinobi, he didn't bother to wear a mask. Of course, he wasn't the only questionable candidate for being a ninja. That topic has to wait for another time.

With a bored expression, he picked up a pebble and tossed it into the pond before him. The rock skipped along the water's surface before sinking in the currents of the waterfall. He flipped his long white hair before he turned on his heels and spoke. "So… how goes the mission?"

A group of black-clad agents suddenly appeared behind him. They were all bowing before him as though he was nobility. "We left our target's home in shambles, but we were unable to find her." One of them responded.

The white haired leader narrowed his eyes. Oddly enough, he was a pretty boy but he wasn't in the least bit effeminate. "Tch. So she isn't home right now. No matter. Whether she lives or dies has no consequence for us at this time. I trust that all of you done a good job in trashing the dojo?"

"Of course," another ninja replied.

"Excellent. That will put her on alert and once she returns she'll know that she cannot afford to be comfortable." The white haired despot explained. "This should make things a lot more interesting."

"Chiba-dono," a specific ninja called out, stepping forward with a container full of dresses and undergarments.

The leader's golden eyes brightened. "Well I'll be darn!" He pulled out a frilly pair of pink panties. "For a hermit, she definitely has good tastes in underwear. This should make us a nice profit once we meet that sagely woman again."

"Hey, look what I've looted," another specific ninja said. It was the huge one from the night before. "It looks old, but it must be an antique or something."

The man named Chiba stared at the item in the big man's hands. "Uh… it's a… donation box - A donation box with no money in it."

The first ninja suddenly seemed alarmed. "Wait… where did you get that donation box from, Toru?"

"Oh, I got it from the shrine near the village this morning." Toru replied. "Why'd you asked, Nobu?"

A dark cloud suddenly hovered over Nobu. Everyone present could have sworn that he was staring death in the face. "Oh shit…"

Chiba's curiosity was piqued. "What is it?"

"Oh… **shit**!" Nobu repeated with more emphasis.

"I forgot that you're from this land." Chiba reminisced. "You know something about that donation box, don't you? Is it cursed or something?"

Nobu was trembling now. "We have to return that box… immediately."

"You silly human," Chiba scoffed. "You and your superstitious fears… make me wonder why Master allows humans to join us in the first place."

"Hey Nobu, are you okay?" Toru patted his partner's shoulder in concern.

"No! I'm not okay!" Nobu cried, cursing his partner's naivety. "Because of you, we're all going to die! Once that miko finds out that her donation box has been stolen we got hell to pay!"

"A ninja must always be prepared for the worst case scenario," Chiba said coolly as he unsheathed his ninjato. He turned around and slashed at air, which in turn made a scar in the pond before him. "Even if he is facing his own demise, he must stand fearless."

"I was afraid that you would say that," Nobu dreaded. He hoped that Reimu Hakurei will never suspect them of stealing one of her most prized possessions. "I assure you, our demise may very well be on its way."

**HAKUREI SHRINE**

Kasen ambled up the stairs that lead to the (not so) infamous Hakurei Shrine. The shrine was the abode of Gensokyou's unsung champion. It was a shrine that served as a place of comfort for Hakurei lineage for generations. Naturally, it was a revered locale and any troublemaker would be wise not to go near the place. The Hakurei Shrine was an ancient structure. It was built long before even the boundary of Gensokyou was created. The old and shabby shrine has stood the test of time (along with incidents in which it was destroyed by a certain mischievous Celestial and a seventeen year old girl).

Kasen passed the tori and greeted the heroine. "Good morning, Reimu. It's such a nice… day?"

The hermit was surprised to see Reimu sobbing on the veranda. Marisa and Sanae were present, trying their best to comfort her. The Hakurei priestess momentarily lifted her face from her palms when she felt Kasen's presence. Poor Reimu's eyes were red from crying. The hermit was confused. The shrine was not destroyed, let alone slightly damaged. Something wasn't adding up. "Reimu, what's wrong?" Kasen wondered as she approached the girls. "Why are you crying?"

"Uh~huuuuuu," was the miko's pitiful reply.

Judging from Reimu's moan the hermit assumed that something terrible happened. But she cannot tell what it was. "I have a bad feeling about this."

Marisa handed her friend a handkerchief and regarded Kasen. "You can say that again."

Sanae pulled the older girl into a comforting embrace. "Reimu-san has been robbed. Someone has stolen her donation box."

"What?" The youngish _senin_ gasped. "This IS bad news. Who would do such a thing?"

"Auu~huhuhuuuuu!" Reimu sobbed.

Kasen lightly patted the crying girl's head. "It's okay Reimu. I'm sure whoever committed the crime will not get away with this."

Marisa crossed her arms behind her head. "Yea. Whoever stole the box best get to praying to his or her deity. Reimu's already swearing vengeance on the culprit." She held Reimu's shoulders as she sniffed. "That's it. Let it all outta your system, Reimu. Pain is only weakness leaving the body."

"That's true," agreed Kasen. She was a little surprised that the witch said something like that. What the young witch just said was something you would expect to hear from someone twice her age. "Anyways, why would anyone want to commit a crime on holy grounds? That isn't right at all."

Sanae rocked Reimu like a mother would her child. "The better question is who would want to steal from the shrine in the first place? Even Kanako-sama is disgusted by this."

"It looks like we're too late," said a voice.

"This isn't good. To think that they even robbed the Hakurei Shrine," said another.

Kasen gazed at the source of the voices as they approached. One of them was the redhead royal police officer from the village. Kotohime was curvy, but she wasn't necessarily voluptuous. The second stranger was a violet haired woman whose name that Kasen couldn't quite remember. Even though her voice was softer than Kotohime's, Meira was the more masculine woman. The samurai-ko's stern expression met Kasen's own curious one. "So I take it that you know who's behind this?"

Kotohime nodded, handing the hermit the latest issue of the Bunbunmaru. "Yes we do. We ran into two of them last night. They've been stealing from all over the place."

Kasen was surprised by the headline. "_Ninja Invasion of Gensokyou_," she read. Not only that, but the article was supplied by a pretty good photo of a small group of ninja leaping on rooftops. For once she commends Aya's work. "I don't suppose that this is the same mysterious sect that lives in the Forest of the Lost?"

"No, I'm afraid not." Kotohime replied as she crossed her arms. "One of them even said that they aren't from Gensokyou."

"Huh?" Sanae was curious. "Ninjas exist in Gensokyou?"

"Yes they do," the Maniacal Princess answered. "But they're not well-known among the citizens of this fair land." The other girls (except Reimu) gave her blank stares. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Meira scratched her head, thinking _I sure know how to pick my friends._

"Oh… kay," Marisa spoke after an awkward silence. "At least we know who we're dealing with. Looks like I'm gonna hafta spark a couple ninjas and get Reimu's box back." She gathered her broom from the porch. "Just gimme an hour or two and I'll resolve this and bring back the missing stuff."

"What a minute, Marisa." Kasen halted. "Ninja are not to be underestimated. There's no telling on how many that we're dealing with."

"Besides," Kotohime added, eying the young witch suspiciously. "I suspect that you know something about this, Marisa Kirisame."

"Oh please!" Marisa scoffed. "Why would I associate myself with such creeps in the first place? What, you're gonna bust me for thinking that I'm a part of the sect?"

The redhead leveled a glare at the witch. "With the way you're acting then I'm going to have to say that I do believe that you're associated with them."

"I know that it's not something new but you're crazy." Marisa admonished.

The redhead officer's lips curved into a smirk. "It's nice to know that I'm not the only one."

"Pfft!" Marisa sat on her broom and hovered off the ground. "Listen, **Your Majesty,** I'm no fool. I'm not nearly as easy to pop as my mom. It's her fault for getting incarcerated by a quack like you, anyway. She was a fool for having drug paraphernalia and I'm thankful that I didn't inherit that flaw from her."

Kasen nodded her head sadly. She didn't know that the witch was from a dysfunctional home. "Marisa, don't talk about your mother. No matter what mistakes she did you should always honor her."

"Whatever." Marisa remarked before speaking to Kotohime again. "Look, I might end up as a prisoner of yours someday but I assure you that I won't be your bitch."

"I hope not," Kotohime remarked. "I wouldn't want to hear you complaining everyday anyway."

Marisa sucked her teeth in annoyance. "Tch! Whatever…" she muttered before taking off from the shrine.

After Marisa dismissed herself, Meira gazed at the officer in curiosity. "Bad blood?"

"She got it from her mom," came Kotohime's reply. She reminisced a time when she arrested a woman that was nearly old enough to be her mother a few years ago. She was a rookie back then but she'll never forget that day when apprehended that crazy shroom dealer.

"Why me?" Reimu sniffed. "This isn't fair!"

Meira noticed Reimu and was surprised to see her crying. "R-Reimu-san?"

Reimu's teary eyes widened at the sight of the samurai-ko. She didn't want the 'cute guy' that she used to have a crush on to see her in an extreme moment of weakness. "Don't look at me!"

"You're… crying." Meira stammered. She still couldn't believe what she was seeing.

"Duh!" Reimu managed a harsh reply. "You would be too if one of your most precious belongings has been stolen!" She covered her face with her palms again. "Uuuuh-huu-huu-huuuu…"

"Poor Reimu…" Kasen nodded. She saw a calico cat that was resting in a tree near the shrine's well. She focused on the feline's spirit, trying to figure out whether that it was ordinary or not. She was satisfied that she didn't sense any youki from it.

"You're stronger than this," Meira said suddenly. "You're the Maiden of Paradise and yet – here you are, sobbing like a child! I cannot believe this!"

Oddly, Kotohime was the first to respond to the samurai-ko's sudden anger. "Meira… you're being harsh."

"Yea," Sanae stood on her feet, not liking the vibes from the stern visitor. "Why are you being mean to Reimu-san all of a sudden?"

"Silence!" Meira gestured harshly. "You don't have any idea of what this means to me! This is not the Reimu that bested me years ago. To think that I was defeat by an opponent as weak-hearted as her is an affront on my honor!"

Reimu raised her tear stained face again, her lips trembling.

"Your making her feel worse." Kotohime chided.

"If that's the case, very well then," Meira continued as she clenched her fist. "My, have the mighty have fallen!"

"B-but my donation box has been stolen! It is far more important than your honor right now!" Reimu retorted with a sob.

"You're such a joke right now," accused the angry swordswoman. "You're so much of a joke right now that it hurts even me. Seeing how you're behaving right now I can only see this as a waste of our time." She faced Kotohime. "Can we leave already? Maybe we can find a better lead somewhere else."

"Enough! Curb your anger, warrior." Kasen combated. "Surely, wasting time is a big problem in the world we live in today. But it does not mean that we necessarily have to know what the goal is for every move we take. You're a woman of the sword. You're wiser than this. We must research and strategize before we take any sort of action. The ninja is a very dangerous and unpredictable adversary. They are so dangerous that facing one unprepared is a fool's errand."

Meira slowly turned to face Ibaraki. "You lecture me hermit but your words fall on ears that aren't paying heed to them." Her anger was now directed at Kasen. "I apologize for my rudeness but my pride has suffered a blow today."

"Vanity is a sin, friend. You can't allow it to consume you - especially at a time like this." Kasen preached. "I understand that you're surprised to see the one that once defeated you is in a state of weakness right now. But you must understand that Reimu's only human. Even she experiences feelings such as fear, anxiety, and sadness. It is because of her emotions that she's a revered priestess and a great warrior."

Kotohime scratched her head, speechless.

Meira frowned. "Emotions, huh? Guess what, wise hermit? I am positively furious right now! Anger is the only emotion I'm feeling after seeing the great heroine of Gensokyou crying like a child."

"Are you telling me that you no longer respect Reimu?" Kasen prompted. "You lost your respect for her because she's sad right now?"

Meira hesitated. "Reimu-san… still has my respect… but, I never expected her to be so… weak."

Reimu stared at Meira with an unreadable expression. Deep down, she really wanted to change Meira's opinion about her right about now. But she decided not to do so, despite herself. She'll deal with the samurai-ko some other time.

"Something precious to her has been taken from her, swordswoman. Of course she's going to feel sadness and anger. But make no mistake, Reimu's not weak for letting herself cry. In fact, she's growing stronger from this experience. After all, pain is weakness leaving the body."

"That's right." Kotohime nodded. "What's gotten into you, Meira-tan? Whatever you have going on with her I think you should put your differences aside for now until we resolve this incident."

"That's exactly what Marisa said just now." Sanae giggled, regarding the pain comment.

Reimu sniffed and wiped her tears with her sleeves. "I won't forgive them. They will learn not to dishonor the shrine for what they have done."

"No Reimu. What have I told you about forgiveness?" Kasen discoursed. "If you cannot forgive them then you will be no better than they are in the long run."

The hermit's words made sense but Reimu wasn't having any of it. "I don't want to hear that forgiveness mumbo-jumbo right now! Can I just cry in peace and plot a way to make these strangers suffer as much as possible?"

"I see," Kasen shrugged. "I see that you too aren't in your right state of mind right now." Reimu hung her head and sniffed, contemplating zapping the hermit with a spell card for her bluntness. "Very well, Reimu. Allow yourself to cool down for a while. Perhaps I can give the good officer a helping hand in resolving this mystery."

Kotohime gaped. "Wait a minute? You will?"

"I don't see why not," Kasen replied. "It is my duty to help those that are in need, after all."

Fortunately for Ibaraki, the princess wasn't the type of person that'll turn down a helping hand. "Oh you just don't know how glad I am to hear you say that. Hardly anybody in the village would want to get involved in the incident. People are scared. They only people that are trying to do something about it are me, Meira, Keine, and Akyuu. We can use the extra help."

The hermit commended their courage. If anything, the young chronicler may be the best person to seek council with right now. If there's anyone in the entire land of Gensokyou that knew anything about ninjas, it would be Akyuu. "I think that I should pay Miss Akyuu a visit for leads. Would right now be a good time to stop by the Hieda residence?"

"Yea, I think you should," Kotohime replied. Meira suddenly walked away, her expression indifferent. "I'm willing to bet right now that the little cutie is going through several old dusty books over the history of ninja."

"Hey," Sanae wondered, noticing the obviously upset samurai-ko's pace. "Is she going to be okay? I know something's bothering here but she is trying her best to hide it. It's like all those times when Suwako-sama taunted Kanako-sama about changing her diapers when she was a child."

Kotohime pivoted on her heels and realized the Meira was nearly at the bottom of the shrine's stairs. "Hey, she'll manage. Believe it or not, Meira can get very emotional at times."

Reimu momentarily raised her head. "Tell me about it…"

"It happens. Sometimes it is good for your emotions to be a guiding aspect of your life," said Kasen. "The hard part is not allowing your emotions to overtake you which in turn make you lose sight of everything. I do believe that Meira may know that better than anyone."

"Whatever you say," Reimu sniffed. "It is what it is, Auntie Kasen."

The lovely hermit blushed, her cheeks as bright as her rose tabard. "Hey! Was that quip really necessary, Reimu?"

Kotohime giggled. "Hmm… Aunt Kasen. That actually has a nice ring to it."

Kasen's entire being became rigid. "What, you're labeling me too? That isn't very nice."

"I hate to break it to you…" Sanae scratched her jugular with a skunk-eyed expression. "For a moment there you sounded just like Suwako-sama. She has the habit of preaching people, too. Even Yukari-san caught a mouthful from her."

"Ooh~!" Kasen pouted, blowing her cheeks out like a cute puffer fish. "You guys are impossible!"

**THE HUMAN VILLAGE**

"It would appear that a dark cloud is hovering over the village today," Kasen said metaphorically. Judging by the expressions of some of the villagers, they knew that they weren't safe. It was either that or quite of few of their abodes has been burglarized already. From what the hermit has gathered from the victims it became apparent that the sect was stealing antiques and… women's underwear. Consternation gathered on the hermit's expression about the latter. Reimu was probably a commando today. "I can't blame them, though. Everyone's on edge."

"Yea, we have a real nasty situation on our hands," Kotohime commented as she approached a fruit stand. "And I have a bad feeling that this situation is about to get a tad nastier." A bald headed man stepped forth as Kotohime browsed for a natural snack. The seller was in his early forties and he looked every single day of his four decades. He and Kasen may very well share the same birth year – with the hermit being his senior by a month or two. "Say, do you have anymore of those gold apples? Those tasty things always seem to work wonders for my muse when I'm investigating."

"Sorry," the fruit merchant said with an accent that indicates that he may have come from the continent. "I'm all out of those. I got robbed by a bunch of scumbags last night while I was closing the shop."

"Oh, damn it all. What a ruthless bunch we're dealing with!" Kotohime swore, her small hands becoming large fists. "They're not making it easy for us, aren't they?"

The shopkeeper nodded his hand. "I'm afraid not. I pray that they will be brought to justice soon." A mongoose appeared near a basket of persimmons and hopped on Kasen's shoulder. Both Kotohime and the shopkeeper noticed this. "Oh. That's odd. Gigi usually doesn't play with strangers. I guess it is something he likes about you."

Kasen patted the snake-killing creature on its head. "I guess I have that effect on animals."

"I'll say," the shopkeeper remarked, impressed. "I had him around for almost twenty years. I've seen him kill pests from Bombay and a majority of Laos but I have never seen him being so openly friendly with someone he never met before."

Kotohime shrugged. "Maybe it's the fact that her hair makes you think of peaches?" The shopkeeper laughed along with her quip. "The little guy is probably planning to nibble on your hair, Kasen."

"Oh stop," Kasen giggled. "You're one to talk. The color of your hair and clothes are as vibrant as this shop's produce."

The younger, taller woman smacked her lips. "Touché…" she said, looking at a red apple.

"However…" Kasen suddenly looked troubled. "It seems that this little guy has encountered one of the burglars last night." She removed her hand from the mongoose and revealed to the police officer and Indo-Chinese merchant a bit of dried blood on it.

"Gigi!" The merchant said with worry and held out his hands for his longtime pet to jump into. "You were fighting last night, weren't you? I hope you bit the fool that attacked you."

"If someone soon comes up with a case of rabies then we'll definitely know who raided your shop, mister." Kotohime joked. "Then that'll be our first big lead."

"Hey, watch what it now," the shopkeeper laughed. "You know I take good care of my friend. But if someone does complain about being bitten by a mongoose then I guess you will have your lead."

"Yes, it would be the bit of silver linings that beam from the dark clouds." Kasen agreed in her odd little theoretical way.

"Good luck, friends." The merchant encouraged. "Bring the culprits to justice!"

Stars suddenly littered Kotohime's eyes. "Oh my gosh! Someone's rooting for me to resolve an incident for once! Do you know how much this means to me?" She smiled enthusiastically and clenched her surprisingly large fists. "I get to be the heroine of Gensokyou this time around. Humph!"

Kasen shrugged, giggling with the obnoxious princess. "You're pretty confident, Kotohime. But be wary that a great responsibility is now resting on your shoulders."

"And you're going to be my sidekick!" Kotohime declared, pointing her finger at the shorter woman.

The peach-haired hermit laughed sheepishly. "I was afraid that you would say that."

"So, you're telling me that the moment that you returned home last night you noticed that your granddad's clock was missing," said a familiar voice. "I have to hand it to em, these guys are good. Ze!" Kasen and Kotohime spotted Marisa a few yards away from where they were. She was conversing with a citizen.

"Yes," the mid-teen village girl said. "My poor grandfather was having a couple of ducks about it, too. That clock has been in our family for generations. And to think that something so valuable gets stolen all of a sudden like that obviously shows that these guys don't care for anything. "

"You're telling me," Marisa replied. "I bet these crooks can steal your drawers while you're wearing em."

"That…" the youth looked away with a deep blush while scratching her head. "That actually happened."

"Suffering Shanghai!" Marisa gasped.

"Oi~!" Kotohime called out, gathering their attention.

Marisa noticed Kasen was heading her way but frowned when she noticed the Maniacal Princess walking along with her. "Tch!"

"It's mutual," Kotohime remarked. "Anyways, do you have any leads?"

Marisa narrowed her eyes. "What made you think that I'm going to help you out?"

"I didn't."

"So why are you asking me about any leads then?" Marisa's tone was nasty.

The village girl back away from the witch nervously. The way how Marisa was glaring at Kotohime would give anyone the impression that they were going to start fighting any moment now. One would expect them to confront each other via fisticuffs. "Uh… I have to go now."

"Okay. Have a blessed day, young lady," Kasen curtsied as the girl quickly went away about her business. Sighing, the pretty hermit rounded a disapproving face on the mean-mugging duo. "That's very mature of you two. Look what you've done." She chided, pointing to the girl as she scurried away.

"Well, you coulda told Supercop here not to come my way then," Marisa snapped.

"I'm a cop," defended Kotohime. "What did you expect?"

"A cup of days old coffee and a box of stale donuts," the witch snipped.

Kotohime seemed offended. Her eyes were wide. "You… asshole!"

"Takes one to know one, you scatterbrained idiot," Marisa parried.

The elegant peacekeeper sank to her adversary's level. "I hope you become an ugly green-skinned, wart-faced hag by the time you're forty! You'll have an autistic black cat as your best friend and ride around Gensokyou while frightening kids on a broom!"

"I know you are but what am I!" Marisa ranted.

"An asshole!"

Kasen rolled her eyes.

"I know you are but what am I!"

"A menace to society!"

Kasen sighed.

"I know you are but what am I!"

"A despicable little bitch!"

"Watch yourself, copper!" Marisa warned. "I know damn well that you didn't drop the B-Bomb on me just now."

"Guys, stop it already!" Kasen suddenly shouted. "You two are making a commotion with your bickering! This is not the time to be acting like delinquents."

"She started it!" Kotohime and Marisa chorused simultaneously, pointing at one another.

Kasen planted her hands on her hips. "Regardless, it still doesn't justify your behavior right now."

Marisa suddenly found her feet interesting. "Sorry…"

"Yea, you're right, Kasen…" Kotohime absentmindedly twiddled with a lock of her hair. She did this to prevent herself from hitting Marisa up-side her head. "Well, I guess I should go on ahead to see what Meira's up too. I hope that she still isn't pissed off about… the Hakurei thing." She waved Kasen and Marisa a farewell and ambled off to find her distraught friend. "I'll catch you later."

As the royal officer disappeared into a crowd of civilians, Marisa sucked on her teeth. "Tch. Good riddance - There's no way in hell that I'm working with her."

Kasen sighed once again. "Come with me," she beckoned.

"Where are we going?" Marisa wondered.

"We're going to give Akyuu a visit."

**ELSEWHERE**

A lone figure wandered deep in a (currently) mysterious forest. The stranger was obviously male due to the broad shoulders and large biceps. He was lean in stature, but chiseled. This man was not too far off from being two hundred pounds – a light heavyweight. The muscular fellow was pacing around the area as if he was expecting someone. The overly bored expression on his face indicates that. With a yawn he was about to call it a day… until he noticed something glinting from high up in a tree.

He moved his head to the left as a shuriken whizzed by.

"Oh man…" he droned. His voice was husky with boredom. "You want to goof around at a time like this?"

Two more shuriken shot towards him. He pivoted slightly to his right to evade them. "Now I'm getting sleepy."

As if insulted by his words, the tree shot a barrage of shuriken this time. The man sighed and brandished his weapon: a _kusarigama_ – a sickle chain. He deflected the deadly projectiles by swinging the chain end of his weapon. "Well… at least you're tryin', dude."

"Yea, if you say so," the voice in the tree remarked. "I'm going to catch you with your guard down one day, Sano. And on that day, I'm gonna lop off that funky hairstyle of yours."

The man now known as Sano grunted. "Hey man, what did I told you about rippin' on the do?" He indicated to his salt-and-pepper colored pompadour favored by the yakuza. "Now get your ass from up there and tell me what's good, Hsiao."

The white-haired man hopped down from his hiding spot in the tree. He approached his slightly taller partner with his report. "Things are going pretty well, man. We've managed to loot enough stuff to last a couple of human lifetimes. I bet that the underwear we got from the young women can grant us a fortune alone."

Yasunori Sano grunted. "Ugh… I'm all for robbing, intel, and killing but I still have to wonder about looting women's underwear. That youkai sage did promised us that we can make some serious dough off of them in the auctions. Talk about trickin-off to the max… It's just a bunch of old human males buying panties for a pretty yen."

Hsiao Chiba lifted a brow. "And you're complaining because…"

"Don't get me wrong, I'm all for an easy buck but snatching panties for a livelihood?" Sano didn't relent. "That's crazy, dude. It's bad enough that I can't stand loli, either. And this world is full of them." He crossed his arms and spat on the ground. "Well at least that Yakumo chick ain't bad. She's quite a looker to be honest. And she's a pretty good businesswoman, too."

"Yep," Hsiao nodded. "And thanks to her, we're having a major payday soon. The more skivvies of young women we loot, the fatter out pockets are going to be."

Bear in mind that the manly ninja hates lolis. "You damned lolicon."

Chiba grinned, telegraphing his pearly teeth. "You'll grow to love em one day, Sano."

The pretty boy, on the other hand, is a raging lolicon.

"Pfft! You can have em, man." Sano remarked. "As for me, you know how I like my women: ACTUAL women! Gimme a mature young woman or a MILF and I'm a happy man. If only for a while…"

Hsiao and Sano were related but they contrasted one another greatly. Both of them were lean and muscular, with Hsiao having sinewy masculinity and Sano bearing a more structured and powerful body. Hsiao wore his silver ninja dogi traditionally and Sano wearing his dogi slightly modified. The gruff Sano's gi was sleeveless and black in color and he didn't wear an obi around his waist. He does wear a red ninja scarf, though. Hsiao was the pretty boy of the duo. Sano commands a tough, masculine grace with a brutish yet handsome face. He has a scar across his face. It goes from the tip of his left eyelash, across the bridge of his nose, to his jugular.

He… may be a Stu.

"Speaking of mature women," Sano cocked his head to the side. "Were you able to find the hermit?"

Hsiao shrugged. "Nope, she wasn't at home when we raided it. Maybe she's out to get some groceries or something?"

"Let me guess, you guys stole her underwear too, right?"

"Friggin' A, dude!" Hsiao laughed. "She had a nice collection of small V-shaped panties. They're gonna sell well on the market."

Sano rolled his eyes, leaning lazily against a tree. "Rrright…"

"So do you think I should head back to the hermit's dojo in order to take care of her?" Hsiao prompted.

"Nah… I've sent Chie to do the job." Sano answered lamely, digging in his left ear. "She was getting restless anyway. You know how she gets sometimes, man."

"Heh… all mutts are restless," Hsiao commented. "I hope she has a little fun in dealing with the hermit, too. I don't wanna hear her complaining about being bored later."

"You don't have to call her a mutt, man." Sano chided. "She didn't choose to be the way that she is."

"Yea… so what is Sensei up to now? Is she still negotiating with Yakumo?"

"Yep, that's pretty much what she's been up to lately," Sano replied. "And get this: she likes it here so much that she decided that we're going to live here from now on."

Hsiao liked the sound of that. "She made a good business decision."

"Welcome to Gensokyou…"

**THE HIEDA HOUSEHOLD**

Kasen was a little surprised to discover Akyuu's abode to be in a fine mess. With the recent break-ins by ninja thieves throughout Gensokyou, she shouldn't be. "Oh dear…"

"Dang!" Marisa whistled at the scene of the crime inside Akyuu's home. "Those guys really did a number on your crib, ze. Talk about leaving no stones unturned."

"Yes, it was pretty unfortunate that my home fell victim to their mishaps," Akyuu sighed, struggling with a number of her written records. "Fortunately, I still have my life... and records."

Kasen picked up a small goldfish from the floor and put it in a cup filled with water. "You're blessed, little one. Today's not your day to die..."

"I see that those ninja guys lack dignity," Marisa commented as she upturned Akyuu's desk. "Leaving a goldfish to die is a low blow, ze!"

"Quite." Akyuu agreed.

"It's rather strange if you ask me. From the looks of it, the ninja we're dealing with aren't subtle at all," Kasen remarked thoughtfully. "From what I know about the shinobi, they wouldn't leave such messy clues. Let alone leaving a mess that announces 'We robbed you'. Something's not right about any of this..."

Marisa suddenly owned a toothy grin. "I'll say, the next thing ya know there are going to be a bunch of em wearing loud-colored jumpsuits hopping around the rooftops while highly visible. Believe it, ze!"

Akyuu face-palmed. "Marisa..."

"Anyway, it seems that hard times are all over the place." Kasen commented. "Even Reimu's shrine was robbed. They managed to steal her donation box last night."

Pure disbelief etched on the chronicler's expressions. "Are you serious! They really stole Reimu's donation box?"

Kasen nodded. "Sobbed like a newborn child..."

Akyuu saw fit that she should pray for the Hakurei miko's newfound enemies. "My... how suicidal of them."

"Tell me about it," deadpanned Marisa.

"Hieda-san..." came a young girl's voice.

The chronicler looked over towards the direction of the voice and saw a mid-teen girl and a pubescent boy - siblings. "Oh, Megumi... what brings you two here?"

The brunette villager nodded her head. "I heard the bad news earlier this morning. It looks like they raided your home, too."

"You're right. Hopefully we will get to the bottom of this soon." Akyuu reassured. "The Shinobi clan that lives in the Lost Forest are not behind any of the invasions. They wouldn't do such heinous things. Maybe there's another clan of ninja that we don't know of that lives here yet."

"Wait..." Megumi seemed surprised about the revelation. "There's a ninja clan here in Gensokyou?"

"Why yes, the clan has been here for centuries as a matter of fact." Akyuu supplied. "It's a very little known fact, too. Once upon a time, it is believed that the males courted the females of the Hakurei lineage. It's sketchy, but I have written down accounts about it."

"Color me surprised," Megumi admitted.

"Indeed they are true ninja," said Kasen with a sagely nod. "Their entire lives are enshrouded in shadow... unlike the ones that we're dealing with. I'm not certain if we could call them ninja."

"Candy girl," Megumi's little brother suddenly said, eying Kasen.

Kasen was surprised to hear that from a seemingly innocent boy. "Excuse me?"

The boy leered. "Candy girl," he repeated. "That means you're really pretty - Sexy." He could not keep his eyes off of Kasen.

Megumi was appalled by her brother's manners. "Junichi!"

"That's no way to talk to a lady, little one." Akyuu chided with a bead of sweat over her head. "And what do you know about the word... sexy? I'm afraid that you're a little too young to know something of that nature."

Megumi bowed to Kasen. "Please forgive him, Miss Ibaraki. He's been hanging around the other boys a little too much lately. He's been picking up a lot of negative things from them."

"I guess... he still has a lot of growing up to do." Kasen replied and gazed Junichi in the eyes. "Young man, with your mischievous mannerism towards the fairer gender, just how do you expect to win the heart of a lovely girl during your upcoming teen years and beyond?"

"That's easy," the eleven year-old grinned. "I'll just say that she has a nice pair and a cute smile. Problem solved."

The hermit gasped at the child's boldness. Kids today grow up so fast!

"Junichi, that's enough!" Megumi hollered.

"Kids..." Akyuu sighed. Taste the irony.

"Yea..." Marisa was blushing fiercely. "Lemme get outta here before that little guy makes a shotacon outta me." She took off her hat and fanned her face with it. "Is it hot in here or is it just me?"

Akyuu, Kasen, and Megumi gave the witch collective stares. Yep. The witch found the child's pseudo-courtship fascinating somehow. Damn shotacon.

"Good afternoon, ladies," a dulcet voice sang. "Am I interrupting anything?"

Everyone saw the lithe woman at the broken entrance of the Heida household. "Yo! Sakuya!" Marisa greeted. "Kinda odd to see you out this time of day, ze. What's up?"

"Hmm..." the beautiful maid picked up a domestic cat that was circling her legs. She cradled it in her arms while softly stroking its fur (like a Bond villain). "It seems that Milady's abode wasn't the only place that fell victim recently. It became more apparent when I entered the village just now."

"Yea," said Marisa. "It's just a regular ole ninja crime spree going on. That's all."

"But I have to wonder, just how did they managed to steal from the Scarlet Devil Manor?" Kasen issued. "I mean these events are happening during the night. They couldn't have gotten away without Remilia noticing anything. She is nocturnal, after all."

Sakuya placed the white longhair cat back on the ground and sheepishly scratched her nose. "They came prepared."

Marisa whistled. "Wow, they were prepared enough to even deal with the Queen of the Night?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Sakuya replied, somewhat ashamed. "They had enough vampire wards to deal with an army."

"And where were you last night?" Marisa pressed.

"I was out training with Youmu," Sakuya answered honestly. "I was granted a brief vacation so I've decided to go out and exercise for a while. I must keep myself in shape, you know."

"Sheesh. No wonder the mansion was robbed." Marisa shrugged. She suddenly felt something cold on her jugular. "Gulp!"

"Marisa…" Sakuya issued a mild warning within a sweet voice. She was instantly behind the witch with a knife to the jugular. "Another snide remark like that and I promise you that you will feel a lot more than the cool edge of this blade."

Marisa's face soaked with sweat. "I'll be good, Sakuya. I'll be good!"

"Hmm…" Kasen folded her arms with a contemplative expression. "With the success rate these strangers are having with these crimes, you would think that they're being guided and well-informed already." She glanced at Sakuya. "Someone must have told them that a vampire lives in Gensokyou. That's why they were able to contend with Remilia. It's either that or they would have struck the Scarlet Devil Manor during the daytime."

Akyuu surveyed the hermit's words carefully. "So you're saying that this clan already has connections here in Gensokyou?"

"Exactly," Kasen affirmed.

Sakuya was catching on to this. "Apparently, someone is being the eyes and ears of the people that we're dealing with."

"Uh-oh," Marisa grinned. "Sounds like someone we know, ze."

What the witch just said put Kasen in a state of alarm. "If that's the case then I must make haste back to my dojo. For all we know those culprits may be on their way there while it's completely unguarded." She pivoted on her heels and quickly made her way out the house. "Forgive me for the sudden departure but I must be on my way now! I'll see you later!"

As Kasen left the area, Marisa realized that she should do the same. "Oh crap! I hafta get a move on, too! I'll be damned if I get stuff stolen from me!" She dashed her way out and waved back at the others. "Guess I'll catch you guys later, ze!"

Sakuya nodded her head after Marisa was gone. "She can certainly dish it out but she can't take it. What a weird kleptomaniac!"

**YOUKAI MOUNTAIN – KASEN'S DOJO**

Kasen returned to her dojo, nodding her head in disgust as she entered the entrance door. The insides of her home were in shambles. The intruders did a real good job of smashing her furniture and interior. It looked like a wind devil hit it... either that or an angry Hina. The beautiful yamabushi remained focused, curbing her anger. The sounds of the nearby waterfall definitely helped her temperament. Unfortunately, there was a big hole in the ceiling and worse, it was now drizzling.

Kasen sighed. She pitied her enemies. She believed in karma... and she hoped that it will bite her new adversaries on their asses. What comes around goes around. There were no signs of her pets. Optimistically, Ibaraki hoped that her animal companions were hanging out with the ancient child at the Moriya shrine. The superannuate child was a mysterious draw to all types of animals, which is odd that she favors frogs more than any other creature. The yamabushi picked a broken china dish from the wet ground. Thin rivulets of rainwater were streaking the floors like stretch marks and there were many broken accessories flowing along the currents of them. Even though she seldom ate, Kasen took immense pride in her collection of articulate china and culinary talents. Today's raid on her home was a personal grudge, it seems.

They will pay. Those imbeciles better hope that whatever god they prayed to best have mercy on their souls. Stealing from young women of the village was one thing but breaking into her abode and destroying her personal belongings was the last straw! This means war!

Kasen took off her shoes and trotted towards a dry spot in the den. She sat down and crossed her legs in a meditative prose. _Okay. Remain calm, Ibaraki. They won't get away with this._ She closed her eyes and began ruminating about the ninjas' vendetta. What were the connection between her and the burglaries? What does this means? The pink-haired mortal concentrated... ignoring the destruction of the scene and taking in the sounds of the ambiance. The sounds of the waterfall and soft precipitation were soothing to her. She was about to attain Zen once again. She could faintly hear other sounds as well: distant rumbling thunder, croaks of frogs, mewing of cats, chirps of birds, and giggles of a monkey...

Wait.

"Fufufufu~..."

That wasn't a monkey. Kasen frowned. How she wished that it was a mountain monkey! She frowned in annoyance (growling even!).

"Oh dear~..." the dulcet voice came from a kongorikishi statue – frightening structures of ancient fierce faced warriors. "Perhaps I decided to visit you at an inopportune time, old friend?"

Ibaraki's blood boiled. There was only one person on this green Earth that could instantly put her on edge. She swiveled a glare at the statue as her hands clinched into fists. "You're right about one thing – this is a bad time for your company. A horrible time," Kasen cursed. "Second: we are not friends... Seiga Kaku."

"You can tell yourself that all you want, Kasen," the stranger said, emerging from the frightening statue. Seiga Kaku, a legendary beauty from the continent, giggled at the younger hermit's acute animosity. By the beard of Mephistopheles, the devilish jasen was beautiful! Seiga has the face of an angel, the body of a foreign goddess, and the wiles and cunning of a devil. A formidable challenger appears. "But you and I both know... that you never had a friend like me."

Kasen narrowed her brown eyes. "Fiend, what do you want? What devilment are you up to now?"

"Devilment~? I have no idea of what you're talking about," Seiga remarked, approaching her (somewhat) natural enemy. "I simply came here today out of curiosity. What happened, Ibaraki? Why is your place in shambles?"

"A ninja raid," Kasen revealed. "Now dismiss yourself." The shard of a broken cabinet floating in a water puddle sure looked enticing right about now. Kasen wanted to throw it at the jasen so bad! She could hear the joyous sound of Seiga's pained squeal in her mind right now. Without realizing it, Kasen cackled. "Hmm hmm hmm hmm! Fufufufu..."

Seiga gave the yamabushi a flat gaze. "You're daydreaming about me in agony again aren't you?" Fortunately, she wasn't a satori. Otherwise, she would have saw glimpse of her apparent demise in great detail.

"Oh, maliciously!" Kasen grinned.

Seiga sighed. "And they say that I'm the 'evil' one. Satomimi was right; this place isn't bound by common sense at all."

Suddenly, someone dropped from the whole in the ceiling and the entire dojo shook from impact. "Hello! I'm here, Master Seiga!" Miyako exclaimed in an overly dramatic fashion. What was highly peculiar about the jiang-shi was the fact that both her breasts and stomach was bulging in unbelievable proportions.

Kasen gasped. "What in the world is going on with your familiar, Seiga?"

"Oh dear me~..." Seiga approached the zombie woman and slapped her belly. "You've been overeating again, haven't you?"

Miyako (with her torso literally as big as small bed) giggled. "Yep! Don't worry though. Both of them should be fully digested in about another hour. After that, I should be back to my old slender self."

"Both... of them?" Kasen noticed.

"I wonder~..."

Miyako's belly suddenly wobbled like jelly. "Ugh! Oh no you don't! You're not escaping this time!" She somehow bent her stiff arms and punched her belly and Kasen could have sworn she heard a muffled scream. "Quiet! I've eaten both of you fair and square!"

"How peculiar," Seiga giggled.

Movement occurred inside Miyako once again. This time, her chest swelled like a hot-air balloon. "ARGH! This is annoying!"

"What in Moriya's name is going on in there!" Kasen shrieked.

Miyako cursed her food. "No! I won't let you free! You won't AAAHHHHH-" the jiang-shi's prey traveled up her throat and her head swelled in a ridiculous manner. Her maw opened wide like a great dam that was on the verge of breaking. "AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHH!"

"Disgusting!"

"That's it, Miyako-chan~!" Seiga sang, clapping her hands in a gleeful rhythm. "Let it all out, girl! Ooh! Hercules! Hercules!"

"RRRRRUUUUUUUUGHH," with a final horrifying retch, two figures emerged from the belly of the beast. They were covered in saliva, digestive juices, and other unmentionable undead bodily fluids. "Grr! How dare you! You MOTHERFU-"

"Language, Miyako-chan~!"

Kasen instantly recognized the writhing figures on the floor. "Unbelievable! It's Yuyuko-hime and Rumia!"

"Now Miyako, what did I told you about eating strangers?" Seiga chided in a playful tone.

"I'm so sorry about that!" Miyako said, bowing. "But I was sooo hungry!"

"Free at last," Yuyuko gasped, covered in bile and other fluids.

Rumia was sobbing like an infant. "Wah! It was a nightmare!"

"It's okay," Kasen reassured as she knelt before the frightened girls. "There's a hot spring behind my dojo. You can get yourselves cleaned there."

**AN HOUR LATER**

"Ahh…" Yuyuko cooed as she leaned against the shore of the onsen. "This is nice. This bath is just as neat as those of the Netherworld." The lovely ghost smiled blissfully, her skin glowing a nice shade of pink. "If only Youmu was here."

"Is that so~?" Rumia said, swimming along the surface of the hot springs. Her backstrokes were almost flawless. And she still had her ribbon on her head.

"No doubt about it, little one." Yuyuko said, her luscious breasts floating on the steaming water seductively. "My cute little Youmu loves to take long soaks in quality hot springs. It's a hobby of hers."

"I see," Rumia said, kicking her legs. "She has good tastes then because I like to bathe, too."

Kasen arrived at the shore of the onsen. She was carrying both of Rumia and Yuyuko's clothes. "Here you go," she said, placing their respective clothing near the shore. "They were a hassle to wash but I've managed to get them clean."

"Ara~… thank you very much, Kasen." Yuyuko said, climbing out of the water to sit at the shore. She allowed her feet to soak in the hot waters. "Hmm… I must say, it has been a very eventful day." The phantom wrapped a towel around her body. Well, she tried to wrap it around her. Her cleavage and waist were still visible. "I knew something odd would happen today when I woke up this morning."

Kasen knelt on her haunches, curious about the hidden meaning in Yuyuko's words. "Yuyuko-hime, may I ask what do you mean by today's odd happenstance?"

"Mm…" the regal phantom raised an index finger to her chin cutely. "Oh, a lot of things happened today since breakfast. First off, Youmu's friend came over for a brief visit today. It was that pretty maid from the Scarlet Devil Manor. She talked to Youmu for a few minutes and the next thing I knew, Youmu was making requests to help the maid solve an incident. It's sorta weird if you ask me… are you sure that it is an incident going on right now?"

Kasen surveyed the perpetually carefree princess. Even in death, Yuyuko was the happiest and most content person that Kasen has ever met. There was an old saying that states 'One must suffer in order to achieve honor' and Yuyuko is a testament to the proverb. With her very own death, Yuyuko had managed to gain a level of enlightenment that Kasen cannot even begin to fathom. In a literal sense, Yuyuko was very much a Bodhisattva in the flesh – err, ectoplasm. Kasen found the princess' very being astounding. "I'm afraid so. There's a nasty incident going on even as we speak."

"Is that so~?" Rumia repeated, sputtering water out of her mouth like a fountain.

"My goodness," Yuyuko displayed mild surprise. "I wonder what it could be."

"It's a Ninja Invasion of Gensokyou," Kasen replied, using the title that Aya labeled the incident. "You see, Yuyuko-hime, there's a mysterious sect that is roaming around Gensokyou while stealing from the residences – from antiques… to women's undergarments."

"Oh!" Yuyuko pounded her right fist into her left palm. "So that's why Youmu decided to wear a pair of spats underneath her skirt today. I should have known that she was blushing wildly for some reason!"

"So that means that Youmu is traveling along with Sakuya to solve the incident." Kasen said mostly to herself. "Ninja are quite a nuisance."

Yuyuko blushed. "Heh-heh-he! I've known a few ninja back in the day. They're really friendly once you get to know them, though. Why, there was this one guy – his name was Togakure…"

"I do believe that a historical tale isn't necessary right now," suddenly said Seiga, partially hidden in steam.

"By the way…" Kasen rolled her eyes at the jasen – the jaded hermit. "Who told you that you can bathe here?"

"Oh Kasen, don't be like that!" Seiga giggled with a flippant wave of her hand. "And here I thought that this onsen of yours is open for the public – seeing that you're a hermit and all."

"Remind me to post a sign that forbids you to bathe here." Kasen remarked.

"Ooh, it's like that?" Seiga said airily. "You're going to deny me access to this onsen? That goes against your creed, you know? You're giving hermits a bad name, my dear."

"I already have a bad name for you, fiend." Kasen spat. "It's on the tip of my tongue."

Kaku Seiga expressed mock offense. "How rude of you to say that! I guess I was fooled by your reputation in the Wild & Horned Hermit story. If only the people know the real you, Ibaraki."

The jasen's comment garnered a chorus of "What?"

"What the heck are you talking about, lady?" Rumia wondered.

Seiga blushed and raised her hand to her cheek, giggling. "Oh, silly me~! Please ignore what I said just now. Heh heh heh heh!"

"You're a real comedian, Seiga-sama!" Miyako giggled, (somehow) washing her hair.

"Well, if anything, I'm not laughing." Kasen said dismissively. "Anyways, I should prepare a meal for all of you, except her." She gave Seiga a glare. "I hope those thieves didn't steal any food from the pantry."

Just as the pink-haired hermit was about to dismiss herself, she noticed a gleam high up in a cliff neighboring the hot springs. Gasping in alarm, she dive-tackled Yuyuko into the water. "Watch out!"

"Eeep!" Yuyuko gasped, surprised by Kasen's sudden outburst. A silver object streaked towards the spot where Kasen stood a second ago. It bounced off a stone pillar with a 'ding' sound and lodged into Rumia's back. Yuyuko emerged from underwater in confusion. "What is going on, Kasen? Why did you…" she noticed the object jutting from Rumia's back. "Ooh… you may want to see a doctor about that, Rumia."

"Is that…" Rumia started to say but she suddenly felt extremely lightheaded. "Ugh…" The little darkness youkai passed out into the water, causing bubbles to fizzle on the surface of it.

"Rumia!" Yuyuko cried. She cringed when she saw the youkai's blood pooling from the injury. "Eww!"

Kasen plucked the object from the unconscious youkai. "An assassin's arrow… someone tried to knock one of us off."

"An assassination," Yuyuko eyebrows were checkmarks. "But, I'm already dead."

Rumia moaned again, signaled by the water bubbles fizzing.

"Well now…" Seiga sang while prodding her chin thoughtfully. "It appears that she has been done in again. It happens a lot in these tales, actually. There should be a counter for every time some sort of comic mischief happens to her. Hmm…" The jasen looked off to nowhere in particular and noticed a silhouette of Rumia. Hovering above the silhouette, there were texts that states 'Rumia Owned Count: 4'.

"Ah-ha," Seiga grinned, giving the thumbs-up. "There we go!"

"I'm going after that stranger!" Kasen announced as she flew out of the hot springs. She hovered in the air for a moment to regard Yuyuko. "Hey, take care of Rumia while I'm away, would you."

"Okay," Yuyuko nodded. "How long are you going to be gone?"

"Not too long, I hope." Kasen replied.

Seiga rooted for her rival. "Go get em, tiger! This is your story, after all."

Kasen rolled her eyes. "Ugh… just shut up, Seiga." And with that, she sets off to pursue the assassin.

**YOUKAI MOUNTAI – FOREST**

Kasen can see the mysterious figure leaping among the tress several yards in front of her. She found it odd that the stranger she was pursuing wasn't flying. Not only that, there was something odd about the stranger. She can sense it. Perishing that thought, the hermit can see the towering pagodas far off in the distance. The village of the tengu was ahead. _At this rate, we're heading towards the Tengu Village. That would be troublesome for the both of u__s because they don't take kindly to people bursting into their neighborhood out of nowhere._

"Oi!" Kasen yelled. "I'll stop if I were you! You're heading into dangerous territory!" A pair of kunai whizzed at her in response. She evaded both of them. "I do believe that you want to do this the hard way."

"I should be the one saying that," a voice replied, female. "Then again, I actually prefer to do things the hard way."

Kasen halted in her pursuit and searched expectantly for the mystery foe. "Is that right? Why not you come out of hiding and face me then?"

A coquettish laugh resounded in the trees. "How cute…"

Kasen was suddenly surrounded by four men. They were clothed in black dogi and masks but the color of their obi were different: blue, orange, violet, and red. These agents were armed with katana, nunchaku, quarterstaff, and a pair of sais (respectively). The four ninja were telegraphing their weapons threateningly in hopes of intimidating the hermit. "An ambush…" Kasen murmured, adopting a combat stance.

"Good luck, hermit." The disembodied voice said in amusement.

"You have my thanks," Kasen replied sarcastically. "Well then, shall we begin?"

Two of the ninja suddenly attacked the hermit from both sides. The one with the quarterstaff and the other with the sais initiated the offensive, intent on inflicting great harm to the hermit. Kasen sidestepped and grabbed the weapon of the purple ninja, disorientating the thrusting force in order to hit the other ninja in the stomach. He dropped his sais as the wind was knocked out of him. While the man with the quarterstaff was stricken by surprise, Kasen didn't waste any time in dispatching him. She drove her left elbow to the assailant's nose, causing him to grunt in pain.

Kasen procured the purple ninja's weapon. "Humph!"

"Ramon, Donnell…" the mystery voice was laced with disappointment. "You guys have been neglecting your training. It shows."

Ramon retrieved his sais and attempted another attack. He made numerous swipes at Kasen's midsection but he wasn't able to land any hits. Frustrated, Ramon swiped both of his blades at Kasen's face. The hermit intercepted his attack by smashing his forearms with the quarterstaff, effectively causing him to lose his weapons again. Kasen then knocked him out by hitting him in the head, leaving a large bump on his head.

Donnell surrendered, frightened by the hermit's fighting prowess. He disappeared in a puff of smoke. "What a letdown!" The kunoichi cursed.

Kasen laughed, despite herself. "It happens…"

"Tch! Leonid, Miguel – take care of her!"

Said men didn't waste any time in attacking Kasen. Leonid nearly landed a slash on Kasen's waist, cutting off a piece of the tabard she wore. Kasen couldn't make a counterattack to Leonid because of Miguel flailing his nunchaku like a lunatic at such a close range. She parried against a blow intended to her head with her staff. Miguel kicked her stomach during the opening, sending her stumbling backwards. _These guys are tougher than the last duo. I have to be a little m__ore careful._

"Rrrrgh!" Leonid roared, closing in on Kasen at an angle. She quickly parried against the charging man's blade and used her hip to disorientate him, ensuring space. While Leonid fell to the dirt, Kasen took the opportunity to deal with Miguel. She dodged, blocked, and parried against Miguel's flailing weapon. Judging from his wild movements, she knew that he was on the verge of tiring. Kasen retaliated with a series of staff-jabs, turning the tables on her assailant. Miguel was doing well in evading the hermit's reprisal, but she managed to graze his arms and neck. The hermit could tell that he was growing frustrated by the look on his partially concealed face.

Leonid gathered himself on his feet and charged again. This time he wasn't as focused as before. Kasen heard his battle cry and quickly flip-flopped out of harm's way, causing the swordsman to collide into Miguel. They both fell on the ground and Kasen can hear them groaning in pain. If she wasn't mistaken, the quartet she just dealt with weren't that experienced in combat. _So much for them…_

"Ugh, _genin_," the mysterious woman grunted her dissatisfaction. Kasen imagined that her hidden foe was doing a face-palm by now. "They're about as tough as a bunch of puppies! And what's worse, they even have trouble memorizing the _Kuji-in_!"

Kasen was somewhat familiar with the word _genin_, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it right now. However, she did comprehend that it may equate to a beginner. The _Kuji-in _was something that Kasen knew about, though. The hand-signs may be derived from Taoist dualism and some of the sutras may require them from time to time. She discarded her recently acquired bo-staff on the ground. "It was your fault for sending these inexperienced men into battle. Then again, they've learned a valuable lesson today. Experience is one of the best teachers."

"Is that right?" The woman laughed. "Then I guess it's my fault that I allowed one of them to try and shoot you with an arrow. You already saw how that turned out."

Kasen narrowed her eyes. Yuyuko was not the intended target, after all. "So it was me that you were after…"

"Yep! I've purposely lead you out into the open!" The mystery woman leapt from a tree and revealed herself. She was a moderately endowed young woman with pale skin and jet black hair. Her skin was so garish that one would think that she wore makeup (not nearly as exaggerated as a geisha's makeup). The youth looked like a beautiful ghost searching for souls in the meadows before the Tengu Village. "I promise you, if I were the one who was armed with the bow, I wouldn't have missed my target." She gave Leonid and Miguel a harsh glare, making her pretty face even cuter. "Get out of here already. You two performed horribly."

The minions bowed at the kunoichi with utmost respect. "Of course, Tobari-sama."

"ACK!" Tobari gasped. "What did I tell you about saying my surname during missions, you morons! ?"

A gloomy air hovered over the failed duo. "Please forgive us, Chie-sama."

Chie Tobari palmed her face. "Got-damn it! Get the hell outta here already!" After her harsh command, the duo vanished. "Ooh, I cannot believe that I used to be a genin once! I couldn't have been that dumb when I first started out as a kunoichi!"

Kasen giggled at the sheer goofiness of it all.

"Hey, what are you laughing at?" Chie demanded.

"Eh? Oh, it's nothing," Kasen turned her attention away from the youth, snorting. "By the way, you have a cute name. Chie… I like the sound of that. It's simple but it has a nice ring to it."

"Whatever," the ghoul huffed. "You can laugh now, but it's you who is going to be crying later."

"Well said," Kasen said, impressed by her foe's choice of words. They had meaning to them.

"Shut up, it's time for me to deal with you now!" Chie declared, annoyed. She was young – barely a woman, with a moon face and black eyes. Chie may very well be an adult but judging from her looks and temperament, she was a child-woman (a complete opposite of Sanae, actually). Her seniority over the four minions Kasen dealt with indicated that she was an experienced fighter. As Chie approached Kasen realized that the kunoichi was taller than her. She was perhaps Sakuya's height – or taller. "Why are you looking at me like that? You're gay or something?"

Kasen huffed. She was right about her adversary: she **was **barely a woman. Chie's hair was obviously long, thanks to the three-foot long side-ponytail. She sported a cute ahoge as well. On her upper body she wore a midnight-blue kimono that was so dark that it was almost violet. The sash adorning her waist was wide and her sleeves were billowy – which means that she could be concealing many weapons and tricks on her being. A pair of black biker shorts adorned her long legs (which is most likely silk, not nylon or what-not). Those tights reach to the middle of her thighs and it was fortunate that her short kimono concealed how those threads looked over her pelvic and nether areas. She also sported pair of black calf-high socks and her low-top boots were dark brown. "Detail, details…" Kasen replied mysteriously with a knowing smirk.

The ethereal assassin had pouty lips, too.

"Smartass! That's enough out of you!" Chie hissed, throwing a right at Kasen. The hermit blocked the blow with her left forearm but Chie was articulate in her methods. While the hermit blocked her punch she folded her arm and shifted forward, hitting Kasen with an elbow to the face. Kasen reeled back and attempted a counter with a spear-hand strike to the kunoichi's throat. Chie caught her arm, laughing. "You're slow."

Chie was about to break the hermit's outstretched left arm with her free hand, but she kicked her in the stomach. Kasen followed up with a right hook to Chie's face as she reeled from the kick. She hit the kunoichi so hard that she cause her to spin a little. However, Chie was used to getting hit by such a blow. She transitioned pain to a counter by retaliating with a spinning back kick. Kasen barely dodged the might of the attack but she felt a cut on her cheek. She traced her thumb on her cheek and winced. _This one's dangerous._

There was a small blade jutting out from Chie's boot. "Aww, did I make a boo-boo?"

Kasen said nothing. She silently beckoned for Chie to attack her again.

"So it's like that, huh?"

Kasen responded with a quick motion of her bandaged hand and the next thing she knew, Chie felt a pain on her leg. "Oww! What the hell-" her complaint was interrupted by a powerful kick to the chest. Chie fell down on her butt from the force of the kick. While grounded, she noticed a set of small darts on her thigh. She gave Kasen a harsh glare. "You sneaky hag!"

"Come now, it's an eye for an eye," Kasen remarked seriously. "Besides, that shoe-blade didn't exactly tickle either."

"Grr…"

"Back on your feet and guard," Kasen said, taking on an orthodox stance (her dominant limbs leading the stance, as in her right hand and leg). "Don't tell me that you're as inept in combat as your subordinates."

Chie suddenly vanished in smoke.

Kasen expected such a tactic to occur. Ninja were notorious for using deceptive measures in mortal combat. Kasen focused on Chie's (somewhat) odd spirit, pinpointing her. Kasen did a spinning sweep behind her, prompting Chie to appear again. She jumped away from Kasen in shock. "Wait… how did you know that I was behind you?"

"I have my ways," Kasen replied.

"You… definitely don't look like a middle-aged hermit…" Chie wondered. "From what I hear about mountain hermits, I thought that you would be, you know, old and grey."

"Don't push me…" Kasen warned, offended by the implication. "Don't make me hurt you severely."

"I would love to see you try!" The ghoul shouted, engaging Kasen again. She threw punches at Kasen and they were blocked. The hermit threw punches at Chie but she none of them connected. This went on for a while until Kasen grabbed the kunoichi by her long side-ponytail. This development brought tears to Chie's eyes. "Oww! Oww! Now you're fighting dirty!"

"Says the pot to the kettle," Kasen responded, pulling the brat close as she began to slap her repeatedly.

**SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK!**

"Stop it, already!" Chie cursed in embarrassment, brandishing a hidden dagger.

_**SWISH!**_

Luckily for Kasen, she saw the gleam of the blade. She immediately released Chie's hair and hopped away from her. Chie's blade ripped the rose ornament and fabric off of Kasen's blouse, her cleavage partially exposed. It wasn't a big deal to her, though. She decided to wear a sarashi today. Kasen directed her attention back on her opponent, smirking on the job she did to her face. "That's a nice glow you have on your cheeks right now."

"Screw… you…" Chie rebutted, wincing in pain. Pink handprints marked her cheeks and Chie was embarrassed of it. If anything, it was almost as if the hermit scolded her just now. Those various slaps to her face certainly felt like it. And she didn't appreciate the hermit for grabbing her by the hair, either. She went into a stance. "You won't be as lucky again."

Kasen engaged into combat again and attempted a roundhouse kick to Chie's abdomen. Chie blocked the attack and delivered a roundhouse of her own to Kasen's face. The hermit gasped and tumbled on the ground. Chie pursued her and made another kick to her head while she was grounded. She caught the incoming kick with her hands and forced the ninja girl off balance, causing her to fall. Both of them got off the ground and charged at each other.

They next thing they knew, Kasen struck Chie's chin with palm strike and Chie spotted Kasen with a punch to her jaw, a cross-counter.

_She has incredible speed…_ Kasen noted, grunting in pain.

_That really hurt! _Chie thought furiously. _Damn, this lady can fight! No matter, she only made this fight all the more interesting. I'm going to- _

**WAP!**

Chie spiraled in the midair before hitting the ground. She did not see that kick. "Ugh…" she grunted, regaining her bearings. She gathered herself on her haunches and she realized her vision was blurry. There were two hermits.

The two hermits were waiting for her to make another move. "Had enough?" Kasen said with her countenance sharp and dangerous.

"Ngh…" Chie shifted on all fours, shaking her head. _Okay… I see where this is going. She wants to up the ante? So be it! _She awkwardly got back on her feet, focusing her sight on her opponent. "Lady… if I would have known that you were this tough in the first place, I would have fought you with my full strength from the get-go."

"Then what's stopping you?"

"Nothing, actually," Chie admitted. "I just wanted to give you a false sense of hope and beat you to a pulp afterwards. It looks like I've succeeded in the first part."

"It's best for you to remain focused," Kasen said, tossing another set of darts at Chie.

The darts hit Chie's raised arm but she didn't wince this time (hidden metal gauntlets in her sleeves). "Good advice," she countered, suddenly darting at Kasen with an ultra-fast flying kick.

Kasen gasped and ducked the kunoichi's attack. Chie's kick met a tree and a resounding _boom _was heard. The tree fell backwards, causing a domino effect with a few more trees. Kasen rose back on her feet and punched Chie in the chest. Of course, Chie winced a bit but she didn't seem to be harmed. She smiled, expecting a look of surprise from her pink haired adversary. "I knew that there was something odd about you." Kasen stated.

"Is that a fact?"

"It is," Kasen nodded. "There is something about your very being that gives me pause. You have a presence that is deemed rare here."

"Hey, you mean this?" Chie delivered a surprise kick to the hermit. Kasen guarded against it at the very last instant, but the force of the kick sent her sailing to a pond nearby. "I'm full of surprises."

Kasen resurfaced, spitting a frog out of her mouth. "Not again… I'm still soaking wet from my little dip in the hot springs."

"That should be the least of your worries," Chie remarked. "I'm not finished with you, yet." She walked over to a large stone that neighbored the pond. The large slab of rock was at least three hundred pounds. She lifted it over her head with ease – as if it were light as a feather.

Kasen's eyes became large blank ovals (her infamous 'clueless' face in the official manga). "Oh dear…"

A victorious grin spread across Chie's face. "What do you have to say now, hermit? You didn't even stand a chance in the first place."

Kasen still had that look on her face. "Y-you're not human!"

"You damn right, I'm not! Fear the might of my youkai blood!" Chie declared, rearing back in order to throw the stone. "HIIIIYAAAAAAAAH!"

The stone rocketed towards Kasen at a speed that was superior to that of any professional baseball pitcher's pitch. She punched the stone with her bandaged fist and it shattered on impact. The results surprised Chie. "You could have put an eye out," said Kasen.

Chie blushed, stammering at the impossibility of what just happened. "B-b-b-but, how! ? How in the hell did you do that?"

Kasen gave the kunoichi a cute look (in her case) of mockery, AKA, a troll-face. "Again: I have my ways."

"I just hurled that thing like a speeding bullet!"

"So?" Kasen shrugged, unimpressed.

"But I have super strength, got-damn it!" Chie seethed.

"How fascinating…"

Chie made a primal scream of frustration and lifted a nearby stone that was more than **twice **the size of the previous one. "We'll see how fascinating I am once I take you out with this!"

"H-hey! Now wait just a minute, stranger!" Kasen pleaded, her arms flailing.

"RAAARGH!" Chie hurled the huge stone, prompting her adversary to make a more drastic move. Kasen jumped out of the pond and raised her bandaged arm. She brought down her arm with a radical chop, cleaving the rock in two. The gorgeous hermit remained in mid-air as some sort of mist seeped from her arm. Chie received her second shock of the day. "You gotta be kidding me!"

Kasen gazed at the utterly stunned kunoichi, wagging her right index finger in warning. "Temper-temper…"

"How can I keep cool when you chopped a car-sized rock in half?" Chie asked with wide eyes. "Plus – you're freakin' flying! FLYING!"

Kasen giggled at her opponent and returned to earth. "And you telegraph your moves. I do believe that's a bad thing for a ninja to do. You might as well be a boxer if you want to telegraph your moves that much."

"You're no ordinary country bumpkin, I'll tell you that much." Chie grunted. "So you're telling me that you knew I have super-strength all along?"

"Yes, your essence is both that of a human and youkai," Kasen revealed. "Of course, this 'country' is home to many fantastic creatures but you on the other hand, are quite rare here."

"But there's no way that you could tell that I'm a hanyou from appearance," Chie bemoaned. "All my life, no one besides my family ever knew that I was a half-youkai." She shook her head in disbelief. "I look completely human for goodness' sake!"

"Trust me, virtually all the youkai in Gensokyou look human," Kasen explained. "It's either that or a youkai bearing a humanoid shape. There's even a legendary nue here that resembles a chic young woman from the outside world. And you know how grotesque the nue are."

"Never mind that!" Chie yelled, brandishing a dagger again. "I'm tired of you now! I think it's time I put you out of your misery!"

"Um… very well," Kasen somersaulted away from Chie and procured the nunchucks that Miguel left behind. She whirled the weapon stylishly. "Well, what are you waiting for? Put me out of my misery."

Chie charged at Kasen with the intent on stabbing her chest. Kasen caught the blade by the chain of the nunchuck, initiating a close quarters struggle. Chie tried to yank her blade free but the hermit had it tangled so tightly that the blade couldn't budge. "Such animosity…"

"Ngh – what are you talking about?" Chie demanded, struggling.

"It is clear that you're a seasoned martial artist but it seems that you have become routine in your methods." Kasen explained. "Your anger has gotten the best of you. It forced you to fight with an unfocused, broken rhythm."

"Shut up!" Chie yelled as she relinquished the blade. She revealed another hidden blade. She swiped it towards Kasen's throat.

The hermit expected such a surprise attack and caught the blade with her right hand. She gave Chie a sly smile. "Relax. Here, allow me to cool you off." She abruptly shook her wet hair and showered Chie in annoyance.

Chie recoiled in disgust and retaliated with a kick to the hermit's chest. "That's not funny!"

"Okay… I was wrong for that." Kasen admitted as she flipped off the ground. She finally realized there her clothes were muddy. "Oh dear. Now I need to clean my clothes."

Chie was fatigued. The hermit was far tougher than she imagined. "Who are you?"

The sudden question honestly surprised Kasen. "Who am I, you ask? To tell you the truth, I have been wondering that since the day I was born."

Chie nodded her head, her long side-ponytail lashing like a whip. "You're talking nonsense again!"

"Very well, I'll answer your question." Kasen replied. "I'm merely a mountain ascetic who's on an everlasting quest for knowledge."

"Ugh, I should have known that you weren't an ordinary woman." Chie huffed, turning away. "You're a scary old lady, you know that?"

Kasen instantly grabbed Chie by her ponytail with a truly menacing expression. "What was that?" She demanded in a very dark tone. "Perhaps I should put you out of **YOUR **misery, little ninja girl?"

Chie fell on her knees and cried. "Aiiieee! Let go of me!"

"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" Kasen hissed, glowing with a frightening aura.

"I'm sorry! I apologize!" Chie shrieked. "Please forgive me for calling you an old woman! You're a beautiful young mountain hermit!"

Kasen relinquished Chie's hair, that sinister aura suddenly gone. "Now that's better. You're smarter than what you let on."

Chie glared at her ascetic adversary with a tear-streaked face full of animosity. "This… isn't… over!" She nearly cracked her teeth from gritting them so hard. "You better watch your back."

"I suppose we'll meet again?"

Chie gave Kasen the middle finger and vanished.

Easing her guard, the hermit sighed. "What a day…" She looked at her clothes again and nodded. "Well I best be on my way back to the dojo and wash these clothes. I wonder if Yuyuko-hime is still there."

The gorgeous senin started on her way back to her home, but a lilting voice from out of nowhere halted her. "That was a nice show. You were impressive."

Kasen saw a flash of silver and the next thing she knew her eyes were staring back at her. The curved scythe was looming threateningly close to her throat. "Do tell, do tell…" she remarked, reclining her head back a bit.

_**SQUISH!**_

"Stop that," Komachi Onozuka said in displeasure. If only her voice was as imposing as she was. Chie's voice was deeper than hers. "That's annoying."

"Hmm-hmm…" Kasen cooed, enjoying the feel of the amazon's bosom on her head. "I'm tired." She snuggled her head into the shinigami's cleavage.

"Make my titties part like that again and I swear that I'll cleave your head off." Komachi chided with a fierce blush on her face.

"I know that you won't kill me," Kasen replied in kind. "Forfeit the threat. Besides, you will never hear the end of it from the Yama if you did tore my mortal body asunder. You are merely a ferrywoman, after all."

"Tch…" Komachi pulled her scythe away from Kasen's neck. "You talk too much. Yet, your words aren't meaningless."

"I live an ascetic lifestyle, Komachi. Sometimes, words are my only companions." Kasen turned around and faced Komachi. The redhead was a foot taller than her. Komachi would tower over even Chie. "So what's the reason for our meeting this evening? Hey, that rhymed."

Komachi propped her weapon on her shoulder. "Looks like Gensokyou is caught up in another incident again. But this one is potentially more dangerous than your average incident."

Kasen looked away. "What gave you that impression?"

"They were after you."

"I can tell that much."

"Well…" Komachi began sardonically, flipping her hair. "All I can tell for now is to be careful. You must have been neglecting your sutras, right?"

Kasen narrowed her eyes. "Komachi… you know me better than anyone."

"Hey-hey, I was just saying…" Komachi held up her hands defensively. "For all we know they're probably trying to kill you. Hence, my interests were piqued."

Kasen tilted her head and played with a lock of her hair. "This isn't the first time that someone's conspired to take my life. It's not a big deal."

"You're always self-aware. I like that about you." Komachi smirked. The giantess suddenly pointed her scythe at Kasen threateningly. "However, you are still under surveillance. The higher-ups in the netherworld are more interested in you than ever. Some of them are saying that your death could be at hand."

Kasen stared at Komachi's blade. It was sharp enough to cut the tiniest bit of hair. "I face death every passing day, Komachi. It has been that way since I've manifested from my mother's water. It is the fate of every mortal."

Komachi chuckled. "Humph. You're a mess. That woman broke you off something raw. Go home and get yourself cleaned." She lowered her weapon and began walking away from Kasen. "As for me, I'm heading back to Higan. I need to catch up on my beauty sleep, after all."

"Beauty sleep, you say?"

The shinigami waved her hand nonchalantly. "Yea, you heard right. It works wonders for my body. If it weren't for that, you wouldn't enjoy snuggling your head against my chest then."

Kasen giggled. "Good night, Komachi. Until we meet again."

Komachi yawned. "Yea yea…"

Kasen shrugged and resumed her way back home. A murder of crows was hovering above the forest meadows. She gazed at the birds in the dusky sky, smiling. "Not today, fellas."

**KASEN'S DOJO**

She returned to her messy den, sighing. She was tired from her fight with Chie and she didn't feel like cleaning the mess right now. And her guests had already left the hot springs (she was especially glad that Seiga left). Removing her shoes from her feet, she started her way to her bedroom. That is, until she heard a creaking sound somewhere on her property. Kasen immediately tensed.

Someone's present. But that's not what had Kasen on edge. She sensed the presence of someone… powerful. _Very _powerful. Kasen clenched her fists once more, anticipating a grueling battle.

_Hoodlums… they're not done trespassing my home yet?_ Kasen thought in frustration. _And it seems like they've sent a powerful __warrior this time in order to deal with me._

_**CLACK…**_

Kasen gulped. Whoever the token strong-arm was, he/she is in hallway that led to the garden. The hermit took extreme precaution in approaching her adversary. Maybe she could win this battle by a preemptive strike.

_**CLICK…**_

_**CLACK…**_

Kasen rounded a downed kongorikishi statue and entered the hallway in a crouch. Droplets of sweat poured down her face. Whoever this warrior was is leagues stronger than Chie. She was thankful that the intruders embellished most of her belongings in the hallway. They provided excellent cover for her. Ironically, Kasen herself was trekking down the corridor like a ninja.

_**CLICK…**_

_**CLACK…**_

**CLACK!**

The mysterious intruder halted before a door. Kasen remained hidden in the filth of her belongings. She took a look at the stranger and can make out the lithe silhouette – a female. The woman opened the door… ever… so… slowly. She was about to enter the garden.

Throughout her long life Kasen has often heard that it is best to take someone by surprise (or to kill somebody) when they're going through a door. She decided that now it was the time to attack the woman. Kasen emerged from her hiding spot from behind a tall vase and engaged the woman. She raised her bandaged fist, hoping to strike the woman down with one blow. "SEEEIIII-YAAAAAH!"

A pair of wings sprouted and the next thing Kasen knew, "Ayayayaya~!"

**WAP!**

Kasen shot through the hall like a bullet and crashed in the den. That woman packed a punch! The hermit rolled to her side with a grunt and rubbed her possibly swollen jaw. "Ow…"

"Oh my goodness," Aya lamented as she entered the den. "I'm so sorry for hitting you like that! You scared me!"

Kasen was shocked when she realized the woman's identity. That frightening presence she sensed… was it really Aya's? "It's you!"

"Yea, about that…" Aya placed her camera in her skirt pocket. "I was just taking photos of the rummage, of course. And from the looks of things, it's personal with the way they blatantly disrespected your property."

"With the way you hit me, this might as well be your home." Kasen joked with a wince. She was surprised to know that the powerful presence she sensed was the Pure and Honest Aya Shameimaru. The beautiful tengu's hair was permed into a pageboy style. That may have explained why Kasen couldn't identify her just now. "Ooh… I'm going to sleep like a newborn tonight."

Aya crouched on her haunches next to Kasen, her blunt bangs swaying cutely. "Are you okay? Can you stand?" The reporter asked. "I have to apologize for my sudden presence here but I couldn't resist taking photos of this crime scene. It looks like the mountain gods had a party up in here."

Kasen propped herself against a fallen warrior statue. "I take it that you know what's going on then. I read today's article about the ninja invasion and I even fought a few of them."

"I know," Aya replied, tapping her camera. "For a hanyou, that little broad wasn't bad."

"Yes, I agree with you, Aya-san." Kasen nodded. "Anyway, now that you're here, I want to ask you something."

Aya fished her notepad from her breast pocket. "An interview?"

"Be that as it may…"

"Sure, ask away." Aya began scribbling in her notepad.

"What do you know about the ninja?" Kasen prompted, gazing the tengu in the eyes. "Weren't you a kunoichi once upon a time?"

Aya bit her rose-colored lips, and after a pause, she said "I don't know what you're talking about…"

"But Aya, I thought-"

"**I said **that I don't know what you're talking about," Aya repeated with ominous emphasis. The tengu's sudden pokerfaced expression scared Kasen.

Kasen's eyes became giant dots again. "Okay! Subject dropped! Dropped, I say!" Underneath that cute and carefree exterior lies a truly frightening beast. Kasen now knew that it is unwise to reawake that sleeping monster. Even though she is one of Gensokyou's most well known citizens, Aya is also one of the most mysterious. No one knows the true extent of her power. That's the reason why Lord Tenma employed her during wars in the first place. It's also the reason why Yukari seeks to claim her as her shikigami.

"Hmm…" Aya began, breaking Kasen out of her humbled state. "For one thing, if the people we're dealing with are true ninja, then we should know that they aren't to be trifled with. You already know that they have most of Gensokyou on edge, right?"

"Yes, I'm aware of that," Kasen answered. "Thefts are reported all over the place, from antiques to women's underwear."

Aya's dark eyes suddenly littered with stars. "Did you say women's underwear?"

"Uh… well yes, and I do believe that they may have made it off with mine's as well." Kasen reported, backing away from the suddenly red-faced tengu.

Aya scribbled in her notepad so furiously that her pen started smoking. "Oh man! Oh man! Oh man! What a scoop!"

Kasen tilted her head and giggled sheepishly. "Uh… Aya-san?"

Aya suddenly lifted Kasen's skirt (without her noticing). "Looks like they haven't gotten to that pair you have on yet! Nice shade of purple, by the way."

Kasen noticed that the reporter was viewing her vanity. Gasping, she slapped Aya's hand away and covered her crotch in embarrassment. "Aya! That's rude!"

"It's a scoop, baby!" Aya cheered and resumed writing in her notepad. "Those are a pair of side-tie drawers you have on! It would be a real shame if they got a hold of them!"

"Hey!"

"Hold still," the tengu commanded and Kasen did so. She took out a bandage from her pocket and placed it on the cut on Kasen's cheek. "That should do it. I don't remember seeing you getting slashed across the face."

Kasen touched her cheek gently. Her eyes felt heavy. "There's a blade hidden in her boots."

The tengu wrote more notes, smiling delightfully. "Ah-ha! The ole knife in the sole gimmick – Classic!" A wave of nostalgia hit her. "That is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Ooh… that chick got style."

Kasen tilted her head with a yawn. "What was that?"

"Ack! It was nothing!" Aya said, fluttering her wings.

"I am beyond tired." Kasen admitted and crossed her legs. "I've been looking into this incident all day and fought five people today. Maybe I'm a bit out of shape."

"Hmm-mmm, everything looks good from what I'm seeing," Aya commented, causing the hermit to blush.

Kasen gasped and jabbed Aya's shoulder. "None of that, now. You're really shameless, Shameimaru."

"Hey, I'm not known as the Pure and Honest Reporter for nothing, you know," Aya chuckled with a wink. "Yea, I should be getting a move on now. I have enough photos for tomorrow's paper. Besides, you should really get yourself some sleep."

Kasen rolled her eyes. "That's what I was intend on doing, actually."

"Alrighty then," Aya stood up and stretched her arms. "You go on ahead and catch up on some of that beauty sleep, you cute little mountain hermit, you. As for me, I still have work to do."

Kasen got to her feet as well. "You're really diligent, Aya-san. Your boundless energy is inspirational. Isn't it common among the tengu to have such energy?"

"Psshaw!" Aya scoffed. "That's a stereotype, toots. Remind me to introduce you to Momiji and Hatate one day. Well, mostly Momiji… Hatate's okay once she sets her mind to her tasks. Speaking of that brat, I wonder if she knows what's been going on lately. She's full of surprises."

"I'm sure she knows what's going by now," Kasen commented, following Aya outside her dojo.

"No doubt about it. That means she's probably out right now and gathering news on the incident as we speak." Aya said, hopping of the railing outside the dojo. "She can work as hard as she wants to for all I care. I'm way ahead of her anyway."

Kasen didn't comment. She wondered why the reporter took her occupation so seriously when it comes to Hatate. She was aware that journalism was Aya's profession but she can't help but to be concerned about her potentially deadly competition with Hatate. Kasen has never actually met Hatate but she knew that her clashes with Aya were legendary. Their bellicose behavior was very… humanlike.

"You be careful, now…" Aya's voice snapped Kasen out of her sleepy musings. She was crouching on the railing, looking very much like the classic image of the crow tengu. "I'll keep in touch with you. You can count on me to help you get to the bottom of this incident."

Kasen produced a light smile. "Thank you, Aya-san…"

The Wind God Girl replied with a thumbs-up gesture and jumped off the railing, soaring back to the towering pagodas further up the Youkai Mountain: the Tengu Village.

_We appreciate the help, Aya-san…_ Kasen reentered her home, her body demanding rest. Removing her dingy clothes, she entered her bedroom and fell into deep sleep – dreamless and peaceful.

**HUMAN VILLAGE – KOTOHIME'S HOUSE**

**KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK!**

The Maniacal Princess jarred awake from her futon. She just fell asleep only a few moments ago. What could anyone want during this time of night? Discarding the romance novel on her lap, Kotohime fastened her yukata tightly on her on semi-nude body and approached the living room door. _Who could this be?_

**KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK!**

"Just a second," Kotohime grunted. "I'm on my way!" She picked up her _jutte _and a can of Mace just in case of an intruder.

"Hurry up and open the door already," the visitor said.

"Meira?" Kotohime wondered, and opened the door for her friend. "What do you want? It's late. Who in their-"

Meira clamped her hand over Kotohime's mouth and shoved her inside the den. She quickly closed the door behind her. "Shh!"

"Huh," Kotohime whispered. "What's going on, Meira?"

Meira shifted her narrowed eyes in response. She heard footsteps on the rooftops. "Ninja…"

Kotohime gasped. "They're back in the village? Are you sure?"

"Yes, I've spotted a few of them earlier." Meira explained. "They're at it again." She looked around the den for a moment and an idea occurred to her. "They haven't robbed you yet, apparently."

Kotohime tilted her head in confusion. "What, you were counting on them to rob me?"

Meira went straight to the point. "We need to blow out every candle in this place – every last one of them. We're outnumbered."

Kotohime gasped with worry. She brought her hands over her mouth. "Really?"

"We need to turn off all lights and extinguish all the candles now, Koto," the samurai-ko said with more urgency. "We can still level the playing field." She hastily approached a lamp near a bookshelf and turned it off. The room grew considerably darker than before. "Hop to it, Koto! We don't have much time!"

"Okay, I'm on it!" Kotohime nodded and began putting out the lights in her house. Within minutes the house was completely dark, save for the bit of light supplied by the moon and stars. Kotohime fell. "Oof!"

Meira was immediately at her side. "Are you okay?"

"I can hardly see a thing, of course I'm not okay," the redhead whined. "How can you see so well in this darkness? Are you part cat or something?"

"My training requires me to train in the dark sometimes," said Meira, helping Kotohime off the floor. "Sighted or blind, a warrior must be prepared for anything."

"Damn it," Kotohime swore. "I think I've stepped on a mecha figurine just now."

"Focus, Koto!" Meira commanded. "Let the light of the…" she interrupted herself as he eyes narrowed. She heard the footsteps again. This time, they were inside Kotohime's house. "Shit! They're already here!" She grabbed Kotohime's hand and led her inside a closet.

Meira closed the closet and focused on the moonlight shining from the windows. "I need to change clothes," Koto said.

"That's the last of your worries right now," said Meira, frowning. "And don't lean so close to me. Your breasts are crushing my back."

Kotohime blushed. "It's not my fault that you've decided on a closet as a hiding spot. It's small in here."

"No, you're big in here!" Meira grunted. "Go on a diet why don't cha!"

The red-faced regal officer resented that comment. "Hey! Who do you think I am, Keine?"

Meira shushed the Maniacal Princess again, pointing at the silhouettes of two men. They were in the halls just outside the room they were hiding in. Meira clicked the hilt of her katana, expecting a violent encounter. The duo paused and whispered to each other for a moment. Meira slowly unsheathed her blade. _I think they know that we're hiding in here…_

"Oh no," Kotohime whispered apprehensively. "They're on to us!"

"Calm down! We don't know that yet."

"But they're just standing out there."

Meira didn't bother to make any remarks. Whatever happen, happens. She kept her eyes on the duo expectantly. It was a fifty-fifty chance that they know of the girls' hiding place. The samurai-ko's knuckles grew white from tension. This scenario is becoming increasingly more dangerous by the second. The figures began moving again. "Get ready…"

The Maniacal Princess nodded. "Umm-hmm…"

The intruders entered the room across the hall. It was an unexpected development.

"They're in my bedroom!" Kotohime gasped. "I don't appreciate that!"

"C'mon," Meira said, sliding open the closet. "We're going to take them out while they're off guard. But we need to do this quickly and quietly, Koto. Who knows how many of them are in your home right now."

Kotohime brought along a broom from the closet. "Okay…"

The girls left the den in silence. They were so discreet in their movement that not a single footstep was here. Kotohime was adapting to the darkness much better than she expected, thanks to Meira guiding her. They cross the hall and stood readily on each side of the door – infantry style. The door to Kotohime's bedroom was partially opened. Meira gazed over at Kotohime, making sure that the princess was ready for the task at hand. She whispered again "On the count of three…"

Kotohime's heartbeat was racing but she remained calm. She mouthed out 'I'm ready…'

The samurai-ko raised her fist and raised a finger with each count. 'One…'

Kotohime was pokerfaced.

'Two…'

A dollop of sweat glistened on Kotohime's face.

'THREE!'

The girls barged into the bedroom simultaneously with their weapons at the ready. But… to their surprise (and Kotohime's horror) no one was inside. If that wasn't bad enough, Kotohime's clothes was strewn all over the room. The princess' eyes searched the room frantically for any signs of the intruders. "Where'd they go?"

Meira gritted her teeth and cursed her luck. "Damn it! It's a trap!"

Kotohime was intent on mentioning something, but a strong hand had covered her mouth. "Hmmph!"

"Yea," a sly voice sneered. "You're a genius."

Meira gasped and faced the intruder that apprehended Kotohime. What she beheld was a very handsome white-haired man in a silver dogi along with two more masked men. He held Kotohime tightly against him in a face lock. Needless to say, the Maniacal Princess was at his mercy. "Bastard! You let her go right now!" She assumed an Iiado stance, ready to maim or kill.

Hsiao surveyed the swordswoman's stance. "Hmm… What are you planning to do if I don't, huh?"

"You've just endangered yourself, then." Meira threatened.

Hsiao's subordinates now stood besides him. "Is that right? You're funny, you know that?"

Meira's expression's was menacing. "That wasn't a joke."

"Too bad I find it humorous then," Hsiao said dismissively, allowing his hand that once held Kotohime's mouth to sample her bosom area.

"Hey! Watch your hand, pal!" Kotohime scolded. "You may be pretty, but I can't just allow you to put your hands in the cookie jar from the get-go like that!"

"Don't kid yourself," Hsiao scoffed, getting a good squeeze out of Kotohime's breasts. "You're not my type. Sano may like you though. He likes old women."

Kotohime blushed in offense. "Hey! I'm not old! I'm only twenty-seven!"

Hsiao shushed Kotohime again. "You can stop talking now." He returned his attention to Meira, his grip around Koto's waist ever tight. "And you, I don't have time for you. This is nothing personal – its business. Besides, I've put down a lot of samurai back in the day. How are you going to succeed at where they've failed, huh?"

"Then you will feel their retribution in the bite of my blade." Meira declared.

"Rrright…" Hsiao rolled his eyes. "I've heard that one before." He lifted Kotohime off her feet and turned away from Meira. "Put her out of her misery, boys."

The minions brandished their blades. One of them said, "It's time for a rematch."

Meira remembered the voice. It was Nobu. "The results are going to be the same as our previous encounter," she said dangerously. "The only difference is that I'm going to be far brutal than before."

Nobu leered. "Oh yeah? Let's see if you can back up-" The masked hooligan was suddenly interrupted by a flash, followed by the sound of flesh being ripped.

**SLASH!**

Nobu's scarf was cut into pieces but his companion was shrieking in pain. "GAAARRGH!"

A mutilated hand fell on the floor. "Holy shit!" Nobu swore. "Hey man, you're a youkai, right? You can grow limbs back, right?"

The partner in crime grimaced while holding his nub of a limb. "Kill that bitch!" He sobbed as his blood stained the tatami. "UGH! Don't let her get away!"

Nobu left the place without a word. He'll make that samurai woman pay for such a cheap shot!

**HUMAN VILLAGE OUTSKIRTS**

"Hey, you're jumping through treetops like a damn monkey!" Kotohime whined. She was lugged over her abductor's right shoulder. "You're making me dizzy! Can't you fly or something?"

"Shut up," Hsiao grunted with an admonishing slap on the redhead's butt.

"For someone that isn't your type, you sure are touching me inappropriately." Kotohime pointed out. "You've done it at least five times since we left the village."

Hsiao returned to earth in annoyance. "You're happy now?" He began walking with an irritated gait.

The redhead tried to break free from her captive again. "Somewhat…" she commented, reaching for the blade around his waist. She earned another slap. "Ow!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you…" Hsiao warned.

Kotohime promptly gave up her efforts in breaking free. She realized that there was no way she can get away from this stranger – not physically, anyway. If Hsiao was human, she would have dealt with him with no problem. Yet, to her luck, the guy was a youkai. The gears in her oddball brain began stirring. Maybe she can 'distract' her way out of this predicament. Whatever it is, she has to do it right now because there's no telling what the white-haired stranger may do to her once he reached his destination. It might as well be a matter of life and death. "So…" she began. "You're a ninja…"

Hsiao raised his brows. "Yea, so…?"

"How come you're not wearing a mask then, huh?" Kotohime pressed.

"It's not the cloth that a ninja wears that defines him."

"Oh yea," Kotohime wondered. "Then why are you wearing a…" she couldn't quite identify the baggy threads he was wearing. "… whatchamacallit?"

"It's called a ninja dogi." Hsiao indicated. "C'mon, you should know this. You're a cop that lives in a land that's still stuck in the eighteenth century. You… are a cop, right?"

"I am a royal law enforcer!" Kotohime remarked. Then it hit her. "Wait a minute – how did you know that I'm a cop in the first place?"

Hsiao smirked, "Heard it through the grapevine."

The regal officer cursed her luck. "Gee, you ninja really get around. And you really caught me off guard earlier. You could have at least allowed me to put some clothes on."

"Actually you caught me off guard," said Hsiao. "Do you ever shut up? I should of duct taped you."

"Well, that was rude." Kotohime pouted. She remained quiet for several minutes until she noticed that her captor began walking with an awkward gait. "Hey, what's with you all of a sudden?"

Hsiao frowned, "Damn."

"Huh?"

The white-haired man approached a tree and relinquished Kotohime. The sudden turn of events nonplussed her. She rose to her feet in confusion. Hsiao gave her a menacing glare. "There's something that I need to do right now. Don't you even think of trying to escape, because I WILL catch you. And I promise you that it won't be pretty."

Kotohime stared into her captor's eyes. She was unfazed by his threat. However, she was a little curious about what he was about to do. "What… you have to take a piss or something?"

"Tch! You just stay right there," he commanded and rounded the tree. "And no peeping!"

The waterworks started and Kotohime said "If you shake it more than twice then you're playing with it, you know."

Hsiao said nothing.

"It's kinda chilly out here tonight," Kotohime continued. "And here I am virtually nude underneath my sleeping yukata. I'm sure glad that I have a pair of panties on, though. In the very least, my loins are warm."

Her captor remained silent, the waterworks still trickling.

"You sound big." Kotohime said.

"Hey, enough of that, now!" Hsiao grunted, still pissing.

The Maniacal Princess sensed his unease. If only she had a weapon on her. "I must be wrong about you then. You sound ashamed just now. You shouldn't be, though. Are you aware that you've kidnapped the most beautiful girl in the village? You should be feeling large, man."

"Shut up!"

Kotohime snickered to herself. In a psychological sense, she won this round. _Men… they always have ninety-nine point nine percent of their pride in their junks. _"And make sure that you wash your hands! There's a pond nearby."

The ninja finished his business behind the true. "Ah… what a relief!" He suddenly noticed something in the sky. There was something… or someone gliding over the forest. "What the hell is that up there?"

"Eh?" Kotohime rounded the tree and gazed at what he was pointing at.

"Is that a… witch?"

Kotohime gasped. Opportunity was knocking. Even though she couldn't stand the witch she figured that she could use her to get herself out of this pickle. She began waving her hands furiously. "Marisa! MARISA! Oi! Help! HELP! I'M DOWN HERE!"

In the night sky Marisa could have swore she heard someone shouting her name. _Did I just hear Kotohime's voice just now?_

"MARISA! YOHOO!" The redhead shrieked. "There's a ninja down here!"

"Oh no you don't!" Hsiao shoved Kotohime to the ground and brandished a shuriken from his belt. He tossed the weapon with all of his might and the next thing that happened…

"Yaaah!" Marisa fell off her broom and crashed somewhere in the forest.

Now that the redhead's savior was out of the picture, Hsiao returned his attention to her. "Damn it, that was one hell of a stunt you've pulled just now!" He pulled out his ninjato and advanced on her. "I've warned you that it won't be pretty if you tried to pull a fast one on me!"

Kotohime skittered away from him while on the ground. In one of the rare moments of her life, she was terrified. The murderous look in the youkai's eyes will haunt her for years to come. "H-hey! Th-there's n-no need for violence, man! Just put the blade down and let's talk about this!"

Hsiao's blade was trained near her chest. "Sorry, but you already had your chance. I'll just let them know that an accident happened." He raised his blade over his head, preparing for a fatal blow…

"SHAAA!"

_**SLASH!**_

"Urgh!" Blood erupted from his chest like a geyser. To the youkai's surprise, the samurai woman from the village stood before him in challenge. Trying his best to ignore the pain on his chest, he glared at her. "You!"

Kotohime was glad to see the violet haired woman. "Meira!"

"You seem surprised to see me," said Meira. She stood with a traditional samurai's stance: her feet spread apart and shoulders squared. She held her katana at shoulder level. "I told you that you're in trouble."

Hsiao's frown turned into a smile. "Okay, have it your way." He suddenly threw a trio of shuriken at his adversary, prompting her to deflect them with her blade. Then he moved in on the samurai-ko, surprising her with his speed. Hsiao drove a knee to her midsection and elbowed her back as she doubled over in pain. She fell on her face from the second blow. "I have to give you credit: you're good. It's rare when a human is able to deflect the shuriken that I throw at them."

Meira barrel-rolled away from him on the ground and got back on her feet. _Guh… Damn it, he HAD to be a youkai. _She raised her katana again in challenge. _And what makes it worse is the fact that he's a youkai that trains. I have to focus, since Spell Cards aren't involved…_

Hsiao admired his opponent. He had a feeling that the girl knew that she's facing a youkai in mortal combat, yet she refuse to back down. Usually a human warrior will forfeit the battle or run away in fear once he/she realize that he's a youkai. She earned his respect. "Your move…"

Meira charged at the youkai with a slash for his head. Her adversary sidestepped the attacked and retaliated with a kidney punch. "Ack!" Meira grunted, suppressing her scream. She immediately did a back-kick in hopes of surprising him, but he ducked and countered with a kick of his own to her calf. The violet-haired woman fell on one knee, panting. "Shit!"

The white-haired youkai grabbed Meira by her shirt collar. "You got that right. You're deep in it."

Meira fearlessly stared into his eyes. "I'm not done yet!" She snarled and promptly surprised him by brandishing a hidden dagger and stabbed his arm with it.

"Got-damn it!" Hsiao cussed and reactively kicked the woman in the stomach, knocking her into a tree. He grimaced and pulled the blade out of his bicep. "That hurts like crazy!" Discarding the dagger, her charged at the bound woman and delivered a punch to her stomach (it's always her stomach). His adversary slumped against the tree as the wind was knocked out of her. "It's time to put you out of your misery, lady," he declared. Just as he was about to finish Meira, he gasped in pain.

_**STAB!**_

"How in the heck did I forget about you?" Hsiao grunted, addressing Kotohime.

Kotohime was behind him, driving the blade deep into his back. "Bastard…"

Hsiao was starting to feel a bit dizzy. "Ugh… I'm loosing a lot of blood here." Then he noticed that the woman in front of him chuckling. "What's… so… funny?"

"Fufufufu…"

Kotohime noticed the sinister undertone of her friend's laugh. "Meira, are you okay?"

"I'm fine…" Meira replied, shifting her head to look at the pain in Hsiao's face. "I can't say the same for our friend, though."

"What… do you mean… by that?" Hsiao winced, feeling noticeably weaker.

"You see, Mister Big Bad Ninja Youkai, that dagger that's in you right now… isn't an ordinary dagger." Meira revealed. "That is a youkai-exterminating blade that has been passed down in my family for generations. You know what that means to you? It means that you **are **in trouble."

Hsiao's vision was getting blurry. "Clever girl…"

Kotohime still held the bloody blade. "You have the right to remain silent…"

"Oh don't give me that bullshit!" Hsiao roared and elbowed the Maniacal Princess in the face. After he knocked down the crazy woman, he plucked that accursed weapon off his back. "ARGH!"

"Oh no you don't!" Meira mustered all of her strength to deliver a sucker punch to his head. The youkai ninja tumbled from the blow. In his condition he couldn't even withstand a blow from a strong human. He was pretty much defeated. Meira went to Kotohime's aid and held her. "Hey, Koto, are you okay?"

The princess gave her friend a pout. She has a fresh bruise on her cheek. "He's a bad man," she complained. "And he hits women, for goodness' sake."

_She's okay,_ Meira thought in relief. "Tell me something that I don't know."

"Boss!" Nobu cried as he entered the fray. "Oh man, you don't look so well!"

Hsiao coughed. "No shit, Sherlock."

"Don't worry, boss," Nobu glared at the women that subdued Hsiao. "I'll take care of them!"

Meira heard the minion's words. "You're a glutton for punishment, you know that?"

"You shut your trap, woman!" Nobu shouted, pointing at the samurai-ko accusingly. "I'm gonna to make you pay for lopping off my buddy's arm!"

"He got what he deserved then!" Meira remarked as she recollected her katana. "Keep messing with me and your arm won't be the only thing that's going to get chopped off! I'm going castrate you!"

Both Hsiao and Nobu cringed at the scorned woman's threat. "What the hell! ?"

"I think that's a little extreme, Meira." Kotohime commented.

Meira ignored the redhead because she was on a warpath towards the men with her sword raised. "En guard!"

"RAARGH!" Nobu war-cried, charging at Meira.

"Master Spark!" A voice from nowhere shouted furiously, and the next thing that happen a powerful multicolored beam of energy streaked on the scene. It _**narrowly **_missed the samurai and ninja but the youkai lying on the ground wasn't as lucky. The magic spell engulfed poor Hsiao and he screamed a high-pitched scream while he was being blown away.

Nobu felt like his heart is about to jump out his chest. "What in the heck was that! ?"

Meira stared at the destruction that the Master Spark left in its wake: several yards of scorched tress and a small crater where Hsiao once occupied. "Marisa…"

"Oi…" began the said witch as she appeared into view. There was a large bandage patch on her butt and she looked absolutely pissed. She held up a shuriken. "…who the hell threw this got-damn thing?"

"The guy you've hit with the Master Spark." Kotohime snitched.

"Where… is… he! ?" Marisa growled.

Nobu couldn't believe his eyes. What he saw was the angriest (and cutest) blonde that he had ever seen. But there was something familiar about the witch. "You the witch that lives in the Magical Forest," he said in a nervous tone. "I've heard tales about you but I never knew that you were so powerful."

"Oh?" Marisa aimed her miniature furnace towards the minion. "So you want to know how powerful I really am, huh?" The weapon began glowing. "I'll be more than happy to give you something to warn your ninja homies about, ze."

"It's your choice," Kotohime said as she dusted off her yukata while she stood. "You can either surrender or get cooked alive – it makes no difference to me at this point."

Nobu gulped as he contemplated his chances of escaping. Three (crazy) women were glaring at him: an angry samurai, a pissed-off witch, and a self-proclaimed princess who's clinically insane. There was no way he can get out of this scenario. Besides, he used up all of his smoke bombs. At a time like this he wondered if he was really worthy of being called a ninja. Reluctantly, he discarded his sword and raised his hands. "I… surrender…"

The Maniacal Princess smirked. "Smart boy…" she slowly approached him and began her lawful spiel. "You have the right to remain silent…" she stopped mere inches from him and stared into his eyes. "…oh, to hell with it!"

**KER-PLOK!**

Nobu doubled over from the intense pain in his crotch. "OOOOOORRRGH!"

"That's for breaking and entering, you son of a bitch!" Kotohime cursed and drew her fist back for another blow. "And this…"

**BOP!**

Nobu hit the ground, unconscious.

"…For letting that creep feel up on me earlier!" Kotohime dusted off imaginary dirt from her hands. "That's a privilege, damn it!"

Marisa whistled. "Damn!"

"That was a little extreme, Koto." Meira commented.

"Nah, lopping of his ding-a-ling would be an extreme for this scumbag!" Kotohime remarked. "And he deserves far worse than that!"

Meira shrugged. "That's true."

"Hey Nobu, did you get her?" A thick patch of forest shrubbery said. A masked man suddenly popped up from the bush and he suddenly dreaded his fate. "Oh shit…"

"Hey, would you look at this?" Meira commented. "It's our nubby-armed friend."

A slasher's smile etched onto the Maniacal Princess' visage. "Oh shit, is right. You're deep in it."

The masked amputee urinated on himself…

**KASEN'S DOJO – The Next Morning**

Kasen stirred awake from a long slumber. She slept longer than usual last night. Getting into fights with five people can have that effect on a person. Sitting up on her bed with a yawn, she faced the waterfalls that were mere yards away from her home. Kasen always enjoyed the scenes of nature. It puts her at peace and helps her during meditation. Maybe it was a good idea to do some meditating before she resumes her task of resolving the ninja incident. _It looks like I have my work cut out before me again. I wonder how Koto and the others are faring._

A small creature skittered in the room. It was the golden ferret-like creature that Kasen captured a few years ago in a storm. The raijuu hopped on the bed and Kasen cradled it like a newborn child. "Shuu! Where in the world have you been, little guy? Have you seen the others?"

The raijuu shifted its eyes towards something on Kasen's bed.

"What is it, Shuu?" Kasen wondered. "I sense that something's bothering you."

"Umm…" a groggy voice moaned, earning a gasp from the hermit.

Kasen realized the large lump underneath the rose-patterned comforter beside her. "Huh? How did this happen?"

The lump squirmed. "Ugh… can't you keep it down? I'm trying to rest here."

That voice sounds familiar. Alarmed, Kasen pulled the comforter off the intruder. What she saw nearly made her eyes pop out of her sockets. "Seiga!"

"That's my name… don't wear it out," said the jasen.

The rose hermit blushed at Seiga's appearance: a white camisole and a pair of black boy-shorts. Shuu hopped out of her arms and angrily skittered away. "Aw. For the love of- put some clothes on! And what are you doing in my bed? How did you get in my bed without my notice?"

Seiga smirked as she rested her arms behind her head. "Oh, about that… do you remember what happened last night?"

"Of course I remember! I was out fighting ninja and got a visit from Aya." Kasen spat indignantly. "And I know for a fact that you weren't in my bed since then. In fact, no one sleeps with me in the first place!"

"Mmm… fufufufu…" the jasen chuckled, surveying the younger woman's appearance. "No wonder you're so ripe. You can give that annoying shinigami a run for her money. Why, I'm suffering from the Parsee Mizuhashi Syndrome right now, toots."

Kasen instinctively covered her breasts with her arms (even though she was wrapped in a red sheet). "What does my fertility has to do with anything? You know what – get out of my house!"

"Hey, check it out, you're nude under there!" Seiga pointed out. "How scandalous!"

"It's a hygiene practice," Kasen blushed. "You should know that." She reached out and grabbed her rival's arm. "Now get out of here!"

"Wait!" Seiga cried as the hermit dragged her out of bed. "Do you want to know why I'm here, Kassie-tan?"

Kasen eyes widened. Did that despicable woman called her 'Kassie-tan' just now? The jasen was better off insulting her. "No, I do not want to know why you're here!"

"You're being a real grouch, you know that?" Seiga commented. "That can have adverse effects on your psyche and your so-called youthful beauty." Suddenly, her rival halted and gazed at her with an affronted expression. "What is it?"

"D-did… you just lectured me just now?" Kasen demanded, totally unable to mentally grasp the fact that Seiga lectured her just now. "I'm dreaming, am I?"

"Hmm-hmm…" Seiga grabbed the younger super mortal by her shoulders. "Allow me to find out. After all, there are many fans out there that are looking forward to our 'intimate' moment. You don't want to disappoint them, do you?"

Kasen was nonplussed by Seiga's words. "Eh?"

"Pucker up!" Seiga gave her rival an unexpected and passionate kiss on the lips.

_**SMOOCH!**_

Kasen jolted awake in cold sweat with a terrified gasp. Her heart was beating at a very frantic rate. She clutched her chest and sighed. _It was just a nightmare…_ her thoughts converted into words. "…a very… realistic nightmare at that…"

"You were having a nightmare?" Seiga's low voice floated into the room. "And here I thought that you fell into a peaceful and dreamless slumber." The blue haired woman appeared through the roof like a ghost, frightening Kasen. Her ability to phase through solid objects looked extremely similar to Yukari Yakumo's gapping ability – only that the super youkai can phase through the very fabrics of reality.

"KYAAH!" Kasen shrieked, jumping from her bed in surprise. Luckily for her, she had that rose-patterned bed sheet wrapped around her sub-naked body. Unlike the nightmare she just had her dark-haired rival was in her usual clothes and shawls but her appearance still warranted shock. "You! What are you doing in my house, Seiga! ?"

Seiga shrugged innocently. "I just came over to see how you're doing this morning, that's all." She suddenly noticed that the younger woman was trembling with a blush on her cheeks. "However, I cannot help but notice that you're vexed about something… besides my visit, that is."

Kasen wrapped the sheet around her body tighter, making it look like a long and flowery dress. She made sure that the jasen couldn't get a glimpse of her flesh. "It's nothing… just had an odd dream, that's all."

Seiga narrowed her eyes and her full lips formed a smirk. "Hmm… What kind of dream was it?"

Kasen didn't like that all-knowing expression on the older woman's face. "It doesn't matter, just – be gone already!"

The Wicked Hermit advanced on her prey. "I was in your dream, wasn't I?"

Kasen's entire being became as red as the sheet around her body. "H-hey! Let's not jump to any conclusions, okay!"

Sensing the hermit's moment of weakness, Seiga upped her charm – the very same charm that seduced countless men and women over the course of centuries. With a devilish smile, she remarked "So I **was **in your dream…" She glided towards Kasen ever slowly. "What did we do? Tell me what happened?"

"Go away, Seiga." Kasen said, backing away from her rival. The roar of the nearby waterfall caught her attention, meaning that she was nearing the guard rail that bordered just outside her room.

"Why so bashful?" Seiga cooed, lightly grabbing Kasen's left hand. "You can tell me all about your dream. If I was in it then it must have been a pleasant dream."

"No it wasn't!" Kasen's butt bumped against the rail.

"Hey, some of our readers are counting us to do something raunchy. So let's give them what they came for." She pressed her chest against Kasen's, her voice now a rousing alto. "What do you say, hmm? Do you want to start things off with a passionate kiss?"

Just as Seiga was about to lock lips with her rival, Kasen pushed her away with a scream. "AAEEEIII!" Unfortunately for Kasen, she tripped over her sheet-dress and fell over the guard rail. "YAAAAAAAH!"

"Kasen!" Seiga shrieked in concern and looked over the rail.

"CURSE YOU, SEIGAAAAA!" Kasen's voice resounded as she plummeted a forty foot drop to the raging waters below. Strangely enough, the sounds of rattling trashcans and other clanging metals were heard. And it wasn't complete without the…

"_**MEEEEEEOWWWWRR!**__**"**_

…The shriek of a pissed-off cat.

"Ouch…" the Wicked Hermit grimaced… then smiled cruelly. "Oh da lally, oh da lally, golly what a day~!"

**SEVERAL MINUTES LATER**

"You definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed today," Seiga commented, applying ointment on Kasen's back. She was sitting in seiza posture behind her rival. "Hold still, will you?"

"Giii," Kasen winced at the hot-cold sensation, her shoulders tense. She was sitting Indian-style. "That hurts! Be gentle!"

"Oh, shut up you big baby," Seiga chided. "Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." She applied the last of the ointment on her rival and fastened up her sarashi. "There. You can put your shirt on now."

The mountain hermit donned on a brown long-sleeved blouse and sighed. "It's your fault that my day is starting off badly."

"Hand me that brush, mind you." Seiga instructed.

"Here," she grunted, reluctantly handing Seiga a hairbrush. "As I was saying…"

"I said hold still, damn it!" Seiga repeated. "I'm brushing your hair!"

"Watch your tone," Kasen retorted, picking up a small bowl of steamed rice with a huff. "And you better not remove my hair buns either!"

"Then how in the hell do you expect me to brush your hair then?" Seiga argued. Then a sudden realization dawned on her. "Oh! You're still a big mystery in the Touhou canon. If I remove these then the fans may know for sure that whether or not… nevermind. This is fan-fiction, after all."

Kasen tilted her head curiously. "Touhou?"

"I said nevermind," Seiga giggled, brushing down the middle of Kasen's head. "Hey, what's the name of the fragrance you're wearing? That's the scented bath wash you've used, right?"

"Yes, it's called Flowery Mystic." Kasen answered. "What's the name of yours?"

Seiga paused. "…Jaded Bitch."

"That's a rather appropriate name…"

"Whatever. So…" Seiga changed the subject. "Are you ninja-hunting again, today?"

"You already know…" Kasen replied idly, making circles in her bowl of rice with her chopsticks.

"It couldn't be helped," the older hermit said. "Some rather nasty things went down last night."

"Yes, I have a feeling that they're still at large. More home robberies, correct?"

"Oh-ho! You can add kidnappings to that ugly resume as well." Seiga revealed.

Kasen's eyes widened. "What? They're kidnapping people now?"

"Believe it!" Kasen remarked before her eyes suddenly widened in realization. "Ooh, my mistake! I meant to say 'you better believe it'… yea."

"You are a strange woman…"

"And I'm glad I'm not the only one," replied Seiga. Movement in a corner of the den suddenly caught her eye – or at least she thought she did. Seiga squinted her eyes… did she really see someone just now? Maybe it was just her imagination. "Hmm…"

"This is going to be a long day," said Kasen.

"Eh? Is that right?" Seiga wondered, sensing movements again. Now… Seiga believed in ghosts (hell, she's similar to one herself) but what she is sensing right now isn't such a being. There was definitely a presence in the room and she was damn sure that it wasn't a spook. "It's going to be alright. A dog's bark is much worse than its bite."

"Umm-hmm…" Kasen popped a clump of rice in her mouth.

And that's when Seiga saw the phenomena: a silver haired woman whom was wondering around Kasen's dojo. It wasn't a ninja though. This stranger was wearing a yellow long-sleeved blouse and a green miniskirt. Seiga also noticed that the woman has a weird… dream-catcher looking thing that was hovering around her. The girl was moving about the place with a somewhat whimsical gait. A devilish smile etched on her lips when she realized who the stranger was. _Hmm-hmm, the Queen of Old Hell's little sister…_ With a scheme formulating in her mind, the Wicked Hermit removed her hair stick from her hair. _Now let's see…_

"What's wrong?" Kasen wondered. "Why did you stop all of a sudden?"

"I have an itch in my head," Kasen lied, noticing that the satori was now leaning over the rails. _Yes! __Stay right there, you pretty young thing, you! _The jasen held the hair stick like a stylus and pointed it towards the specific area where the girl was standing. Aiming the stick near the girl's feet, Seiga 'etched' a circle. After completing the circle the girl fell through the floor, screaming.

"SA-TO-RIIIII!"

Clanging metal and rattling trashcans were heard again (somehow) when the girl hit the waters below. And let's not forget the…

"_**MEEEOWWWRR!"**_

Kasen suddenly stood up in alarm. "What was that! ?"

Seiga burst out with a melodious and sinister laugh. "Oh-hohohohoho~! Whoever said 'life's a game' was absolutely right!"

"You're up to mischief again, aren't you?" Kasen wondered.

Seiga placed the hair stick back in her locks. "And if I am?"

"Get out of my house," Kasen demanded, pointing to a nearby wall. "Now!"

With a cackle, the Wicked Hermit shrugged her shoulders. "Fine, see if I heal you if you fall out of your dojo again. You're such a silly child…" She bumped into the wall she was intending on phasing through and gasped. When she noticed that Kasen witnessed the slip-up, she gave her a smile of embarrassment. "Oh dear, silly me…" she giggled. She took out her hair stick again and etched a circle in the wall. "I forgot that I have to be as canonically accurate as possible when it comes to my power…" Before she entered the left, she gave her rival a wink and blew her a kiss. "See you soon."

After the jasen was gone, Kasen shuddered and crossed her arms with a vibrant blush. She fell to her knees, confused. "What is this feeling I'm having? Just what in the world has that woman done to me?"

Whatever it was, Kasen had to dismiss it for now. She has an incident to resolve. Just as she was about to set out on her misadventure, a large shadow hovered behind her. Immense relief washed over the senin as she felt the familiar presence. She twirled on her heels and happily gasped at the sight of her pet _dapeng –_ the giant youkai eagle that's ever loyal to her. "Toki!" She cried. "I'm so glad that you're safe!"

The dapeng perched on the rail, nodding at his master's words.

"Toki, have you seen Han and Shuu?" Kasen wondered, concerned for her pet dragon and raijuu.

Toki cawed in reply.

"They're over at Moriya's with Suwako-sama feeding them? Ohh, thank goodness!" Kasen rested a hand over her anxious heart. "I'm glad to hear that she's taking care of them."

Her pet cawed again.

"Eh? You spotted suspicious people traveling in the Magical Forest?" Kasen asked, receiving another caw. "Very well, take me there."

**FOREST OF MAGIC – KOURINDOU'S**

Rinnosuke Morichika often appreciated the few customers that visit his store. Sure, his customers were usually Alice, Marisa, Kotohime, Yukari, and a few random youkai but he truly appreciated the stranger that was in his shop right now. He kept his wise eyes on the fresh piece of… err, the new costumer whom was browsing over the unknown gadgets from the outside world. This was the very first time seeing this stranger. Who was she? All he knew was the fact that she's a half-youkai like him. She was no Keine, but the stranger was very beautiful. The poor guy fogged his glasses by staring at her strutting around his shop innocently.

"Damn," said Chie, holding a cell phone that was as large as a TV remote. "I used to have this very same Nokia phone back in the nineties. You can even knock someone out with this thing."

"You used to have one of those?" Rinnosuke asked curiously.

"Yea, I did. This thing was the shit back in the days, though." Chie replied, placing the phone back among the other miscellaneous gadgets where it belonged. "Compared to today's standards, it's hard to believe that the phone used to be awesome once upon a time. Back then, I always get bad signals on it when I go to a mall. And it roamed often."

Kourin tilted the glasses on his nose. "I see."

"Man, you have a real antique shop here, ya know," the kunoichi commented, surveying a Super Street Fighter IV arcade stick, a Tonka truck, a Nintendo Power Glove, and a PC-98. "This is a collector's heaven. My ex-boyfriend would go gaga over some of this stuff." She approached a pool table and picked up a pool stick. She leaned over the table as she reach for the 8-ball, purposely displaying her round derriere to him.

_Nice! _Rinnosuke thought, eyeing the hanyou's backside shamelessly. Those tight shorts she wore augmented the appearance of her already shapely flesh. As Chie played pool, he noticed the long ponytail on the side of her head. He honestly thought that her hair was short but – whatever. He preferred girls with long hair anyway. And the way her ponytail swayed past her waistline was tantalizing to the shopkeeper.

"Hey, do you know how to play pool?" Chie's voice brought him out of his naughty reverie.

"Not really," Kourin admitted.

"Hmm-hmm…" Chie grinned and sat on the pool table with a cross of her legs. "That's too bad. I've always admired a man that knows how to handle a big stick."

_**DOING!**_

"Oh got-damn it," a voice from outside cried. "This ringtone is, like, so fucking annoying!"

Both the kunoichi and shopkeeper's faces had the expression of a couple being caught having sex by their restless child. "Awkward…" Chie droned.

_**DOING!**_

"Ugh! I'm going to, like, kick Sanae's fat ass for sending me this ringtone!" A couple of black feathers can be seen falling to earth from the window. "Hello… you know, you called me, like, at a wrong time…"

Rinnosuke sighed. "Hatate…" There will definitely be an article of him being seduced by a mysterious girl in the Kakashi Spirits Newspaper tomorrow.

"Someone you know?" Chie wondered with faux interest. "An ex-girlfriend, maybe?"

"No, it's nothing like that." Rinnosuke replied, wishing that was true. He had countless erotic thoughts about that twin-tailed tengu before.

"If she was your ex, then I wouldn't be surprised," the hanyou said coyly. "You're a pretty good-looking guy."

The shopkeeper gasped. "Ah – you think so?"

_Sucker! This is far easier than I thought! _Chie thought maliciously. "I know so, Handsome. Say, do you have a girlfriend?"

"I don't," Rinnosuke replied, playing cool. "I'm hardly ever on the market. My business occupies most of my time, meaning that I don't have the time to seek out my significant other."

_Rrrrright… and Tupac Shakur is the name of a Jewish holiday. This guy reminds me of Hsiao so much. I bet he has a collection of H magazines in his closet._ "Hmm, is that right?" Chie fluttered her eyelashes. "You want me to be your girl, then?"

An opportunity of a lifetime has presented itself to Rinnosuke. He couldn't believe his luck! The sultry hanyou actually chose him! Wait until that Keine hears about this! She'll regret putting him in the Friend Zone! Everyone in Gensokyou will soon know of his trophy paramour. "Of course, I would be honored…"

The door of the shop suddenly opened and in came Alice. "Good afternoon, Kourin."

Chie rolled her eyes at the blonde. _Humph!_

_Darn __it! You chose a fine to for a visit today! _"Ah, good afternoon, Alice. How can I help you today?"

"Any interesting books arrived today? Remind me not to read another book from… Stephanie Myer, okay?" Alice commented. She gazed to her right and noticed the tall noirette near the pool table. "Oh, I didn't notice you there. How do you do, today? My name's Margatroid – Alice Margatroid."

"Hi," Chie replied in a cute voice. "My name's Coholic – first name Al. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Alice made a curious face after hearing that odd name. "Al Coholic?"

Suddenly, a miniature version of Seiga Kaku appeared from out of nowhere with a set of cymbals, supplying a rim-shot. The chibi vanished as suddenly as she appeared.

Rinnosuke snorted.

"Hahahaha!" Chie laughed. _I cannot believe that this chick fell for it! That joke was hot back in the eighties! The people in Gensokyou really are old-fashioned! _"I'm just kidding. My name's Chie. It's nice to meet you."

Alice hid her embarrassment in the guise of a warm smile. "Ah-ha… likewise…" _You silly bitch!_

Kourin sensed the hidden animosity between the women. "Hey, let's take a look at the new releases shall we, Alice." He led the puppeteer over to a large shelf that was filled with many types of books. "A couple of those harlequin books that you favor came in recently. There's also a book of alchemy that arrived this morning." He held up a worn, thick book and skimmed a few pages. "Although it's written in Catalan, I'm sure that you can use a spell to translate it."

Chie chortled. "NERD!"

Alice tensed at the epithet. "What did you just called me?"

The tension thickened. "Uh, Alice…"

"Eh? You actually know what that word means?" Chie remarked in faux astonishment. "Golly, that kinda changed my opinion of the people of this hick town."

Kourin tilted his head in confusion. "Huh?"

"For your information…" Alice pushed aside Kourin and approached the kunoichi combatively. "The citizens of Gensokyou are very well-informed. The only difference is that we're not tainted by the constant corruption of the rest of the world beyond the border." Even though she only reached the noirette's chest at full height, Alice stared her in the eyes.

Chie gave a toothy smirk, a fang appearing at the corner of her lips. "Haaaah… someone's pretty grimy. Do you happen to be this guy's ex-girlfriend?"

"It's getting sort of hot in here, isn't it ladies?" Kourin supplied lamely. "How bout I get us all a cup of cold water…"

"The gig is up," Alice interrupted. "Marisa and the others have already informed me what's going on. You're from the ninja clan that's invading Gensokyou right now."

Chie applauded. "Bingo…"

"What?" Kourin drawled, looking like a deer all of a sudden. Conveniently, Aya tossed a copy of the Bunbunmaru newspaper through the window as she sped by, hitting Kourin on the head. With an annoyed grunt, he picked up the paper from the floor and gaped at the main article: _Ninja Invasion Continues in Gensokyou._ "Well… curse my luck."

"That's right, my bespectacled friend. We're taking over this magical joint." Chie announced and glared at Alice. "So what are you waiting for, punk… make… my… day."

Alice produced a smirk of her own. "With pleasure!" She drew back her right hand and…

**SMACK!**

Chie gasped. Her face was pink again. "Ooh! It's on now you crazy bitch!" And the next thing Kourin knew, Chie engaged Alice in a catfight. With a blow like that to her pride, Chie tossed nearly fifteen years of ninja discipline out the window. She was rolling with Alice in a Fog of Fisticuffs.

**WAP!**

**BAP!**

**SMACK!**

**WHOMP!**

**POW!**

**BOP!**

**WOP!**

**BA-KOW!**

"Wait! Can we resolve this in a civil manner?" Kourin urged, wondering why he should stop the glorious battle that he was witnessing. Suddenly, he was caught up in the dusty cloud. "ACK!"

Just outside Kourindou's a familiar white-haired youkai approached the shop. He received quite a shock when the door suddenly burst open because of the fight going on. Hsiao could make out the countless shrieks, curses, name-calling, and blows meeting flesh. He gaped at the sight of the wanton skirmish because he can easily identify the angry cries of his partner. He sighed. That girl was always getting into skirmishes with random people. It was just that easy to piss her off. "Chie! What the hell, girl! ?"

The cloud vanished, revealing said girl sitting on top of Alice with her hands around the blonde's neck. Alice was on her back with her hands on the kunoichi's face, digging her nails into her skin. Rinnosuke, on the other hand, was dizzy from the brief ride. Both of the girls stared at him awkwardly. "Yea, what is it?" Chie said, sneaking a sucker punch on Alice's forehead.

"Can't you see that we're busy right now," said Alice, breaking Chie's skin with her nails.

"Ow! You're dead meat, blondie!" Chie swore.

"Not if I can help it!" Alice declared, slapping Chie.

"Hey, knock it of, the both of you!" Hsiao yelled, snatching his partner off of Alice. "For crying out loud, Chie! You were supposed to rob this place, not jumping on random girls!" He glanced over at Alice. "No offense, babe. You're quite a looker."

Alice rose to her feet and brushed the dust off from her now tattered dress. "None taken." She gave Chie an unquestionable glare of animosity. "Just be sure that you keep that pugnacious beast's temper in check. You wouldn't want her to get seriously injured… or worse."

Chie pushed Hsiao aside in anger. "Hey, who you're calling a beast, you idiot?"

The Seven-Colored Puppeteer smirked at her angry adversary. "Shanghai… Hourai…" she uttered, summoning her doll familiars at her side.

Chie was not impressed. "Ha! You think that suppose to scare – meEEEEEEK!" A pair of lithe but powerful arms suddenly locked around her head and neck after a large bird swooped by.

"We meet again, my ghoulish friend," Kasen greeted, giving Chie a spider squeeze from behind. Her right leg was locked around Chie's right thigh and her left leg was locked around the waist. "Hold still, now. We wouldn't want you to suffocate too soon."

Hsiao stared at the woman that was latched onto his partner in wonder. "Who in the heck is this?"

Kasen glared at Hsiao. "How rude! You should ask a lady for her name yourself."

"It's her," Chie gagged out. "Ugh… the hermit… I was telling you about."

"It appears that I'm getting popular among you guys." Kasen commented, asphyxiating Chie.

"Watch out!" Alice alerted, causing the rose senin to reactively disengage her choke hold on the young hanyou. A pair of shuriken was embedded into the trunk of a nearby tree. It if weren't for Alice's warning, Kasen would have felt their sting.

Kasen hopped to Alice's side. "Thanks a lot. I owe you one."

"No worries," replied Alice.

"Are you okay, Chie?" Hsiao asked, keeping his eyes on the gorgeous hermit. He was not sure that the woman before him is the very hermit that he heard about from his comrades. If anything, the pink-haired knockout appeared harmless, nurturing even. To him, Kasen looked as though she would be defenseless against an angry housecat. The pink-haired knockout wasn't even a conventional fighter! She was dressed in a brown blouse with a long rose-patterned panel the draped passed her waist, a green skirt, and a pair of black pedal-pushers adorning her shapely legs. The senin didn't look like much (combat-wise) but Hsiao knew better than to underestimate her because of her appearance. His teacher taught him that lesson a **long **time ago.

"Gaaauuu!" Chie was on her knees, inhaling air like a fiend. She will never again take oxygen for granted. "I'm okay… I'm okay."

Kasen gazed at the white-haired youkai. "Are you the one who's behind this incident?"

Hsiao smirked. The senin isn't a loli. Sano would admire her a lot. "You could say that…" he replied somewhat truthfully. "…but what is it to you?"

"It's nothing but a mere nuisance to me," Kasen shrugged, earning a snort from Alice because of the face Hsiao made. "I'm a woman of vast patience and a pacifist, but I'll make this request only once: cease all the crimes you've committed and return everything that has been stolen to the fair people of this realm."

"Or face the consequences," Alice added.

"Tch! Just who in the heck do you think you are, you titty-monster?" Chie grouched, quite possibly catching a case of breast envy because of how Kasen's blouse accentuated her impressive bosom. Thing is, because of her fury, Chie failed to notice that the senin isn't top heavy.

Kasen's eyebrows became checkmarks. "Titty-monster?"

"A slang term from the corrupted world beyond the border," Alice supplied. "It indicates a woman that is superiorly endowed in the chest area…" a slight frown marked her expression. "…sometimes unfairly so."

Kasen shook her head, making a note to not wear a snug shirt from now on. The shirt she was wearing right now was the only one that was neither stolen nor tattered. What choice does she have? "How crude…" she muttered, feeling a tad self-conscious for being so well-endowed.

"Not as crude as the beating you're about to get, you scary old lady!" Chie challenged. The next thing she knew, her hair was yanked and she was being slapped repeatedly.

**SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK!**

"KHAAAAAH! STOP IT ALREADY!" Chie cried.

"What did I told you about calling me that?" Kasen asked in an ominous voice, dangling Chie off her feet by her ponytail.

The fact that the hermit closed in on Chie in an instant shocked Hsiao. He stood stone-cold still with his eyes wide. The beautiful hermit assaulted his partner like a mongoose on a viper – ridiculously fast. His mind couldn't even comprehend it all. The pink-haired pacifist was standing mere yards away from them one moment, and the next she was beating Chie like she stolen from her (technically). Perhaps the most frightening aspect about it, Hsiao didn't even see her move a muscle. _W-what…?_

**SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK!**

"Hsiao! Help me, you idiot!" Chie sobbed.

"You will learn to respect me, you uncouth child!" Kasen swore in that ominous tone again.

"Uh – HEY!" Hsiao shouted, free from his stupor. He snatched Kasen by the back of her shirt and harshly judo-slammed her. After he slammed the hermit, he was pushed aside by an angry pink-faced Chie. "Chie! What the hell! ?"

"Eiii!" Chie war-cried, delivering an elbow drop on her pink-haired nemesis' chest.

"Oowf!" Kasen grunted, balling up in pain.

"Take that, you crazy old hag! You'll rue the day that – ARGH!" Chie's taunt was interrupted by Alice tackling her like a defensive lineman. Both the puppeteer and kunoichi rolled into a tree with a painful-sounding _THUNK. _Both girls were laid out unconscious with their heads sporting a large lump each and their derrieres up.

"Damn-it, Chie! You need to cool it – UGH!" Hsiao's rebuttal was cut short because of four arrows being lodged into his back. He whipped a glare at Shanghai and Hourai, the source of his pain. Both of the dolls returned his glare, their weapons at ready. "Tch! You two are going to wish that you were never purchased from the toy store!"

"Psst! Hey you!" Kasen called out, gaining the youkai's attention. He turned around in annoyance, only to be met with a boot to the face. She managed to knock him to a tree (trees are deadly).

**WOP!**

"Guh!" Hsiao grunted, slumped against the bark. However, Kasen didn't relent. She charged at him and delivered a solid punch to his abdomen, making the tree crack in the process. The youkai coughed up blood. "Bitch… you… you're no ordinary hermit…"

"Humph…" Kasen remarked with narrowed eyes. That insult prompted her to deliver another mighty blow to the midsection. "My name is Kasen Ibaraki," she introduced and proceeded to give him many more punches to the gut. Her blows eventually became piston fast in her fury and several birds, monkeys, a fairy, and a cat abandoned the tree because of her shattering attacks (causing the tree to quake). After thirty blurry fists to her adversary, Kasen gave him one final punch… which caused the tree to fall.

**CRASH!**

Hsiao collapsed against the remaining stump, out cold.

Kasen eased off her guard after dispatching the dangerous youkai. _Oh no. I've lost my temper, _she lamented. _I can't believe that I let their petty words get the best of me. Th__at means that I have to train harder. I must learn to become indifferent to harsh words. _She gazed over at Rinnosuke, whom was still out of it near his front door. Then she glanced over at the unconscious bodies of Alice and her newfound rival, Chie. A monkey was hop-scotching on their raised butts. Shanghai and Hourai were trying to wake up their master. _I have to get her out of here. _"Alice…" she called out, intent on coming to the puppeteer's aid. But…

_**SLISH!**_

Kasen gasped at the wet sound, along with a searing pain coursing in her back. "Ugh!"

"Psst…" came Hsiao's now raspy voice.

_**SHRRRIP!**_

"YAAAAAH!" The pain torn through her chest and a bloody blade erected out of Kasen's chest just below her breasts. "You… hoodlum…!" she cried with tears glossing her eyes. She turned around and attempted a retaliatory attack but she was met with Hsiao's backhand. She corkscrewed in midair before hitting the ground.

"Now look what we have here," Hsiao grinned sinisterly as he sat on his downed opponent's back. "We have one helluva mountain hermit that managed to best Chie and five of my men. That has never happened before. You're just as formidable as they say."

"Bastard…" Kasen managed to grunt out from the immense pain. For her to label someone by means of profanity then that must mean she truly despise that person.

"Nah ah ah…" Hsiao admonished, cupping Kasen's right breast. "None of that, now. What, you were going to say that what I did was unfair? Don't even think about giving me that bullshit! You surprised me with a surprise tactic and beaten the living crap outta me while I was helpless against the tree! All's fair in love and war, fool!"

"You…" Kasen rasped through unbearable pain. Then, something unexpected happened…

He kissed her on the back of her head.

"I have to admit, you're really beautiful." Hsiao commented with his voice on the brink of insanity. "Usually I prefer younger, smaller girls but I'll make you an exception. Maybe Sano's right for preferring non-lolis." He leaned forward and twisted the blade that was still embedded in his adversary's back. An idea suddenly occurred to him. "I know! Let's heat things up!" He declared and pulled the blade out of her back. Then he grabbed her shoulders and turned her over to face him. "That's better! Now I can see your pretty face!"

"What are you doing?" Kasen gasped, noticing the hungry look in his eyes. Her blood from her wound was turning her blouse black.

"This," Hsiao promptly sat on her flat stomach and sank in for a kiss in the mouth – tongue and all!

Kasen was shocked. "Hmm!"

**CHOMP!**

The white-haired youkai recoiled horribly in pain while clutching his mouth. "AAAAAUUUUUUUWWR!"

Kasen spat out the taste of his tongue in utmost disgust. He robbed her of her first kiss! _That FIEND! He's not __going to get away with this!_

Unfortunately, Hsiao grabbed her face (the Iron Claw) and forced her back on the ground. "You bit my tongue! Just for that, I'm going to – RRAAAH!" Four more arrows met his back. He turned his heated glare on the culprits: Shanghai and Hourai. "How did I managed to forget about the TWO OF YOU! ?"

The Dolls of Misery glared back at him, ready to inflict more pain.

"Oh, you want a piece of me, you little plastic dipshits! ?" Hsiao raged, only to get hit once again by a scorching ball of flame. The surprise attack knocked him off of the wounded Kasen.

"Where is she…" a dangerous voice grounded out.

"What?" Hsiao moaned from the ground, severely weakened.

"I'm not going to ask you again. Where IS SHE?" The voice repeated with baleful emphasis.

Kasen gazed at her savior. "Moukou…"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Hsiao lied, earning a menacing flare from the immortal.

"Lie to me one more time and I swear that I'll roast you with a fire so hot, that even the flames of the place I'm about to send you to won't even compare!" Moukou threatened. "Now answer my question: WHERE'S KEINE! ?"

Moukou's threat was very real. She had no qualms about murdering someone, considering her history with combating youkai and an everlasting moon princess. Killing a sadistic, perverted youkai ninja wouldn't even be a weight on her conscience. Hsiao heard about this woman from his fellow ninja… and he can see his life flash before his eyes. The assault from Kasen and the fireball from the immortal had weakened him immensely. With her mood, if she hit him with another fireball then it would be all over. He had no chance of survival but then again he refused to reveal the location of the ninja's hideout. "Bitch… like hell I'll tell you…"

"Don't move a muscle!" A convalesced Chie demanded, holding the still unconscious Alice hostage. She held a dagger to the puppeteer's jugular. "Make one move and I swear that I will lop this chick's head off!"

Shanghai and Hourai gasped. And Moukou cursed her luck when she realized the spunky kunoichi wasn't bullshitting. "Got-damn it!"

"Alice…" Kasen uttered worriedly. She would try her nifty trick of cloaking her right hand inside the panel of her blouse to snatch Chie's weapon, but it was too risky. The kunoichi's weapon was breaking the puppeteer's skin and Kasen was sure that Chie would notice a bandaged hand floating beside her. Alice would be dead before the hermit would have the chance to take Chie's dagger.

"Let's get out of here, Hsiao." Chie beckoned.

The white-haired youkai could hardly believe his luck. "Oh da lally – golly what a day!" He laughed, crawling towards his lithe partner in crime. He allowed Chie to help him to his feet and held him. "It turned out to be a good day after all!"

Kasen glared at them with unbridled anger. "You won't get away with this. We will find you…"

"Fucking right," Moukou added.

"Oh, don't you worry. We will find you instead." Chie retorted cryptically. "We know who you are now. And by the looks of things, you won't be able to be of help to Gensokyou."

Kasen narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"She means that this place is as good as screwed now that Reimu's out of the picture!" Hsiao revealed. "With your heroine gone, you're going to see a lot more of us!"

Moukou gritted her teeth. "You're going to regret this."

Kasen remained speechless. She chose not to say anything right now.

"Ha! That's what they all say," Hsiao remarked. "Let's see can you resolve this incident without the help of that girl and your precious Spell Cards!"

"Fufufu… Sayonara losers!" Chie laughed, throwing Alice on the ground and vanished from the scene along with Hsiao. "This isn't over, hermit! I'll beat that ass next time!"

After the antagonists left the scene the dolls went over to Alice's aid and Moukou cussed. "This is some bullshit."

"Agreed…" Kasen commented.

"Damn," Moukou helped the hermit off the ground. "You're all banged up. I know that you're a senin and all, but are you going to be okay?"

Kasen help a hand to her bloody wound. "No…" she nodded sadly. "This pain is unbearable. I've allowed myself to sink down to their level and paid the price. In my anger, I made myself vulnerable."

"Tch. If they made you angry then at least it's the righteous kind of anger." Moukou remarked, not blaming the hermit. "I'm sure they deserved it."

The super mortal hung her head in shame. "You don't understand…"

The immortal scoffed. "What is there to understand? They NEED to have their asses kicked! I'll say, give them every last bit of anger that you have!"

"Moukou… I've allowed my emotions to stray my path of a senin," Kasen explained. "That is bad for me. In a sense, those two have defeated me."

"Pain is nothing but weakness leaving the body. You're only human," said Moukou before frowning. "You… are a human, right?"

"It doesn't matter. I've failed." Kasen looked as though she wanted to cry. Her wound was slowly healing but it still hurts. "Ugh."

"Listen, this isn't the time for you to feel sorry for yourself." Moukou admonished. "Gensokyou is in a shit load of trouble with all ninja running around like it's mating season in the African Serengeti. And what's worse: Keine has been kidnapped… along with Reimu."

Kasen gasped. "Can this day get any worse?"

Moukou hefted Rinnosuke off the ground. "I'm counting on it. It'll only get worse before things get better."

**HAKUREI SHRINE**

"Reimu-san!" Sanae cried as she approached the dingy establishment. "Hello! REIMU-SAAAN!"

The godling noticed that the front door was hallway open. And knowing Reimu, she never left the door open while she's gone. She was usually doing her routine yard-sweeping during this time of day. Maybe the older girl was inside making a meal or sipping tea. Sanae entered the shrine and realized how eerily quiet it was once she was inside. Even if Reimu wasn't home, someone else was. It was usually Suika drunk out of her ass, Genji on one of his random visits, or one of the Mischievous Fairies scheming some kinda prank. Something about this scenario wasn't right to her. "Hello? Anyone home"

Silence was her answer.

She entered the den and noticed something **very **unusual about it. Instead of empty drinking mugs and half-eaten bowls of food, Reimu's red-white _mikogi _was on the table. Sanae inspected it and noticed how wrinkly it was. "That's odd… did Reimu-san forget her robe? She usually keeps it pressed and neat. What gives?" She held the robe against her body and blushed. The older girl is two sizes smaller. " By Kanako's grace! Just how on earth does she maintain her slender figure? And she eats twice as much as I do!"

And then…

"Hehehehehehe…" a girl's high-pitched laughter echoed.

Sanae dropped the red-white uniform, alarmed. She sensed _youki_ – a youkai's presence. "Suika-san…" she called out cautiously. "…is that you?"

No reply. That was just plain creepy. Sanae stepped into the kitchen and received a shock: several dishes, cups, pots, and kettles were strewn shambolically across the room. It looked as though it was hit by an angry Hina. "This isn't good. What on earth happened here?"

The eerie laughter resounded again. "Hehehehehe…"

The voice was coming from outside the shrine. The godling returned outside the shrine, searching frantically for the source of the mirth. "Luna-san…" Sanae tried. "Sunny-san… Star-san?" It was worth a shot but Sanae deducted that it couldn't be any of the mischievous fairies. Their pranks aren't messy. The mortal goddess gathered an inkling of what happened and she grew a tad scared. She certainly hoped that it weren't the ninjas that she heard about yesterday.

"Chi-chi-chi-chi… ha ha ha ha…"

Sanae brandished her trusty gohei. "Show yourself!"

"Chi-chi-chi-chi… Ha! Ha! HA! HA!"

"Kogasa!" Sanae cried out. "That better not be you! Because if it is, I swear to my grandmother that I will be merciless while exterminating you!"

She saw a blur zipped past her with the corner of her eyes. "Chichichichichii!"

Just as Sanae was about to pursue the culprit, a hand clamped over her mouth. Reacting fearfully, Sanae gave the hand a good bite.

**CHOMP!**

"Shit!" The masked assailant yelled while holding his bleeding hand.

Realizing that the assailant was a (bona fide) ninja, Sanae about-faced and fled in terror. "YAAAAH!"

"Don't let her get away!" A voice commanded and three more ninja appeared. One came down from a tree he was hidden in, another crashed through the shrine's entrance to give chase, and the third one scaled down from the tori gate of the shrine. Sanae was immediately surrounded by them.

"Stay back," Sanae commanded, trembling. "I don't want to hurt any of you!" She mentally cursed herself. All three of them were youkai and she didn't even sense their presence. But… who was it that she sensed when she first arrived at the shrine. "You're messing with a mortal god!"

"That's all the more reason for us to kidnap you, _usa_~," a voice commented – the very same one that was doing the creepy ambience just now.

"Wait a minute, that voice sounds familiar," said Sanae. She gasped when she heard heavy footsteps and saw a hulking man in red approaching her from the shrine's stairs. The monster stopped directly in front of the godling, intimidating her. He was a huge man with fiery spikey hair, a brutal face, and no pupils in his eyes. He stood over seven feet tall (213cm) and weighed over four hundred pounds. He wore very large deep red dogi and he had a huge gut – all muscles. This man towered over even Toru and he was pretty huge himself. A flame motif adorned his both his left pant leg.

Sanae was morbidly terrified now. She only reached up to his belly-button. "Eh… nice weather we're having, huh?" Sanae questioned sheepishly.

"Look down here," the voice instructed and Sanae did so. "Don't mind Betelgeuse, _usa. _He's… kinda brain-dead."

"Hey…" Betelgeuse drawled with steam emitting from his mouth. "That was mean." He sounds exactly like Big Dog from the cartoon '2 Stupid Dogs'.

"Tewi?" Sanae wondered in confusion. She was shocked to see the infamous youkai hare in a pin-striped ninja dogi. Her attention was so fixated on the giant ninja that she didn't notice Tewi. "What is the meaning of this? Are you behind what's been going on in the village?"

"Well… technically yes, _usa._" Tewi replied. "But I'm not the one behind all the home robberies and kidnappings. I'm just directing these guys to steal women's underwear as instructed. You wouldn't believe how much those rich guys from the outside world would pay for a pair of garters!"

"Hmm…" Sanae considered (she knew a few girls from school that actually did bid their drawers for money). "I'll pass. But if you're behind all the panty thefts, I have no doubt that you've stolen from your friends at Eientei."

"Well… Kaguya and Reisen, actually," Tewi admitted. "But what the heck are they're going to do once they realize their panties are gone, huh? Suspect me? Pfft! I'm the Hare of Inaba, _usa! _What are the chances of me being victim to such misfortune?"

**EIENTEI **

Reisen warily approached the door to her master's lab and knocked on it. She hate to be a bother to Eirin but she had confirm something. After a brief moment of door-knocking, she heard Eirin. "Who is it?"

"Udonge," Reisen replied.

After a few footsteps, the Lunarian Knockout opened the door. She was surprised to see her subordinate in light-blue sleeveless shirt and an ultra short microskirt. "Reisen, how can I help you?"

Reisen blushed and tugged down her skirt. "Did you wash my clothes today? I'm… missing a few threads…"

"Wait. I thought Kaguya washed some of our clothes yesterday." Eirin answered. "I also got her to clean the halls and help me make dinner but I thought she returned your clothes to you after she was done with them."

"Yes, she handed me back my threads, but…" Reisen lowered her voice to a whisper. "Now I'm missing most of my clothes and all of my underwear."

"Seriously?" Eirin wondered, which explains why Reisen seem embarrassed by something. "You don't have any of your underwear in your room?"

Reisen nodded. "No."

Eirin gazed at the scenery of the Bamboo Forest just behind Reisen. She has an odd habit of doing that when she's contemplative. She too was missing an article of clothing. She had been searching for her favorite pair of violet panties all day. But something was odd about all this. Kaguya usually doesn't lose clothes nor get them mixed up among the residence of Eietei. Reisen's concerns confirmed that something was amiss. "Kaguya!"

The most beautiful girl in Touhou canon poked her head out a door from down the hall. "Yes? What is it? Make it quick because I'm about to play Tekken Tag Tournament 2 online again."

Eirin planted her hands on her wide hips. "Have you been washing clothes again today?"

"No, I've washed everyone's clothes yesterday," Kaguya answered, noticing Reisen. A coquettish grin suddenly marked her face. "Ooh! Hello nurse!"

Reisen blushed again, fighting her barely there skirt from riding up her hips again. "Please don't look at me like that," she requested.

Eirin cut to the chase. "Kaguya, have you seen our panties?"

"Can't say that I have because I gave them back to the both of you," Kaguya replied as she approached her Lunarian companions.

"Are you wearing any?"

"No."

"Have you seen Tewi?"

"No."

"Ooh!" Reisen shrieked with wide eyes. "I haven't seen her either! She must be the reason why our clothes are missing! It must be her!"

"Tewi…" Eirin muttered.

Kaguya had a blasé expression. "Can I go back to my game now?"

"How can you think about a game while we have an underwear thief among us?" Reisen whined, still struggling over the fight for decency with her microskirt. Suddenly, a strong gale of wind breezed through Eietei and it caused Reisen's skirt to flip. "AAIIIIIEEEE!"

Both Eirin and Kaguya caught a glimpse of heaven just now. They were standing still with emotionless faces but their noses trickled blood. "Oh… my goodness…" Kaguya murmured. "Did I died just now?"

"It seems that way…" Eirin sputtered and fell to the floor like a tree along with Kaguya. A huge pool of blood was forming beneath their unconscious bodies.

Chibi Seiga arrived on the scene and fell on her knees, giving the three-count. After her hand slapped the floor thrice, a bell sounded.

**DING-DING-DING!**

"REISEN WINS!" A grim, disembodied voice announced. **"SEXUALITY!"**

Udonge began sobbing, embarrassed by this entire scenario. Hina Kagiyama was hidden among the bamboo directly in front of Eietei. She clicked her tongue and nodded sadly. "So unfortunate…"

**BACK AT HAKUREI'S**

"Eyup…" said Tewi. "They won't expect a thing, _usa_. Eirin will only blame Reisen again, anyway. She's a klutz and I'm not worried about a thing."

Sanae's left eye began twitching sporadically. "Wow… with friends like you who needs enemies?"

"Enough, tubby-tits, it's time we get down to business!" Tewi declared. "Betelgeuse, hit her with a Hyper Combo!"

"Rodger," the giant replied, kneeling on one knee and cupping his hands around his mouth. He spewed flames at the poor miko like a medieval dragon.

Sanae raised her gohei and erected a wind shield to guard against Betelgeuse's breath. _Holy Kanako! This monster has an extremely bad case of halitosis__! _Her entire body began sweating and she gritted her teeth in frustration. _I can't keep this shield up much longer! I must find a way to counter this behemoth somehow!_

"Burn baby, burn~! Burn baby, burn~!" Tewi sang, dancing to a tune in her head. "_Usa usa usa! _Make her ass go pic'chun! _Usa usa usa! _Make her ass go BOOM! _Usa…_" she noticed someone went wrong and stopped singing. "Ooooh shit… _usa…_"

The three minion ninja were laid out, unconscious. Betelgeuse was grunting in agony because of a dozen knives in his back. "Uhh! Who did that?"

Sanae slowly opened her eyes and noticed that two people have joined her in the confrontation. To her left stood Youmu Konpaku whom was glaring daggers at the giant with her katana drawn. To Sanae's left stood the lithe Sakuya Izayoi… who seem annoyed for some reason. "Ah! Thank you guys for saving me! You really got me out of a pickle!"

"Now if only you would stop talking and focus on the fight." Sakuya commented harshly.

Sanae gave the older girl the puppy eyes. "Auu! That was mean, Sakuya-san!"

"Now's not the time for bickering!" Youmu admonished, the Roukanken gleaming ominously in her grasp. "You both can resume your argument once we're done here!"

Tewi made a troll-face. "Is that right?" With a snap of her finger a gang of ninja appeared in the yard, poised for battle. "Let's raise the difficulty up a notch, _usa_."

"Okay girls! Let's show em what we got!" Sanae encouraged… and pushed aside by Sakuya. "Hey!"

Sakuya smiled as her silver eyes became red. Several knives appeared in her hands. "Challenge accepted – beginning mission!"

**ELSEWHERE**

"Ugh…" groggily moaned Reimu as she stirred awake in a futon that wasn't hers. She sat up and yawned, sensing a slight pain in her head. She scratched her flat stomach and folded her legs as she tried to remember when she fell asleep. _I could have __sworn__ that I was raking leaves __outside the shrine just now. Hmm… I remember a yamabushi visiting a shrine with… a donation. _The miko suddenly gasped with wide eyes when realization hit her. _Wait! My donation box was stolen! So that means that yamabushi that came over today wasn't a yamabushi! __That could only mean… _Reimu took in her surroundings and discovered that she was in a small prison cell. "D'oh!"

The heroine was now the damsel in distress.

_Damn it, I let my guard down._ Reimu thought as she stood up on her feet. A nearby mirror revealed to her that she was not in her mikogi, instead she was wearing only her red camisole and a pair of white fem-boxers. She deducted that her captor had removed her clothes. She gazed towards the face of the cell which was grilled with bamboo bars. Reimu approached the bars and touched them while figuring a way how to escape. _Okay, reinforced bamboo… they're sturdy but they're not impossible to break._ An idea surfaced in her mind. _I know!__ I'll use that trick that Kasen taught me. Here goes nothing._ Reimu closed her eyes and held two of the bars tightly. _Focus Hakurei… you can do it, girl. Just… allow my qi to surge towards my arms… _Reimu concentrated, allowing her arms to relax while keeping a firm grip on the bars. Then with a sudden mental push, she gained enough strength to break them.

**SNAP!**

"Who's there?" Someone in a neighboring cell shouted after hearing the sound.

Reimu squeezed her way out of the cell and was shocked to see a familiar face in the next cell. "Keine?"

The hanyou gasped at the unexpected sight of Gensokyou's heroine. "Reimu? They've managed to kidnap you too?"

"So that's what happened…" Reimu said, noticing the bars of the hanyou's cell were made of iron. "Keine, what's going on?" Her eyes suddenly surveyed the white dress the were-hakutaku was in. "And why are you wearing a pure white dress?"

"Who knows where my outfit is right now," said Keine as she got up and approached the bars. Not surprisingly, the dress was low-cut and showed her curves. The hem of the dress was tattered, making the teacher look like some sorta sacrifice for some pagan god. "The better question is, how in the world did you escape your cell?"

"The bars of my cell were made of bamboo." Reimu answered before frowning. "And couldn't they have found a bigger dress for you? Damn it, your assets are about to burst!"

Keine blushed. "Reimu, you're embarrassing me." Deep down, she wished she had a physique like Reimu's. The girl can eat an entire bakery and not gain a pound. Meanwhile, she can eat a bagel and it is suddenly difficult for her to fit her backside in her favorite dress. Reimu was divinely favored.

Reimu's voice brought her out of her envious thoughts. "Where are we anyway?"

"As far as I can tell, we're in the ninja's hideout," replied Keine. "As for our exact location, I don't know. We could be in the outside world or in Hell for all we know."

"No, we're still in Gensokyou." Reimu confirmed. "I can sense the Hakurei Barrier. As for Hell…" her face took on a look of fear. "…I certainly hope not. Don't tell me that the pain I'm feeling in my head is that from a fatal blow."

"Well, my head isn't hurting." Keine said. "And I don't have any wounds on me. So I guess that we're still alive."

Reimu sighed. "What a relief!"

Suddenly, something far in the distance was suddenly heard.

**FWOOOM!**

"Someone's coming!" Keine gasped. "Reimu, go find someplace to hide!"

"Umm!" Reimu nodded and rushed back into her cell. She stood near the corner of the cell's entrance, laying in wait like a predator. Faint footsteps down the hall gradually grew louder as someone approached the cell. Her palms grew sweaty and her heartbeat accelerated as adrenaline coursed through her. She waited… and waited… inhibited by survival instinct.

An unarmed ninja appeared in her peripheral view. "Hey! What the – ACK!" The minion was suddenly apprehended in a choke hold.

"You got a key?" Reimu growled.

"N-no," the ninja gagged.

"Wrong answer!" Reimu remarked, jabbing both her middle and index finger to his jugular. The ninja went limp and Reimu let him fall to the floor. She knelt by the minion and searched his person for anything useful. He had nothing. "Darn it."

"You!" A female shouted suddenly, charging inside the cell to confront Reimu. She was armed with a pair of tonfas. Reimu blocked and evaded all of her strikes and quickly dispatched her by jabbing her fingers at the kunoichi's large breasts (under the areolae). She fell unconscious after a goofy giggle.

**THUD!**

Reimu smirked. Sometimes, it was not always neat for a woman to have big breasts. Reimu used the very same technique on Sanae one night while she was coming on to her while drunk. Kasen was one heck of a teacher when it comes down to unarmed combat. She procured the kunoichi's tonfas and left the cell. "Keine, neither of them had a key!"

"Don't worry about me! Just get out of here!" Keine urged.

"Look!" Someone shouted from down the hall. "We got a stowaway!"

Two men charged at Reimu with their weapons drawn. She blocked the first man's staff with both her tonfas and kicked him in his crotch. The she smashed the top of his head while he was doubled over in pain. The second ninja charged at Reimu with a slash of his sword but Reimu evaded around him with a ducking sidestep. While he was open for attack, Reimu struck his temple and continued her assault by striking his shoulder blades, back, and kidneys in rapid succession. She finished him off by hitting him on the back of his head with the tonfa, causing him to shudder violently (seizure) before he hit the floor. _That was too easy! Who knew that non-danmaku combat would be this much fun?_

As if to answer her thoughts, a melodious voice spoke. "That wasn't bad, Priestess of Paradise. I can see why this realm considers you its savior."

Reimu stared down the hall and a crowd of ninja staring back at her. They parted like the Red Sea as a cloaked figure stepped forward to reveal herself to Reimu. The mystery woman's entire face was hidden in a hood and it was impossible to see her eyes (unlike the other ninja). The only thing that Reimu can make out about this person was the long white hair peeking from underneath the hood. "I take it that you're the culprit behind all this."

"On the contrary, your dear friend, Yukari Yakumo is behind all of this." The woman revealed. "This is all just her way of welcoming my people into this fantastic land of mysticism."

"What?" Keine said in disbelief. "So she is responsible for all of this chaos!"

"Got-damn that hag," Reimu cursed. "Why would she do something like this?"

The mystery woman nodded. "That… I do not know. That woman is incomprehensible. However, I shall reveal a bit about myself for the good job you've done against my guards. You have my respect, Hakurei."

"So you're the leader of this clan?" Reimu surmised.

"You are correct. I am the _soke _of this clan – a grandmaster, if you will," she revealed, bowing courteously. "Yuria Yamanoi… at your service."

"If you are the grandmaster then you seriously need to teach your minions how to fight." Reimu taunted.

"Oh? I'm well aware that some of my students are not as diligent as others in their training, but you would be a fool to take them for granted." Yuria said. "But let it be known, Hakurei… your victory over my guards was a fluke. They're genin sent to test you."

"I take it that you want to try your luck against me then?" Reimu challenged, twirling the twin tonfas.

"For someone that prevailed over super-youkai and even gods, you're understandably overconfident," the _soke _remarked, calmly taking a stance. "Yet… surely you know that there comes a time when even a mighty champion will fall. This battle will only last a few seconds but you're more than welcomed to exert all of your energy in such a short amount of time."

Reimu charged, meeting the new adversary head on.

"REIMU!" Keine shrieked.

**KASEN'S DOJO**

Seiga phased through a wall and found her rival gazing at the waterfall from the den. She noticed that the younger hermit's midsection was covered in gauze… which was a bit soaked in blood. Besides that, the only article of clothing Kasen had on was her green skirt. "Oh dear. What happened to you?"

Kasen suddenly stood. "Go away."

Curiosity got the best of the jasen. "You're injured."

"I'll heal," sharply remarked the rose hermit.

Seiga sensed the bad vibes from Kasen. It was very unlikely for her to catch an attitude with someone. In fact, Kasen has never been so ornery in her entire life. It was something about Kasen's current behavior that rubbed her the wrong way. This is not the Kasen that she knew. "What's wrong with you? You're acting as though I gave you that injury."

Kasen didn't reply. She walked out the den and propped on the railing instead.

"Well… you're certainly in a bad mood today." Seiga commented, following the pink-haired hermit. "Hey," she tried to get a look at Kasen's face but she turned away. "Hey!" She whipped in the opposite directing as she tried to look at her face again. Kasen turned away once again. "HEY! Enough of this nonsense! That's petty, Ibaraki! You are not being very hermit-like, you know!"

Seiga received a slap to the face. "Shut up!" Kasen yelled furiously.

This shocked the jasen. "Why did you – ooh!" Seiga caught Kasen's left hand as she attempted to slap her again. "Kasen! What on earth…" she caught the hermit's thrown right fist and held it by the wrist. The most shocking thing about this development was how Kasen was glaring at her with pure hatred in her eyes. Seiga struggled to maintain a hold of her rival's arms. "What's gotten into you! ?"

"Let. Me. Go!" Kasen growled.

"Not until you calm yourself down!" Seiga retorted, worried for her safety. "By the knowledge of Laozi, you're behaving as though you're possessed by an evil spirit! Get a hold of yourself!"

Kasen gasped and immediately calmed at the irony. Her arms went limp and a despondent expression claimed her face. "Seiga… I… I…"

Seiga slapped her, knocking her to the floor.

**WAP!**

"Ugh!" She grunted as she fell to her side. She raised a hand to the stinging sensation on her face.

"Ibaraki, please forgive me for striking you all of sudden…" Seiga reached out to help Kasen back to her feet but the younger hermit gazed at her with a tear-streaked face. "You're crying…"

"I've failed, Seiga." Kasen sniffed, her voice thick with sadness. "I can no longer call myself a senin…"

Seiga knelt before Kasen in concern. "What are you talking about?"

"I give up, Seiga. What happened today has made it painfully clear that I no longer have what it takes to be a senin." Kasen revealed, leaning her head onto Seiga's shoulder. "Please… allow this pitiful woman a shoulder to cry on. I have failed myself. And I have failed Reimu for now she's nowhere to be found."

Seiga complied; wrapping her arms around Kasen like a mother would to her child. "Shh… it's okay. I'm here for you." She reassured before looking at nothing in particular in confusion. _What the hell, author? What kind of evil have you put this girl through?__ Giving her a hard time is MY JOB!_

Kasen sobbed quietly into Seiga's blouse. "Thank you…"

The jasen closed her eyes and patted her rival on her back. "Relax… you're overcoming an adversity right now. Let all that pain leave your mind, body, and spirit." _That's right! No one picks on my Ibaraki! And someone owes me a new blouse. _

**TO BE CONCLUDED…**

_And that would be it for now. I hafta flesh out a 'Stage 5' and a 'Final Stage' type character. Look on the bright side; at least we got a glimpse of the final boss. Unfortunately, I've only have her name and occupation laid out so far. I haven't even gotten to what type of being she is, let alone her origins. There's going to be a lot of fighting ahead, dude._

_And yes, Reimu's 'escape' was inspired by Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon (the last guy she beat up). I couldn't help it._

_As for Kasen's emotional breakdown, she's upset because she 'lost' to Chie and Hsiao's name-calling. As you can see it is unwise to refer to her as an 'old lady' or a b-word. Unfortunately, because of that, Kasen lost her cool and sank down to their level. To a hermit, epithets and negativity don't exist to him/her. For Kasen to react so profusely to such things indicates that she failed in being a hermit, bringing shame. That made her very vulnerable to Hsiao's sneak attack. _

_I hate Hsiao. Best believe he will get his. After all, I've already written Yuuka into this story…_

_Finally, I give special thanks to Achariyth1 for taking the time to pre-read this damn thing. He has the patience of a saint._

_Until next time!_


	7. The Great Shinobi Incident  Part I

Fanfic blockbuster ahead!

**MISHAPS OF THE EASTERN WONDERLAND**

**7****th**** Tale**

**The Great Shinobi Mishap **

**Part I - Conundrum**

A nightmare became reality. The once peaceful ambience of the Hakurei Shrine was now the scene of a brutal massacre. Battered and broken bodies had littered the holy grounds in a matter of minutes. The current appearance of the shrine can unnerve even the most stoic war veteran. What could be the cause of this misfortune?

One man knew. He found out the hard way.

The wounded warrior limp his escape down the shrine's stairwell. He has various cuts on his body and half of his eyesight was gone. Every step he took was excruciating but he cannot allow the tremendous pain to overwhelm him. He must escape the shrine at all cost. His very life and well-being depended on it. To him, it was now a fight for survival.

_Those demons, _he thought frantically. _I must… tell the master about them!_

The entire unit he was a part of fell victim to demons – two beautiful silver-haired monsters. The carcasses of his comrades were all over the place. They rue the moment they've met them. It was immensely easy to underestimate their pretty faces and fair bodies, but the same couldn't be said about their skills in warfare. The unit's foolhardy judgment of the demons proved fatal. Most of them didn't even see the gleams of their blades before they were cut down!

He knew life wasn't fair but what happened at the shrine just now was ridiculous! There were only two of them, for the god's sake! Two demons against a brigade of thirty highly-trained warriors! The outcome of today's encounter was absurd.

The one-eyed warrior made it to the bottom of the stairs with hopes of a successful escape filling his being. He will inform his master all about the beautiful demons. They will pay! His master shall wrest vengeance on them with her renowned fists! She will smite these demons without mercy!

"Going somewhere?" A dulcet voice sang from outta nowhere. "You're not getting off the hook that easily."

His hope was replaced with horror. One of the demons was pursuing him. "N-no! Stay away!" He cried, futilely unsheathing his _katana_.

The demon chuckled. It was a smooth, alluring sound. "What's the matter? What happened to all of that bravado you had when you had the green-blue miko on the ropes?" She appeared right before the escaping assailant in an instant. "Tell me."

The thug backed away from the lithe monster in the pinstriped maid uniform. His mask failed to hide the fearful look in his good eye. "I'm not afraid of you," he cried. "YOU DON'T SCARE ME, SILVER DEVIL!"

Sakuya whistled. She earned an epithet during the brief battle. "Silver Devil, is it? That's quite the moniker you hoodlums have given me. It has a nice ring to it." The Perfect Maid gave him a brief glimpse of her thick thighs as she fetched a knife from her garter. Her look of amusement vanished as she gave him a cold glare. "Know this; I am not a devil. That label is only appropriate to my Mistress whom you stolen from."

The ninja grunted. "Damn you…"

"Oi, Sakuya!" A voice shouted from the top of the stairs. It was the other silver-haired demon. "Stop messing around! Dispatch him already!"

Sakuya nodded. "Of course, Youmu…"

During the maid's distraction, the wounded man suddenly charged. "YAAH!"

Sakuya parried his blade with her knife and gave him a snap-kick to the belly. He fell against a stone lantern, panting in pain. "You dare try to attack me in your condition? You've made a very bad decision. I pity you." Sakuya admonished.

"I… can't… afford…" the man coughed, leaning his pained body against the lamp for support. "… to lose."

"Sakuya, he's a youkai!" Youmu informed impatiently. "Put him out of his misery! We've other things to do!"

"Right…" Sakuya nodded again before facing the mewling coward. "Times are hard. Please forgive me."

"W-wait!"

_**SLISH!**_

The once-proud warrior lay motionless against the lamp with a slit across his throat. Sakuya shook the blood off her knife and placed it back in her garter. "Mission accomplished."

Then, she heard a thunderous sound. A huge figure was tumbling down the stairs.

"UUUWHHHOOOOOAAAA!"

Sakuya cartwheeled out of harm's way just before the screaming giant could collide into her. Betelgeuse hit the bottom of the stairwell with a booming thud. Sakuya inspected the olive-skinned giant and found two sets of boot prints on his enormous stomach. "What in Mistress' name just happened up there?"

Sanae appeared beside Youmu and gave her a high-five. "Nice one, Youmu-san! That's what I call teamwork! That Houkuto No Ken reject didn't stand a chance!"

"Oi, just warn me the next time you want to knock a four hundred pound giant down the stairs!" Sakuya chided. "I've could have been flattened!"

"Relax. You manipulate time, remember? Dodging him shouldn't be a problem for you at all." Sanae quipped… before Sakuya grabbed her shoulder from behind. The cool surface of a knife was pressed against her neck. "I'll shut up now…"

"Good girl," Sakuya remarked coolly. "Sanae, let it be known that even though we're working together on this incident, we are not friends. Never was – never will be… Your well-being is of no concern to me. In fact, I would rather for it to be you who's missing instead of Reimu."

Sanae sweated bullets. "Eh-heh… can we all just get along?"

"Now that we dealt with these guys… who is going to clean up this mess?" Youmu wondered, gazing at the unconscious bodies spotted throughout the shrine.

Sakuya frowned. "Just because I'm a maid doesn't mean that I will clean up every mess I see."

"That was cold." Youmu retorted. The maid was noticeably agitated today. "At least we should honor the shrine by cleaning up this place."

"Gah-ha! Just leave it to me!" A high-pitched voice announced. "I'll clean up this joint while Reimu's away! I just want her to let me live here rent-free as repayment!"

Sanae gazed at the disgustingly cute girl whom was sitting on the roof. "Suika!"

"Hiii~, bubbly-boobs!" Suika greeted and took a swig out of her sake gourd. "Stuff's being goin' down in the village lately! People are being robbed by a bunch of masked gangstas!"

"That is precisely why we're on this case." Sakuya retorted. "And just so you know, Reimu isn't 'away', she's been kidnapped."

The little oni on the roof gasped. "What!? You're kidding', Sakuya! You gotta be kidding' me!"

"I'm afraid not," Sakuya nodded her head sadly.

"To think that they've kidnap Reimu and gotten away with it…" Youmu mused. "That is an affront to the very being of Gensokyou. The people that we're dealing with are daring."

"You're telling me!" Suika hollered. "They're just begging for a butt-whooping!"

"Guys, what about Tewi?" Sanae reminded. "There's no sign of her."

Sakuya narrowed her eyes. "She escaped."

She was suddenly hit upside the head with a flying skillet.

**GAN!**

"Ugh!"

Sanae gasped as Sakuya fell face-first on the floor. "Where that come from?"

Youmu resumed her guard with her eyes shifting all over the place. "Who's there!?"

A grappling hook shot forth from a nearby tree and snagged Sakuya's time-watch. "I'll take that!"

Sanae recognized the voice. "Tewi!"

The Hare of Inaba appeared on a branch, flipping the watch in her hand. "That's my name – don't wear it out."

Sakuya hopped off the ground with a growl. She turned to the youkai hare with a heinous glare. "You give that back, you pest!"

"And let you hax-own us again? Heck to the no, toots!" Tewi flippantly remarked. "I'm just assuring that another group won't have to go through the hell that this one just did."

Sanae whipped her visage at the half-ghost. "Youmu! Do your thing!"

"Right!" Youmu said and shot at the mischievous youkai with incredible speed.

"Hmm… I wonder what this button for?" Tewi wondered as she pressed the button on the top of the watch. She looked up from the watch and gasped in shock. Youmu's blade was mere centimeters from her head. The silver-haired gardener was suspended in mid-air during 'The World'. "Man, that was a close call! I've could of been rabbit stew just now, _usa_!" An idea occurred in her mind. "I know!" She put the watch in her pocket and proceeded to pull down Youmu's skirt around her ankles. A pair of skin-tight black spats was there for the entire world to see. "Hehehehe! Nice butt, Ghostie!" She laughed and made her escape.

The flow of time resumed around the shrine and Youmu felt a draft on her lower body. After she noticed that her tights were in plain sight she screamed. "Aiiiiieee!" She landed back on the ground while blushing in embarrassment.

Sanae sighed. "Better luck next time, I guess…"

"Damn, that little rabbit got away. And she has my watch out of all things - unacceptable." Sakuya cursed, hiding a trickle of blood that was on her nose.

Suika wolf-whistled. "Hey, bubble-butt!"

"Argh! Shut up, Suika!" Youmu cried. "Don't say such embarrassing things!"

**ELSEWHERE**

Reimu slowly stirred awake to a blurry face hovering above her. "Ugh… Mama…?"

"Reimu…" said the woman.

The red-white miko raised her head from a pillow, grunting as she did so. There was a tingling pain on her head and midsection. "What's going on?" Reimu asked as she rubbed her temples. "And why am I in pain? Did something happen to me, Mama?"

"Reimu…" the woman echoed.

The brunette rubbed her eyes. "You have any painkillers on you, Mama?"

"Reimu," the voice said with a hint of annoyance. "I am not your mother. It's me, Keine."

Confusion claimed the younger woman's features. Maybe it had something to do with the matronly figure she could make out in her hazy vision. "Huh?"

"That Yuria woman hit you harder than I thought," the hanyou commented.

"Yuria?" Reimu wondered and gathered an inkling of what happened. She fisted her palm after the memory occurred to her. "Oh! The youkai that I confronted earlier… What happened to her?"

Keine looked away. "She won the skirmish, Reimu."

"Oh…"

"But… the power of your spirit took her by surprise." Keine explained. "She was surprised that you've managed to hit her even without Spell Cards."

Reimu stretch on the bed and scratched her bare shoulder. "I've managed to do that a master ninja? Where is she now…?"

Keine shook her head. "I haven't the foggiest idea. All I know is that this fortress is hers'."

The Hakurei Miko lowered her head in thought. Somehow, Yuria knew about her and the Spell Card System. The _soke_ was obviously well-informed. Now that she thought about it, Reimu began to know why…

"_**On the contrary, your dear friend, Yukari Yakumo is behind all of this." **_Yuria mentioned earlier.

Reimu pouted cutely and bit her lip. "Got-damn it, Yukari!"

"Agreed…" Keine acquiesced as she sat _seiza_-style on the floor near the bed. "She is more trouble than she's worth, sometimes."

The younger woman turned on the bed and allowed her feet to touch the floor. "Tell me about it," hummed Reimu. _The next time I see Yukari – so help me, gods, I'm gonna stick the Ying-Yang orbs so far up-_

"And Reimu…" Keine spoke with a slight tone of disapproval. "Don't sit there with your legs spread like that. It's unladylike."

"Eh?" Reimu looked down and blushed in embarrassment. She forgot that she was wearing only a camisole and a pair of girlie boxers (said pair of boxers was bunched on her upper thighs). She immediately closed her parted legs. "Whoops! Sorry about that…"

"Happens to the best of us…" Keine remarked mysteriously.

_Did I just hear her right just now? _Reimu thought. "Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"Hmm…!" Keine responded without looking at the miko. She was now staring at the visitor outside their cell.

"So… these are the defenders of Gensokyou, huh?" A deep, nonchalant voice said. "One that protects the village and the other that defends the entire place…"

Reimu glared at the manly visitor. "What is it to you?"

"Nothing really, kiddo…" Sano grunted as he scratched his nose. "Let it be known that the abducting of you two was not a random act. I guess this place has gotten hit where it hurts – seeing that you're the sentries and all."

"You… know a lot about us," Keine gauged carefully. He was staring at her. And the thing is, it wasn't a lecherous stare she usually receives from the young men in the village. This was rare.

"Seriously," huffed Reimu. "And what's up with that weird hair? It looks like a weapon, for goodness' sakes!"

"Tch!" Sano scoffed, stroking his pompadour. "Don't you start, kid! Nobody talks about the hair, okay?"

"You look like a muscle-bound E-erik…" Reimu struggled to recall a person Yukari often used to talk about. It was the name of some legendary musician… or actor. "Erik Pretzel!"

"No, no, no…" Keine nodded her head. "I think you meant Jichael Mackson, Reimu."

"Wait – it's Pelvis Teasley, Keine!"

"No, I think it's… Mob Barley?"

Sano arched his brows in amusement. That gap youkai was right; the people of Gensokyou were very ignorant of the outside world. Maybe it is for the best. "Ladies…"

"Barry Black," said Keine.

"2Pops Décor!"

"Uh, girls…" Sano deadpanned.

"Felton Jon!"

"Sharley Cheen, perhaps?"

"HEY!" Sano roared, his patience worn out by the ridiculous banter between the two heroines. Identifying prolific entertainers… is it really worth that much trouble in such an archaic world? "Cut it out, already!"

Both heroines were hugged together in apprehension after the ninja's outburst. "Yes sir!"

Sano was shocked to see such a reaction from them. "Whoa! That was weird."

Reimu suddenly shot towards the bars, glaring at Sano. "You're darn tooting it was!" She remarked, growling at him while gripping the bars like a longtime convict. "You better be glad that these things are made of steel, big man! Otherwise – I'll whoop your keister, myself!"

"Oh yea!?" Sano challenged, disbelieving the audacity of the loli that dared to get up in his face.

"Yea!" Reimu snarled. "Lighting doesn't strike twice in the same place, anvil-head!"

"What did I told you about joshin' on the do, kid!?"

Keine sighed and tried to mentally drown out their angry voices. Good grief! _What has gotten into them all of a sudden? They're acting like a married couple._

**MYOUREN TEMPLE – Byakuren Hijiri's room**

Byakuren's heart-rate was frantic. Sweat dampened her palms and forehead. Something happened during her bath with Murasa and Kyouko in the hot springs earlier. Something sinister… The abbess searched every inch of her room: dressers, closet, clothes hamper, and even beneath her scrolls. If she wasn't mistaken, a great injustice had befallen the temple while she was cleansing her voluptuous body.

"Where are they?" She wondered in a panicked tone. The poor woman was dressed in only a bath towel, outer dress, and cape. She sat the said clothes besides the springs before she bathed. "I'm sure that I've washed my clothes yesterday."

She paced across her room towards a tall mirror. Gazing at her visage, Hijiri knew that she couldn't be seen outside her quarters while indecent. The body towel and cape barely concealed her breasts and privates. And it seems like the towel couldn't hold out over her generous contours for long. The fabric was straining across her backside as she pouted.

There was someone outside her room door. "Sister Hijiri," called Ichirin.

The holy woman whipped her attention from the full mirror. "Y-yes?"

"May I enter?" The sweet long-time friend of the abbess said.

Hijiri flinched. "Ah –no, not right now, Ichirin. I'm changing right now."

There was a slight bout of silence. "Very well. Take your time. I'm almost done cooking lunch."

A pair of pink blush stickers appeared on Hijiri's cheeks as she made a strained smile. "Much appreciated, Ichirin. I will join you soon."

"Of course, Sister," the younger ex-human curtsied and made off down the hall. She wiped a smidge of blood off her nose. _Anee-san's wonderful body… nude and bare! I should've peeped!_

After hearing the nun's pitter-patter of her tiny feet fading down the hall, Hijiri sighed with relief. She had time. It was Nue's turn to wash clothes today. Maybe the lithe chimera accidently collected her underwear while on her way to wash them at the lake? That was the most likely scenario. But until then…

Hijiri slowly gazed at her desk. Underneath the study was a lone gift box. The abbess sighed and grabbed the box. It was a gift purchased for her from the village a few weeks ago. The nun had told her that it was in style among young women – especially during this warm time of year. Heaving another sigh, Hijiri opened the box. "Looks like I don't have a choice…"

Inside the box was a pair of lavender-colored boy shorts. Hijiri's cheeks glowed pink as she noted the risqué design of the fabric. She was well aware that it can get unbearably hot during the late summer but the garment she beheld was ridiculous! If… one could call it garment, that is.

With a huff, Hijiri reluctantly returned to her mirror and held the thin shorts against her broad hips. She just cannot believe that girls in the village wear these sorts of things! _My gosh! And they consider walking around in underwear indecent! This is a chic fashion sense!?_

The fabric brushed against the smooth skin of her upper thigh. It was soft – silky. The heavenly softness of the shorts beckoned her femininity and Byakuren was suddenly hit with an urge to try them on. Drowning out her self-consciousness, she removed the bath towel from her torso and stepped inside the garment. _I guess it can't be that bad. Since it's considered fashion, after all…_

Sliding the garment up her legs and securing them on her waist, Hijiri was surprised that it actually fits her. Sure, it felt a tad tight on her round derriere but it was nice. _Hey, this isn't so bad after all…_

She faced the mirror and gasped.

"SUFFERIN' SHANGHAI!"

How obscene these breeches were! All it covered was her pelvic area – like a pair of panties! She was a few thread lines away from being nude! The shorts may feel nice on her skin but every inch of her thighs were visible. She spun on her feet and observed how the fabric fitted her ass. "This won't do! THIS WON'T DO AT ALL!"

"Oi, Hijiri," said Nue, suddenly barging into the room. "Have you seen my – Whoa!"

"N-Nue!?" Hijiri stammered, wrapping her cape around her waist. "Don't you ever knock?"

The svelte beast pointed at the monk in disbelief. "Oh my gosh! You've decided to wear Ichirin's gift after all!"

After Nue's shocked announcement, said woman rushed into the room. The nun was literally glowing with excitement. "Oh my goodness, Hijiri! You like my present after all!"

The gradient-haired knockout gasped. The cape slipped from her left side, giving her friends quite a glimpse. "Ichirin, no! It's not what it looks like! I assure you!"

Nue whistled. "Hey, you have nothing to be ashamed about, Hijiri! Lemme help you out!" With a snap of her fingers, the nue casted a spell of non-identification on the abbess' cape, rendering it invisible. "There! That's much better!"

"NU-EH!" Hijiri whined.

Ichirin's nose exploded in a geyser of blood.

**MYOUREN TEMPLE – Treetops**

A lone figure in red heard the wails of Myouren Monastery. Shrieks of shock prevailed the usually peaceful holy grounds. During a seemingly calm day in the place that promoted the pretense of human-youkai coexistence, dastardly deeds were done. Myorenji was hit by the current crime wave that is happening in Gensokyou (as decidedly silly as it once was). The figure in the trees nodded its head and removed its mask.

Turns out, the figure was female. "So that's the infamous monastery I've been hearing about," she spoke as she preened her red hair. "This is really a strange place. I like it here."

Although she didn't involve herself in the shady crime of underwear theft, her curiosity did lead her here. After all, she had been hearing about this place among the Buddhists in her homeland. Under any other circumstances, she would be a member of the monastery herself. But alas, she was a mercenary – and an assassin. She wasn't here to make friends with the fellow Buddhists. Not today anyway, she decided. Someday, she will personally introduce herself to the revered youkai savior.

And have a sort of reunion with an old friend…

"The mission was a success, Rio-sama," a scouted ninja said, appearing on a neighboring branch in a crouch. "They don't have a clue of who robbed them."

"I see…" Rio replied slowly, gazing at her comrade. "I can hear that much. I still can't believe that Hsiao would send a group of you to plunder from holy grounds."

The masked agent rests a hand over his heart. "Captain's orders…"

"**Your **captain," Rio grounded out her reminder. "I'm just an old friend of his family. I arrived here out of my own curiosity."

The ninja hesitated. Rio was an experienced killer and rumors among their clan said that she's a more adept _Shinobi _than Hsiao. He must choose his words carefully. "A-ah… of course. But I'm here to report a message. It is a message from the grandmaster herself."

Eyebrows quirked, Rio said, "Oh? What Yuria wants to tell me?"

"The hermit that piques the grandmaster's curiosity… she defeated Master Chie," he revealed. Sudden laughter from the kunoichi took him by surprise. "Rio-sama?"

"I'm not surprised," said Rio. "That brat can't fight in the first place. Why would your crook of a grandmaster send that child to deal with the hermit in the first place?"

The ninja lower his head some more, seemingly embarrassed. "Haah… the hermit prevailed over Captain Hsiao as well."

Rio pursed her full lips. "Really? Now that is news to me. Maybe the hermit really is what Yuria thinks she is."

"Yuria-sama's still uncertain," he replied uncertainly. "She insists that you go after the hermit. She is your target now."

The dark-skinned kunoichi spotted a rattlesnake in a branch next to her. The serpent hissed a warning to her with a promise of a slow, painful death. Rio stared the reptile in the eyes and suddenly smiled. "I've been looking for you," she declared. She suddenly lashed her hand out and snatched the snake before it had a chance to react. And the next thing that happened, the kunoichi bit off its head. After devouring her quick meal, she regarded the minion again. "I always get my targets."

**HUMAN VILLAGE – Interrogation Room**

"So what's your story, dude?" Marisa demanded as she sat on a wooden chair across the brown-haired fugitive. "Tell me what's so great about being a ninja that steals panties from unsuspecting women, ze?"

"You forgot to mention antiques and other precious things." Nobu commented. He was hog-tied on a metal chair across the table. There was a bandage on his broken nose thanks to the punch Kotohime gave him last night. "You know what I'm sayin'?"

Marisa crossed her legs with unrestrained amusement. "A smartass, huh? You really want to do this the hard way, I see?" She brought out her hakkero and bounced it up and down on her hand. "We can play it that way."

"Calm down, Marisa." Meira said. "And please refrain from harming him. He's our lead after all."

"Where's Koji?" Nobu demanded, referring to his youkai companion.

"He's… unarmed." Marisa said, puffing with laughter.

"Save for missing an arm, he's fine." Meira replied calmly. "Now… talk. Tell us who you work for and where can we find your clan's base of operations."

"I'm no snitch," said Nobu defiantly. "You'll get nothing from me."

Meira propped her elbows on the small table. "For your information, we are very persuasive people."

The maskless ninja frowned. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"He's good," Marisa grinned. "He kinda reminds me of myself during the time Meiling managed to capture me a few times at the Scarlet Devil Manor."

"And what does that have to do with this?" Meira questioned impatiently.

"Let's get Koa to come over here," Marisa suggested. "She may not look like it, but that girl can _**easily **_get her captives to spill the beans. This one time, she took off my drawers and-"

"Too much information," Meira gasped, blushing.

"That's hot…" Nobu droned.

"Anyway…" Meira rolled her eyes. "You're going to tell us everything we need to know before this day is over." A mosquito flew into the small stale room via a window. Meira caught it in her hand with whip-like speed. "You can count on it." She opens her palm and allowed the now dead insect to fall on the table.

"You seriously need to wash your hands after this." Marisa deadpanned, receiving a grunt of annoyance from the samurai-ko. "That little guy is loaded with bacteria just so you know."

"What, just because you caught a bloodsucker I supposed to be scared?" Nobu scoffed. "Get real, lady. I know someone that can catch a striking viper with her bare hands – and eat it."

"Well – I know someone who can blow up a planetoid in with a gesture." Marisa (partly) exaggerated. "She'll totally wreck your shit on a whim!"

"Ooh! I'm scared…" Nobu retorted, thinking back on an old lesson that interrogators may use intimidation to deter people. A warrior may boast that he is invincible or a nation may claim that is has weapons that are capable of destroying every last civilization on Earth. It is often untrue. _Fear the warrior, not his/her reputation… _his teacher always stressed. _If you are wary of such reputations_ _then the fear shall vanish. There will be nothing to fear._ "You're a regular ole big bad mosquito killer. I'm VERY scared."

"You should be." Meira said, rising from her chair.

"Hit him with a Master Spark, then?" Marisa asked.

"That would be a little extreme. We don't need him to be shell-shocked, Marisa." Meira explained with a flip of her violet hair. "That would defeat the purpose of the interrogation."

"Well, that sucks, ze. What are we going to do then?" Marisa wondered. "Are we going to tickle-torture him? Or… how bout we rip off his fingernails from the center? That hurts like shit!"

"He'll talk," Meira approached the room door and looked back over her shoulders mysteriously. "Trust me. I know someone that'll make him squeal."

Nobu winced mockingly. "It's that bad, huh?"

The samurai-ko smiled darkly. "Unbelievably so…" She looked at the witch whom was childishly lolling her tongue out at the ninja thief.

"We're going to get Koakuma to get him to talk, aren't we?" Marisa wondered and gave Nobu a catty grin. "And trust me, dude – Koa can get to ya, ze! I truly doubt that your body is ready for what she is capable of. She'll have you speaking in Tongues! You're gonna need a towel before-"

"Stop fooling around and c'mon!"

"Okay – sheesh! I'm coming!" Marisa huffed and followed Meira out the room. After the duo left, the room suddenly went dark.

Nobu was not fazed by the sudden dramatization. "Oh… kay…?" The only light that was in the room was the light beaming from the window. "Is this supposed to unnerve me?"

"You scum…" an alto voice said, laced with focused fury.

"What?" Nobu said in confusion. He smells a sweet fragrance, likely perfume.

"You are a blight to my town," the mystery woman said. "I despise you."

The brown-haired foot soldier recognized the deep feminine voice. "Wait a minute! You're-"

The light suddenly revived in the small room. To Nobu's surprise, a tall woman wearing a jet-black kimono stood before him. He knew who it was but he wondered why the woman was wearing a pointed mask and cowl. "Don't speak until I tell you to speak!" The woman demanded, her cherry brown eyes narrowed in anger.

Nobu was at a lost for words. "What the hell?"

**WAP!**

He fell to the floor with the chair he was bound to. "Owf!"

"So you've been running around Gensokyou while committing various heinous crimes, huh?" The woman demanded, sitting the chair her captive was in upright. "You know crime doesn't pay!"

"That kinda explains why criminals steal things." Nobu dared to say. "And what's with the getup?"

"SHUT UP!"

**SMACK!**

Nobu's neck whipped painfully from the force of that right hook. "Ugh! Was that really necessary?"

"Where are they?" The masked woman demanded half audibly.

The fugitive narrowed his eyes. He didn't quite catch that. "What you say?"

"Don't play games with me, scumbag!" The woman grunted. "You don't mess around with Bat-Hime!"

Nobu didn't catch _any _of what the raspy-voiced woman said. The only thing he heard was the 'Bat-Hime' part. To him, it sounded like _'Dondropbombsoverbaghdad! Umakeamess Bat-Hime!' _He hesitated for clarification. "Umm… excuse me?"

He received a punch in the face.

**PAP!**

"Tell me where they are! ?" Bat-Hime shouted. To Nobu: _'Gomuckupacar!'_

"Listen, I don't understand what you're saying." Nobu reasoned. "Could you speak more cleary so I-"

"WHERE ARE THEY! ?" Bat-Hime raged, followed by an uppercut to the captive's chin.

**BOP!**

"WILL YOU PLEASE STOP HITTING ME! ?" Nobu cried, his eyes glassy. This is one hard-hitting bitch. "At this rate I'm not going to say a damn thing!"

The masked redhead smiled, and then she delivered another punch.

**POW!**

Nobu held his now bruised mouth, trembling. "Talk…" Bat-Hime requested.

"Why should I?"

Bat-Hime punched him to the floor once again. "I told you not the play games with me!" She yelled, picking him (with the chair) up high in the air. The combined weight of Nobu and the chair had to be significantly heavy and yet, Bat-Hime held him in the air like a ragdoll. "Don't you get on my bad side!"

"Put me down, woman!" Nobu screamed, emasculated by surprisingly strong woman.

"WHERE ARE THEY! ? TELL ME WHO YOU'RE WORKING FOR!"

"I said PUT ME DOWN!"

"WHERE! ARE! THEEEEY! ?"

"YOU CRAZY BITCH!"

"You rotten scumbag!" Bat-Hime tossed him towards the wall. Nobu grunted on impact before he fell to the floor. Then the redhead seized him by the collar while he was down. "I can't stand criminals like you!" The vigilante gave him a solid punch to the forehead.

**VOK!**

"Help me!" Nobu cried.

**WHOMP!**

**BAP!**

**PA-KOW!**

"I hate you! I hate-hate-hate-HATE you!" Bat-Hime delivered a barraged of furious punches to the downed captive. "You make me sick – SICK WITH ANGER!"

"Somebody help me! FOR THE LOVE OF KANAKO HELP MEEEE!" Nobu shrieked, getting his ass handed to him.

Bat-Hime was stomping him now. "Take that, you sonuvabitch! HORIAAAAAAAAAAAA~!"

The door suddenly flew open and Meira and Marisa returned into the room. The violet-haired samurai seized the vigilante by her arms while the blonde witch seized one of her legs. "H-hey, that's enough! You're being too rough on him!" Meira said.

"Yea, we can hear him crying outside!" Marisa seconded.

"Let go of me!" Bat-Hime demanded, trying to break free from the duo.

"Not until you cool down, Kotohime!" Meira replied as she struggled with the freakishly strong woman.

"And get rid of that ridiculous mask, ze!" Marisa hollered, being shaken like a wet washcloth. "Anyone with common sense will know that it's you in the first place!"

"Let me at him!" Bat-Hime, or rather, Kotohime hissed. It proved very difficult to restrain her while she's angry. "JUSTICE MUST BE SERVED!"

"You're letting your anger get the best of you, Koto!" Meira reasoned, straining to hold onto the redhead like a bull rider. The unusually robust woman was working her and Marisa both. At this rate, Kotohime may do more harm to them rather than Nobu. Weary of this nonsense, Meira sighed. "Ugh – you're not going to like this, but it must be done."

"What are you talking-"

Meira gave the redhead a hand-chop to the back of her neck.

"Uuu…" Kotohime fell limply on the floor, unconscious.

Marisa got off the floor and nodded her head. "This girl needs help."

"Tell me about it," Nobu squeaked, his trousers damp.

Meira glared at the cowering thief that dared to speak. "This isn't over."

**KASEN'S DOJO**

"You know, you're the last person I expect to break down in tears." Seiga said, knitting the hole in Kasen's blouse. "My goodness, you even caught me by surprise. They've must have done some terrible things to you."

"That's one way of looking at it." Kasen replied, sitting next to the jasen on the guardrails out her dojo. She had a sarashi (and bandages beneath her breasts) on her chest and her feet were bare. The sound of the waterfall was soothing. It helped remedied her sadness. "They were mean-spirited and I've sunk down to their level. I still can't believe that I fell to such… temptations."

Seiga bit her lip, repairing the rose ornament on the shirt's collar. "Humph! Ever heard the phrase 'do unto others as they do unto you'?"

"I have, but I still disgraced myself."

"Ugh! There you go again with that disgrace riffraff." Seiga scolded in an annoyed voice. "You're going to make yourself cry again, girl. How could you let something like that bother you? You've been crying for over an hour straight. And I don't mean to be blunt but you're going to drive yourself to tears again. I'll say those hoodlums deserved the punishment that they got."

"Seiga…" Kasen stared at the elder hermit in surprise. So far, the Chinese knockout was being very inspirational and supportive. And everything that she mentioned during Kasen's melancholy made sense – too much of it, in fact. This was a side of Seiga that she has never seen before. To witness such behavior from such a jaded woman was… refreshing. It's like being around a motherly woman. "I wonder about you sometimes…"

The _jasen_ laid the fabric she was repairing on her lap and gave Kasen a sultry look. "Oh-ho… what is it, dearie? Tell me more."

Kasen blushed. "Not in the way you're thinking. What I mean is… I now understand that you're indeed a hermit, and yet, you're not. Usually you're dictatorial, serpentine, and mischievous – but today you're full of surprises."

Seiga pouted. "What's that supposed to mean?"

The younger ascetic swung her legs innocently, indulging in the cool dew from the waterfall. "Well… for starters, you've been hanging around my residence lately. Second, your words of encouragement come to me as a shock for I've never thought that you have a single bit of morale in your being. Yet, after what happened today, you've managed to dispel my sorrow."

"Of course, there's nothing wrong with letting your feelings out every once and a while." Seiga shrugged. "Besides, between us hermits, we are not so Spartan to the point of being emotionless. No no no… you couldn't be more wrong. Emotions are what make us, well, hermits. We may get angry sometimes. We may stray from the righteous path during hard times. One thing's for sure: it's all a lesson to be learned. We all make mistakes, sweetie."

Kasen laughed to herself at the irony of it all: she was being lectured. She and Seiga should talk together more often. "That's true."

"Undoubtedly so," Seiga nodded sagely. "You shouldn't fret during hard times. You should welcome it instead. Back when I was a child my father once said onto me that 'During the test, the teacher is always silent'. Whether you pass or fail the test, it is all a part of your self evaluation and personal growth. And as such, you will eventually discover your purpose in this world…"

The jasen's words fell on inattentive ears. Kasen understood what the older woman was saying. And frankly, she was thankful that Seiga was here for her and giving moral support. Now she can finally see one of the reasons how the ageless woman became a hermit in the first place: vast knowledge. Seiga was very wise from what her youthful appearance suggested. Of course, knowledge and longevity is to be expected from a hermit but Seiga was a (very) **rare **case. For starters, she was a hermit that has been living for over a millennium. Very few ascetics lived to see a couple centuries and that in itself is astonishing. But the jaded woman has been around for far longer. Seiga's permanency may very well be considered impressive among elder youkai and even gods. She is, essentially, a Chinese female version of Methuselah. Then again…

There's that 'wicked' reputation that she has, which is pretty befuddling when you think about it. The very circumstance of Seiga's hermit-hood remains questionable. Seiga, for the most part, is cunning, devious, and – well, bitchy. Anyone that has an inkling of what a hermit is would know that the three said flaws were taboo. It is unknown whether or not she recites sutras and it is apparent that she only helps other only when she sees fit. To put it simply, if she was to help somebody then she only do so if it is beneficial to her. It certainly seems that way. That likely explains why she was unable to achieve the highest honor a hermit can possibly obtain: becoming a Celestial. It's either Seiga's evil ways or her decision to decline her ascension. And make no mistake; she was a candidate for Celestial-hood for a very long time. Maybe her fate to remain in the mortal realm was her way of amusement? Or… maybe the Chinese knockout simply didn't care? Seiga Kaku, or rather, Qing' e Wu was divinely favored and yet, she said no to it all – figuratively, and literally.

The bitch was a living contradiction. It was a wonder that she isn't a wheezing, decrepit mass of brittle bones and hardened arteries by now.

"…and that, my dear, is the very philosophy of Taoism." Seiga finished her wordy lecture. "Maybe you should consider it one day, sweetie."

Kasen resumed her attention to her elder. "Ah – do tell."

"You weren't listening, were you?" Seiga said with a pout.

"Actually, yes…" Kasen replied (part) truthfully. "And I can't thank you enough for lending your knowledge to a weeping youth like me." She gave Seiga a cheesy grin.

The jasen finished knitting Kasen's shirt with a grunt and handed it to her. "Here…" She muttered with an attitude. "It's a wonder that I still help others."

"Why do you think that?" Kasen wondered, slipping her blouse back on.

"Wouldn't you like to know…?" Seiga remarked darkly, reaching her left hand towards the waterfall in front of them. The mist from the cool cascade condensed on her skin and gave it an airy blue color. A moment later, Seiga's arm reverted back to its original porcelain pigment. A slight smile of satisfaction marked her lips. "Umm-hmm… refreshing."

"Yes I would like to know," Kasen pressed.

In an eerie moment, Seiga gave the younger woman a very serious, if not, haunting expression. "Sometimes… I think this entire world deserves damnation – myself included." She said sadly. "Perhaps my remaining a hermit in this world is my way of penance. Maybe it is right for me to suffer in a hell of my own making. For all the wrong that I've done to others in my long existence… you could say I deserve the punishment."

"Now you're being hard on yourself." Kasen intercepted.

"I know," nodded the older hermit. "I reminisce on these things from time to time. For all I know everlasting peace is forever beyond my reach. It may very well be my ultimate lesson. All I can do is keep living and learning…"

Seiga laid the sadness of her existence bare before her nemesis. She earned Kasen's sympathy. "Seiga…"

"You know, I envy you." Seiga revealed as she hovered above the railing. "I admit, I don't know that much about you but I do know that you're everything that I am supposed to be. You're studious, diligent, and caring to others. Why – you're the very embodiment of the word hermit. I, on the other hand, am one by chance – a fluke."

Kasen suddenly stood on the rails. "That's not true and you know it."

"Thanks for your word of encouragement but I think otherwise. For many, **many **years I often convinced myself that I was right for what I did. I lie to myself that I was right for deceiving my parents, my relatives, and my so-called friends. I believed in that lie for so long that it eventually did become my truth, my reality. For so long I had no regrets… until today."

Kasen knew what Seiga meant. "My emotional breakdown…"

"Seeing you cry tugged my heartstrings, sweetie. It made me realize that you are indeed a proper hermit. You've done no wrong and yet you're guilt-ridden after you succumb to the level of your harshest adversaries. That is something that I should understand but I don't." Seiga absorbed more of the mist from the cataract. "I take it that it is something a 'proper' hermit should be concerned about. While you cried like a baby, I was hit by an epiphany. I realized that I am less than a hermit but at the same time, something more than that. The child chronicler from the village spoke on this but I dismissed it as the foolish prattlings of youth."

"You mean Akyuu No Hieda?" Kasen said. "Yes, she does exhibit… misplaced wisdom sometimes."

"Pfft! Misplaced wisdom," Seiga scoffed. "That child hit the nail on the head! She is the lone dhole that dared bit the crocodile's tail. That girl's analysis described me to a tee."

"Please remind me to check out that article." Kasen requested.

"You'll be surprised of what's written in it…" Seiga remarked mysteriously. "I've convinced myself to agree on what she wrote about me. I am indeed the jaded Taoist from Manchuria – Wu Qing e', the Wicked Hermit."

Something tells Kasen that Seiga wanted to get all of that off of her chest for a long time. Though, she can't say for sure that she understood the jasen's shaky history, she did had a little sympathy for her. Just a little… "Seiga, I'm certainly glad that we were about to talk like this today. I'm honored to have a chat with a fellow _senin. _It may seem weird… but I think I'm beginning to see you in a new light."

Qing e' grunted (bad habit). "And what that would be?"

"If this keeps up I'm going to have to start calling you 'Big Sister'." Kasen giggled.

"Hmm… that's rather nice of you." Qing e' noted before an annoyed look claimed her face. Looking to nowhere in particular, she said, "And would you please stop mentioning my name like that! I've said it once and now it is being abused already!"

"Awkward…" Kasen deadpanned.

"Yes indeed," _**Seiga**_ huffed. "Now that's better."

"You're a real interesting character, Seiga." Kasen commented. "Unfortunately, as much as I like talking to you right now, all things must come to an end." She hopped off the rail and went inside her dojo. Seiga followed. "I still have an incident to resolve. And since Reimu has been kidnapped things have become a bit chancier than before."

This bit of news surprised Seiga. "Oh dear me! The Hakurei Miko has been kidnapped? This is a very unorthodox bunch we're dealing with! And to think that they would even attempt something so daring!"

Kasen fetched her skirt and slipped it over the leggings she had on. "Yep, that's the word from Moukou. Fortunately, a few ninja has been captured and they're likely being interrogated at the moment. I suppose I should be on my way to the human village then."

"I see…" Seiga shrugged. "I guess its back to reality for us, huh?"

The rose hermit turned to face Seiga. "Hey, what do you mean by that?"

"I'm sure you're well aware of what I meant." Seiga stated as she rested her hands on Kasen's shoulder. Surprisingly, the jasen was a tad taller than her 'proper' counterpart. "We may not get to talk like this ever again. From here on out we may as well be enemies again."

Kasen blushed. "Don't be so pessimistic. You're always welcomed here. You really helped me out today."

"Yes… my soaking-wet blouse is testament to that." Seiga quipped.

"Aww! You're complaining now? And I thought that you didn't mind lending your shoulder to cry on."

"True… and let's not forget our missed _shoujou-ai _opportunity that so many people are counting on." Seiga winked. "And I must say, that you're pretty attractive. What do I have to do to get a figure like yours?"

After an awkward moment, Kasen pushed the jasen away while giggling helplessly. "Oh Seiga, you're so crazy! I bet you say that to all the young women!"

The sprawled woman shrugged as a response. "I tried…" she got back on her feet and patted her butt. "Well, that's my cue to leave. Miyako worries when I'm gone for a long time. Last time I was gone she tried to eat Soga out of pure boredom. Bless her… well, she is only a soul."

"That, she is…" Kasen commented nonchalantly. "And come over and see me sometimes – only when you intend to be on your best behavior."

"I'll consider it. See you later." Seiga curtsied with a bow, phasing through the floor while doing so. Then her voice echoed throughout the dojo. "Oh dear… this kinda goes against canon a bit, but – whatever. Til next time."

Moments after the ghostly visitor made her leave, another visitor appeared. "Hey, I'd thought she'll never leave."

Kasen recognized the high-pitched voice and gazed at a specific window. "Good day, Komachi. What brings you here?"

The voluptuous _shinigami _propped her arms and bosom on the sill. "So you received a lecture from your fellow hermit. To be honest, I've never thought I see the day. There's a first time for everything."

"Well she has been living far longer than I have," Kasen reasoned slyly. "Perhaps the shinigami are to blame."

"Tch. She's beyond my prerogative. That woman is a handful." Komachi remarked after a yawn. "Her reputation among the shinigami is legendary. Of course, she may not look like it but she is extremely difficult to contend with. She even had a nickname before: The Repel Rebel."

"That's quite a history she has with you guys."

"Tell me about it. It's one of the reasons why she is known as the Wicked Hermit." Komachi nodded. Then a mischievous gleam appeared in her red eyes. "But enough about her, I came here to see you. I would like to speak on another surprise for today."

Kasen paused. "Komachi… don't tell me…"

The ferrywoman shed crocodile tears. "Uuu~! I'm so glad that you're here for me, Seiga!'" She impersonated, her voice lowered to sound like Kasen's. "You're like a big sister to me!'"

Kasen pointed at the laughing amazon accusingly. "Hey! That's not funny!"

"Hahahaha! Don't feel bad about it. What you did was very admirable!" Komachi chimed. "You could have seen the look on Shikieiki-sama's face! She thought you were totally adorable!"

The blush on the rose hermit's face brightened. "You're incorrigible! How dare you pick on a moment of weakness?"

"But that's the thing, you see," Komachi guffawed, wiping a mirthful tear from her eye. "It is because of your moment of weakness, you grew stronger. At least, that's what Eiki-sama said. There was a lesson to be learned from all of this. And you've passed with flying colors!"

Kasen gave her the skunk-eyes and duck-lips. "I suppose you're right."

Komachi learned forward with a leer. "Aww, don't give me that attitude. Even geniuses ask questions. Even hermits continuously discover answer to life's countless questions." She reached her hand and pinched the hermit's cheek. "That outburst of emotion worked wonders for you."

Kasen pushed the ferrywoman's hand away. "Knock it off. So I cried like a little girl – you're happy now?"

"You're a bit happier, that's for certain. I mean, c'mon – did it feel good when you gave that pretty boy ninja the retribution he deserved? Even in the slightest? Tell me that I'm wrong."

The pink haired super mortal gauged the amazon's words. Komachi made plenty of sense. She has as much intellect as she does curves. "Y-yes… that's a given." She admitted.

"That's karma." Komachi supplied.

"So the wrong that inflicted on others eventually came back to him…" Kasen spoke thoughtfully. "To match him in malice was something that he deserved."

"Exactly." Komachi winked. "You were right to get angry at him. It was simply all the bad vibes he gave off returning home to roost. It was no skin off your back. I'm proud of you."

"Thank you very much."

"At any rate, my visit today is a brief one. Just so you know, Shikieiki-sama's in a good mood because of you." Komachi revealed. "It's checkout time for me."

"Glad to hear it." Kasen nodded. "And give my regards to the staff at Higan."

Before Komachi turned to leave she said, "By the way, don't you have to get back to working on incident? Don't you have a couple ninja keisters to kick?"

"I was going to head to the Human Village but I was delayed by your sudden visit." Kasen giggled.

"Oh…" Komachi replied awkwardly. "Don't let me hold you up, then."

"Hmm-hmm, you're getting sleepy?"

Komachi yawned. "You know me too well."

And suddenly…

**CRASH!**

Kasen sighed. Her dojo fell victim to home-invasion once again. A dozen ninjas annexed the place via the windows and crashing through a wall. "You guys are really pushing your luck, aren't you?"

The hoodlums surrounded the girls with their weapons drawn. "It looks like they're fond of you." Komachi smiled, holding her scythe at the ready. "It's too bad for them that I'm here now."

Kasen wondered "What do you mean?"

A somewhat condescending smirk claimed the shinigami's lips. "It means that I'm the more attractive woman here – all eyes on me!"

"You're going to help me? Komachi, you're an odd friend."

"Oh, you never had a friend like me." Komachi remarked, before hoping out of harm's way. A mountain of a man crashed through the roof. The floor shook as he landed on it. "Well, that's one heck of a dynamic entry."

"My roof!" Kasen whined.

Komachi shrugged. "There's no need to cry over spilled milk, y'know."

Toru grunted and stood to his full height. He towered over Komachi in a menacing manner. Once he noticed the voluptuous redhead, he grew confused. "Wait a minute? I thought that there was only one person living here."

Komachi whistled. For her to meet someone that was taller than her was _**very **_rare. She reached his chest at full height. "That's big."

Kasen acknowledged the glaring size difference. "Tell me about it…"

"You're sisters or something?" Toru said, scratching his half-covered nose in befuddlement.

"Uh… no…" Kasen answered carefully.

Komachi expressed mock offense. "How could you make an assumption like that?" She raised her right hand over her left bosom and pouted. "We look nothing alike. I look way better than her!"

"Umm – Komachi, I think that's the least of his concerns." Kasen interrupted, noticing the impatient look in the giant's eyes.

"Attack!" Toru roared, prompting his colleagues into action.

**NINJA CASTLE**

A white-haired woman was immersed in the small book she in her study. The soft-cover manuscript she was reading proved fascinating! The various legends of Gensokyou were (somewhat) laid bare before her. Yukari Yakumo did mentioned that the book would prove to be excellent research material. Of course, she heard tales of Gensokyou over the years and yet, the information from the book was fresh. She would like to have a chat with the Child of Miare someday.

_So Yukari is the co-creator of the Gensokyou Border… _the woman thought curiously. _With the help of the legendary Genso-Dragon, she has successfully created a haven for youkai. How altruistic of you, old friend. _She averted her attention from the paperback and gazed at an old diagram of the human (and humanoid) body. The illustration indicated every last pressure-points and vulnerabilities throughout the body. A slight smile graced her full lips. _Hmm-hmm… in a magical realm such as this, I have to wonder how long this chart will retain its usefulness. The art of combat that I'm used to for so long may very well become obsolete in this place._ She allowed her burgundy kimono to slip down her shoulders and revealed a burn mark on the left side. _Even without any proper training that Hakurei girl still proved formidable. Still… I have my concerns about the Spell Card System. Is it a tactical revolution? Or… is it organized despair?_

A visitor tapped on her room door and she rests the book on the desk. "You may enter."

The snowy-haired woman was soft-spoken and eloquent. Though she does have a youthful, motherly appearance, her disposition speaks otherwise. She had several centuries of experience when it comes to combat. Hidden beneath that soft countenance of hers lies a long-sleeping demon. The youkai wasn't the conventional fighter. No one would ever suspect that she was one in the first place. To put it in simple terms, she looked like an ordinary village woman. She didn't look like someone one would avoid if you saw her walking down the street.

Perhaps…

Chie entered the candle-lit room and bowed before her. "Yuria-sensei…"

…that what made her so dangerous.

The _soke _patted the hanyou girl's shoulder. "Relax, Chie. There's no need for you to be so formal. I was only reading a book."

Chie straightened back to her full height, towering over her teacher a little. While the student was tall and lithe, the grandmaster was more shapely and defined. "I've met the red-white miko and the village scholar in the dungeon, but Sano was acting strange."

Yuria narrowed her violet eyes. "What do you mean?"

"He got into a fuss with the miko but then he gave the other woman a weird look." Chie revealed. "I mean, sure she's pretty and all but Sano was staring at her. I have never seen him look at a woman like that before."

The _soke _tilted her head in contemplation. "Hmm…"

"Don't worry. It was just my curiosity getting the best of me." Sano said as he appeared in the doorway, arms akimbo. "And Chie… aren't you the nasty tattletale."

"You were acting weird," Chie retorted. "And she even gave you eye-contact."

Sano grinned. "Hey, I have that effect on women, y'know."

"She had big boobs and your eyes never left her face." Chie testified, confirming something was off about her big cousin. "There's something definitely wrong with you."

"That hermit knocked you a little too hard," Sano combated.

"Hey! She surprised me, that's all!"

"Shiiiiiit… lightning struck the same place twice then."

"Keep talking, Sano!" Chie shook her fist challengingly. "I'm gonna rip that pompadour off your head! I don't care if you are stronger than me!"

Sano dared her. "You're welcomed to try, kiddo. You're going to wish you were facing that hermit."

The young kunoichi narrowed her eyes at the big guy, ready to pounce. So badly that she wanted to kick his ass like he owe her money! Yet, she knew better. Sano was Yuria's direct relative and one of her oldest students. "You're gonna get yours someday. What did Reimu called you? Oh yea – Anvil Head! Ha-ha!"

"Got-damn it, Chie!"

"That's enough out of both of you!" Yuria demanded. "You're blood relatives, for goodness' sake. You shouldn't bicker among yourselves like this! How many times do I have to tell you?"

Chie's mischievous expression vanished, replace with a more humble one. "Please forgive me, Sensei."

Sano rubbed his nose. "Yea… sorry about that, Yuuya."

"Now that's better." Yuria nodded. "By the way, where's Hsiao? I'd thought he be here by now."

Speak of the devil. He appeared right outside the room. "You rang?"

Yuria rolled her eyes at her white-haired disciple. "You're injured. I can tell by the sound of your voice."

"Feh. Well, someone did bit my tongue today." Hsiao remarked nonchalantly.

"How did that happen?" Yuria's brows were checkmarks.

Chie made a face. "He tried to rape that… woman."

"Holy crap, Hsiao!" Sano gazed at the younger male in disbelief. "You were trying to make out with that hermit? You're weird, dude." _Are you that desperate to get your rocks off that badly? _ He mentally scolded.

"Hey, she's not an ordinary hermit." Hsiao commented, gesturing an hour-glass figure with his hands. "You should have seen her, man. That mountain-dweller's a knockout!" After a flash of silver, the edge of a blade was suddenly near his jugular. "Ah… my bad, Sensei."

Yuria pulled the blade away and sighed. "Foolishness, Hsiao… foolishness… Your philandering ways are going to be the death of you someday. You have no respect. I thought I taught you better than that."

Chie nodded her head. She shared her master's sentiments. "Tell me about it…"

"Oh-ho-ho… family bonding is so touching, isn't it?" Yukari cooed as a gap suddenly appeared in the room. She was dressed in her usual violet-colored body dress and white elbows gloves. Strangely enough, she didn't have on her mob cap. "Did I show up at a bad time?"

Yuria and her family gazed at the devil that was lounging on her gap. "Whether it is good or bad, time waits for no one, Yukari."

"Philosophical as always, Yuuya," Yukari shrugged. She then made the mistake of looking to her left – for there was a very creepy _kongorikishi _statue right beside her. "Aiiiiieee~!" She screamed, jumping back inside the gap.

The fact that a simple gargoyle-like statue frightened the Devil of Gensokyou like a child came as a surprise to them. That was strange. "Hmm…" Yuria smirked, fiddling with her long hair. "I take it that you're an evil spirit now?"

"That isn't funny!" Yukari reprimanded as she peeped out of the gap. "I didn't know you had one in here! Are you trying to scare a couple years off my life? I'm only seventeen, y'know? I still have a lot of living to do!"

The gap hag's statement piqued Chie's curiosity. "Wait a minute. You said that you're seventeen – did you mean to add two or three more digits to-" Someone (wisely) suddenly clamped a hand over her mouth. "HMM-MMMMPH!"

Sano grinned, he saved the protesting hanyou from completing her death wish. "Okay, that's enough outta you."

Yukari narrowed her eyes in annoyance. The little hanyou should know her place. "Agreed…"

Now that his benefactor – err, Yukari was here, Hsiao cut to the chase. "Yo, how did the auction go this morning? I'm confident that we've made another killing."

The youkai sage gave the handsome mad youkai a naughty smile. "Ooh, unbelievably so, my aesthetically alluring friend. The antiques sold pretty well as usual but when the skivvies were presented – oh de lally! Life savings were spent!" She sunk back into her gap and fished out a few bags of money, stacks of yen, and a large chest filled with cash.

**THUD!**

"Suffering Shanghai!" Chie and Sano chorused.

Hsiao flashed a winning smile and gave Yukari the thumbs-up. "Excellent!"

"That's only a forth of the money we made this morning," Yukari explained. "Remind me to give Tewi her share. After all, it was her idea in the first place."

"_Our _idea," Hsiao emphasized. "That little rabbit is the best business partner ever!"

Yuria sighed. Though she's the type of person that doesn't get involved with her students' livelihood, she resented Hsiao's risqué methods. While Sano and Chie were the typical working-civilians in the outside world (including Chie's college education), Hsiao always made profits out of drugs, murder, people's carnal desire, and various sorts of illegal trade. The _bishonen _youkai was trouble personified but he somehow avoided all forms of retribution. If he was burning in the deepest depths of Hell right now, he'll find a way out.

Houdini would envy this guy.

_At least he's satisfied_, Yuria mused. _For now, anyway…_

Yukari's flighty voice averted her musings. "So how do you like Gensokyou so far?"

"It's… nostalgic," Yuria admitted. "It's a little unorthodox with its magical nature but pleasantly nostalgic." She reached for a scroll on a nearby shelf. It was a gift from someone she knew many centuries ago. "But I have a feeling that the various texts of this place will replace most of these scrolls someday."

The _soke _opened the scroll and began skimming through it with unknown expression. Yukari assumed that it was a longing one. She sensed that the veteran kunoichi was (mentally and spiritually) struggling to adapt to this place. Nothing is permanent. Change is mandatory. Yuria may be wise but this new lesson is something that she needs to learn. "Hmm-hmm… I spy with my eye, an Iga scroll that you're reading." Yukari murmured. "Y'know, Yuuya, that's an historical parchment you're holding. I'm certain that the people that were at the auction would kill each other just to obtain a single volume you own."

"No, I'm not interested." Yuria forbade, causing the devil to pout. "These scrolls are precious to me, Yukari. The one I'm holding right now was handed to me by my first teacher. I assume that you now know how important this is to me."

Sano stepped forth and nodded. "Sorry. No deal."

Yukari crossed her legs and raised her fan to hover over her lips. "Very well. I respect your decision."

Hsiao shared Yukari's sentiment. He smelled big money, too. The written stuff that his mentor had in her inventory was beyond museum worthy. "I'll say, why not? I personally think that you should sell some of those scrolls."

Yuria whipped her visage at her ever bothersome disciple. Chie gasped. The young hanyou knew what's up. The scrolls were a touchy subject. "Excuse me?"

"You're sitting on a goldmine, Sensei. I'm sure that you read every last scroll countless times and I have no doubt that you've learned a lot from them. But… considering the age of those scrolls you can gain something besides knowledge: a fortune!"

"They're not for sale."

"Sensei, you gotta reconsider-"

"NOT FOR SALE!"

Hsiao sighed, defeated. He never did understand his master's impartiality to superficial things and worldly desires. "Yes, Sensei…" he uttered with a bow and left the room. He suddenly returned into the room and collected the chest Yukari presented. "I'll take this."

After the white-haired hooligan left, a conniving smile marked Yukari's lips. "Oh my, someone has a chip on his shoulder."

Chie rolled her dark eyes. "Yea, that's how he works. He's a real asshole, y'know."

"He'll be okay." Yuria commented and turned to regard her remaining students in the room. "As for you two, could you please excuse us? I would like to speak to our guest in private."

"That's cool," Sano replied in kind. He tugged on one of Chie's sleeves. "C'mon kiddo, let's get a move on."

Chie followed the big man out the room with a request on her mind. "Hey Sano…"

"Sup?"

"Let's head over to the Youkai Forest that I keep hearing about." Chie requested. "Because of yesterday's mission, I haven't had a chance to visit the place. Maybe I can catch a fairy there or something."

Sano shrugged. "That's fine with me. I have nothing else to do right now, anyway."

Once the students were out of earshot, Yukari said "So Yuuya, what's on your mind? You're consternating about something."

"It's that miko of yours," Yuria said after a brief silence. She slipped her kimono down her shoulder a bit and allowed the youkai sage to view the scald on her shoulder. "Abducting her was easy enough but when I tested her strength myself, she managed to surprise me."

"That's my Reimu for you," Yukari giggled. "It's a wonder how an untrained champion could be so formidable but make no mistake: the victories she earned weren't flukes."

Yuria clasped her hands behind her lower back and began pacing the room. "That is exactly why she's giving me pause, Yukari. She is very different from the Hakureis that I know of."

"Ah – of course, she's the current successor of the Hakurei lineage." Yukari folded her fan. "Not only that, she's the most powerful miko that the lineage has ever produced in years."

"Yes, they are a crafty bunch. That family is very adept in mysticism, Yukari. I even remember a few of them were fighters – admirable ones, at that." Yuria stated, recalling a couple memories. "Still, encountering Reimu was a pretty new experience for me."

Yukari opened her fan again. "She is… something else, I'll tell you that."

"I found out the hard way. Of course, it was easy to dispatch her in our brief encounter but Reimu made something clear to me: she can harm me – _severely. _If she was armed with a few Spell Cards during the skirmish, I wouldn't stand a chance against her."

"Everyone can be touched, old friend." Yukari remarked seriocomically. "Even Reimu. It's just that you had the advantage over her when it comes to traditional fighting."

"I'll say…" Yuria nodded, sitting on the floor in a meditative prose. "If she actually trained then the outcome would have been different."

"Ufufufu… the concept of training and Reimu doesn't mix, Yuuya. You're quite the comedian."

"I was not joking."

"Oh-ho, Reimu certainly earned a place in your resume of worthy opponents." Yukari found herself laughing aloud. "Speaking of opponents, remember the half-ghost ronin that challenged you many years ago?"

Yuria certainly remembered the person Yukari was referring to. Even though it was a long time ago she recalled the memory vividly. "That samurai…"

Yukari touched a nerve and she knew it. "I take it that you do remember him."

"Youki…" the _soke _uttered softly. She can't stand samurais. If it's one thing she didn't like about the ones she encountered, it was the air of conceit that they often had. Yuria never understood the misplaced condescension among them. Countless samurai warriors faced her in the past and they all fell like dominoes to her strength. But Youki… he was different. Her chest swelled for a moment and a long sigh escaped her. "We fought to a draw that day… but I suffered my first defeat by his hands."

Yukari watched the white-haired youkai carefully. "Hmm… so you're the 'frightening opponent' that he was talking about back then?"

"A frightening opponent, you say?" Yuria wondered, blushing. "Is that what he said about me?"

The devil grinned at the sheep. "You don't know Youki very well, do you? You left an impression on him, Yuuya. He even discouraged other people from challenging you. And he always said that it wasn't wise to get on your bad side."

This was news to Yuria. She had always known the legendary _ronin_ to be stoic. "I would have never thought that he felt that way about me."

Yukari's grin obtained Cheshire Cat level. "And here's something else that you may not know about him: he has a granddaughter. And she's following in his footsteps."

"Youki made a family?" Yuria asked with wide eyes. That was a shocker!

Yukari gazed at her friend seriously. "You're actually surprised?"

**THE HUMAN VILLAGE**

Youmu chomped on the meat bun she just purchased. It was pretty nice to eat cooking other than her own every once in a while. The treat was savory, the spices stimulating her taste buds. It was a simple pleasure, really. And eating food from the village was one of the many joys of being away from the Netherworld. To Youmu, it was liberation. "Umm! This is good!" She said between chomps.

"Youmu, you're eating it as though you haven't eaten in days," Sakuya commented irritably. She was sitting across the half-ghost on a picnic table. Because her Lunar Dial has been stolen earlier, it was understandable that she was now in a bad mood. That damn Tewi made her day. "Besides, isn't that your fifth bun?"

Youmu nodded in the affirmative. "Umm-hmm!"

Sakuya rolled her eyes and propped her arms on the table. "At this rate you're going to be as plump as your mistress."

"I doubt that." Youmu remarked after finishing the bun, licking her fingers.

"The lemon-pepper seasoned buns are really tasty, aren't they?" Sanae grinned. She sat next to Youmu. She offered the silver-haired girl another one from a bag she was carrying. "Here Youmu, have another."

Youmu happily obliged. "Don't mind if I do!"

Sakuya rested her head on her arms, frustrated. There's a bunch of ninjas hiding somewhere in Gensokyou, for goodness' sakes! They've been in the village for almost two hours and they haven't gotten any leads whatsoever. Sanae and Youmu were making things worse. They were being way too laidback for Sakuya's comfort: joking around, (kindly) rejecting men that were flirting with them, and… feeding their faces. _I'm being punished, aren't I?_

"Meow."

"Huh?" Sakuya raised her head from her arms and noticed a tomcat resting on the bench beside her. It was the very same longhair fellow she saw yesterday. If she wasn't mistaken, it was one of Akyuu's pets. The maid's bad mood was dispelled by the furball and a gracious smile etched her lips. "Hi there, little guy. What brings you all the way from the mansion?"

The housecat mewed while looking at Sanae's groceries with curiosity.

"Food," Youmu said simply, popping another meat bun in her mouth.

Sanae unwrapped a package of cooked roast and offered the cat a portion. "Here you go. Eat up!"

And just when the pet was about to indulge in the treat, someone cried "There you are, Jojo!"

"I told you that he didn't run off too far, Akyuu," another voice said. "You worry too much."

"Rather safe than sorry, Minako," Akyuu retorted as she approached the picnic table. She sat next to Sakuya. "Hi guys. Thanks for finding Jojo. We were on our way to see Kotohime but he decided to get lost in the village for some reason."

"Actually, he came to us," said Sanae.

Jojo lazily curled into a ball on the table. "Meow…"

"I bet he was hungry." Minako said. She was a young woman with dark brown hair that was tied up in a bun. The brunette wore a white kimono with a black sash that was comfortably fastened around her small waist. Though Minako wore it neither tight nor loose, it wasn't hard to see her moderate figure. Violet azaleas patterns adorned the fabric of her dress but what stood out the most about her attire was a picture of chibi Akyuu that embroidered on the left breast. "He couldn't help himself, Akyuu. This part of the village is filled with the scent of good food."

Akyuu pouted. "But I just fed him an hour ago!"

Minako's wide brown eyes took on a mischievous look. "Yea… keep feeding him the same ole canned tuna and not expect him to get tired of it. If you say so."

The cute chronicler blushed at her folly. "Now's not the time for an argument, Minako!"

"Whatever you say, _boss._" The maidservant cooed with a wink of her long eyelashes. She sat down between Youmu and Sanae. "It's a good thing that Jojo ran into you guys."

Sakuya smiled despite herself. "Otherwise, he would have a new owner."

"You were planning to give him to Remilia?" Sanae wondered.

Sakuya nodded, a guffaw escaping her. "Oh no, this little guy was going to be my pet if it weren't for these young ladies showing up." She indicated at Akyuu and Minako.

So the maid was a cat person? Sanae didn't understand why some people find them fascinating. "Hmm… personally I prefer dogs. Because, you know, they're more loyal and stuff."

Both Akyuu and Sakuya glared at the godling. "You don't say?" Akyuu said dubiously.

"Well – yea…"

"I respect your opinion, Sanae." Sakuya deadpanned. "And that's about it." Obviously she hated dogs – for good reasons.

"Would you like to come along with us to Kotohime's place? She arrested two fugitives last night." Minako said. "It looks like she finally has a lead. Here's hoping that this crazy incident will soon come to an end. Goodness knows I missed my favorite miniskirt."

Akyuu took a wild guess. "Is it the one with my name in kanji on the waistband?"

The pretty servant expressed mock-surprise. "How do you know?"

Akyuu returned a flat gaze. "Mina… almost every piece of clothing you own has my name on it somewhere." Sanae and Youmu seemed visibly disturbed by this. Sakuya only shrugged. She understood where Minako's coming from. The Perfect Maid went through the very same phase for her Mistress before. "Your… _devotion _is a little extreme."

_That's a lot more than mere devotion, _Sanae and Youmu thought coincidentally. Sensing something odd about the moment, they both wondered "Did you say something?"

"Tee-he! Akyuu, you know I love you!" Minako guffawed seriocomically – sugarcoating her true feelings.

The young sage rolled her eyes. An overwhelming urge to smash Minako with a gold washtub was calling her. "Stop joking around!"

Sakuya resumed the subject. "Well, at the very least, we should be able to get to the bottom of things. It'll be a big relief if you ask me. I hate the sight of people living in fear." The maid shrugged, making the other girls realize that various people in the village were going about the place with a frenzied pace. She couldn't blame them, though. Since the incident began, the ninja assailants roused trouble at any moment. No one was safe – human and youkai.

"Ooh," Sanae cooed, noticing a specific man among the crowd of villagers. The guy she was checking out wore a wide-brimmed straw hat that hid his face but the godling's attention was on his sculpted arms and chest. "That guy is ripped!"

Youmu gazed at the cause of Sanae's delight and blushed. The man wore an open _haori_, which displayed his chest in plain view. A tall, pale-skinned pretty girl in a black kimono was walking along with the stranger. "Don't ogle too hard, Sanae. He's with a woman."

Sanae smiled mischievously. "Oh psshaw! I can persuade him to lose that gothic Lolita if I want to." She unfastened her blouse a bit, exposing a bit of her voluptuary pearls enticingly. "How much do you want to bet that he wouldn't look me in my eyes while I'm flirting with him?"

Akyuu's eyes glowed green at the miko's shamelessness. "Grr…"

"Wow! You two would be an item, y'know." Minako commented, impressed by Sanae's obscene mounds. "You can grind meat on that guy's chest and you can feed the needy with yours', Sanae."

"For the love of Remilia Scarlet, would you cover those _things _up?" Sakuya demanded, sharing Akyuu's sentiments. "Besides, haven't it occurred to you that he may be a ninja in disguise?"

Sanae reclaimed decency. "Why you say that?"

Sakuya rolled her eyes. "Woman's intuition… something you don't know anything about."

The Moriya miko pouted. "Aww…"

"And more to it…" Akyuu said, surveying the now suspicious man. "He's seems to be in better shape than the more muscular youkai hunters. He looks suspect alright."

"No kidding," Minako followed, checking out the girl traveling along with the suspect. "Look at the woman he's with. She looks pretty… athletic."

The child sage realized that her subordinate was 'checking' the said woman out. "You're being a pervert again, Minako. Stop looking at her too hard."

Minako smirked. "Hmm-hmm, is that so?"

"I'll follow them," suddenly said Youmu, earning questionable gazes from her friends.

"What for?" Sanae wondered.

The half-ghost was serious. "Sakuya is right to be suspicious of them. I'm going to keep my eyes on those two for a while. Grandfather used to say that among a large group of seemingly innocent people – half of them are troublemakers. Those two may or may not be innocent, but why take a chance like that?"

"Your grandfather is a wise man, Youmu." Sakuya replied in kind. "Be careful."

While the girls at the table were planning their strategy, there was a commotion near a pet shop. A huge mob of villagers had congregated in front of the place. "It looks like we're having a village meeting today." Minako stated. "I wonder what's all the hubbub about?"

Akyuu and the others rose from the table. "We're about to find out." Sakuya was the first to reach the congregation of townspeople. Youmu followed the maid closely, politely brushing between a long haired teenage girl and an elderly man. Sanae, Akyuu, and Minako hobbled among stubborn school kids (a fourteen year old boy earned a slap from Minako after he goosed Akyuu's rear). Ignoring the younger child, Akyuu sighed. She was among tall people and it was pretty difficult to observe the source of consternation. "I can't see."

"I can help you with that," Minako chirped through the horde of voices. She effortless lifted Akyuu above her head like a toddler, granting the sage's wish. The grape-head blushed in embarrassment but she couldn't complain.

"It's Meira and Marisa," Sanae observed.

Right there in front of the villagers were said witch and samurai girl. Meira stood on a crate and spoke to the citizens like a politician. "Please calm down, everyone! There is no need to worry about anymore home invasions! We have captured two of the criminals and they are being interrogated as we speak!"

"Two... Only two of them," a middle aged man said dubiously. "There's no telling how many of them there are!"

"All of my wall paintings have been stolen!" A bespectacled woman wined.

"Those sons of bitches took my antique clock," griped a bald old man.

"All of my panties are gone and going commando sucks!" An attractive young woman bemoaned.

"My girlfriend has been kidnapped!"

"They've stole my prescription drugs!"

"They robbed me!"

"The ninjas took my food cart!" Mystia sobbed. Wait, what?

"What are we going to do?"

"Even the youkai hunters can't touch these guys!"

"I'm glad that they got Miss Kamishirasawa! She gave me a head-butt for failing an exam the other day!"

"Ninjas are creepy!"

"WE DEMAND JUSTICE!"

"WAAAH! If I don't have my food cart then I have nothing else to live for!"

"Ehehen…"

"Where's the Red-White when we need her?"

"Okay, chill out everyone," Marisa urged, waving her arms frantically. "Don't fret, people! We're doing the best we can, ze! This incident is going to be resolved faster than you can say-"

"Have mercy on us all," a young woman's smooth voice discoursed. "Bless us during these adverse times, O Lord!"

The witch gained a skunk-eyed expression. "Yes… what she said…"

Sure enough, the beautiful redhead expressed her concerns. "I've heard from someone that Sister Reimu has been abducted. Is this true?" Professor Yumemi Okazaki said, trailed by two nuns and a blonde-haired sailor. "Our malefactors are daring."

And just like that, the villagers went into another panic after what Yumemi said.

"Whoa! Is this for real?"

"The Red-White's been kidnapped? Seriously!?"

"This cannot be true!"

"Ehehen…"

"WE'RE DOOMED!"

Marisa face-palmed in frustration, "God-damn it, Yume! You see what you've done?"

"Hey, you're saying His name in vain, sorceress!"

"Suffering Shanghai – it was just an expression!" Marisa rebutted.

"I tell her the very same thing," Chiyuri said in her androgynous voice (as said by many people in Gensokyou). True, the blonde was a girly girl (despite being flat-chested) but one would have extreme difficulty identifying the pitch of her voice. If anyone didn't knew any better, one would swear that she was a pubescent boy on the brink of puberty. "You would think that she would listen to reason – but, no."

"What are we going to do now that Reimu is missing?" A villager said.

Meira resumed being the voice of reason. "Don't worry, people. Rest assured, we will rescue Reimu and the others."

"Don't fear. Please understand that this is all a test of faith, people," Yumemi expounded, garnering the crowd's attention. "And you know what they say about tests: the teacher is always quiet during examinations. He will never impose you with something that you cannot handle." As the professor was making an effort to raise the village people's morale, it was sort of a surprise that she wasn't trying to convert anyone to Christianity today. Sometimes after her defeat a few years ago, Yumemi decided to dedicate herself to religious studies. After a long time of soul-searching, the young professor decided to become a Christian (of course, by some twist of fate, Yumemi discovered that her ancestors were Christians as well). "Everything will be alright."

"Yes, what she said…" Meira noted hesitantly.

"H-hey – don't drop me, Minako!" Akyuu cried all of a sudden.

"Jojo's clawing my ankle," Minako whined, shifting uncomfortably as the said cat toyed at her feet curiously.

Youmu kept her focus on the two suspects among the crowd. Thanks to her relatively short stature, the suspects didn't notice her spying on them. The half-ghost was right to be suspicious of the chiseled man and his beautiful evil-eyed companion. The lithe woman had naturally pouty lips and Youmu could tell the small smirk on them. The big man, however, remained unreadable. And it wasn't because of his wide-brimmed hat that hid his face. The leggy female tapped the man's arm, giggling at the sight of monkey harassing a stray dog. The swordswoman narrowed her eyes… they seemed a little too innocent.

"You're staring too hard," Sakuya whispered.

"They don't seem to notice."

"It's the girl, isn't it?" Sakuya wondered with a hint of mirth. "She is pretty cute, don't you think? From here, she looks as tall as Meiling but not as curvy."

Youmu blushed. "That's a little too much info on your personal thoughts, you know."

"You still plan to pursue them for a while?"

Youmu nodded. "Until I'm absolutely sure that they're innocent."

"Good luck, my friend." Sakuya nodded.

Then she heard a faint clicking noise at a distance.

**CLICK!**

The Perfect Maid had a pretty good guess of what – well, who it was. "Hmm…"

**CLICK!**

Sanae appeared beside her from the crowd of villagers. "Do you hear that?"

**CLICK!**

"Is that a woodpecker?" Youmu asked.

**CLICK!**

**CLICK!**

**CLICK!**

"It's not a woodpecker," said Sakuya with a sigh. "But it is definitely a bird… a really annoying one at that."

Sanae saw a small gleam from a rooftop that was a few yards away. "Well we definitely know who it is then. Should we go over there and talk to her? Maybe she can be of help."

Sakuya patted the godling's head. "For once, I agree with you. That's using the ole noggin'."

"Hey!"

The maid turned to address Youmu again. "We're going to head up there and speak with Aya . You're still going to keep an eye on our suspects?"

Youmu nodded, "No doubt about it."

"What suspects?" Sanae wondered, looking around the area for the said duo. "I don't see em anymore."

"What?" Youmu gasped and whipped around in surprise. And, sure enough, the muscular stranger and his svelte comrade were gone. "D'oh – I let my vigil down for a moment and they're gone!"

Sakuya shrugged. "Happy tailings…"

The half-ghost clicked her tongue and rushed away from the crowd in pursuit. Whether they were ninja or not, Youmu had her work cut out before her. "I'll meet with you later!"

After Youmu left the young maid and miko, Akyuu arrived with Minako. "Where did Youmu go?"

The Perfect Maid crossed her arms. "She's gone to wherever our suspected duo is going."

The tidbit worried Akyuu a little. "Do you think that she's going to need our help – if they're ninja, that is?"

"I doubt it," Sakuya reassured. "I've seen Youmu fight before without the use of danmaku. She can take good care of herself."

The chronicler's concern wavered a bit. "…If you say so."

**CLICK!**

"Wow," Sanae said after hearing the snapshot for the umpteenth time. "Aya's really hustling today, isn't she?"

"Which is all the more reason to talk with her," Sakuya suggested. She gazed at the rooftop where the said reporter was located. The other girls did the same. After a brief moment of silence, the tengu noticed that the humans were surveying her from afar. With haste, Aya pocketed her camera and fled across the rooftops. This was very unusual – even for Aya. "After her; she knows something."

"I don't know how to fly," Akyuu blushed.

"Me neither," Minako admitted. "Maybe you two should go on ahead without us. We hate to be a burden to-" she was suddenly swept into a princess carry by the silver-haired maid. "Ooh… you're strong. I like that in a woman."

Sakuya disregarded the joke with a blush. "Sanae, bring Akyuu along."

The godling hefted the sagely child in her arms (with Jojo). "Okay."

The human quartet left the village square in pursuit of the (Un)Traditional Reporter of Fantasy. They were sure to gather info from the nosy crow. As of now, it was probably the best course of action.

**YOUKAI MOUNTAIN – Cataracts **

Komachi landed roughly on the surface with a grunt. Where did she go wrong? How did she get herself into this situation in the first place? She was at the wrong place at the wrong time today – a victim of circumstance. Just as she was about to return to Higan, all hell broke loose! The ninja intruders chose to attack Kasen at such an inopportune time. Could it be karma biting on her large round ass?

"Ugh!" The _shinigami _winced as a _shuriken _pierced the deep skin of her butt.

Well… that answered that question.

"Are you okay?" Kasen said worriedly. She was forced to flee her home because of the intruders. The hermit was having a bad day, too. Komachi suddenly shoved her to the ground. "What the!-"

The redhead spun around on her sandal-clad feet and raised her scythe to deflect a shower of throwing- stars. There was a look of great frustration on her face. "I am NOT okay!" She snatched the sharp weapon off her butt with a yelp. "This has turned out to be a very bad day!"

"Well you're not the only one, you know," Kasen argued as she brushed the mud off her leggings. "They've ran me out of house and home!"

"Uwah… did it occurred to you that… ugh… t-taking the fight outside your place – damn it," the amazon grunted, preserving her guard against a rain of _shuriken and kunai. _"Taking the fight outside is a good idea. Now we have more than enough space to deal with them!"

Kasen appreciated the notion when it dawned on her. She pretty much saved the dojo from destruction. The redhead was a thinker – she wasn't all boobs and booty after all. "I commend you, Komachi."

"Uh – yea, don't mention it…"

"WATCH OUT!" Kasen shouted as a hoodlum rushed at Komachi from the left. The assailant closed in on the big woman with a katana raised. The peach-head met his assault at the very last moment and caught his incoming blade between her hands. Surprised, the ninja tried to struggle the blade free from the hermit's grasp. "Would you look at this? You're armed with a magnificent weapon and yet you do not know how to use it. Such a pity."

Komachi punched the guy in the chin, knocking him out cold. "I don't think any lectures would help the situation we're in right now."

Kasen whistled. "Nice left, he was a pretty strong-looking guy."

Komachi didn't have time to boast her little victory. Several more of their adversaries appeared – along with the lumbering Toru. And to add more to their trouble was the sudden appearance of another ninja: a red-haired dark-skinned woman dressed in a maroon and black _dogi. _And apparently, judging from how Toru was behaving before her, she was the leader. The red kunoichi had a trio of blades on her: two sheathed _ninjato _on her waist (edge up) and a very long blade on her back. She seemed to be the most dangerous opponent out of the group. "I'm being punished, aren't I?" Komachi asked, staring at the sky.

"Oi!" Kasen yelled to them. "Why are you doing this? What do you want with me?"

Komachi gasped. She was appalled that the peach-head was bold enough to ask them such a question. "H-hey! What's wrong with you?"

Kasen ignored her, pressing forward. "Too many of you attacked me recently! I'm tired of this! Have I not earned the right to know why you're after me?"

Komachi grimaced. "What kind of crazy question is that?"

Kasen was pointing at them now – her trademark. "Answer me!"

The dark-skinned woman flipped her long bang-less hair. "So this is the one that bested both Chie and Hsiao? What kinda sick joke is this?" Her slightly-accented voice was laced with disbelief. Clearly she was not from Japan. She couldn't believe what she saw in front of her. To be honest, the lovely hermit doesn't look… like a hermit. Could this be the very woman that defeated Chie twice? Was she the one that nearly beaten Hsiao an inch of his life? And who in the world is that big chick with her?

She was willing to find out.

"You're a friend of Chie's," the hermit's voice snapped the kunoichi out of her musings. "Give her my regards."

"Chie is none of your concern. What's done is done," the kunoichi said with finality. "She underestimated you and paid the price."

That 'clueless' look claimed Kasen's face, "Gosh, who needs enemies with a friend like you around?"

Toru's stomach suddenly growled. "Let's get this over with, Rio. I'm getting hungry."

"Y'know, I could go for a snack, too." Komachi intervened. "Can we just call this fight off and forget about all of this?"

Kasen gave Komachi the skunk-eyes. "Now that is a crazy question."

"I'm a shinigami, dang it!" Komachi whined. "I'm not supposed to help you fight your battles! Hell, I'm not supposed to be fighting in the first place!"

Kasen responded by giving the amazon a pleading expression. She fluttered her long eyelashes mock-pitifully. "Aww! You want to ditch me, do you, Komachi? And I thought you loved me!"

Komachi's face glowed as red as her hair. "H-hey! What's the meaning of this?"

Kasen sighed dramatically and fell on her side on the ground. She raised her left hand on her forehead and a sad, soap opera-like theme cued. "Ahhn, Ko-maaaa-chiiii~!" Kasen began in a blood-warming, high-pitched tone. "You mean to tell me that you don't love me? Woe is me! I'm in love with someone that doesn't love me back! Hermits get lonely, too!"

"Cut it out, Kasen!"

"Ahhhn~! How dare you deny me, Komachi? You preoccupy my thoughts at night!"

"Do not welcome Seiga inside your house ever again! She's influencing you!"

Rio, Toru, and the small group of ninja witnessed the tirade with blank stares. "I… I can't believe we're bearing witness to this right now." Rio muttered.

"It's actually kinda cute…" Toru said hesitantly.

"NOW!" Komachi shrieked, prompting Kasen into action. The hermit took aim and fired her bandaged arm at the group like a missile. The powerful projectile was trailed by a mist of black smoke and visible qi. A powerful explosion shook the area after the 'rocket punch' hit its mark and the area was enshrouded in fog. The explosion scared some of the wildlife around the area – even a few fairies.

**KA-BOOM!**

"Hahaha," Komachi laughed victoriously. "What a bunch of maroons! Looks like I made my catch of the day! Now to gather them up and ferry them over to their judgment."

"Komachi…" Kasen called out warily.

"What?"

Kasen's right arm rematerialized. "I… didn't kill them. I couldn't."

The _shinigami's _eyes widened. How can an explosion like that NOT destroy anyone in its wake? "Kasen, now is not the time to be holding back your strength!"

"That's not what I meant," Kasen amended. "That punch can't even kill a fairy. I couldn't kill anyone with that even if I tried. It was just a knockout attack."

"Well, that's still a reliEEEEEEEK!" Komachi was suddenly knocked away by a large fist. The unsuspecting amazon was hit so hard that she even dropped her scythe. She fell in the lake near the waterfall, unmoving. Toru had emerged from the smog like a ferocious beast, roaring.

The situation is growing more serious by the moment and Kasen feared the worse for her unlikely partner. "KOMACHI!"

"Urrrgh," the giant bellowed with his palm over his face, swinging blindly. "My sinus! There it goes again!"

The rose hermit ignored the stunned minion and rushed to the river. Komachi's unconscious body drifted along the currents of the raging waters. She didn't bother thinking about any worse-case scenario if anything happens to Komachi. All Kasen knew that she have to save her. And just as she was about to dive in the water, she saw a gleam flashed forth from the smog. She evaded the wipe of a blade in the nick of time.

"Not bad, woman," Rio compliment as she appeared with a blade drawn. "But you should know that a ninja works well in haze. It is our element."

"Get out of my way," warned Kasen, glowering. "Step aside or I'll gladly show you why Chie had a hard time against me!"

The Indo-Chinese kunoichi welcomed the hermit's challenge. "That remains to be seen because I'm not Chie. Where she usually fails… I always succeed."

"She hit me right on my sinus with that attack!" Toru groaned. He was messaging his temples now.

"Calm down, I'll get her back for what she – UGH!" Rio's declaration was cut short by an elbow to her chest. Then she ate dirt after three blows to her midsection and a roundhouse kick to the head. The hermit had stolen her! She was hit so hard by that kick that it turned her away from her pink-haired adversary. Grunting in disgust, she clenched her fist and recollected herself off the ground. Kasen was settled in a short stance, her eyes sharp. "…you don't waste any time, do you?"

Kasen remained serious. "I have to save her. That means that I'll have to go through you."

Rio smiled. Even though she didn't look it, the young-looking woman proved formidable. This should be interesting. Chuckling to herself, she unfastened the long sword on her back and tossed it at the hermit. "Here…"

The sheath landed near her feet and she grew suspicious. "What's the meaning of this?"

Rio twirled both of her _ninjato _like a pair of batons. "This is going to be an armed duel. Prepare yourself."

Kasen reluctantly procured the long blade and unsheathed it. Blades weren't exactly her forte, but what choice does she have? If she was going to save Komachi then she has to go through her copper-skinned foe. A plan formulated in her mind. Whatever it was…

She had to make it quick.

**YOUKAI FOREST – Meadows**

Shizuha dipped her bare feet in the cool stream. She has met a rather interesting individual recently – obviously male. Even though her dress was hiked to hips in which the gesture supplied a great view of her legs, she wasn't courting him. No, the ancient girl has a genuine interest in this person. What was so appealing about this stranger was the fact that he actually speaks to her from time to time. Besides Minoriko, Hina, and that nosy big-breasted godling from Moriya, the stranger communicates with her when he sees her. Furthermore, the stranger certainly knows how to spark good conversations and she appreciates his company.

Shizuha gazed at the one sitting cross-legged beside her: a young wolf tengu from the mountain village. His name was Sasuke. She always like that name for some strange reason. It had a nice ring to it. How old was he, anyway? He was probably a century or two – roughly Hatate's age range. Judging from his garbs and the katana he had on him, Shizuha could tell he was one of the village sentries. And though he bears a resemblance to Momiji, they were not related (something that he cleared up immediately).

And Shizuha, admittedly, thought he was cute.

"It's already been over an hour since I've been at this," said Sasuke. He was fishing.

Shizuha regained her focus. "Eh?"

Her white-haired friend shook the fishing rod. "I haven't caught any fish yet. Usually I would have caught five of them by now. I guess today isn't my lucky day."

Shizuha paddled her feet in the water. "Maybe we should get Hina to arrange that," she joked. "Well all have our bad days – happens to the best of us."

The lone wolf smiled in turn. "Agreed… but I sure don't want to miss out on my meal today. I can't work the rest of my shift on an empty stomach."

The baby-faced pessimist leaned close to him and snatched the tokin hat off his head. "A meal, you say? No problem. Why don't we head on over to my place and I'll prepare you a meal?"

It was a generous offer and at this point, he couldn't decline. "Sure thing."

A smirk etched on Shizuha's face. "Under one condition…"

The cute deity's sudden mischief surprised him. "And that would be…"

Shizuha bounced the tokin in her hand. "If you can snatch your hat from my grasp, I will make your meal. That sounds good?"

The challenge gave Sasuke pause. "And if I can't?"

The blonde's smirk became a leer. "Is my baby sister cute to you?"

The wolf tengu glowed red, but thankfully a nasally voice ceased the incoming embarrassment. "What's this I hear about your baby sister?"

Shizuha stiffened. "Gak! Oh nothing…" she remarked innocently, twiddling her index fingers.

Minoriko Aki placed her hand on her hips and shook her head. She seemed… slimmer somehow. "Talking about me behind my back, are you? That's no way to behave, Big Sister." She then gazed at her sister's mortal companion. "Good day, Sasuke."

Sasuke waved. "Hello."

"If I'd had known you were here with Shizuha, I would have brought some food to eat." Minoriko said. "And give him back his hat, Shizuha."

"Tch – you're always spoiling my fun," the younger-looking elder sibling grumbled. She gave her youkai companion back his hat. She grinned to herself at the sight of Minoriko: she was slimmer than usual and her breasts were small (for the moment). This was due to the fact that was end of summer and the harvest was mediocre this year. Though Minoriko wasn't as small as Shizuha, the younger goddess had lost her voluptuous figure a few months ago. "You're loosing weight again, kiddo. Your breasts are smaller than malnourished cantaloupes! Gyah-hahahaha~!"

"That's alright, autumn starts next month. So I'm not worried," Minoriko whack-attacked. "I'll regain my godly glory again before you know it."

Shizuha returned a flat gaze. "Ooh… you're quick today. You were expecting me to say something about your 'girlish good looks' today, weren't you?"

"Pfft – whatever, I'm not here to fuss with you, Shizuha," Minoriko scoffed. "Rather, there is definitely something going on today. I have a bad feeling about it, too."

Sasuke noticed the serious countenance on the blonde's face. "What is it?"

"It's the kappa again, isn't it?" Shizuha wondered with slight annoyance. "They're having another shoot-out, aren't they? Role-playing Call of Duty, right?"

Minoriko shook her head. "No."

"Cowboys and Injuns," the baby-faced elder said.

"No…"

"Cape dogs versus hyenas?"

"NO!"

"Spill the beans already!"

"I spotted various ninja further up the mountains earlier," Minoriko revealed, turning to Sasuke. "Are they from the Tengu Village, Sasuke-san?"

"No, I doubt it. Lord Tenma hasn't employed any agents in a long time." Sasuke replied. "In fact, we haven't had any ninja citizens in our village for centuries. And it was long before my time, too."

Minoriko's consternation deepened. "Hmm…"

"Of course, Lord Tenma probably started a new Shinobi regime or something of that nature," said Sasuke. "It's probably her way of reintroducing ninjutsu to our people. Who knows…"

"Don't be so sure about that," Shizuha stood up abruptly. "The tengu from back in the day were a real rowdy bunch – true warriors." Her eyes swept to Sasuke. "No offense, guy. Besides, I believe that there's someone from your village that used to be a very prolific ninja. This chick was bad."

The tidbit perked Sasuke's curiosity. "A girl from the village, you say? I thought that Tenma was the sole person from that old clan that still lives in the village."

"Oh no, I'm pretty sure that Tenma isn't the only one. The girl is still among y'all," Shizuha speculated. "In fact, you probably know her."

"I do? Who is she?"

"Yikes! We have to hide," Minoriko interrupted, pulling her sister and Sasuke with her into think foliage. She peered out the bushes and said "Look over there at the lake." The trio surveyed the waters before them and spotted a small gang of ninja sprinting across the lake (ridiculous as it sounds). "I've always wondered how they do that."

Sasuke tapped his chin, "Quite an impressive feat they're performing."

Shizuha owned a flat expression. "They're running on the surface of the water… How is that impressive?"

"It is," Minoriko retorted. "It's more than impressive, actually. It's like… seeing sound and… and hearing smell."

"Agreed," Sasuke added.

"Is this a joke? First off, we can fly," the pessimist began. "Second, since Spell Cards have been implemented we can pull off strong spells in seconds. And finally, we shoot kaleidoscopic bullets out of our-"

"They've made it across the lake!" Minoriko announced.

"They're heading up the mountains," said Sasuke. "Maybe we should follow them."

"No respect, no respect…" Shizuha grumbled. It truly sucks to be a Stage 1 mid-boss.

**YOUKAI FOREST – Wilderness**

Sunny Milk cursed the moment she woke up this morning. Today has been one hell of a day for the little prankster. She knew that shouldn't tag along with Luna and Star after hearing about the crime wave in Gensokyou. Sunny had a bad feeling about all of this. She should have ignored Star's high-pitched voice from the get-go: 'Reimu has been kidnapped by some monk,' she had said. Then, Luna's dumb ass said, 'It wasn't a monk that had kidnapped her. It was a ninja in disguise.' And, like a damn fool, Sunny thought trailing a gang of them to the mountains could be fun.

And now she regrets that decision.

One of them noticed something unusual about a tree earlier – Sunny's hiding place. Her captor mentioned something about… seeing a mirage in the greenery. Hearing that, Sunny knew she was in trouble. Why did it have to be cloudy today? Because of the weather, her ghost-faced abductor was able to catch her. And, as usual, both Luna and Star hauled asses at the first sign of trouble. Was it because Kanako was in a pissy mood? Or did a certain _yakugami _decided to cast bad luck on her? The fairy cursed those divine bitches (even though it weren't their fault).

Now, here she was, unwillingly traveling with her evil-eyed malefactor and some muscle-bound monk deep in the forest. Said malefactor was cradling her like a doll and being as happy as a kid on Christmas morning. "Guuuu…"

"Ooh~! You're so cute!" Chie squealed. "You're just the cutest thing! Yes you are! Disgustingly adorable!"

Sunny responded with another growl. "Guuuu…"

Sano turned around and gazed at the skunk-eyed fairy. "It looks pissed."

"Aww, its okay," said Chie, rubbing her face against Sunny. "I'm going to take GOOD care of you!"

Sunny said nothing. She was silently condemning her luck.

Sano tilted his wide hat. "It is what it is, then. She can mean-mug her face until her head explodes for all I care." He turned and resumes his lazy trek up the path. "You said that the hermit lives somewhere high up in the mountains up there, right?" He indicated, pointing at the mountain that was formerly known as Yatsugatake. A pillar of black smoke filled the air above the peak, blending in with the cloudy skies. "This is going to be like finding a needle in a haystack."

"Why you say that? She lives in a huge dojo. That shouldn't be hard too find."

"Guuu…!"

"Haven't you heard from Yukari when she was talking about this place?"

"Some of it, yes," Chie admitted.

"And that's why you got your ass handed to you." Sano remarked. "You're lucky that it was that hermit that kicked you around. There are all sorts of things in these mountains that you should be cautious of."

"Well, I didn't encounter anything besides the hermit yesterday."

"Again, you were lucky, Chie. You've charged into hostile territory headfirst like a damn fool."

"Hey! Don't talk to me like that," Chie retorted, nearly releasing Sunny. "I can take whatever this backwater town can throw at me!"

"Do you? Even if there are a thousand-and-one tengu chasing you up and down the mountain like a horde of wild dogs?" He approached his younger cousin and gave her fierce eye contact. "This place is dangerous, girl. And you dived right in unprepared. Many dangerous and mysterious creatures inhabit this place – dangerous mysteries."

"You can say that, but I didn't have any problems on my way to find the target." Chie reasoned. "My clan went in silently, undetected. That's a part of being a ninja is all about, right?"

Sano reluctantly scratched his head. "Well… you got part of it right, kiddo. Just… be a little bit more careful. We've been in Gensokyo for a month and I don't wanna wear out our welcome so soon. This region is legendary. I'm surprised that we haven't run into any feral youkai, tengu, or some crazy god yet. Hell, legend has it that some fat old jealous lady is the reason why the volcano blowin' smoke. "

Chie placed a finger on her lips innocently. "It's that bad, huh?"

"Yep, pretty much," said Sano, suddenly turning. "I'm sure that even our friend agrees."

The hanyou kunoichi raised a brow. "Friend…?"

"So far, it seems that way," Sano revealed. He faced a specific area of the forest shrubbery. "You've been following us for a minute. Why don't you come on out and introduce yourself?"

A question mark hovered over Chie's head. An exclamation hovered above the said shrubbery.

Sano narrowed his half hidden eyes. "Well…"

The tall greenery trembled for a moment before the stranger stepped forth. Chie gasped. She was honestly surprised that they were being tailed in the first place. And that wasn't all… "Wait, you're from the village. Why are you following us?"

"On investigation," said Youmu, approaching the duo. She was not far behind. Her gaze was on Sano.

"Investigation," Chie wondered. Then she noticed the most curious thing. "What is that hovering beside you?"

"That's not important," the half-ghost remarked seriously.

"She's a rare species of youkai known as a Half-Ghost," Sano explained to his kin, causing Youmu to visibly flinch. "That wisp floating about her is a part of her – as much as her limbs, hair and everything else on her body."

"She's one of those dangerous youkai that lives in the mountains, right?" Chie asked.

"I don't think so."

"You're ninja," Youmu's eyes narrowed. "I was right to follow you two."

"You did well, I'll give you that," the big man praised. "But try not to be so tense next time, okay? I can sense your qi the moment we left the village."

Youmu's eyes went wide. "You sensed me?"

"No doubt I did," Sano grinned. "Work on your stealth a little more, would ya?"

Youmu retained her serious gaze. "Of course, you would know a lot about stealth, wouldn't you?"

"Kid, I live and breathe stealth. And… by the way, those are very interesting pieces of steel you have there."

The samurai phantom hardened her gaze. "I thank you for the compliment, sir. But I assure you my skills with them are a lot more interesting."

Sano lifted his hat a bit, revealing an impressed grin. "Oh… now we're talkin'. Tell me more."

At the sight of his face, Youmu momentarily forgot what she was here for. _Damn._

"Hey!" Chie interrupted the half-ghost out of her brief stupor. She stood before Youmu in a challenge. Sunny helplessly stared. "You're itching for a fight, short stuff? Just who do you think you-"

**FWOOSH!**

Youmu humphed, and a sudden breeze occurred (along with a flash of silver). She was now behind the tall girl, sheathing her sword.

"…are…?" Chie blinked in confusion. The next thing she knew, her biker shorts fell to the ground in shreds – revealing her black-white chain gang striped panties.

"I am Youmu Konpaku, gardener of the Netherworld and master swordswoman." Youmu introduced as Chie shrieked as she realized her lovely skivvies were in plain view.

"EEEEEEEEEIIII!"

The kunoichi instinctively tugged her black kimono over her crotch in embarrassment. Doing so, Sunny made her escape. "I'm free," the little trickster cried as she scrammed to safety. "FREE AT LAST!"

"Be thankful that I didn't slash you instead," warned Youmu. The kunoichi sat on the ground in embarrassment, her face red as a beet. "That was your warning."

Chie remained where she was, trembling.

"Hmm… Iiado, that's interesting…" Sano said thoughtfully after observing Youmu's technique. "Not bad, your precision is pretty solid and that speed of yours' is impressive."

Youmu surveyed Sano's expression, trying her best not to go into another lapse. "You're evaluating me."

"That's what she wrote, kiddo. And I know someone that's just as fast as you are – if not, faster."

Youmu ignored him. She was busy trying to advert her view from his eyes. There was something strange about his eyes. Or was it…?

"I'm being punished, aren't I?" Chie whined, still tugging on her clothes.

Sano shrugged. "So, what now? You've followed us all the way out here, challenged us, and embarrassed the hell outta Chie – which is kinda hilarious because she's been training since childhood. You're no ordinary loli, that's for sure. Just like the loudmouth shrine maiden…"

One of the half-ghost's swords was out again. This time, it was pointed at Sano's chest. "Where is she?"

"Hmm…" Sano lifted a brow. This is another daring loli. "What you're going to do with that, besides making me mad?"

"You…" she hesitated. Something was definitely wrong here. Why can't she concentrate when she sees his eyes? _Damn. What's wrong with me? Get it together, Youmu!_

"Hey, enough of that," Sano said, making Youmu realize what she was doing. "That tickles."

Youmu gasped. Sure enough, the tip of Roukanken was lightly tracing his exposed pectorals. Maybe Koishi was the blame for that one. "D'oh!"

"Kick her ass, Sano," yelled Chie.

The youkai disguised as a monk scratched his jawline. "I dunno if I should fight her or start laughing."

"You should surrender instead," said a voice followed by the sound of a gun being cocked.

Youmu, Chie, and Sano looked around the forest in confusion. "Who's said that?" Chie wondered.

"You're trespassing," the voice said again, obviously female. The stranger came into view from her hiding spot among the bushes. She stood before the phantom samurai and the ninja pair, armed with a musket rifle. The musketeer wore an army fatigue patterned cardigan, combat boots, and a bullet helmet. The ancient Springfield she held looked as sharp as her expression.

Sano surveyed the youth. The girl was obviously a native of the forest. She was young, but full grown – anywhere between twenty two to one-hundred seventy years of age. The blonde haired youkai may be cute but her serious demeanor begs to differ. "Kappa…" Sano noted.

After the faux monk's mentioning, Chie gawked at the super-cute trooper. "Really? That's a kappa?" She stood back on her feet, disregarding her indecency. Curiosity conquered humiliation. "I thought that kappa… would be – y'know, humanoid turtles or something… with water bowl toupees on their heads and such."

"Gensokyou," Sano reminded. "Humanoid youkai…"

"Oh, that's right," Chie nodded, taking a step forward.

"Don't move," the soldier commanded, aiming at the hanyou girl with pretty legs.

Youmu remained silent. She was as much as an intruder as the outsiders. It was a wise move on her part. She hopes that she doesn't have to resort to hurting the musketeer. Then she heard a chuckle from Sano. _What is he laughing about?_

"This is cute – real cute," he grinned. "Listen, buddy, me, my cousin and the half-spook came here in peace. We're not looking for any trouble… not with you, anyway."

The kappa's remained stern. "Trouble has found you instead. It doesn't take a wolf tengu to see that you're one of the ninja that are invading Gensokyou."

Two more kappa girls appeared from the shrubbery: a redhead and a noirette in identical styled cardigans. They too were armed – swords, survival knives, flash bangs, and even a sweet HK .45. It was a wonder how the redhead got a hold of that nice heat. Strangers had invaded their turf and they answered the call of duty.

Sano said, "Trouble."

"Yea, that's right," the blonde remarked, unwavering. "I would turn back now if I were you. I don't care what happens in the Human Village or the rest of Gensokyou, as long as you steer clear from these parts, then we're good."

"And put some clothes on," the redhead added, regarding Chie. The loveliness of her legs was almost obscene.

Chie frowned, her hand instinctively going to the blade on her hip. "Just who do you think you're talking to, you gangbangin' turtle?"

"Chie, be easy," Sano commanded. "We don't want to make this harder than it needs to be, ladies. Making enemies are not on our agenda."

"It is too late for that now," the blonde circled her aim. "Now, head back from where you came and we will mercifully pretend that this never happened."

Sano shrugged. The kappas were just doing their jobs.

Chie, ever the comedienne, said "You three wouldn't happen to be named after historical Renaissance artists, are you?"

The redhead giggled at the hanyou. "It seems that ninja are facing tough times as well. Couldn't afford a pair of breeches?"

"Be thankful that any of the tengu didn't see you, especially while your drawers are in plain view," scoffed the blonde. "You're just their type."

"Pfft! Go suck on a cucumber."

The mean-spirited trooper snapped her aim at her new nemesis. "What was that?"

Chie made an unnervingly pleasant smile of anger. "Now… you may as well go ahead and pull the trigger, sister. Shoot me and see that I won't beat your ass. I dare you."

The gunwoman gave the kunoichi a heinous glare. She hates her now. "Your mouth is going to get you into a world of trouble."

"Don't worry," Youmu broke her silence, earning curious stares. "I'll handle these two. Everything's under control."

"If everything were under control, then none of you wouldn't be here right now," the blonde kappa trooper retorted. "I warn you; even the half dead shall not be spared."

Youmu clicked her tongue. There was no reasoning with those river imps. "A wise man once said that some people deserve their personal hells." Youmu was not their enemy, but she was going to teach the trio a lesson of respect – especially to those that are trying to help them. At the very least, she was going to get a pretty good workout while on the quest for Reimu. She drew out both of her blades with a sigh. "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you…"

"Hold on. Don't waste your energy," Sano held out his hand, regarding Youmu. This surprised all of the girls. "If little Miss Trigger Happy is so big and bad, then she should have shot one of us by now."

Miss Trigger Happy… actually smiled. "Don't tempt me."

Sano challenged her. "Go ahead, punk. Make my day."

**BANG!**

Birds and fairies fled from the trees after the jarring gunshot. Youmu's covered her ears. She never did understand some people's fascination with firearms. They were crude, loud weapons. Granted, few firearms require training and tact to wield, but they will never amount to the skills required to wield a sword. _That hurt my ears…_

Then she heard a chuckle from Sano. "Heh heh… I've been burned, stabbed, shot by an arrow, knocked unconscious, but I've never been shot before – much less an old rifle like that."

The kappa warriors gasped. The bullet was on the ground, dented.

The blonde girl was shocked. "H-how? Even youkai can't withstand a bullet without flinching!"

"I have no doubt about that," said Sano. "But right now it looks like I'm an exception."

The redhead brandished her .45 with a snarl. "Take this!"

**BANG!**

"Ugh," Sano grunted after the headshot. Even his hat was knocked off. "Now that was just plain rude."

"It bounced right off him!" the noirette screamed.

Chie grinned. Youmu stared at the now hatless youkai. She kinda liked what she saw but he can certainly do without that weird pompadour of his. _What's going on? What is he made of?_

"You better run," Chie laughed. "Get to steppin'!"

"Damn! What the hell is going on?" Trigger Happy demanded, fight or flight instincts kicking in. "You're so kinda freak!"

"No I'm not," Sano shrugged. "I used Iron Body. Pretty nifty qi trick - It took me years to learn that technique. I came prepared."

Youmu noted what he said. The handsome warrior (in her opinion, anyway) was just as adept as he is good-looking. _Iron Body… this guy has a nice trick up his sleeves._

"Retreat!" Trigger Happy commanded, and all three of them vanished in the bushes. Fleeing was their only option right now. They regret not bringing along a few spell cards.

"Oh no you don't," said Sano. "You just shot me and not expect any consequences? Not cool!"

His young cousin gave him an approving nod. "They're just making it interesting for you, aren't they?"

"Yep, now if you excuse me…" he said, dismissing himself. He hopped in the greenery and pursued the kappa warriors. A patch of it suddenly shook and the noirette peep her head out. Why she did this was beyond anyone's guess. She was better off running away.

Maybe she had a plan?

Then, Youmu's eyes widened in shock at what happened next. Sano appeared behind the unsuspecting girl like a lion. The poor noirette didn't stand a chance…

**THE HUMAN VILLAGE – Rooftops**

Aya swooped down on an old building far from the village square. Her wings vanished and she searched the rooftops for any signs of followers. Her lips were set in a thin, determined line. She was frustrated. She was not the usual happy-go-lucky Honest Tengu Reporter of Fantasy. Right now, she was the Predatory Harpy on a Mission instead. Looking into this incident had put her on edge. And she was going nowhere. People were scared. Humans panicked and hid in their homes. Native youkai became wary of a new danger and watched their backs at every turn. The ninja invasion had everyone on edge.

Aya was now involved in resolving this mess – a personal struggle with a familiar conundrum.

She paced along the Western-styled roof, making her way towards the water tower at the center of it. With all the familiarity of the situation she was having a hard time with it. She couldn't figure out where all the ninjas were coming from. There was a nagging suspicion that they're located somewhere in Gensokyou but she didn't know exactly where. The invaders were good. It was obvious that they planned their intrusion months ago… maybe even years. It all started with women's missing underwear. Then from there, valuables possessions were stolen. And it didn't stop there… there were numerous accounts of home invasion and beautiful young girls were kidnapped. After that, Reimu Hakurei and Keine Kamishirasawa were abducted. Their abduction was the greatest affront to Gensokyou in years.

The plot thickens. Aya got a lead.

The crow had caught one of them: a female from the Outside World. She bound the intruder to one of the poles of the water tower. Aya left her captives for hours. It was time for her to check on the kunoichi. It was time for answers.

Aya approached the girl, a dark-haired kunoichi dressed in a short lavender kimono. She was a beautiful sad-eyed specimen of youkai femininity. Even while scowling angrily at the approaching tengu she still looked sad. She stared Aya in her eyes, stricken with unforgivable rage. The kunoichi was pissed. Aya was far more formidable an opponent that she seems. She found out the hard way.

Aya sat on her haunches and removed the gag from her victim's mouth. "You're in trouble…"

"No more trouble than you are once they found out that I'm missing," the youkai spat.

Aya gave the long-haired girl a flat look. "I'm no fool."

The statement earned her curiosity. "What do you mean?"

Aya laughed. It was a cruel haughty laughter of a condescending intellectual barbarian. The type of person whose booksmarts heavily outweighed her common sense. She seemed like the type that'll use every bit of said intelligence to humiliate her – to make herself feel that she was better than her. Hearing that laugh, one would get the impression that she was the kind of person that thought she knew everything… and the entire world orbited her knowledge. How pretentious!

"There's nothing funny about this," the youkai grunted, unnerved. "Do you see me laughing?"

"Personally, I don't care," Aya remarked. "I really don't care if you're laughing or crying urine from your eyes. All that matters right now is the fact that I'm… laughing… at… you."

"You will regret this. My friends will come for me."

"No they won't. You're a liability. I know these things." Aya said cruelly. "You're nothing to them now. For them to come searching for you would be a waste of time. It's just they way it is."

The kunoichi lowered her head. "A liability…"

"Well, how bout the word detriment? That's more fitting in your situation." Aya said thoughtfully. "Or maybe… a pain in the ass?"

The kunoichi trembled. The truth was dawning on her and it hurts. "Shut up!"

"If you're a real ninja, then you should know this," said Aya as she stood. "I see that they don't make em like they used to."

The youkai stared at the tengu with a bit of surprise. "Wait… don't tell me… You were a ninja once, weren't you?"

Aya faced away from her captive. "I don't know what you're talking about…"

"You're lying."

"I get that a lot, actually," the tengu remarked offhandedly. "You don't have to believe me, though. It's the news that matters. Belief doesn't pay the bills, y'know."

"Liar, you know a lot more than you let on."

Aya spun on her heels. "Now wait a minute, girl! You're the captive here, not me! I should be the one doing all the talking!"

"You're a liar!" She spat. "A big fuckin' liar!"

The yellow journalist narrowed her eyes dangerously. "Shut up. I'm not going to ask you again."

"You're a big fat lyin' friggin' ninja!"

And just like that, Aya's patience diminished. Her hand flew to the girl's face.

**SMACK!**

"Ugh!"

Aya dusted off her hand in satisfaction. That'll shut her up. Stupid kid… there was no use reasoning with her. It was like talking to Hatate – very infuriating. "Now… you're going to tell me where your hideout's located. If not, there's plenty more of that where that comes from. Whether you cooperate or not, it makes no difference to me."

The ninja youkai stared at her lithe enemy. A fresh hand-print was on her left cheek. "I don't… care anymore…" she remarked. "Go ahead… torture me… again…"

"Aya!"

The tengu clicked her tongue. So they decided to follow her after all? And she was about to have fun torturing the kunoichi again. She turned to her company with a (faux) pleasant smile. "Sakuya, Sanae, nice to see that you've made it."

"Who is she?" Sakuya wondered, relinquishing Minako. "And why you chose the roof of the funeral home of all places?"

"Did someone died?" Minako wondered. "Is there a wake going on that I don't know about?"

"If this chick gets out of hand then there will be…" Aya remarked ominously, surprising her companions. "Anyways, I knocked her out and dragged her ass up here. She's our lead."

Akyuu hopped out of Sanae's arms and approached Aya. The tengu was showing a side of her that she has never witness before. "You're stressed…"

The crow put her hands on her hips. "Thanks for noticing," she sassed.

Akyuu relented. There was no need to make Aya angrier than she already was. It was a very smart decision on her part. "Oh… kay…"

Sanae stared at the captured girl. She had bruises on her body and her clothes had tears in it.

"It's been a stressful day for all of us," said Sakuya warily. "But at the very least, I'm glad that we finally have a lead."

"**I have a lead…"** Aya emphasized.

The maid raised her brows. "That girl certainly pissed you off, that much is obvious. But don't take your anger out on me."

Aya went rigid. "You're mistaken, Sa-ku-ya. I'm not angry. Don't make such silly assumptions."

Everyone present noticed the tension between the tengu and maid. "Uh… girls…" Minako gauged carefully. "I don't think that this is the appropriate time to confront one another."

"Of course not," Sakuya remarked nonchalantly. "But we are at an appropriate place for murder. This is the morgue, after all."

Akyuu gulped. "Oh dear…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Aya challenged.

Sakuya remained unrepentant. "You're a tengu, it shouldn't be too hard for you to figure out. Your species are supposedly smarter than humans, right?"

Sanae turned to Sakuya. "Whoa! That was harsh, Sakuya."

"Do unto others as they do unto you," said the maid.

"Well maybe you should start feeding dog chow to Remilia then?" Aya rebutted.

Sakuya pushed Sanae aside and marched up to Aya. They were the exact same height (thanks to Aya's geta shoes). "You're pushing your luck, crow. Watch your mouth before something bad happens to you."

Aya smiled in the maid's face. They were so close to one another that their breasts were pressing together – hers' were noticeably larger than Sakuya's. "Umm-hmm… I love a challenge. Go ahead, do your worst."

Minako was staring at the combative duo, her nose bleeding. "Ooh…"

"Mi-na-kooo…" Akyuu grounded out. "That's disrespectful."

"Sorry, Akyuu," the maidservant apologized.

"Guys, please don't fight!" Sanae cried. "We're all under a lot of stress and fighting each other would only make things worse."

"She started it!" Aya yelled, armed with her _hauchiwa._

"And I'm sure that I will finish it," Sakuya remarked, her skirt was hiked up high enough to show her knife-equipped thigh garters. "That is, if she cannot keep her temper in check."

The crow gave her silver-haired frenemy a hard look. "You're pushing it. You don't know half of what I'm capable of."

Now, truth be told, even without the Lunar Dial, Sakuya was still a capable fighter. She was talented in close quarters combat and wielding knives. With those said talents, she was able to take on various types of youkai (even without Lunar Dial's assistance). Yet… there was something different about Aya today. Something about her demeanor seemed wrong. The glare Aya gave her was unnerving. Although Sakuya hate to admit it, but it was probably wise not to engage the tengu in a fight right now. She didn't need the additional stress. It wasn't worth it.

Imposing or not, she let Aya off the hook. For now…

"Whatever you say," Sakuya hedged, turning her back on Aya. "I don't have time for this right now."

Aya responded with a mirthless smile. "A wise decision…"

The maid froze mid-stride at Aya's challenge. The bird was being a real cheeky bitch today. Sakuya sighed and rolled her eyes. "Yes, I made a wise decision for your sake."

Aya laughed. It was a scathing, nasty sound.

"Uh, you're really creeping us out today," Sanae said.

"Tell me about it," Aya's captor remarked. "There must be all types of creeps in this place."

Sanae, Akyuu, and Minako turned to look at the bruised youkai. The visible bruises on her limbs told a story of torture. She was scowling – putting on a tough face, but they knew that her resolve was waning. The youkai was trembling in both anger and fear. Seeing the kunoichi's apparent anxiety, the human girls understood her pain. Aya was not herself today. And it scared all of them.

"Is that a hickey?" Minako sudden asked, noticing a mark on the youkai's neck when she knelt before her.

Aya gasped.

"Hey, that is a hickey!" Sanae confirmed.

The humans stared at Aya in a mixture of disbelief and disgust (in Sakuya's case).

Aya glowed red. "N-no! No it's not! I hit her there!"

The humans were skeptical. They delivered blank stares to the tengu. "Huh, is that right?" Minako asked suspiciously.

"That crazy tengu beat me," the youkai cried. "She punched me, cut me, and molested me!"

"Aya…" Sanae began in a chiding tone. "I don't think you're supposed to molest suspects."

The crow's eyes went wide. "Ayayaya! She's lying! Don't believe her!"

"She's a monster," the girl's trembling was more evident now. "She felt me up while cursing my existence! Then she left me here for hours! And now's she's back to finish what she started!"

Minako narrowed her eyes and studied the kunoichi's bare legs. So that wasn't sweat glistening on her thighs…

Sakuya nodded her head. "How repulsive…"

"That little piece of crap is lying through her teeth!" Aya cussed. "Okay, I did cope a feel of her breasts, but I didn't molest her!"

"Hmm…" Minako suddenly opened the youkai girl's top a bit, revealing another mark near her breasts. "You did a lot more than feeling on her titties."

"Hey!" The kunoichi shrieked, blushing in embarrassment.

Akyuu stared at the blushing tengu. "You've been pretty busy with her, apparently."

"Yea, we can see that much," Sanae added, walking up to Aya with a pout on her face. "We commend you for having a lead on this incident but you're being a very bad girl. If I hadn't known any better, your actions call for extermination."

Aya sweated. The humans were questioning her grandeur. "Now Sanae… who do you believe in: her or me? She's an enemy of Gensokyou right now – a menace to society. That girl is a member of a clan of ninja thieves that has been pillaging, abducting, and scaring people all over the place. More to it, their base of operations remains a mystery. And she's been lying to me that she doesn't know of said place. Now… I ask you again: her or me?"

Akyuu and Minako joined Sanae and rounded on Aya while glaring disapprovingly. "Her," they replied simultaneously.

Aya face-palmed. "Oh, screw the three of you!"

"You raped her," Sanae berated.

"Don't judge me!"

"What you did to that poor youkai was very unethical, Aya-san."

"She's one of the bad guys! Do you really care what happens to her!?"

It was then that the roar of their lead alerted them. The youkai had set herself free somehow. "RRAAAARGH!"

"Holy crap she's big!" Minako gasped. The kunoichi didn't look that big when she was bound to the pole just now.

"Don't let her get away!" Aya yelled. Sakuya blocked the girl's way as she fled. The youkai girl was even taller than Sakuya. But before the maid can act, a pair of huge black wings sprouted from the girl's back. And the next thing they know, she hit the maid with a blow that can lay low a heavyweight pugilist in his prime. Sakuya fell on her rear, head spinning. "She's… a tengu?"

The tall tengu then charged at the remaining humans, bowling Sanae and prompting Akyuu and Minako to hop out of her way. Her feathers were dispersing everywhere. She was no Utsuho Reiuji, but she was a pretty imposing bird. "Yea, that's a tengu, alright." Minako said.

"Damn it! Must I do everything myself?" Aya swore and chased the larger crow across the roof. Just as the random tengu was about to take flight, Aya had already closed in on her. She knocked the girl on the floor with an elbow to the back of her head. The taller tengu curled into a fetal posture and sobbed.

"Please," she cried. "Don't hurt me any more! Please don't beat me again!"

The journalist sighed at such a pitiful sight. "Oh please. You don't have to worry about that. Why are you crying?"

The tengu rubbed her eyes. "You know… why I'm… crying! Uuuuuu!"

"Wow… you call yourself a tengu?" Aya scoffed. "Stop crying. You're being a disgrace to our entire race." Honestly, even Hatate didn't cry as much as this big tengu. In fact, Hatate hardly ever cried.

"Leave me alone," she begged.

Sakuya recovered from the sucker punch and made her way to the pitiful bird. "That was a lucky shot. You better be glad that I didn't catch you."

Aya smiled as a devilish idea swam in her mind. "Let's kick her!"

Sakuya mirrored the evil expression. "Don't mind if I do!"

"Wait! WAIT!" Sanae cried, rushing to the two taller girls. "You can't do that."

Sakuya raised a brow. "And why not?"

"Because it's mean," the godling scolded.

"Sanae… my right hand will have an appointment with your face if you don't mind your own business." Sakuya warned. Her dislike for the divine woman-child was growing more apparent.

However, Sanae stood her ground. "No, this is my business as much as yours." She then stood over the crying tengu. "If you're going to beat her then you might as well start with me!"

Sakuya raised a fist, causing her buxom nemesis to flinch. Her fist stopped mere inches from the younger girl's nose. She gritted her teeth. It wasn't worth the wrath of two mountain gods. "Whose side are you on?"

"Yea," Aya balled her hands on her hips impatiently. "Don't tell me that you're catching feelings for this big cuckoo?"

Akyuu thought hard on what the tengu had said. _Cuckoo? Is that a regional slur among the tengu?_

"Yes, I'm on your side, guys. And just like you I'm willing to get this over with real soon," the miko reasoned. "This tengu is our key to point us in the right direction. Torturing her won't be of any use to us. She's already shell-shocked as it is."

The girls looked at the kunoichi whom was whimpering on the ground. Aya has already done terrible things to her. And it would have gotten worse if not for the humans' arrival. "I want my mama…" she sniffed.

Seeing the big baby, Sakuya's heart bled a little. "Okay… we're going to go easy on her."

Aya knelt besides the intruder and played with her long hair. "I'm your mama now, toots."

"Aya!" The humans chided. Not only was the journalist extra edgy today, she was also extra shameless.

**YOUKAI MOUNTAIN – Cataracts**

"What's wrong?" Rio taunted, her blade locked into the borrowed one of her foe. "You're finally realizing the difference between us?"

**CLANG!**

"No…" Kasen said after a parry. She's been clashing metal with the swordswoman for several minutes now. The senin was not all that skilled with a sword but she was doing well in holding off the brown-skinned sword master. "H-how… can… I know a difference… if we're both… h-holding back?"

**CLANG!**

**CLANG!**

**CLANG!**

Kasen was right. Every since the Indo-Chinese assassin lent her blade to her all she did was misdirection and evasion. Kasen couldn't land an opening on her opponent. On the other hand, Rio had successfully slashed the hermit's left shoulder, back, and her right thigh. It was a one-sided fight and she was growing ever more frustrated. She was forced to back into a marsh because of Rio's offense.

Komachi was still in the waters somewhere, her life ebbing away in the currents.

_Komachi…! _Kasen thought frantically. _Hang in there, Komachi!_

"You're right," Rio stopped her offensive suddenly. "I am holding back."

Kasen studied her opponent's expression carefully. "You were? Were you really?"

Rio shrugged. "Yes… for your sake. I still can't see how you managed to beat both Chie and Hsiao. I know that they're a bit on the arrogant side, but they're strong. They can back up their brashness."

The hermit actually stared at the redhead. She did not appreciate being underestimated. "You're experimenting with me…"

"And you're failing horribly."

"Enough of this!" Kasen exclaimed, tossing the sword aside. "I'm done playing your game! I have a friend to save!" She took a stance; her feet slightly apart with her right hand near her waist in a fist and her left hand stretched before her. She flexed the fingers of her left hand. "I'm not holding back any longer, either. Let's see how well you fare against me now."

Rio smiled. She sheathed her blade and tossed it aside as well. "Your move…"

Kasen didn't waste any time. She moved in on Rio with a flurry of punches, palm-strikes, and elbows. And to her surprise, the kunoichi blocked and parried most of her attacks. She only landed a knife-hand strike to her ribs, but it didn't phase her much. Although Rio was being passive in the fistfight, she knew that she couldn't hold up for long. She has to go on the offensive sooner or later.

"Eii!" Kasen delivered a swift spinning back kick, prompting her opponent to duck and retaliate. The redhead shot three punches to the midsection and knocked her back with a crescent kick to her face. The rose senin fell in the marsh on her rear.

"You can do better than that!" Rio exclaimed, advancing on Kasen with a kick to shoulder. She likes to kick her opponents while they were down.

She caught Rio's foot just before it hit her in a cross-guard. And from her position on her butt she swept her legs to sweep Rio. "Hmmph!"

"Shit," the redhead cursed, falling face first in the water.

Kasen gained space from her via three backflips. By the time she did that Rio had already rose from the water. She chased the hermit with a few misdirected kicks – all of which the hermit blocked, sidestepped, and cartwheeled out of harm's way. _Damn! She needs to stop moving around like a damn flea!_

It was then that Kasen landed a solid kick to her back. In her brief frustration, the hermit managed to get a good attack in. Rio fell to her knees, gritting her teeth in annoyance. She was beginning to see how her comrades were defeated by this woman. Her evasive, passive way of fighting can be frustrating – and both Hsiao and Chie were easily irritable. The redhead made a vow not to fall to the same elusive tactics. Two can play this game!

Rio rose from the ground with a declaration on her tongue. But her adversary cut her off with a swift eye-gouge. "Ack!"

The kunoichi's covered her eyes in reaction and Kasen maintained her offense. She kicked Rio in the shin and threw her over her shoulders. Rio hit the ground hard, a great pain seared through her spine. She is going to feel back pains for a while.

"Hee-yaaaa!" The hermit cried, attempting to punch her floored adversary. But… her eyes widened in shock and she suddenly blushed. "Oww! Wh-watch it!"

"I've underestimated you," Rio smirked, her right hand latched on Kasen's breast overhead. She squeezed hard, her fingers sinking in the deep skin of the hermit's chest. "You're definitely a fighter."

"Get your hands off my chest!" Kasen shrieked, now trying to kick the redhead.

Rio vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Ooh… that really hurt…" coughed Kasen, wincing.

The kunoichi appeared a few feet behind her, arms crossed. "Having a large chest is not always a good thing."

"Tell me about it," Kasen replied, rubbing her breast with a blush of embarrassment.

"I can certainly attest to that but you are a different story all together." Rio said. Granted, the redhead was blessed in the bosom area as well. Her brown pearls looked mighty nice underneath the netted undershirt she was wearing. But her aesthetic foe was more so blessed, glaringly so. "You're a lot like someone else I know."

Kasen didn't reply. She tossed a dart instead. It hit Rio square between the eyes. The redhead's eyes constricted in pain…

…and she vanished again.

"_Ninpo_…" Kasen growled, narrowing her eyes. "I've should known – OOOOOOW!" She fell face-first to the ground after a kick to her backside. She rubbed her butt as her eyes glistened with tears.

"If you know anything about _Ninpo_…" said Rio, marching up to hermit. "…then you will surely love this one – it's a classic." She raised her right hand close to her mouth and her thumb touched her index finger in a circle. And the next thing Kasen knew, Rio was breathing fire.

Her skirt and leggings were caught by some of the flames and she immediately began rolling in the grass. "Kyaaah! Hot! HOT! HOT!"

Rio ceased her pyrotechnic attack for a moment. "That's the point!"

Kasen rolled to the river and doused the flames off her clothes. Then some snatched her from the water. "Going somewhere?" That someone grunted.

She was being held up by the back of her blouse. "What do you think?" Kasen remarked sarcastically.

Toru grunted, holding Kasen high in the air like a ragdoll. "Lady, you have given us enough trouble."

Rio approached the giant. "She's definitely more trouble than she worth. I thought that she would be a decent challenge."

Kasen rolled her eyes. "You have my condolence, the both of you," she remarked sarcastically.

"Tell that to the rest of the gang you've knocked out." Rio rebutted. Her violet eyes took on a curious look. "Who are you? You're not who I expect you to be."

"Yea, there has to be a reason why Master wants to know more about you," Toru added. He find it odd that the hermit didn't try to escape his grip.

"I'm just your friendly neighborhood mountain hermit – my mother's daughter."

Rio regarded the giant with a dry expression. "She's just as weird as your master. They're a match made in paradise."

She noticed what the red-themed assassin just said. "His… master?"

"That's none of your business!" Toru roared. "You're coming with us-"

"_**RRRRRAAAAAAAH!" **_Something… from down the river raged as a tower of water erupted like a geyser.

Rio gasped and turned to the source of the sudden disturbance. "What the!? Now what?"

Toru looked confused. "I dunno. Maybe it's an alligator or something."

With the opportunity presented to her, Kasen twisted in the big man's grip and drove her knee to his nose. "Head's up!"

**WHAM!**

He dropped the distressed damsel in agony, clutching his broken nose. "OOOOOOOWWW!" He cried.

"Toru!" Rio gasped.

"_**YOUUUUU…" **_the creature from the deep growled. It was big, tall, dark, and obviously female. The monster was several yards away and yet… it seemed relatively close to them. It slowly advanced it's soaking-wet form towards them.

Kasen hopped away from the sobbing minion and stared at the possible greater evil. "What in the world is that?"

"_**You… will… pay…" **_the creature hissed. _**"PAAAAAAY!"**_

Rio faced the looming beast and unsheathed one of her swords. "Easier said than done!"

The mystery brandished a gigantic weapon – wavy and sinister-looking. _**"Pointless… Your life is mine! MINE!"**_

Rio remained fearless in the face of her impending doom. "I'll make you wish that you drowned in the river!"

Mysteriously, the figure now stood right in front of the red kunoichi. The stature of the creature dwarfed Rio but it was still much smaller than Toru. _**"You've royally pissed me of! Big mistake!"**_

Kasen gasped when she recognized who the creature was. "Komachi!"

**YOUKAI MOUNTAIN – Tengu Village Outskirts**

"Ugh!" A story fodder grunted as she fell unconscious from a blow from Sasuke. She was among a small group of ninja that fell to the wolf tengu's might.

"That's the last of em," Sasuke said, putting away his scimitar. It was a good thing that he decided to confront them in the forested path before the village. Had they infiltrated the village, they small clan would be put to death – a notion that he really wasn't fond of. "They provided a decent workout."

Minoriko clapped her hands. "You were great, Sasuke! Seeing you fight is like poetry in motion!"

"They were humans," Shizuha pointed out – being a spoilsport. "And had Minoriko not threw a pumpkin at the tall guy, Sasuke would have caught a little trouble."

Minoriko rolled her eyes. "Haters gonna hate."

"I find it strange, though," Sasuke contemplated. "Why would a small group of humans try to invade the tengu village in the first place? Unless they don't know a thing about us, for a human to physically confront a tengu is suicidal."

"That is strange…" Minoriko hummed, walking ahead.

"Humans are not to be underestimated," Shizuha cautioned, following her younger sister. "The limitless potential thing, remember?"

"Yes, you're right…" Sasuke (decidedly) agreed. "But still…"

"They're a crafty bunch, most definitely. Thousands of years of evolution and what-not… they certainly earned the right of being hailed as the planet's dominant species. Although they lack true power, their influence is indisputable. It's probably a reason why I love them so much."

Minoriko momentarily turned her attention from the towering pagodas of the tengu village. She gave her big sister a dubious glare. "Do you even realize what you're saying? A lack of true power… psshaw! I guess that means you've never met the likes of Reimu, Marisa, and that ditzy child of the Yasa-Moriya Shrine."

Shizuha made an excuse. "I was having a bad hair day, that's all!"

"And I'm a Stage 1 Mid-boss…" the younger Aki muttered.

"H-hey! Watch your mouth, Mino! That's not funny!"

"I know," Minoriko shrugged. "That's why I said that. Gotta be cruel to be kind…"

"I am SO telling Mom the next time I see her," Shizuha shouted, pointing at her baby sister. "You're being an insufferable bitch and you know it!"

"I know you are but what am I!?"

"Oh don't you start that again!"

As the divine duo got into another one of their sibling spat, Sasuke sighed. _I wonder if Hina ever gets into it with these two. Knowing that she often hangs out with them, I wouldn't be surprised._ He turned and gazed at the unconscious humans. _No matter. It's time to report this to Lord Tenma._

**YOUKAI FOREST – Riverside Mountain Path**

"Bastard…" the blonde kappa grounded out. She was bound with her two companions in chains. "You will not get away with this!"

"Yea! You're gonna get it, Mister!" The redhead kappa added.

"Aaaaahhh shaddap!" Chie shouted.

Sano turned to his relative. "Much appreciated." Then he asked the black-haired kappa a question. "And why did you let me catch you so easily? What's the deal with those goggles, anyway?"

"Research," the noirette remarked. "And the back of my thighs are going to get a rash. You're dragging us too roughly."

The ninja disguised as a monk raised a brow. "Research, you say? In your case, you're using it as a safety word." He resumed pulling the disgruntled trio.

"Am I?" The noirette challenged. "I've observed your so-called Iron Body technique, sir. By next month, I and a friend of mine will have a way to emulate that technique."

The big man was impressed. He whistled.

"Nothing's better than the original, y'know." Chie giggled.

"I swear, black and white stripes must be the color of the day," the redhead muttered. "You've flashed me, like, twelve times in the last five minutes."

Chie blushed, tightening the sash around her waist once again. "It's not my fault! Blame her!" She indicated at Youmu… who was still trailing behind them. "Speaking of… why are you still following us?"

"I…" Youmu began uncertainly. After seeing Sano, she nearly forgot the purpose of her mission. "I… I must…"

Sano suddenly stopped in his wake and dropped the chain he was pulling. "You're ready to fight now?" He turned to the half-ghost and brandished his _kusarigama. _"You're still up to the challenge, right?"

Youmu hesitantly unsheathed her sword. She was now blushing helplessly. "Y-yes… I accept your challenge."

"Shred her shorts into pieces while you're at it, Sano," said Chie. "Make her know how it feels to be in her skivvies without a spare bottom!"

"For my sake, I hope that she doesn't wear her underwear two sizes too small…" Miss Redhead muttered. "How obscene…"

"Shut the fuck up, you!" Chie admonished. "Jealous, much? It looks obscene to you because I have such a nice waistline-hip ratio."

"For your sake, hanyou, I hope your vanity doesn't get you killed someday," Redhead retorted, causing her comrades to giggle.

"She certainly has a nice shape," the noirette grinned. "It's too bad her personality don't match."

"Yep, true that…" the blonde added, exhaling enough breath to cause the bottom half of Chie's kimono to flip. She admittedly enjoyed the occasional glimpse of the kunoichi's smooth waist, thighs, wide hips, and taut panties. "Let that thing breathe, Sister!"

"H-HEY! Stop that!" Chie shrieked, tugging her kimono down past the middle of her thighs.

"I told ya that you shoulda wore a traditional dogi," said Sano. He turned to Youmu once more. "Now… where were we?"

The half-ghost strengthened her resolve and hesitantly took a stance. "Very well…"

However, just before Youmu engaged the ninja in battle, everyone suddenly sensed a presence from a lone cottage near the river. "Wait…" Sano paused in uncertainty. "Something's odd here…" The sound of the watermill besides the house was peaceful, yet there was a sense of dread at the moment.

Chie felt her elder relative's unease. "Yea… tell me about it. It's coming from that house."

The kappa trio knew the presence. "Oh hell…" the blonde said.

Youmu noticed the troubled tone in the kappa's voice. "What? What is it?"

"You'll find out soon enough…" Blondie murmured.

The presence shrouded them like a sudden storm cloud invading a cloudless day. What they sensed… was almost tangible. It wasn't an evil force, but it was potent – overwhelming if given the circumstance. Had the presence been evil, they'd probably be fleeing in terror right at the moment. What they felt was a force that has governed the earth – no, reality since Creation. It was a force that has been around even before the first stars in the universe came into being. They sensed a force that every single sentient being should be aware of.

"Oh my…" sang a dulcet voice.

It was the dark side of fate.

**FOREST OF MAGIC – Alice's House**

It has been a long day for Alice Margatroid. The past twenty-four hours had been a mentally exhausting time for her. And what's worse, it was only the beginning. The investigations were tedious and stress-amassing. And dealing with Marisa and Kotohime didn't make things any better. Sometimes, it wasn't worth cooperating with those two – especially Kotohime. But at the very least, they've apprehended a few fugitives and incarcerated them in the village jailhouse.

They were finally making progress.

Alice entered the den and flopped on her couch. Oh, what she would do for a quick bath right now! She had been in the dank jailhouse all day, interrogating crooks. The puppeteer unfastened her sash and removed her caplet. "Hourai! Shanghai!"

Her trusty dolls arrived in the den, ready for her command.

"You two mind fetching me a cup of hot tea? I could use a drink right now."

Hourai and Shanghai bowed and entered the kitchen. And then there was a knocking on her front door.

**KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK!**

"Aw, don't tell me…" Alice sighed in annoyance. The knocking on the door persisted and the puppeteer rose from her comfort zone. She reached the door and opened it – ready to cuss out the usual visitor. "Marisa, for the love of Suwako, what the heck do you want now?"

But… there was no one there.

Alice grew confused. She could have sworn that someone was knocking her door just now. "Eh? I'm certain that I've heard a-"

"So this is where you live," said a male's voice.

Before Alice can react, she was met by someone hanging upside-down from above: white hair, golden eyes, pearly-white teeth, and an angular face. "What? How did you – Mmmmph!"

Alice was silenced when a pair of warm lips pressed into hers. It was a surprise kiss of a madman.

And what shocked the puppeteer the most was the fact that she reciprocated it. She cupped the inverted face of her intruder in her hands and deepened the kiss. "Mmmmmm~…"

Behind her, Shanghai and Hourai dropped their trays of tea in shock.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

**Special thanks to Achariyth1 and Mephiles666 for prereading. Their help are highly appreciated.**

_**The guest characters Minako and Sasuke Ito were created by Willie G.R. and Mephiles666, respectively. Go read their stories. They're totally worth it.**_

_**I apologize for the four month hiatus. Work, YouTube, research, other fanfics, and generally assing off in my free times are the reasons behind my delay. The recent worldwide release of Tekken Tag Tournament 2 doesn't help either. As expected, that game is truuuly addicting. Also, researching ninjutsu is totally exhausting! Reading from many sources (from wiki articles, to ninja myths and spirituality, to checking out old books from locale libraries) I can say that I was trapped in Research Hell. And to tell you the truth, I still am. I read interesting and weird tales of the ninja: from hidden agents in the days of Prince Shotoku, to vague implications that one of earliest schools of ninjutsu were founded by Chinese monks. And, and - AAAAARGH! My brain is smoking!**_

_**I'll try not to drown in such research again. On the bright side, I have a pretty neat head start on the finale of this incident.**_

_**Til next episode!**_


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